Lori - posted on 10/17/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )
In December I found out I was pregnant and when I made the decision to keep the baby the guy I was involved with got a girlfriend the same week. He told me how he would be there and supports me, but then in March he started to question the paternity. I wasn’t with anyone else but we had an open relationship. I would date other guys but never slept with anyone else. I did this because I knew he wouldn’t commit to me, but I was in love with the guy and never told him how I felt in fear of how he would react. He told me I was nothing but sex to him when I told him I was keeping the baby. He started asking about the paternity in March and wasn’t involved with the pregnancy but we would get together with me once in a while for dinner. This was his idea of maintaining a friendship, yet I was angry and confused that he wasn’t there for me.
I got to the point where I stopped believing anything he was saying to me and felt he was just bullshitting me. Now I’ve had the baby and he’s only seen the baby once. He continues to question the paternity and tells people it’s not his child. Although his dad had contacted me in May and told me how he would like to be a part of his grand-daughters life and had a chance to see her. Also his sister was in contact with me through the internet from January until May. I invited her and his mother to my baby shower, but they declined. Him and his sister continue to keep me as a friend on facebook, which I find odd, unless he’s trying to keep track of me but it doesn’t explain why his sister would keep me on and accept the request to be a follower of my daughter on Circle of Moms if they really thought he wasn’t the father.
Every time I talk to him now he mentions how he is looking into getting a DNA, but it’s been 3 times now he said he was going to get a lawyer and nothing has happened yet. I’ve asked him to do a home kit DNA test, but he has said he wants to do things the legal way and would pay the fees of getting a lawyer than to get a home kit DNA. I’ve left it up to him because at this point I am not pursuing child support. I mentioned to him how it’s the same test that lawyers use, and I don’t understand how someone would pay so much money if they thought it wasn’t their child. Although he has mentioned to me that if it is his child he wants to be involved in his daughter’s life, but have nothing to do with me.
I don’t understand how his family, friends and girlfriend could be in support of him not having anything to do with his child. I don’t think it’s right or fair for him to walk into my daughter’s life, whenever he feels like it, once and if the DNA test is done. If he even decides to have anything to do with her. The only thing I can think of that he may be up to is that he may go after visitation rights and have a 3rd party involved. He’s not honest with me, so I have no way of finding out. The idea does not sit well with me since I don’t trust him and have no idea what his family or girlfriend are like.
If there is a way I could get him to do a home DNA test, I would do it, but I don’t hang out with him. If there’s any advice on this it would be very helpful. A lot of this seems really screwed up and I am not sure what to think anymore. Also I am in need of advice as to what I should do on the entire situation. Everyone tells me it’s his loss and to move on, but it’s hard to go on thinking there could be other things I could do to keep my daughter’s father in her life. If anyone could shed some light on this it would be beneficial.