ex molested my daughter who isnt his......

Val - posted on 05/08/2010

by rights darling he should not be left with yours and his child if it has been proven that he has done this i would not let her go with him if you do let her go then you are putting her in danger and at risk of nasty things happening to her please dont let her go with him i beg you xxx

Reece - posted on 05/08/2010

Unless there is a standing custody order you don't have to let her go with him. Go get emergency custody. If he's out of the country because he's military you need to talk to his Commanding Officer and the local police.

Tam - posted on 05/07/2010

if he gets her out of country you may never get her back.. kids in foreign countries are harder to recover if a parent takes them..tragically sad. will pray for both of you.

Samantha - posted on 05/07/2010

contact the Department of Health and Human Services- Child protection services, there where abouts can be found at the nearest police station as with every child abuse case the police have to contact them by law now, i hope your little girl stays and remains safe, this service also offers councilling for abused children, there would be no way id let her go with him, he deserves to be charged for the crime he did, goodluck.

Telika - posted on 05/06/2010

i'm sorry to hear that you would have to call a lawyer ask for free legal advice and see what the law is against him, bc it sounds like you got a pretty good case there,and if you could get your daughter to cooperate you might be able to block visitation rights!! also offer your daughter counseling as matter of fact you all go to counseling a good support system is what you need right now,good luck and be blessed

Storm - posted on 05/06/2010

take your daughter to casa. tell her to tell them everything that was done to her. they will help you. go the the police and tell them you want a restraining order agianst your ex for fear that he will moslest your daughter

Kimmi - posted on 05/05/2010

thank you/.....i have been raped on more than one occasion so you can be rest assured that my little one will not be going with him anywhere....

Nikki - posted on 05/05/2010

Did you ever "press charges" ? My daughter was molested by a guy friend of mine I had known forever. I pressed charges and he pled guilty in court , however the court only put him on probation (slap on the wrist) yet years later he was arrested for violating his probation by failing to register as a "sex offender" when he moved to another city , once he was arested the police searched his home only to find several pornographic photos of children everywhere as well as his involvement in a child slavery ring on his computer so now he will not see the light of day for 30 plus years BUT had I not pressed charges he would have been a "first time offender" so I thank God he finally got served justice. I say do whatever it takes to protect your child at all cost. The scars of abuse never go away for a lifetime. Wish I could help you more , but please make sure you stay on top of things with the law. God Bless and prayers to you ......

Erika - posted on 05/05/2010

do not let her go!!! you are a parent and you are suppose to protect your child, NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2010

I agree that his new wife SHOULD know. What if they have or are planning to have more kids? I know I would want to know this information for sure!!!

Jessie - posted on 05/05/2010

Where are you from and where is the ex-husband from as well?

DAWN - posted on 05/04/2010

Did he get arrested and charged for the molestation. Does his new wife know what he did to your daughter? Take my advise on this, GET HELP NOW!! It will be so much harder when your daughter gets older. You need to get someone for you to see also. The whole family will need help. I know that it gets exspensive, but there are ways to get around that. You need someone for each of you to seperate and a family therapist for you all together. Keep any knod of documatation about the abuse to your daughter with you to the courts to file the restraint against him. The sooner the betterwit

DAWN - posted on 05/04/2010

The law takes forever. One thing you can do is to go to the courthouse and file a restraining order against him. At first it will be called a temporary restraining order until you can actually go to court to file another one. In this restraining order tell them that you are still worried for yourself and oldest daughter because of the step father returning to the area for a short amount of time. If you are able to file one for your daughter you will have to be included in it. You can also tell them that you are worried for the safety of your other daughter that you have together. Once you are able to get all of this done it should keep him from getting near the daughter you have with him.

In any visitation papers that you have, you can make sure that there are certain things that he must follow. One would be that any kind of visits must take place in certain areas and that certain people have to be there. How long that they can be among other things. That is if they even let him have any kind of rights to see her. Sorry this went on so long. Good Luck

Sherri - posted on 05/04/2010

I feel your pain and I am so sorry this happened to your daughter, the same thing happened to my daughter by my ex husband who wasn't her father and although I went to court and the police they found it to not be true but I don't care what they said I believed my daughter and I left his ass and got an order of protection. It was hard and it still is but my baby is my main priority she was only 11 when it happened. And to this day although she will say what he did to her she refuses to talk about it any further than that, she won't talk to counselors or even to me which worries me a lot. I just try to make sure she always knows that I'm here for her. If she won't get the necessary help which sometimes actually doesn't help cause my daughter just got angrier and acted out the more she talked about it . Just make sure she knows that you support her and DO NOT by any means necessary let your younger daughter go see him because not only is it not safe for her, it will make your other daughter feel antsy and worried. She may even regress because of the fact that you know what he did to her and she will feel guilty and maybe even resentful towards you god forbid anything happens to her little sister. By the way does his current wife know what he did to your daughter ? And if not I would tell her.
Legally you need to get what they call law guardians for both of your children through the courts and express your concerns for your older daughters mental stability and for your younger daughters safety.
God bless you and I pray that everything works out in the long run.

Jennifer - posted on 05/04/2010

It makes me sick how those "well meaning" adults can mess with a kid's head and manipulate them to cover the truth. It twists the child's conception of what is real and instills a deep level of self-doubt. I hate that these people (who are mostly close within or around our families) get away with it, and then the child has to stuff it and see this person and act as though "all is normal".. you are a good mom and know that for listening and BELIEVING your child!!!! Its not a joke. Yes, children can lie, but often its cohearced out of a fear of not being believed or even worse.. punished for what happened. They hide behind 'marriage" or a good position in the community and or church and it makes me sick. I am sorry to go off but this topic is so passionate on my heart. Call me crazy, paranoid or whatever.. but I KNOW I am right when it comes to the child for sure!! There is a sickness in "guilty silence"... I truly hope with your love and encouragement and support your oldest will one day have the strength to open up and begin her healing process. My heart goes out to you and so many others that have to deal with this crap in silence. Lets get these people off our streets and start showing some love in our loyalty to those who are vulnerable, and our next generation. Please do not ever blame yourself!! I know that guilt can be so overwhelming.. these people are sly and good at manipulation. A red flag is when the other person whispers things to the child in an attempt to gain loyalty over the other parent. I applaud you for facing this! You are my hero today for sure!! We need more like you to stand up and have a voice.. I think we would see alot less messed up people with depression and mental illness if we started standing for the truth and the protection of those whom we love!! Blessings!! Jenny

Kimmi - posted on 05/04/2010

oh and it will be over my dead body that he will take our little one again.....

Kimmi - posted on 05/04/2010

thank you to all of your replys....my oldest is now 17 and refuses to get the help she needs to work through this. so all i can do is be there for her and continue to "softly" encourage her to get the counseling. my little one is 6 and i have had her checked and thankfully nothing has happened to her. her and i are getting counseling. everyday i walk around in a cloud wondering how someone that i once was married to could do something so horrible. it makes me so sick! i hope the slime has the guts to come forward and accept what he has done to my family.and take the punishment. this will affect us all the rest of our lives. we did the polygraph because when the initial report was made someone made her just say she made it all up. after 6 or so years it has drove her crazy and she come out and said it really did happen. so i ended the wondering for all of us and she agreed to do the test.

Jennifer - posted on 05/04/2010

No way would I let my child go! I would take all the advice from other posts and put it all together and fight for your child to not go there. Bring in those polygraph results when going to court and for sure do everything you can to show your child you are for their safety. I don't care about the details or to what degree the "molestation" occurred. Trust me, most courts will not tolerate it at any level if you have all the documantation. I don't care if its an inappropriate slight touch or a bigger occurrence. Respect is respect no matter what! We have a right to protect our children. This hurt me for you in so many ways. And yes, please go to a counselor (now!) and your child too so that you can head this off at a young age.. in any abuse or sexual mishappening that occurs, along with it can come a huge wave of confusion in your child. This guy is mentally ill, and its an illness that really never heals within them. We too often as society dwell on the offender and we leace the child feeling alone and abandoned.. please be a person to help stop the cycle of abuse NOW!

JuLeah - posted on 05/04/2010

What was the polygraph for?

And, you don't talk about what you mean by 'molested'

What happened and how long it went on makes a difference in how much danger the courts feel your second child is in.

You don't mention the ages of the children, and it matters only in that they can speak out if they are old enough.

I suggest counseoling for all three of you (you and your girls) if you have not already done this. All of you need common language to talk about and work through what happened.

Document everything!!! Document every interation you have with the man from this point on - time, place, what was said.

You have legal right to have concern.

You ex's son is also in danger. People who abuse children don't often care much about gender, it is more about who they have access to. And, they don't stop. Not ever. By the time they are caught, often they have abused 80 kids or more.

Candice - posted on 05/02/2010

first: you need legal advice. Second, you need to move fast. and yeah, i wouldn't let her go either. there are some steps you can take through civil law until the criminal investigation is completed.

here is some info i found for you. i hope it helps.

http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type...
http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type...
http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type...

LaToya - posted on 05/02/2010

Hi I am a social worker in Cleveland. And I would say dont let her go. If you have some sort of caseworker, I would put it in writing why this is a HUGE safety concern, and why visitation should be terminated until the investigation is completed. I think letting her go would be stetting her and him up for something terrible to occur. I would make the necessary phone calls daily and have everything in writing. Good luck!

Kimmi - posted on 05/02/2010

i am in north dakota, they dont have that here. but i will definately ask.

Vicki - posted on 05/02/2010

Don't know where you're from, but where I am in Canada, we can get a temporary emergency order of custody in cases of abuse. If your family court has the ability to suspend his rights while awaiting a trial for the molestation, take advantage NOW.