Every other weekend 'Dad'

Alisha - posted on 11/21/2010

@ Susan Becker. I'm so sad for your children that their dad has done that, but I'm glad they have you! I understand that it's 'standard' but we didn't do anything through the courts, we just did it on our own. This schedule started a few years ago because I worked every other weekend 2pm-10pm and needed someone to watch her, so thus the every-other-weekends started. He has inconsistently said that he wants more time like a day of the week or whatever, but it never sticks and he will say "I'll call on Thursday to take her," and doesn't call. So, I don't even tell her anything her dad says as far as coming to see her or call her because she just cries when he cancels his plans. Yea I guess I never thought about the 'awkwardness' of calling your ex's house but I mean if a person really was dedicated to another person (their children) I wouldn't think that would stop them from talking to the center of their lives. I guess people get a little crazy when emotions are involved and their behavior cannot be predicted, and everyone deals with stress/ex relationships differently. It still doesn't justify children to suffer for it though! I am honestly never mean to my daughter's dad and don't raise my voice at him at all. I just see no need in arging anymore because there's no point! He is now needing supervised visits due to many issues that have been happening while he had her alone, so his mom has promised to me that she won't leave them alone together.

Alisha - posted on 11/21/2010

@ Fiona. I see what you're saying, when children are young they aren't used to their parents being together so it may not be as hard because they don't remember that change in lifestyle. My daughter doesn't ever remember her dad and I together so she's not really having problems with that fact. She saw a picture of her dad and I at prom and was asking why we were in love and that she didn't want us in love! It was awkward and I told her she's not the boss to tell her parents how to feel and that we were done talking about it. I'm not sure what exactly she was feeling when she just saw a pic of us dressed up standing next to each other, but it was weird for sure what she was saying!

Chantelle - posted on 11/20/2010

my little boy hasnt got a father tho he hasnt bothed with him since he was 6month old. altho i must say a mum is the best thing a child can have if the father wants to take interest then thats good but i wouldnt let your daughter c him if i was you

Chantelle - posted on 11/20/2010

if he only sees her every other weekend and is a danger to her i wouldnt let him see her at all he isnt a dad. my daughters father has her every tuesday and thursday and sat from 12 till 5pm sunday. thts a dad and he worships the ground she crawls on x do what you think is best x

Susan - posted on 11/20/2010

That's what happens when parents live separately. It's a standard in the court system generally. Certainly you can agree to something different and it may be approved by the judge. I've heard from a lot of different people in various posts on here that some parents wouldn't allow the other parent to call while they had parenting time, some parents don't feels comfortable calling their ex's place, even if it is to talk to the kids...... My dad never called me b/c he was mad at my mom. Everyone's reasoning is different. Regardless, her dad's in her life, be grateful for that. My daughter's father gradually stopped seeing her then moved across the country and didn't even bother to tell her was moving and hasn't spoken to her since about a year before he moved, all for a total of more than 3 years ago. Your daughter's dad may not be the best, but he sounds like he's trying to be the best dad he can be.

Fiona - posted on 11/19/2010

My children see their dad every other weekend, we fell out when I was expecting my youngest (3), it works out brilliant for all of us, the children know when they're goin to see their dad and look forward to it,it is the routine, yes at the start it wasn't the normal, but I know that he is a good dad, now that the children are that wee bit older and both attending school, their daddy now does the school runs 1 day a week, means he has the chance of beening envovled witht their school life. I hope it works out for you but I do believe the earlier you do this it is better for you, your children. For my girls its like second nature.

Alisha - posted on 11/16/2010

Yea, I require supervised visits where he has to take her to his parents house so they can be around as well. I can't trust him alone with her, but I'm not sure how long that agreement will hold up, we have nothing through the courts so it's not legally required but I'm sure they would agree with me. I don't think I would ever completely stop him from seeing her because I don't want to cause my daughter anymore pain and sadness. She already cries over not getting to see her dad that much, so not at all and it being my fault I just couldn't bear! He's been going at this rate for 5 years and he's not even close either! I wonder when they will get there... maybe never and we will just have to accept and move on! I pray for the children though that have the toughest time out of anyone! I can't imagine being the child of a broken family, and to know that I caused her that is hard to take. But I won't be with her dad and I know I will find someone someday who can actually take care of us and be a man!

Autumn - posted on 11/16/2010

Yourwelcome- well safety first for your situation then is what it sounds like- ALWAYS safety first. Lay down guidlines if he wants to see her otherwise i would stop the visits. make him change if need be or give nothing at all. I have had to learn the hard with that myself. It has taken 4 years for my kids' dad to get it together and he is till not even close.

Alisha - posted on 11/16/2010

@ Autumn Slover. That is a great perspective thanks so much! That is a terrible and sad situation for your bf, I'm sorry to hear that! Good dads should get the time with their children, but my daughter's dad isn't all that great. He's not the worst, but he makes irrisponsible decisions when it comes to her safety, and he also has substance abuse problems I believe. My daughter says her dad sleeps a lot when she's with him and his parents do a lot with her, but I know he plays games and gives her baths and she loves him. Thanks for your comment!

Autumn - posted on 11/16/2010

My BF is forced to only get his kids overy other weekend and he could not be a better dad. Honestly he is the best DAD I have ever seen and his ex split the sheats with him to move on to some other guy she worked with after a 15 year marriage. He never did anything wrong but got the short end of the stick. SO my answer to your question, is YES, every other weekend is STILL a dad. Of course other things come into play like what kind of dad is he and do his kids mean enough to him. Would it break him to not see them, deos he really love them? Also consider if it is benefiting your kids to see him, which goes back to what kind of person and dad he is.

Alisha - posted on 11/16/2010

@ Melanie. Thanks for your comment! That is so sad th at your daughter's dad doesn't want to be involved much, they are missing out on so much and their children will be affected forever. It's pure selfishness!

Yea at least he sees her, but it's still not how I wanted my family!

Melanie - posted on 11/16/2010

wow....he's good in my eyes ha.... my daughter's dad doesn't come around at all even when i ask him to ...if u ask i don't think that's bad it's better than my situation....Good Luck ;-)

Alisha - posted on 11/15/2010

@ JuLeah Willson. Her dad is a danger to her I believe because he doesn't make good choices regarding her safety such as leaving her home alone for example (she is 4 years old). Therefore I have requested of his mother to be there when he has her on his weekend and she and him agreed. So, he stays at his parents house when he has her so they can be there too. I just don't trust him alone with her at all, he also has a history of excessive drinking and other hard drugs so there's no telling what he's up to. I would never take her away from him, I'm on his side as far as that I want him to be in her life. I'm reasonable and willing to work with him and his family which has been working ok but the last few incidences have made my mind up about supervised visits. I'm not trying to be mean or in control, I just have an obligation to my daughter to protect her no matter what it takes. My daughter loves her dad so much and doesn't say anything bad about him except that he sleeps a lot instead of spending time with her (then his parents take care of her while he's sleeping like at 1:00 pm sometimes). She was also scared when he left her alone so he could go to the gas station, but other than that she doesn't say anything bad and she's pretty open and honest with me about everything! (She's 4 if I didn't say before). Thanks for your comments!

Autumn - posted on 11/14/2010

well i am doing the same thing and well its not a dad thats trying to hard in my opinion but u cant stop them from seeing there children/child

JuLeah - posted on 11/13/2010

Is he a danger to her? Going to his parents house is not cause to ask for supervised visits, unless they make and deal meth or something.
If he is not putting her into danger, the visits will remain unsupervised.
If he is not a great dad, but an okay dad, and you create havoc around visits, she might loss what she has. An every other weekend dad might not be the best, but it is their relationship and really doesn't involve you unless, as I said, he is a danger to her.
For many many reasons kids don't always have access to each parent every day. The relationship is still needed and strong.
Does your daughter not like the visits? IS she picking up on your feelings?
My gut feeling is that she needs a realtionship with her dad and you would cause her harm to take that from her.

Eliz - posted on 11/12/2010

The only way to have mom and dad every day is to live together. It is very common for the non custodial parent to only have the child every other weekend. Though I would think the father would call regularly between visits.