Ex working "off the books" to avoid support

You Are A Bunch Of Greedy - posted 2 hours ago

Your a bunch of viper greedy snakes seeking revenge to those aweful men. You are using a human children as an arrow and shield. The state is enslaving men. Driving them to be homeless, move to another country, and commite suicide. I know how all this works. The men have no legal representation available, while the women are treated as victoms. Men are the new Niggers in society. You take our licence to work and give them to illegals. Go Fuck Yourselves. And get off welfair !

Carrie - posted on 02/26/2013

After 13 years, my ex was ordered to pay child support. He was making well over 100.000 a year. The payments started coming in December. Since his checks had been garnished he has threatened me with court and suicide. Just today he informed me that he took a job paying 37,000 just to avoid paying me what the court ordered. Any advice???

Carrie

Nikijha - posted on 11/27/2012

My sons father owes over $27,000 and works "under the table" playing the organ at a few churches. His wife workes but he does not want to get a real job because they will take the money right out of his check. He has been locked up a few times and I get the bail money and he pays $40 or $80 when ever he feels like it. He and his wife just got a brand new car and live with his grandparents. When my son asked his dad to buy him some jeans one day he told him I pay your mom child support Im not going to pay her and buy you something. Thats funny, the money you pay when you feel like it will not buy food for my son...he would starve if he was waiting for his father to buy his dinner. I laugh at his comments but I feel bad for my son. My son strong and he tells me that Im a good mom and I take care of him. Family court told me it is hard to prove that someone is getting money "under the table" so there isn't much I can do but I call often to let them know he is not paying and a warrant is issued sometimes so he will get picked up and I will get the bail money. I don't want to see anyone locked up but if I don't take care of my some I will go to jail too.

Priscilla - posted on 11/08/2012

I found myself in the same position :( It's unbelieveable who they get away with it. I wish there was something I could do too. Any help, advise is grately appreciated!

Wendy - posted on 10/17/2012

My son is 12 and his dad always did and still does do this. I try to calling CS, email and they do nothing. I know here in my county they let them go. 12 years and barely any payments made, I have looked everywhere for help and can't find any. Hope you have better luck than me.

SHAVETA - posted on 10/16/2012

wow, i m a newbie, after reading all these comments and replies........whoa i m shocked. i thought i was the only one whose ex is actually working full time actually 'legit' too. but not paying child support. hmmmmmmmm

Javonda - posted on 08/22/2012

Unfortunately, you have to save your receipts, file them with the office as extraordinary expenses so that it is on the record for documentation. Then you take the same receipts and for about $500 to $1000 you can sue him civilly in court to collect the money back. It goes on his credit, if he's married, it will be garnished from his spouse's wages. So save 'em up! I'm due in court around October and my receipts go back to '08. I just spent close to $300 on back to school uniforms, shoes, and upgrading my son's CPU on his computer.

Toni - posted on 08/17/2012

My friend is divorced lives in Massachusetts and has not been receiving child support from her ex. He has claimed hardship as he says he doesn't have a job. On the contrary my friend does a little investigative work finds out where he is working and his schedule. We actually took pictures of him at this work place, opening the place w a key, in full uniform. She gathers further information such as he is collecting unemployment while claiming there are no jobs for him in his area. However she takes 2 minutes to look online and prints out pages of jobs within his field also within a 40 mile radius of his home. She brings all this info well organized in a binder along with the pictures and a bill for porcelain veneers he cashed in on with her health insurance to court as he was looking to lower the child support. Judge asked him if he was working. He said no. Asked him if he was looking for work and he said there was nothing out there available. The judge then asks my friend if she has anything to add. This is when she presents all of her info. Bailiff is impressed judge seems interested. Judge flipped through pictures and asked her ex if he has seen such photos. He was then handed such photos. Judge asked him if that is him in the photos. He answered yes. Then the judge asks him again if he is working he answers that he only worked on that day on a trial basis. However we had photographed him a few days in a row w dates on pictures. Judge questions the ex and he comes up w some crazy excuse. Then the judge asks him if he were to call the owner of the establishment would he hear a different story. Eventually her ex confesses. Long story short, no punishment for perjury, no fraud charges were issued for illegally collecting unemployment AND the judge lowered the child support per the modification. Why??!! Why aren't such laws followed and enforced?Why is it ok to not have to pay a child support bill but if you didn't pay your mortgage or car payment there would be a consequence. If my friend neglected her children and didn't provide the basics, shelter, food, etc the children would be removed and she would have to face a harsh consequence. What is wrong w this picture!!!??? These are children and their well being is being compromised. Children!!! My friend lives check to check. She is not asking for anything more than the bare minimum. Why aren't these laws in favor of the hard working parent. Why do they seemingly reward the deadbeat parent? She recently brought him back to court as he was given a year to pay his arrears. He didn't pay it and had no plan to. Judge sentenced him to 5 days in jail as well as every day extra it takes to get the $ to her. Off to jail he went only to find out his new wife secured monies drove 4 hours to the court and they released him the same day. What happened to the ruling of 5 days in jail? Again- why do we have such laws and procedures in place if they are not thoroughly enforced. However what seems to be enforced is the disrespect for the hard working parent trying to make ends meet. Kids going without because the home budget has been slashed dramatically, and once again the deadbeat parent prevails. Irresponsible, selfish people doing whatever they want at the expense of the rest of us who are responsible hard working people. It's criminal!

Cristina - posted on 07/31/2012

i am having a similar issue - my ex boyfriend has been collecting unenployment for years. He paid child supprt for a while of $600/mo but stopped due to jealousy when I got married. I have a great job and do well but I don't think men should be able to get away with this. He lives out of state and my son travels to see him every summer. I filed a case for child support hoping I wouldn't have to keep asking for it every month. Get this - it appears I will get $184 perr month, that I will have to help him with travel expenses so the child can see him and my new lawyer tells me I may have to pay his legal fees. I filled out the required FL state financial affidavit but he hasn't -- I am fuming -- my lawyer wants to settle and isn't really fighting on my behalf. i have spent thousands already and have nothing to show for it. I have always taken the high road but realize I have been too nice. I know he has worked and that right now he is intentionally not working. I want to drop the case but he has realized he has a great $450 per hr lawyer getting him rights to visitation etc (something I have always encouraged) and other benefits. I am super depressed and don't know what to do.These negative angry and hateful feelings are consuming me.

Julie - posted on 01/18/2010

Always register wtih the Child Support Enforcement Bureau in your State... THEY keep track of your ex. AND you can help them by telling them everything and anything you know about his situation. Montana has one of the best in the nation - THANK GOD!

Kobie - posted on 01/16/2010

hey , im in Australia 2 dont know if u read wot i wrote earlier but centrelink, the solicitor or child support could not, or maybe just would not do any thing, n we had all the proof. Were told until he filed a tax return basically deal with it. He is also claiming unemployment benefits on top of workin 4 his dad off the books

Renae - posted on 01/16/2010

Im not sure where you are in the world, I'm in Australia, i've had a similar problem, I called Centrelink and told them i thought he was working off the books and they investigated, call child support too, and tell them the same thing. If you can prove it, its fraud, and he will have to pay that money to you, and here in Australia, it attracts jail time. Try and find out more information about his work, maybe he has a social site that he writes everything on? Once you find out, dob him in. Oh and you should properly let you lawyer know too, if you have one.

Khristina - posted on 01/15/2010

wow- so many posts. It seems there is not much you can do. I love what you wrote about God. You are soo right there is a reason for it all. The men in our life really are such deadbeats that most of them prob see absolutely nothing wrong with not being a part of there child's children's lives. It's not our place to be judgmental only God can see whats in his heart. Maybe they screwed up in the past and want to start a relationship but can't because they are scared. Most of us single moms are so angry toward them we would treat them with such hostility if they ever did show up. Yes he is doing wrong by not paying and he knows it. Take the high road and just let it all go.. do it all on your own without any help from him. Someday your son will know all and see all that you did for him and what he didn't. we all view money as a god and it's not. Put you faith in the Lord and trust in him. Somehow Someway he always provides he has never failed me!

Kerstin - posted on 01/15/2010

my ex does that, too.

hire a PI

Kobie - posted on 01/14/2010

OMG i really feel for u this happened to my best friend n we spent years trying to proove it. This dead beat dad worked for his dad off the books plus claimed unemployment benefits, we knew where he worked & found out all the details. Unfortunately it really came down to our word against his, no matter wot evidence we had, it really sucks. I really was astounded at how useless the child support agency was, do believe they were actually calling my best friend for information on him because he moved & they could not find him. She actually got harrassed to find out where he lived & his details, we did all the ground work, found him & their response "thanks for the information, but there is nothing we can do unless he actually files a Tax return". On the plus side my friend is now happily married to a great guy they own their own home, & have a new baby. The dead beat dad has not paid a cent in 5 years, but atleast she has him out of her life and has moved on. I wish you the best if i can help with any more info dont hesitate to contact me.
Kobie x

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2010

Matheena, it depends on where you live! and where divorce papers and child support agreements were lodged. If in Australia then you can get the Child Supprt Agency www.csa.gov.au to chase it, but overseas you would have to contact the people in that country who handle it!

Aurora - posted on 01/14/2010

My sister is going thru this...her ex works on the books and off. She reported him to Child Support and its on them to do the bootleg work. The more you can find out (details) the better.

I'm a single mother of 3 beautiful girls and get no child support and I lost my job 3 years ago, found work a year after the fact but took a huge paycut and now i'm laid off. My ex-husband refuses to help and his wife definitely won't let him but I'm the controlling and manipulating one...go figure...

Carolanne - posted on 01/14/2010

ive been going through this for 15 years my ex even sold his house and moved in wi the girlfriend so the csa couldnt catch him and then started workin on the taxis so he could get away with cash in hand but hey its his loss my daughters so much happier and knows who has supported her all her life not her scumbag sperm donor as i now call him u will just need to rely on urself and ur new man for support and ur son will know who was good to him good luck

Jodi - posted on 01/13/2010

My twins' dad got lucky...he knocked up a woman who could care less that he was a loser dad. Considering it was "your problem, not mine, you can get pregnant, I can't" and the fact that he ran, I have chose not to persue child support. I know one day I will answer to my girls as to why I made the choice not to include him in their life, as I also know he may have to answer to them too. I pray for the right words to explain this to my girls and I pray they have the strength to overcome this. I'm a firm believer that a bad person in your life can be more detrimental than not having that person at all. In the end, I can do without the pennies at the end of the month. Don't get me wrong, I have help, thanks to the loving support of my parents. At the end of the day, the love of my girls' grandparents beats the "love" their sperm donor could ever pretend to give them. I wish every single woman out there who is pursuing the child support issue the best of luck and I hope for the best possible outcome for you and your child(ren).

Heather - posted on 01/13/2010

Yes,

My ex and I have been in and out of court about two years ago where he is was decreasing his salary as well. Now that he has knocked up two other women, he would rather "hide" in Florida and work off the books to aviod paying any of us. I went to Supportkids.com and try to get some extra help, even though I already have a court order, but being here in New York and him there is not helping my daughter. It has been 8 years since I had lst seen help and I'm just as frustrated. But I have plans and working to do my best to support her, but to also snatch the rug out from under his decietful attitude.

So after sharing that information...I recommend that if there is a way to prove that, then go down and see what the State can do for you, unfortunately, with not much information on me for my ex, I really can't get much help and so that's where my resources come in and my lawyer work hard for my money. Hope this helped!

Barb - posted on 01/13/2010

I don't know where you are at, BUT...the littliest info here in Michigan will start a State employee to "watch" where he goes. My ex did that and finally got tired of getting "caught". His arrear's never stopped adding up and he is not only paying current support but also arrears, fees, and now partial medical costs....on 3 separate kids. He works at a lumber yard, but he's paying.
My ex also filed for a decrease, but I contested it and it never went lower only higher. Try to find out where he works...the name of the subcontractor etc..ALSO if he says he's getting unemployment, thats great. FOC will order payment from unemployment and that can be guarantied as well. Check with your state or county...and do some detective work yourself...it could be well worth it....and good luck. These guys make me sick.!!!

Judy - posted on 01/13/2010

I have been dealing with this situation for about 6 years and my 2 older kids dad job hops before ORS can get any money. He also works under the table and has his employers lie for him. At the moment ORS is taking legal action against his recent employer for not withholding. The other frustrating thing is that he moves from place to place and ORS can never get ahold of him. Well thats on problem I have. The other problem is that my 1 year old sons dad is from Mexico and he is illegal and got deported but came back to the USA and I have no way of even opening a childsupport case against him because he basically doesnt exist to ORS. But for my two older kids dad I constantly call ORS with any new information I have on him and since he doesnt pay childsupport anyway I am hoping he will soon do jail time again. Also since he doesnt pay childsupport and only wants to be involved when its conveinent for him I told him no money, no kids because I want him to realize he needs to stop being a sometimes dad. Just try and do your own investigating if at all possible and work with your state childsupport agency and see what happens.

Barbara - posted on 01/13/2010

I am also in that situation. Support enforcement can't seem to figure out what he is doing and I am in another city. Any ideas?

Janifer - posted on 01/13/2010

I KNOW THE FEELING. FIND OUT WHERE HE WORKS, AND HAVE HIS EMPLOYER TO WRITE A STATEMENT OF WHAT HE PAYS HIM AND HOW OFTEN. SOME MAY NOT DO IT. I HAD THE SAME SITUATION BEFORE. THE EMPLOYER LIED 4 HIM, THEN HE QUIT FROM THERE. SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPENS TO PPL 4 A REASON, BUT I'M GETTING MINE. NOT MUCH, BUT SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING. KEEP THE FAITH!

Heather - posted on 01/13/2010

Wow. I have been in the same battle for a few years now. But here's the thing. The child support place and courts will tell you that they will look for your ex and be on top of it for when he gets a job. Well they dont! It all tends to fall back on us mommies. The courts and child support place never did their job and I had to do it. I located my ex and found out he had had this job for almost a year and they never found him and I did. I had to go on the hunt myself. I have a son with special needs so I work hard at finding my son's father and getting him to pay child support. I want to cry cause I see you mother's post how much your kiddo's father are in the hole. I wish I could say it was only $22,000. My son's father owes over $50,000 in child support debt. He is now married and has another baby, baby number 4, on the way. The courts have pretty much done all they can. IRS is on my son's father case and the second he files his taxes he looses it, even if he files with his wife. They have also put a lien on him for when him and his wife buy a house. They sell it, I get it all whatever they make off of it. I have come to the point that my son's father doesn't care about my son. My son is now 6 years old and now asks who his daddy is. I say who his father is but my son doesn't have a "daddy". I am now in a great relationship with someone I've known for 18 years and has taken it upon himself to be a daddy to my son. The best thing t hat has ever happend in my entire life. Keep your head up. Your child will realize that you are the most fabulous mommy and have never left their side. When you least expect it you'll find out information about his job. Good luck sweetie!

Lisa - posted on 01/13/2010

Hi Q
I am going thought the same thing. My lawyer told me to hold on to all the paper work for everything that i pay for my 2 girls.(rent,daycare pull-ups,food,ect...) everything because when the X does show up for court or getts arrested then he has to show how he is able to live. If he can't show then the court will get he. Plus he has pay me double what i paid. I am in Nevada things might be different where you are.

Best of luck
Lisa

Lara - posted on 01/13/2010

Quoting Jennifer:

My son's father has been doing this for 6 years! It must be so tiring living a life like that huh? Think of all the energy he spends avoiding you and his responsibilities? Just don't spend so much of your chasing him either. Trust me. I filed for child support and opened a ghost account for my son and I never open it. If he happens to pay great! We will open it when my son is older and he can have that. Otherwise I do my best and do not budget my life on him. I know that it isn't fair, but its freeing to not have to chase him, let the courts do that for you. I know my son's father has been in jail several times due to lack of payment but they have made it clear that if he continues to dodge there is nothing they can do but keep putting him jail. If he does get a job, then yes, all of his taxes come to us I guess.. but again, I get it out of my head to even depend on it for my daily living. Its not easy, but then again what is? Why chase someone who doesn't want to change. I choose peace within myself so I can be a good mom to my son. I know your pain and frustration. What has happened to these guys anyways? The less you chase him, the less you give him more reasons to have excuses. The courts will never side with a guy who never shows responsibility. I strongly encourage you to just get him out of your mind and keep going on with your life.

Jennifer you said what i needed to hear.. I think.. that maybe I need to stop chasing this and let myself find some peace... I appreciate you answering this.  Thanks so Much! Lara Middleton

Matheena - posted on 01/13/2010

My ex husband is indian but lives in Australia (married to a someone else there) and I am south african... he does not want to commit to regular maintainence payment, even though it's all signed in our divorce agreement. How do I get the authorities in Australia to act on my behalf. He works for his new wife in her business, so he probably would claim that he is unemployed?

Lisa - posted on 01/12/2010

I live in Australia so not sure if I can help much, but you need to have someone follow him and perhaps take photos. Find whatever evidence you can, even money flow. A friend of mine had her husband claiming he earnt less as he had his own business and he kept two lots of books, the real ones and the one for tax and child support. But he had an expensive car and went for trips overseas. She pointed this out to the child support agency and they investigated , and he was then ordered to pay more! Another thing for those of you living in Austrlia, make sure the child support agency collects your money on your behalf, as if he defaults they can't do a thing unless it is through them. Not just registered withthem saying how much, but they must be collecting it, so they have records of what he has paid.

Lisa - posted on 01/12/2010

I have one of those...losers! Research the law in your state, it's amazing what you can find on the web if you look for it. To my knowledge, the courts won't decrease child support unless there is a legitimate reason as to why he's not working. For example, an injury that prevents him from working. Being lazy won't convince the courts to decrease child support. They will request the past 2 years tax returns from the both of you and see what his yearly income as averaged out to, which is something you can do yourself. File a motion for Discovery and file it with the court. He will have 30 days to provide you with that information once he receives notice. If he was making $17/hour at his last job, then he has to provide a good reason as to why he can't earn that much again. Unless he can prove that, then they should keep the child support the same. Also, if you notice he's buying new things, like a car, home, new toys then keep track of it. You can present that to the court and say if he's not working, how is he able to afford all of this stuff? Another option is hire a private investigator and let them research where he's working. You can report him and that company to the Labor Department as well.



Don't hold you breath of him ever paying but continue to allow the state to keep track of the arrears he owes you. Keep your case in your name even after your child turns 18. If you turn it over to your child once they turn 18, then the state may not be able to help them collect at that point. Tax returns are promising but some guys are really dirty, like not paying child support isn't dirty enough. If he does start working and files, he may claim too little or just enough on his W-4's so he'll either break even at the end of the year or he'll set himself up to pay the IRS every year.



I agree with other moms on this site, don't depend on the child support to live. Budget yourself so you can make ends meet with what you earn. It's certainly not easy but hey, we're moms and we make miracles happen every day. I wish you the best of luck!

Memaw - posted on 01/12/2010

Yes, you need evidence. You HAVE TO get snooping, or get someone else to snoop for you. I'm sure you can't afford a private investigator? Take pictures of him going to work, at work, or better yet, working. Have someone talk to someone that he works with to admit that he works with him, when he started, how many hours a day does he work, how many days of the week, etc. Have a witness overhear these kinds of conversations. Write down dates, and times on pictures or recordings, conversations. Be prepared for when you take him back to court, then you can refer to your notes instead of trying to remember everything that you want the judge to know. Don't give up. I wish I would have done that! I did it alone with 3. Good Luck!

Sara - posted on 01/12/2010

If you can prove the "lifestyle" in which he lives has not changed (ie his house, car etc) sometimes the judge will see that in fact he is still somehow making the same money to support his nice lifestyle and will deny the decrease.

Tamika - posted on 01/11/2010

First off, You need to find out the name, address, and telephone number to where u believe he is working. Next, You need to contact a case worker at child services and let them know the information that you have. They should be able to request that the employer send in his wage verification and proof of employment. It takes alot but there is a way to recieve your payments, you just have to have patience.

Amy - posted on 01/11/2010

i cant say that i am in the same boat, but man it sucks to hear there are so many guys out there avoiding their responsibilities. my ex (father of my little girl) asked me if i could leave his name off the birth certificate so he didnt have to pay child support!!
i think it was the first time i stood my ground and said no to him ever.

Kristina - posted on 01/10/2010

I've been through the same situation and it sucks. There isn't really anything you can do except for document EVERYTHING. My lawyer got me into this habit in the very beginning and it has proven to be invaluable. Even if it seems meaningless at the time, write it down in a journal, noting the time and date. If a friend or acquaintance mentions seeing him at a certain job site, write that down too. Or if he buys a new vehicle, etc make a note of it. He'll then have to prove how he's able to afford a certain lifestyle. When/if the time comes to go to court, leave your emotions at the door and stick to the verifiable facts and be respectful to both the judge but also to your ex. If you have something to say, be prepared to back it up. They get so tired of seeing bickering and fighting all day over petty, insignificant things. I also found that if I phrased everything from the kids' perspective (that is after all who the money is for, not you) that the judge will realize that you know that you are there for the kids' not for your own personal gain. Good luck!

Charlette - posted on 01/10/2010

I have been through this also. He worked for two years "off the books" and I couldn't prove it. My child spends more time with the paternal grandmother than with her father, and the grandmother was very cautious in not saying where he worked because they knew my daughter would tell, because she told them where I worked. He even joked about it and told me that he would always work "off the books" so I couldn't take his money. It's really nothing we can do, believe me I made plenty of phone calls and didn't get any help.

Jennifer - posted on 01/10/2010

My son's father has been put in jail a couple of times. I got the letters from Child Support on both occasions. I really do not know how this helps really. I also got a letter that they took his license away (so they cannot run). This past summer I got a letter stating he was in jail right here where we live! I noticed a guy walking down the street one morning that looked like him, but blew it off as nothing really and kept going. It was the same time that the letter stated he was in jail here. WHOA! It breaks my heart as these men cannot see past themselves. I have come to terms that we have to share space with people that are selfish to their core and all we can do is choose better for ourselves and children. My son talks alot about his dad these days and I got a really neat idea from a website (iheartsingleparents) I made a box where whenever my son is thinking of his dad he can write him letters, draw him pictures and such and if the guy ever gets the chance and the blessing to meet my wonderful son, he can hand him the box and reap on his head "kindness" and "love". I know the guy doesn't deserve it, but my son doesn't see it that way right now and though I will never chase the guy, I want to give my son the freedom to express his heart for his dad in a safe way. My son likes this alot. The fact that this has to be this way at all is heart breaking but I know God works it all for good and I know my son is going to be a better man for it in the end. I'm not a saint. I have to go to my laundry room or bedroom and cry for my son's heart more than I would like to admit out loud.. but I never regret not chasing the guy. It has given me the chance to be a stronger support and closer to God in my life which I pour out into my son without having the other battles to fight with the father. Whenever my son writes a letter or something I can almost feel God hugging my son and me and telling us how proud He is of both of us. I hope that when Jamison is older he does get the opportunity to give the box to his birth father. I know what a child's love can do to a person. But as for now, I KNOW that letting the money go from him was the best choice I ever made. :)

Jessica - posted on 01/10/2010

If you know he his, but not where try to get your friends to help find him and prove he's working. My son's father went back to delivering food under the table to avoid paying, but his mom, who swears on her sealed lips, spilt the beans on the type of car he had (always getting a dif one) and that he was back . Talk with your local police on how you can legally find him or better yet the IRS (you'll be on hold a lot but its worth it) they'll help you the best since they want his money too.

Christin - posted on 01/10/2010

what losers and poor excuses for MEN more or less FATHERS! question Q...is he involved in ur sons life? like does he spend time with him and act like a father in every other way then financially or is he just absent altogether?

Christina - posted on 01/09/2010

My ex husband has job hopped for the last year so that the state couldnt garnish his wages. While it is very frustrating I just figure I couldnt depend on him when we were married so why would I expect him to help out with our child now that we are not together...

Cyndy - posted on 01/09/2010

contact your local or state legislatores because if someone employer does this they had to answer for the income or where their moneys are going and if they get caught wow what next for the country being honest is taught to us at an early age i believe most get taught this things others have to learn it in jail or hell keep your head up and dont stop fighting for what is right for you and your kids they are the ones that have to take care of us when we get to old to take care of ourselfs pray together with your kids and family the right thing is to do the right thing

Bendetta - posted on 01/09/2010

Im going through that and have been going through it for years.I keep taking him to court,and eventually they went from 60dollars for 3kids,to 600dollars.I mean he still dont pay so now i tell him that im going to give him the kids and i will pay him the 600,most of the time he shows up wit the money,but not often.Theres not much you can do,maybe start txting him with questions that would increminate him.We not only got to be mom&dad,but detective and lawyer.Many hats.Just stay strong and do what your suppose to do,He will regret it when the child gets older and they dont want nothing to do with him.

Lianne - posted on 01/09/2010

hi, my baby daddy doesnt work (he does) and doesnt get benifits, i went through csa and they said theres is nothing they can do!! even tho i told them he did work and got paid cash in hand ( dodgey job) they couldnt help me so i hav 2 go wivout!

Heather - posted on 01/08/2010

I long ago learned not to depend on anyone but myself when it comes to supporting my son and look at any child support received as a bonus. Short of hiring a private detective to follow him and show he's a liar about his job situation, my only recourse has been to continually call my caseworker and complain since I am not receiving a dime ($19.81 for the entire year of 2009 and we all know how long that lasted.) I have already been successful in getting him convicted of contempt of court for failure to pay and he recently served a six month sentence in the county jail. I've had some ask how I expect to get child support if he's in jail...the answer? I don't, but I sure slept a little better at night knowing that for at least six months, he was unable to do anything that he wanted to do. Next time it's a year in county and yes, I have already started my weekly phone calls to the caseworker to push for it. As for the $26,833.09 he currently owes me in past support...I am well aware that I may never see a dime of it and that's okay because I also know my son has never gone without because of his deadbeat father...he may not get what he wants when he wants it, but he gets it eventually. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 01/07/2010

yeah my son's father is already what? $22,000 in the hole with it. Yikes! I know its frusterating. :(

Teresa - posted on 01/07/2010

My ex has always been self employed. It doesn't effect me directly until I can get us off of welfare, but it is extremely frustrating knowing that he doesn't care about supporting his kids.

As far as I can tell from looking online, there is nothing I can do about it. The CSEA will supposedly go after him, but I don't know when or how.... he already owes over $6,000

Billie - posted on 01/06/2010

Oh no you weren't offensive at all!! I totally agree with what you said and I've told other women on here much the same thing! lol Thanks for the feedback!

Jennifer - posted on 01/06/2010

Oh I am terribly sorry for the misunderstanding. :( I wasn't intending to be offensive. I hope it all works out for you!

Billie - posted on 01/06/2010

Quoting Jennifer:

My son's father has been doing this for 6 years! It must be so tiring living a life like that huh? Think of all the energy he spends avoiding you and his responsibilities? Just don't spend so much of your chasing him either. Trust me. I filed for child support and opened a ghost account for my son and I never open it. If he happens to pay great! We will open it when my son is older and he can have that. Otherwise I do my best and do not budget my life on him. I know that it isn't fair, but its freeing to not have to chase him, let the courts do that for you. I know my son's father has been in jail several times due to lack of payment but they have made it clear that if he continues to dodge there is nothing they can do but keep putting him jail. If he does get a job, then yes, all of his taxes come to us I guess.. but again, I get it out of my head to even depend on it for my daily living. Its not easy, but then again what is? Why chase someone who doesn't want to change. I choose peace within myself so I can be a good mom to my son. I know your pain and frustration. What has happened to these guys anyways? The less you chase him, the less you give him more reasons to have excuses. The courts will never side with a guy who never shows responsibility. I strongly encourage you to just get him out of your mind and keep going on with your life.

Yeah Jennifer I don't plan on chasing him.  The question was posed to see what options I might have for dealing with him in court if I choose to go that route.  I have a wonderful man in my life who wants to be a father to my son and I feel blessed in my life and in my relationship now.  My issue is that it seems terribly unfair to my man to allow him to take on all father duties to my son without first having exhausted all options for holding his biological father accountable.  If I've done everything I reasonably could to get him to pay up without detracting from the quality of our lives then I can be at peace with it. 

Thanks for taking the time to share your stories with me ladies! Happy new year!  :-)

Jennifer - posted on 01/06/2010

My son's father has been doing this for 6 years! It must be so tiring living a life like that huh? Think of all the energy he spends avoiding you and his responsibilities? Just don't spend so much of your chasing him either. Trust me. I filed for child support and opened a ghost account for my son and I never open it. If he happens to pay great! We will open it when my son is older and he can have that. Otherwise I do my best and do not budget my life on him. I know that it isn't fair, but its freeing to not have to chase him, let the courts do that for you. I know my son's father has been in jail several times due to lack of payment but they have made it clear that if he continues to dodge there is nothing they can do but keep putting him jail. If he does get a job, then yes, all of his taxes come to us I guess.. but again, I get it out of my head to even depend on it for my daily living. Its not easy, but then again what is? Why chase someone who doesn't want to change. I choose peace within myself so I can be a good mom to my son. I know your pain and frustration. What has happened to these guys anyways? The less you chase him, the less you give him more reasons to have excuses. The courts will never side with a guy who never shows responsibility. I strongly encourage you to just get him out of your mind and keep going on with your life.