ex has a new girlfriend..how do i cope

Melanie - posted on 11/29/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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hi everyone, i just needed an oppurtunity to vent my anger.
i have one child to my ex who left when my son was 7 weeks old and moved to another state. this was really tough on my as i am sure you guys know and i had to struggle through post natal depression on my own. he had very little to do with my son until about 3 months ago when he moved back and now he sees him once, maybe twice a week.
he also has a new partner now and he has kind of been rubbing the fact that he has a new hot girlfriend under my nose. i no longer want to be with my ex but it really upsets me that he has been able to move on and i cant because i am too busy raising my son. i am also worried about what the future will hold in regards to custody issues.
i just need some advice on how to deal with all of this. any thoughts?

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Maureen - posted on 12/15/2010

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TIME AND PATIENCE.
That it the best advice I can give you.It worked for me and now almost five years later, married and happy, he calls me on a weekly basis trying to see if I could take him back.
You will get over him. Just be patient. And will be hotter and sexier than you ever imagined. And by the way, you need to know that even his "hot" gal is jealous of you coz she knows you have given this guy something she will never give..... his first offspring. And that, gal-friend, is POWER.

Maretta - posted on 10/15/2012

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My ex and I had been together 5 years and he left me with my 2 year old daughter all alone and moved to a different state permantely partically, because he does off shore drilling. But it hurt a lot. I found out that he got a girlfriend FFAASTTTer than i could say goodbye...and another...and another and that hurt me I was jealous that he could because i was the primary caretaker and more because i claim that my daughter needed her dad so bad, but in reality i wanted him to be there for me also......It hurts but you have to confort the hurt loinesss sorrow and whatever you are dealing with and put all that energy into raisin your child. I didnt have the best support group idk how yours was but i knew that i couldnt just sit in the house all day so i gathered myself and I would put my all into my daughter now a little over a year later I have found the man of my dreams...and he is my age with no children of his own and loves mine like his....Actually he found me and said the thing he was most attracted to was how i enteracted with my daughter and i have found an agape type of love that i feel will never end. It is possible, becuase when God has someone for you nothing can stop it and it is men out there that will step up and raise them children. Girl I'm telling you now when i look back I realise that i was settling i wont lie and say i never have them moments and my daughter never ask about her dad and it doesnt get hard....but it sirely gets better and during that time the most important thing that i learned was self worth and that is better than anything else!!! If you want to ever talk than let me know!!!

Shawna - posted on 08/10/2012

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leve his ass alone he will never respect u and ur baby. all he wants to do is have sex with who ever and leave u with kids. most guys do that. he doesnt deserve yall. when ur baby starts to ask u where is his dad u say "DADDY DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR US" and also u dont know where hes at.. that man will continue to play on ur fears b/c he knows that u love him. u WILL STILL B ABLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with another man in the future. u will get ur body back and once u delete his numbers and remove urself from his critizing ways bout his new bitch then ull b better. the guy u might think u need for support is not going to b there right now but will come as soonas u realize the baby u have is urs alone. THE ONLY REASON HES TRYING TO B NICE IS SO U WILL LET HIM COME AND GO AS HE PLEASES. F*6# HIM! he will do this forever. ur son does not need to know his ways. do not let that man run in and out of ur life. MELANIE, DO NOT LET THAT DUDE LEAVE U IN RUINS.

Jessica - posted on 12/07/2010

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My ex left me when I was 4 months pregnant, found out later that he cheated on me. The next gf he had, he left her when their son was 5 months old, and I caught him cheating on her. There are men that never grow up, never change, and will never be happy. Don't worry about his new gfs, they wont be around too long. He left me February of 08, and I didnt start dating until earlier this year. You will get there! I promise! There will come a time when you can look at him and his gfs, laugh, and think, "Hope you realize what you're getting yourself into!" My ex's latest baby momma and I are now friends, and laugh when our ex gets new gfs!

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22 Comments

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Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

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MOVE ON as I have been there -

and it is not worth worrying over...

his new hot girlfriend will soon find out the 'real' him -



Make sure he pays child support

AND enjoy and FOCUS ON that precious little boy!

Melanie - posted on 08/09/2012

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I had exactly the same problem roup. Its frustrating that he is being like that but you need to think of your son. I used to have my mum come over when my ex had his visits so I didn't have to see him. Things got easier though. My son is now 3 and I have the got boyfriend too lol and another little bub. Things will get easier, just don't play into his hands because he is only trying to get a reaction from you.

Teresa - posted on 12/14/2010

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let him go!! i want you to pray and ask god to give you strength while you are raising that beautiful baby! i don't know why he is bringing up his new girlfriend anyway. the only conversation you two should be having is child support and visitation!! i know it is hard. i am doing it alone and i was bitter for a long time, but i was able to put the past behind me. i wish you the best of luck!

ADILENE - posted on 12/14/2010

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i completely understand you, i went through a similar situation... my ex left me when my son was about 7 weeks old, a week later he was already with someone, moved in with her 2 months after or so. it is difficult to overcome this, for me it was really hard to see them both underestimate you and make fun of what i was going through. don't worry, things always fall back in place, at first i was real depressed but above all i pushed myself just to prove him and myself how much i was worth it. Today he lives in regrets and has apologized many times, has told me he wishes to be with me. Reality is that now i'm the bigger person, it was hard but well worth it. All i have to say, don't let their immaturity get to you, you are a great women and have gotten this far alone. if anything, you should be grateful that you are strong enough to do this alone and you don't need anyone. when the time comes you will find someone who truly loves you for who you are, and he will be much more man than your ex ever was.

Popsbratns - posted on 12/14/2010

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I have almost the same situation.. My daughter's father left when my daughter was 2 1/2 months old.. After about two years of begging him to see her, I found out that he had a new girlfriend and that she was pregnant.. Her baby now is 5 months old.. My daughter's father has been back and forth between myself and the other girl.. I am so completely lost.. I still love him soo very much.. And now my daughter is 3 going on 4 and she is starting to want her father with us.. I stopped answering her because I lost all the answers.. Christmas is coming around the corner and I am starting to feel lonely and hurt even more then when he first left.. I dont know what to do or how to cope.. I am stillin love with him, we were together for 5 years and engaged for 3 of the 5, and we now have been split for 3.. Im scared and confused.. What should I do?? And what should I tell my daughter when she wakes up through the night crying for HIM!! ?? HELP!!

Elizabeth - posted on 12/10/2010

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Venting helps! My "little one's" Dad left us when she was less than a month old! He steps into the picture when he feels like it, & it's convenient! Meanwhile he displays that he should get the "Dad of the year award to the public"! He'll probably end up doing the same to his "new mistress". You are the better person, & your son will realize that when he's older. My daughter is almost 7 now, & we've been basically "doing it alone" all this time! It gets easier! I'm still struggling with trying to get babysitters! Her dad "assumed" I was taking care of her because he had to work, but now when he's not, he still doesn't look after her! He has one excuse after another! None of them are legitimate; but I'm still thankful I have my daughter. I love her with all my heart! I'm sure u feel the same about your son! I hope he's at least paying child support, my little one's dad isn't even though he makes lots! Unfortunately the legal system doesn't help a heck of a lot in that regard either, which really needs to be changed!!!!

Chrysanthea - posted on 12/08/2010

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By reading your post I do not believe you have moved on emotionally from your childs father....Speaking from experience me and my daughters father was together on and off for years, and the breakup was horrible, Like now my daughters father has a new girl but I have moved on with my life as well, but one thing I have learned that if you hold onto emotional baggage every little thing your ex does will hurt you, But believe me when I tell you this when my daughter father speaks to me I can hear the hurt in his voice knowing that he left his home only to settle for less, and the fact that he knows that I am happy with my husband to be bothers him more than him having a girlfriend bothers me You never miss a good thing until its no longer reachable and as far as custody go and he isnt bringing it up dont worry about

Nikki - posted on 12/07/2010

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Glad to hear your doing better :) My son's father left us when my son was 8 months old and moved to Texas and never looked back so I understand how you feel about not feeling like your life can move on as his has BUT we have the best deal as we have a beautiful gift from GOd and my ex (still married though) has a new girlfriend who proudly displays her profile picture on circle of moms with my husband/deadbeat dad/ abandoning father !! That's her new man !!!!! SHe is proud now !!! I thought it was tacky as I felt as if she slapped our son in the face with the picture and she has two girls of her own so it's like he accepts her kids but not his own flesh and blood son . Ouch huh ?? Don't worry about custody , he does not sound stable enough to ever get custody besides you have been the child's primary caregiver always :) I wouldn't worry for one minute about anything . You are doing your job as a mother and that's all that matters. I would ignore his girlfriend as it sounds like he wants you to possibly "say" something , so I wouldn't give him or her the satisfaction . If you remain cool , calm and quiet , that will drive them crazy probably !! Just keep your chin up and keep doing a great job!! God Bless

Melanie - posted on 12/07/2010

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Thanks guys i really appreciate all of your comments and it feels better knowing that i am not the only that feels like this. Iam still allowing my ex to see my son but i make sure that I am not around when he has his visits with our son. I usually make sure that my mother or his mother is available when it happens. i know that it probably isn't the best solution and that i will have to see more of him down the track but its working for now. thanks guys :-)

Sarah - posted on 12/07/2010

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I know how you feel my ex did the same thing to me. It's hard to feel like his moved on and you can't but that shows just shows how committed you were to the relationship and how uncommitted he was.
I put my foot down and told my ex that if he wanted to our daughter it had to be alone and that was that. Don't make yourself uncomfortable for his sake.
If you want your ex in your son's life then unfortunately you will have to come up with coping strategies, one could be that you tell him you do not want to hear about his personal life and that he is to spend his time with your son not gossiping with you.
Boundaries are hard to put in place but they need to be done for your sanity.
Hope that helps, Good Luck!!!

Kelly - posted on 12/06/2010

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Melanie,
It is great that you have a way to vent and express your anger. I left my "X when my son was 2 years and 2 months old. He got a girlfirend just after 3 months. Your situation is a bit different than mine as he left you and he moved out of state. My advice to you is to not look back on the bad stuff. Know that you are better that he and you are not a couple. Know that the grass is greener on the other side. I did not leave my "x" for another man. I left for other reasons. Know that you can be a good "single" mother. Don't feed into him. Ignore that he rubs it in. You will one day meet someone special who cares for you and will also care about your son. I too am busy raising my son alone. I have yet to meet my special someone but I know he is out there. Do not worry about what the future holds. Take each day one at a time and look at the positive side of things. Your son will know who taught him what, who was always there for him, and who loves him with every ounce of their being. You can be a wonderful single mom because there are a lot of us single moms out here in the world. Best of Luck to you!

Single Mom in Cali.

Susan - posted on 12/04/2010

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He's going to continue to rub it in your face for as long as he sees a reaction from you. If he's seeing your son once or twice a week, you have to be able to get over his immature actions.

Berryessa - posted on 11/29/2010

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I have the same problem! my daughters dad left me at 8 months pregnant and got a new girl pregnant and theyre still together and he barely sees my daughter. It hurts so bad especially because yesterday would have been our anniversary. BUT he treats her just as bad as he treated me if not worse so theres a silver lining lol some men just take 4ever to grow up. It gets to me and i still cry because my daughters only 3 months old and the pain is still fresh. I cant believe he could move on so fast and im still hurting. He also rubs it in my face and sees nothing wrong with his actions but believe me if you were the best woman you could be for him odds are he will live to regret leaving you 1 day

JuLeah - posted on 11/29/2010

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Hard to do when you lack sleep, but try to step back and see the big picture. He has a new gf, and odds are he will handle this relationship as well as his last. He is missing out on an amazing child and missing the chance he was given to grow up, to be a man, and to do something he might take pride in.
Feel sorry for him as you think of your child's first day of kindergarten, graduation, wedding, birth of his first ... you, and odds are your partner, will be there for all of that.
You are still struggling to figure some things out, still working on the areas where you can grow, and when you have completed that process you will be ready for the man who deserves you to happen along. Focus on your life and the life of your child. Let the rest drop from your mind.

Natasha - posted on 11/29/2010

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id just drop his ass completly. i kno its hard but if heds being a dick like that and your worried about it. just dont worry about him. maybe try to get money out of him and thats it. you sound like a strong women and youll find some one for you and your baby. i left my daughters dad when i was 6 months pregnant and her and i are doing great. i mean i have the fear of how shes going to react in the future that her dad isnt in the picture but i have to deal with it. its up to you and im trying to ruin your life but i wouldnt let my self get stepped on. either confront him and tell him how you really feel or just drop his ass.

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