Feel like i'm gonna go crazy if i dont get help!

Malarie - posted on 08/13/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My daughter is going to be one in about a week and since the time i found out i was pregnant i've went through everything alone! Since i've had her i never have a break from her unless i'm at the college or at work. My patients are starting to get really low with her i'm happy then sad then mad for no reason at all! I think my hormones are just inbalanced but i'm not sure...I just have so much hate built inside for her father and i'm not sure how to deal with it?

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Julie - posted on 08/25/2010

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Go to your phsycian (or Planned Parenthood) for a good check-up. Hormones well may be what your'e dealing with!
Your need to be well for YOU and your child!
♥ good luck!

Tanya - posted on 08/24/2010

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You need and deserve a support system. Either find friends or familly who you trust who can help give you some time off for yourself. Its not your daughters fault and she should not bear the brunt of your feelings and fatigue. The emotions need to be cleaned out in a safe way. Either find a counselor, or a good friend who can listen to you talk about how hard things are right now.Getting into co- counselling (also known as re-evaluation counseling) would be good for you. They teach you how to client and to counsel, it would serve you well in getting out your emotions and learning how to listen well to your child and how to help her with her issues. Also getting physical should help, running, swimming, walking, dancing around in an open space, playing hard at tennis(after warning your opponent, play like you're trying to kill them) Closing the doors and windows when no-one is home and throwing yourself on the bed and kicking and screaming(it will turn to tears) and sobbing untill it cuts off by itself, and it will. Your head will clear up and you will, you will move forward.
Anger is just I've been hurt so much that I just cant take it anymore. To move it you have to get physical, but it will turn to tears. The only rules with anger is that you can't hurt yourself, anyone else or break anything because it builds guilt. Anger is also a lesson in learning to love yourself. Its about learning to say no when you need to say no, to things that are not important to you so that you can say yes to what is important to you. This is about you, not the father. Start giving YOU what you love, moment to moment. Hate is a poison we take ourselves hoping someone else will die. Be good to yourself and ask for help. Have the same compassion for yourself that you would for someone else in your situation.

Susan - posted on 08/20/2010

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Seek some sort of help - counseling, friends, anything. Hatred will eat you up. It will make you angry, unhappy, depressed... and your daughter will see and feel it. He's not worth it. Don't give him that kind of power over you.

Do you have family, friends, a babysitter, that you can leave your daughter with for a few hours to get a break? Try to find a gym you can afford that includes free babysitting. There are usually tons of different classes you can take like yoga to relax.

Stephanie - posted on 08/20/2010

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i feel ur pain i go trew the same thing
first of all... u need to forgive and forget the father, men are all bolloxes
2nd of all, enjoy life with yer healthy daughter, get a routine that suits both u and her
3rd of all make time for yerself on a weeknd, have a pamper nite, glass wine, munchies, dvd watever!!

i went rew all thoes symptoms and i was dignosed with p,n,d but i pulled trew it and even tho the circumstances in my life hasnt changed time as made me realise life is too short to hold grudges and to enjoy every moment of life, ul pull trew al of this hun, times a great healer

Amanda - posted on 08/20/2010

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Hi Malarie, I completely understand where you are coming from. It is not easy raising a child yourself, let alone doing it and going through a break up. I had MAJOR Post Partum Depression when I was pregnant up until my son (second child) was about 3 years old. I have three kids now, but at that time I was dealing with post partum depression, going through a divorce and feeling like I have nothing to lose. So I started taking it out on my children. I despised my children; through they would be better without them, didn’t want to be near them, didn’t want to look at them and wanted to adopt them out. I would be so upset one moment I would start yelling, then I would start to cry and last I would start feeling depressed. I went to my doctor and was put on Zoloft. This is a depression medication that HELPED me so much. I am no longer using it now. I was on it for about 2 years, but now am fine.
When I started to take Zoloft I was able to look at my kids and feel love for them. Of course I went through a time to being upset at myself for feeling the way I did toward them, but I know it wasn’t my fault. It was a chemical imbalance in my brain that was causing me to have those different mood swings and thought. So all I can say to you is:

You are not alone. We are here for you. This too shall pass. I am sure you are strong women who can do almost anything and would do anything for your child. Turn to the lord and he will guide you. Turn to something to relax you like reading or scrapbooking.

Rita_2_davey - posted on 08/19/2010

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Dear Malarie: It sounds like you need a break away from it all. Is there any way that perhaps a family member or sitter could take your daughter for 2 nights. It seems that with you wanting to further yourself in college and working have got the best of you. This isn't your childs' fault that she was born into this world, and there isn't a damn thing that you can do about the father. She is a Blessing sent to you. We all choose our path in life and your road has just gotten a little bumpy. If you cant' have her taken care of perhaps you can maybe lessen your class time, I dont' know about your work time. It seems that all your doing is going to work, to school and taking care of your child which I commend you for. You haven't even left any time to yourself for a social life. Perhaps you should really look at what you are taking on. Did you actually have to go to college? Especially with your daughter being so young, you have really taken on a challenge. I'm not saying to back out of college but it sure would have made more sense to do this when she was perhaps in school. Right now you are missing her best time. The cuddling, the walking, hearing her talk, or saying her first sentence. The list goes on. Your hormones' are not unbalanced its your body. Its saying slow down, your going to fast. Challenging yourself the way you are is going to cause you illness if not a nervous breakdown. Your child needs you so you have to re-think of how you can put in a normal daily schedule. Without me sounding arrogant, it seems that you felt that you could take on the world. I know how hard it is to be on your own but like I said, is it worth you having a breakdown. Thats' where your headed. If you overload your plate with food, what do you do, throw it out, or feel like gagging. Now that you have overloaded your plate, what part can you do without and still give yourself ample time to rest and be there for your daughter.without making yourself sick? You have overloaded yourself so badly that if you were plugged in, you would blow the fuse. Its time for you to sit back, have a hot bath, relax and think of yourself.
Again I will reiterate, I commend you but can you say that yourself? You need time my dear, before you run out of time. I wish you all the best in your accomplishments but its time to re-think your schedule. I wish you love, joy and happiness, take care.

Jennifer - posted on 08/19/2010

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oh trust me malarie i so know your feeling i hate my boys father for what hes done to my boys and my boys are 7 and 4 and they stress me out too.. i dont ever get a breather and i can tell them to go play and they just dont listen but there older.my quiet time is 730 when they go to bed. try to find something to do to keep your mind off of it the more stress out you are the more your daughter is gonna know babies are awhole lot smarter than we think they pick up things.. they know when we are stressed and sad and mad and all that.. try to find a way to take a breather maybe have your mom take her for the day or find a babysitter or something find time for yourself take a breather..you will be ok.. things will get better..good luck..

Shani - posted on 08/19/2010

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Your daughter is a great gift! Even though her father is not around that does not mean that you can't provide for her. Always keep in mind that she did not ask to be here. Try to find a sitter for a day or a friend that can take her. You need some time to take care of you. Try to treat yourself to a spa day or something that makes you feel good.

Denise - posted on 08/19/2010

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I went through the SAME thing! only my 1st child wasn't even a year old. It's hard, not to mention you have to remember that when you have a child it takes allot out of your body, and it takes time to build it back up. make sure you're eating right and taking your prenatals. I know how it is to do it all alone, and it's not easy. Try asking a friend or relative to watch your baby for a night so you can have a mommy date night. Go see a movie, get a pedicure, eat at your favorite restaurant... anything that gets your mind at ease. Go get a massage, they have ones just for when your pregnant, and let me tell you... they do wonders.

Arazona - posted on 08/19/2010

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I known where you at. I have been there about a year ago.
I had the same feelings and raising twins all alone was a challenge. I am also working from home...
Their father always worked late and never really bother to be involved with feedings, bathing, etc. It made me over protective of the twins whenever he comes near them. Yes we are divorced now and I am on anti-drepressants. I am coping better and I am not all over the place anymore and I can control the mood swings better. I bonded with the twins from day 1 and just kept building on it. They are almost 4 now and we have a strong bond.
Have you thought of seeing your GP for anti-depressants? It will really make a difference in yourself and your relationship with your daughter. You will also be able to take the hate that feel for her father and turn it into something really beautiful.

Gina - posted on 08/18/2010

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everything you are feeling is normal....I had my first 2 kids at 19 and 20 (54 weeks apart to the day) and although I was with their Dad I was basically single cause he was never there, (get up and go for coffee for 4 housr work for 8 then coffee for 4 and then come home and go on eht e computer for and hours or two then go to bed. copmletely ignoring us) I ended up having to let my parents raise my kids for quite a while cause I left their Dad and the only place I could find was one bedroom for rent and I had to work 3 jobs (not fun) and then at 23 I had my 3 child (another deadbeat dad (neither one pays child support)). so now at 25 I am a single stay at home mom of 3 and I babysit 4 other kids......I had post partem so bad that the only reason I took care of my kids (on the days that I couldn't pawn them off on someone else) was becasue it needed to be done.......and now I have suprised everyone by not only being able to be resposible for rent and bills and stuff but I can take care of my own kids and 4 others and not even bat an eye.......believe me hunny when I say that motherhood is very hard sometimes.....but it does get better. it gets so much better.....and just remember to live for the smile and giggles and cuddles. that's what makes it ALL worth it. trust me.

Carina - posted on 08/18/2010

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Opps - NOT capable of being the father his children needed - Important word there... unfortuantely.

Carina - posted on 08/18/2010

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I know what you mean, it's really not easy is it. When they're this young, it can be the hardest years in the sense of lonliness as it is so demanding. Others have rsponded to most of what you have said - my concern here is the anger and hate part.
Sounds like you do need to deal with your hate tho. Holding onto it will never affect him - but it will negatively affect you - your health and it will make you bitter too. You need to be able to forgive him. It has nothing to do with whether he deserves it, and everything to do wtih you need to let him go. He has made his choices, stop hanging onto his choices. I realise those choices made your life difficult, and your daughters life - the same thing happened to me too. I still have a pity party or vent every now and then tho. I have learnt to recognise -that he was immature, he was capable of being the father his children needed. He felt trapped rather than blessed. He had no positive role models in his life to help him to deal with parenting. He was selfish. He did not know how to empathise. He did not have the character he needed to live the life he wanted to live, that his intentions we not able to come to life. This is not really a list of excuses for him - it is the reality of who he was at that time in his life. So, I understand him better - of course that did not make it all right. But it was a step. Forgiveness is about not letting yourself be hurt by him or his actions [or should I say lack of actions] anymore. You do this for YOU. It has nothing to do with forgetting. You should always learn from these things and grow in wisdom. You just dont want to hold onto the pain anymore. You need to get rid of those crutches and find some healthy supports in your life. Anger and hate can only sustain you for so long, and will eat you up. It wont hurt him tho. It will affect your life and your ability to be the best mother you can be. It will drive a wedge between you and your daughter also, it you are not careful. Your daughter is innocent in all of this, and is the beauty and gift in all of this. Her father may not have been able to be the father he should be, but he may or may not grow up in the furture, and may or may not be a good father one day. My ex certainly took his time. Tho, I found the positives. I had noone interefering in my parenting, Ihave 100% say in all that happens. I did not have weekend custody issues tearing my children from one place to another. Those were my 2 biggest, personally.
To get time out, I joined a gym with good childminding. I got a 2 hour work out every day. It gave me time out, kids were happy, I felt good about myself, bonus - I looked great :) Maybe you need to find your happy place too? These days I do leadlighting. I worked and studied too. But its not personal time out. Its good for my development, but I still needed personal time.
Friends help a LOT. It's harder to go to them often, their houses usually aren't set up for kids. So, it was easier in those years for them to come to me. So, I kept my house set up for visitors. Try to include male friends and female friends if you can. Evens the balance in your life out. Male friends can make you less lonely for 'companionship' and less likely to rush into a negative realtionship. Male friends give you company that you need, show your daughter healthy ways for men and women to interact, and then allow you the freedom to find a healthy realtionship, as you are sustained emotionally. You wont be able to move on properly tho, until you deal with your anger. Maybe read up some good books on forgiveness and forgiving.
Good luck Malarie. Hugs.

Faye - posted on 08/18/2010

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Check in with the local churchs, some of them have a program called "Mom's Day Out". It allows the child to play with others their age while mom does as she pleases, (shopping, visiting with friends, sleep). It is similar to the MOPS program.



Previous posters have the right idea. Talk with others in your neighborhood or church and create a babysitting service of single parents. The adults gain friendships as do the kids.



If anything else, two of the single parents baby sit while the other two make a grocery store run for all. Everybody needs milk, bread, cheese, peanut butter and chocolate, (haha) all the time.



Look into your local Recreation Centers, most have an exercise or pottery class for you and a babysitter on duty for the little one.



There are programs out there to be utilized so please take advantage of them. In some cities they are closing due to lack of interest and the city can not afford to foot the bill any longer.

Madonna - posted on 08/18/2010

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hey i know how you feel and your not alone im pregnant with my second child and no one around to help my 2 yr old goes to day care while i go to school other than that its me and my daughter its funny when people ask me what i like to do i dont have an answer for them my life my interests what i do is take care of my baby im still working on letting go of the anger for her father he gets to live his life the way he wants while im dealing with all the tempertantrums and everything else but what i do when i feel that anger build up is think of this i may have to do it alone But i get to witness all the firsts and the fun and her learning and most of all all of that love!!! so hang in there and i promise it will get better if you ever need to vent or just talk you can email me if you want lyric111607@gmx.com

Lakisha - posted on 08/18/2010

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i UNDERSTAND, HOW YOU FEEL. MY TEN MONTH OLD DADS IS THE SAME WAY. He has a four year old and spends a lot of time with her. Just look at what ever time he gives her is time. and don't let him know that he gets to you, because he will continue to do it. just take what he says and let it be that, dont get emotional about him, his actions, or what he says.

Lakisha - posted on 08/18/2010

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do you have family that is willing to watch her. Maybe you can take turns with some of the people you know with kids. they watch her one night or day, and you in return watch their children one night or day. take little minuteseach day. while you are driving to get her from daycare, go to the store with out her, take a short walk, or just enjoy some time by your self. some times its those little five minutes here and there can help a lot when you use theme for your self. i know i have three and doing it by myself. Her father, is a grown man and you can not make him do a thing. with that situation it is what it is and look at it from a positive stand point, it is his lost. and not the other way around. I also go to school and work part time. some times make your schudule work for you not you working for it. you have to schudule time for your self. Do not try to do everything all at once, be relistic about time and the things you have to do. and if you believe in GOD, PRY THAT ALWAYS HELP. GET UP EXTRA EARLY TO SPEND TYIME DOING WHAT YOU ENJOY DOING.

Elaine - posted on 08/17/2010

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Honey,just try to look at her father like i look at my ex--i say hes just a sperm donar and i got the best part of him.(my kids). at night or anytime she sleeps, just watch her until all the bad feelings and thoughts go away. i had 3 kids in 3 yrs and it works. it allowed me to start everyday with a new start..because when they sleep the are so remarkable and sweet and so innocent. hope it helps...Elaine

Malarie - posted on 08/17/2010

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Mariah's dad has a son that is just 2 months older then she is and he is always there always has him helps out with anything that he can for his son...and its not fair! that bothers me alot as well....and i have prayed about it ALOT! We will see what happens i'm just gonna leave it in god's hands and i no everything will get better! He's the one missing out!

Desiree - posted on 08/17/2010

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Malarie, i cannot say i know how u feel because i don't . i am a single mother also for the past 6 months. me and my daughter's father broke up because he was a much too negative person, and i couldnt live with arguments in front of my daughter at such a tender age and have her scarred, because i know what those things can do to a child. so i ended the relationship and to be honest i have been happy with only me and my daughter. He was with me during the pregnancy and thank God after the birth because my mom passed away 4 years ago and i didnt have anyone really by my side except for and older sister. their are times that i do miss being a family, but i have discovered that their is someone out their better for me and my daughter and that is God. He has made me seen a difference in my life, and the reason why Somaiah's dad is not in my life, and i thank Him daily. there were times i felt mad and sad especially when my daughter nearly got phneumonia and i had to be at the hosptial three times a day for a week all by myself and i felt like i have failed as a mom when she got so sick. then i looked up and talked to God and He just delivered me as He has done for me day by day, out of financial problems and feelings that might come up against my baby's father. i am happy for her in my life and she makes me want to just grown in the Lord so i can be a positive and righteous example to her. the Lord is looking down on u Malarie and feels ur pain for He feels for all His children. Cry out to Him, for He hears a broken and contrite heart. He will ease your broken heart. tell Him your fears and doubts and once u mean it in ur heart what u are telling and asking Him, He will see u through i am a living testimony for the Lord and what He has done and how He has uplifted me out of depression and loneliness. I look at my daughter who is one year and three months now and thank the Lord for her, because her being a gift from Him also changed my ways of life which was partying and drinking and smoking before i had her and He knew why He gaver her to me. Do not worry about him, he is sure missing out. Somaiah's dad is too but look at the memories we will have and once u raise her in the right way she will love u and thank u for that. be strong Malarie!! don't give up and i will be praying for u!! take care much love to u and ur precious angel!! (((((hugs))))

Linda - posted on 08/16/2010

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No reason to feel upset about the feelings you are having, they are normal to feel anger and frustration. Do you have any friends you can get to babysit her while you just get out and go to the gym or take a walk .? give yourself a treat and just outside and do something on your own or with a friend for an hour or so.

Brenda - posted on 08/16/2010

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Yoga and other exercises where you meditate do help cope with anger, anxiety and depression. I used to do Yoga religously and it helped me block everything out and focus on myself and what was best for me...what we forget to do when we become mothers putting our children first! Take care of yourself and you can take even better care of her!
We have been there.. it will be alright. It gets easier.

Tracy - posted on 08/16/2010

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all that is is just the mommy blues and yes your hormones are out of wack and all you can do is find a babysitter for the night and just relax like take a nice bubble bath listen to some music something like that that will relax you and calm your nerves down and sometimes you just need to vent to someone

Lisa - posted on 08/16/2010

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im a single mother of 2 girls, very close in age! they stress me out some days and i hate their father for what hes done, but i know me and my girls are way better off. but i still have the hate feeling for him, i dont know if it will go away!!!

Cassie - posted on 08/15/2010

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it will all work out in the end for you, all the hate you have for her father will pass, it may take a while, but it will, like the other girls have said, there is help that u can get to help u to relax a bit more and handle the hormones. Just remember that she is not her father... Good luck and my best wishes with u getting thru this

Teresa - posted on 08/15/2010

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Hey hang in there, you will get through this. I used to feel the same a lot of the time and got my doctor to put me on an anxiety tablet which helps me to cope. As a single mother I know what you are going through, but you have to let go of the emotions towards their father and concentrate on having a happy and healthy relationship with your kid(s). You come first then everything else.

Crystal - posted on 08/14/2010

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It's ok Malarie. Be kind to yourself. I think many single moms go through that stage of being angry with the father b/c we feel there is no help or support. There are some options you have. First you can go to the dr's office or a clinic and visit with them, if it's hormonal they can help you. Also, start writing down what you are grateful for and begin to forgive her father. It's not always easy to do, but start with a letter to him letting it all out, you don't even have to send it. But it will help release some of that anger inside of you, which is the important part. I would also suggest that since you are always with your daughter, maybe start making more time for yourself. Take up some hobbies and activities that YOU enjoy. Best wishes,
Crystal | www.whydidichoosehim.com

Kali - posted on 08/13/2010

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its okay malarie! what you are going through is normal! oh so normal! im in the same boat you are..and i was with the guy up until 2 months ago..even when i was with the dad while i was pregnant and the first year i did it alone. some days i have no patience so i will put my daughter in her crib and tell her mom needs some time to herself or i put on sesame street and gate her in while i take a breather..my daughter is very good, i too am upset and angry with my ex for leaving me to parent alone. in his mind he thinks 2 days a month or 12 hours a month i should say is good enough for him to be a dad. what a louse!! he doesnt call or anything. i sought this great group called MOPS you should google it to see if it is in your area! if not you can go online to their website..even make a group yourself! its amazing and it has helped me tremendously with being a mom! all the hate you have for her father is taking away the time you could love your daughter even more! let him go, you are allowing him to control you. give him up, forget him! a better man will come along right after you put him in the trash!! ive seen it done and im almost there myself! =) talk to you soon!! -kali

JuLeah - posted on 08/13/2010

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Make time for the gym .... you must have one on campus. They have child care at most gyms.... swim, lift weights, run, punch a bag .... get it out

Drink a lot of water .... NO sugar, no processed foods of any kind (your body has to work so hard to process processed foods) there is not a lot of energy left over. Get enough sleep (8+ hours)

Counsleor? Support group w/childcare?

Sandra - posted on 08/13/2010

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hey malarie, sounds like you may have post natal depression, and being pregnant again youre hormones will be raging, i would go to my doctor and get help, if he or she cant hepl they will be able to sign post you to somebody that can, ive raised 3 children alone its not easy but it can be done i have been blessed with some amazing friends who have helped me when ive been low, you can get thourgh it let me know how you get on, its good to have somebody to listen take care sandrax

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