Ex (never married) is trying to take me to court again...

Ana - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have 2 kids with this person, they are 14 & 12, they don't see their "father" as he could care less, his excuses were always "I don't have the gas money" (he moved 3hrs away from them about 8yrs ago. Every year that he does his taxes he claims the kids which he does not have the right to do so, so because he gets that money off of them every year he takes me to court (it's the only time he does it is around tax time), nothing really came of it until last year the family commissioner made a date for him to see them and said either we figure something out then or he take me back to court. The day that he had that visitation date, I sat out there until the kids were done and when they were the kids said to me "He said he's taking you back to court". He used to do his so called visitation by showing up at the kids school (when he had the gas money) and having them taken out of class to visit with them, for some strange reason he had this worked out with the principal to do this, I thought it was wrong and said something and then it stopped, We moved, the kids then went to a different school, he tried it again there and they said no, they can only be taken out of class for emergencies, that made him mad, So anyway while he was doing this my daughter would tell me when they got home and she said that he would always ask about me and what's going on with me and that he working on getting the money to take me to court and also telling me them that we should get back together so we can be a happy family again, first of all I can't stand him, I despise him and I literally get physically sick having to be around him (a therapist said it was PTSD and that he's a trigger. He has done many things to me and the kids in the past and all I am trying to do is protect them. I have tried to tell people in the past and no one ever listened or helped, I have lost all faith in the PD/law/courts). So today I looked on the court site and it showed that he is trying to take me to court again, the thing is it was closed for some reason and the way that it was worded is that I filed the papers and I was taking him to court, I NEVER did any of that, I have no money to take anyone to court or do anything and also because I'm trying to keep low and quite and hope nothing happens. It shows it as my daughters name vs. him, which doesn't make any sense and also shows that he has a lawyer, now I'm scared and don't know what to do (I can't afford a lawyer because I have a disability and have a fixed income). He is mentally unstable (no I'm not saying that because I don't like him), his whole family has mental issues, his mother has been arrested numerous times and put into a mental facilities, none of them think straight (another mistake I made). He was arrested too for coming into my home with 2 shotguns, then he was taken to a mental facility too. He has made claims in the past that I am trying to control him and his money and/or telling the courts that if he doesn't give me money that I won't allow him to see the kids which is a total lie, yes I don't want him around the kids but I would NEVER say that as I know how much trouble that would get me into. He would write letters, take it to the school to give to the kids to give to me and say that "we have had many disagreements and he is trying to put it all behind him", I don't understand where he's coming up with this because I have NO contact with him in any way shape or from, I have my address and phone number hidden from him and have a order of protection of privacy with the child support office so he doesn't get my info, I worry that him or his family members would start something if they knew my address and number as they have in the past and have also gone to my parents home to find me, I am very scared of this person and others around him. Anyway I tried last year to get a lawyer for free but all I ever get is, "sorry can't help you", how in the world can I do this if I can't afford a lawyer!? How can I protect me kids, my daughter cries and tells me that she has nightmares that he is beating her up! (he has physically abused them in the past), He can afford a lawyer not only because he commits fraud with the IRS to get that money to do this but also because he lives with his mother and has NO real life expenses. He has never lived on his own and doesnt know what its like to have rent and bills to pay for. He doesn't even follow the court order on getting them insurance and paying half of the medical. He tells me that's what CS is for.



UGH, I'm so sorry for rambling but now I'm scared, I'm scared now that there is a lawyer because now I have no say. I know that it's not all him doing this alone, he has others pushing him. There's this woman that lives about 30min south of me that thinks that shes the boss of everyone and shes just a family friend of theirs and she took his mother to court years ago and took her 2 youngest kids away, I'm scared this this is going to be another case of her doing this, she thinks she has a right to be in others business and if u don't allow it or do it you better watch out. I'm so scared, I don't know what to do and no one will help. Sorry for the misspellings and on and on.

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Faye - posted on 04/10/2012

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It almost sounds like your state child support office or county is taking him to court for child support. My ex was notified that I was taking him to court for child support. That was wrong, the state child support AND county was taking him to court, not me.



I can understand that the records have to stay in the county which had the case when the case was first filed BUT not the idea that the records have to stay in the county where the kids were born. One of my kids was born in the county I live in now while the other was born in a neighboring state.

Ana - posted on 04/04/2012

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Ok he went and switched the child support records to the county that I live in now (he lives 3 hours away from me, HE moved away from the kids, I have never lived where he lives now), his lawyer said that me and the other county's child support office were notified, but we were not. I did not find out about this until I looked at the state court website, the other county CS office didn't know until I called them and the county that I am currently in called them and told them and the other county even told this county that they didn't know about it but yet his lawyer said that we all knew that's why it went through. It went through because no one objected to it, we couldn't because we didn't know about it! The woman from the CS office here said the reason the lawyer gave for this being done was because me and the kids live here it would be easier for us (I never had a problem with where it was, who the hell is he to tell me what's good for me or not) and the witnesses, the woman said she didn't understand what witnesses have to do with CS, but obviously something is happening after this. Still no call back from legal aid so I can figure out what to do. Anyway, the woman here said to send a letter to the judge letting him know that I was not aware of any of this until I found it online so he knows about it. So I did that and I'm told that I have to send him a copy too, I have to notify him of something but him and his lawyer don't and they can do crap behind my back!? When I moved here 9 years ago I called the other county where I moved from and asked them if I could have my records moved here too, I was told that that could not be done because they have to stay in the county that the kids were born in and the files originated. I couldn't move the records but he can!?

User - posted on 04/01/2012

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Keep calling places in your area. Look up free family law online Do you have a child support order in place? I hope you have good news tomorrow

Ana - posted on 04/01/2012

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Oh no, that's fine, it's great being able to talk to others that are going through the same thing and know what I'm talking about. I have no one else that does or to talk to about it because no one wants to hear it, so I have to keep it in.



I've taken my son to therapists when he was younger because of behavior problems (that still haven't gotten better no matter what I've done over the years. He acts, behaves, talks etc, just like his "father", even lies like him. We can't believe how he can be the splitting image of him when he's not around him, he is so hard to control). We are with the Big brothers Big Sisters program and my son has a Big brother through them, he's pretty much taking place of where his supposed "father" is supposed to be. When their "father' was around he never did anything with them, always pushed them away because they were bothering him, everyone else did things with them when they could, I say that because he wouldn't even allow others to do anything with them, he didn't like that, they were to stay put and do nothing.



I've tried taking my daughter because I thought it would be a good idea but she won't talk to the Dr and she didn't want to go. My daughter wants really bad to have her name changed, I would love to but it's expensive, something that I would have to save for but now with this going on who knows. Her words are "I don't want his nasty name, he doesn't care anyway, never has"



The abuse happened when he was around them when the kids were little (I got them away from it trying to protect them, even to this day), they haven't actually been around him in about 8 yrs (as in, in someone else's home with him), just those sporadic times that he would show up at the school and that's it and now that this new school won't allow him to take them out of class for no good reason, he doesn't see them at all since about last May. So because of him not being around them besides those school visits there's nothing else to report on.



Since he can't actually hold a job (well he could, he just doesn't like to), he either lives with his Mother or he bums off of a "family friend" of theirs couch, he has never had his own place to live, ever. Years ago every friday after my kids got out of school (my daughter was in K and my son in headstart), we left from the school and I drove 3hrs-one way to drop them off, never got a thank you or help with gas (I did this because I would get threatened to be taken to court if I didn't). Then either a few hours later or the next day me or my parents would get a call from him saying "You have to come and get them, I can't take them anymore, they're driving me nuts." So there we went on another 3hr drive-one way to get them and come back. Not only did all that driving get to be to much, his complaints about them and after what the kids told me that he would do to them, I put a stop to it. Since then I have nothing to do with him, no contact in any way shape or form, he doesn't know my address or phone number (and I do that because I am scared of him and because him and/or his family will harass me).



I'm hoping tomorrow I will get a call from this place that I called on Friday, I'm crossing my fingers that they can help me, if not, I don't know what I'm going to do. I also wonder too, if he doesn't have my address to have my served, if I don't show up at court because I never got the papers for it, does that mean that he automatically wins?

User - posted on 03/30/2012

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Children do have some input. The older the better.

Having a counselor, or psychologist speak with the children, they may need counseling. Also they could speak in court as to what is in the best interest of the children.

If he can't hold a job, how does he expect to raise his kids. You need to be able to provide for your kids.

I have been through this myself. I understand the terror. I really hope they have something to help you. I would contact Child Protective Services. Ask them if they know of free legal aid. If he is abusing the kids report it.

Go to child support enforcement, and keep on top of that. If you can show that he has not been able to/ or refuses to pay child support that doesn't look good for him.

Document every time he sees or talks to the kids, include the length of time.

Call family court, or juvenile court and tell them your story.. Ask for some advice, or direction. Try to get a list of numbers. Everyone you speak to ask if they know what you should do next, or recomend someone else who could help.

Your children's ages are a big asset.

He could just be bluffing, trying to make your life hell. Until your served papers, all you have is someone trying to scare you to death. I suggest you get your ducks in a row, and start pushing back. Stop being a victim to this jerk. I am going through some of my own stuff, and I have decided, I am not going to let the deadbeat deprive my daughter and I of what we deserve. I am going on the offensive. I am tired of being a victim, or dependent on the government to get him to do what he is supposed too. Sorry for venting.

Ana - posted on 03/30/2012

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After I saw this on the court site I called to see if I could get someone pro-bono, there was no one there so I had to leave a message. I tried last year to get info about this but was always told "sorry we can't help you" "we don't work in family law" or "we don't work in your area" (even though their website says so). I always read stories from other people that even though the kids say that they don't want to be with the other parent that the court forces them to anyway.



I'm trying not to get to upset about this and trying to stay calm, but knowing now that he has a lawyer is what scares me, he never had one before.



Also every year I report him for tax fraud, I have done it for 6 years now, nothing has came of it and he still does it. The only way that he can claim them is if I sign the IRS form giving him permission to do it but I'm not signing any forms allowing him to so I can't figure out how he keeps doing it.

User - posted on 03/30/2012

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I don't know what state you are in, but in most states children over the age of 12 have some say in the issue of custody.

Is there a free legal service in your area? Check the phone book, Community help pages, etc.

You need to go to child support services in your area, and ask them to file for contempt of court for his not paying medical.

Take the children for counseling, they may be suffering PTSD also.

Make a paper trail showing any contact between him, and the children. Also any contact between the two of you. I was always told to keep a journal. Maybe you should report him to IRS for fraud.

Don't be a victim, be proactive. Try to calm down. I know it is terrifying.

Ana - posted on 03/30/2012

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Also where I said that he said "we should get back together so we can be a happy family again", we were NEVER a happy family, he always likes to lie and makes things up. He is known by numerous people as a pathological liar, he really thinks that the lies he is telling are the truth. If he said something to your face or you were in his presence when he said something and you confronted him about it he would straight out say "I didn't say that, that's a lie" and you know darn well he said it or did it! He is irresponsible and can't hold a job, never could. He tells people that he's afraid of me! I can't do anything to him, I have a disability and don't have the strength! He on the other hand has hurt me and I am afraid of him! He says things like that to make me look bad, he gives people the oh poor me act and people believe him!



When they were little and he was around them he would have my son, the youngest, beat up my daughter and he would sit there and cheer him (my son) on to get her, when my daughter would start crying he would go up to my son and say "That's my boy!", it was so disgusting! I would yell at him to not do this and it didn't matter what I said, he didn't care and it kept going. Yes I did tell someone about that and other things that he has done but no one either believed me or did anything, they just thought I was making it up to keep him away, this is way I have no faith in the law/cops/courts as I stated earlier.



I feel like I am all alone and screaming for help and there is no one there.

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