He hit his first child & wife 4 years ago... Should I trust him now?

User - posted on 02/14/2009 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I'm almost 5 months pregnant now (it was an unplanned pregnancy), but me and my baby's father have been broken up since about a month before I found out (probably beginning/mid September). We tried getting back together a few times, but it was only for me to realize he would cheat or do stupid things like go to massage parlors... he said he felt "forced" into being with me, that he wanted to make me happy & give me what I wanted, and that's why he asked me back out. This went on about 3 times before I finally broke down the last time it happened, about a week ago, and felt nauseaus about even dating him in fear of it happening again. The problem is, I still love him & wonder if it's just a matter of him growing up (we're both 23) & him realizing he's gotta stop messin around & finally man up to where his life is going, or if he'll always be this way. Here's the thing: he's got another child in another state across the country where he used to live, from a previous woman he married bc they were having a child together (he tells me he's divorced now). That little boy is now 4 years old. He used to hit him & his wife to the point where she put him in jail for domestic violence, and he even got discharged from the army once they found this out. It's been 4 years since all this happened... he swears he's not like that anymore, that he had his counseling and he'd never do that again. But I fear once he's alone with our little girl this July, that if she ever frustrates him, he'll hit her as he did his first son. I want to believe him, I mean we've known each other since April and he's never physically hurt me, although he has done quite a bit of damage emotionally from cheating on me, lying to me, and always keeping the truth from me. I just don't know if I should trust him come July when my little angel is born... I fear he is lying that he has "changed", just as he lies about everything else, and I refuse to see my little girl get abused (or worse, not realize it's happening if he tells me she "fell" or something of that nature). He always tells me he regrets doing what he did, and I've seen him cry about this and try to fight for custody for his 4 year old with no luck.

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Olanrewaju - posted on 03/24/2009

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Quoting Kathryn:

Would you leave your child in a room with a dog that had previously bitten a child. Remain single. Every womans first duty is to protect her child. By the age of 23 he IS grown up.


Ditto what Kathryn says. He is physically, legally, socially and morally what can be classified as an ADULT. Of course, somethin must have gone wrong with his programing for him to be this way. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance and all but there's a child involved here. You are a strong independent woman. Get your own place close to your parents. File a complaint with the police so it's on record. Get a lawyer who will tell you what you have to do and what you should expect. Girl get your head right. You're having some self-esteem issues 'cos this guy has put you through a ringer. Forget counseling for him, get counselling for you. Do you have a job? Skills? Steady source of income(parents don't count)? If you don't, start talking to somethin who can give you concrete advice. Don't take anything else from him. Not money, not clothes, nothing!! Cos he'll say in court that he is the primary care-giver/ provider blah blah blah. Not trying to mow you down with all this but you have to start making moves NOW. At this stage all you need to be thinking about is childbirth and what color his/her nursery is gonna be. I'm really sorry you have to go through your first pregnancy like this. Don't worry. It's well. The God who looks out for drunks, precocious kids and old ladies will surely make an appearance.

Kathryn - posted on 03/20/2009

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Would you leave your child in a room with a dog that had previously bitten a child. Remain single. Every womans first duty is to protect her child. By the age of 23 he IS grown up.

Gladys - posted on 03/11/2009

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I was in a similar situation and the more I gave him chances the more I fell on my face. I was alone and pregnant and he treated me so poorly. He would say I trapped him, I ruin his life, and he wasn't sure whether or not the child was his. After the birth of my daughter I looked at her face and knew that I  really didn't  want to be with someone so abusive. Remember if your children see you take that treatment they might think that's what they deserve. No one deserves to be treated like dirt. Pray for the right thought and action. You are not alone. I'm single but the happiest I've ever been. And he is still the same mean person.

User - posted on 03/11/2009

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I just wanted to give a big thank you to everyone's responses here.  I'm finally starting to think straight and get my act together for my future little girl.  The rough patch I was going through is starting to clear, and plans for getting a lawyer and fighting for custody are in my near future.  Thank you to everyone for pushing me in the right direction and realizing what's best for my daughter, I appreciate your advice :)

Catharine - posted on 02/23/2009

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Hi Melanie,
First of all...your little girl is such a cutie!!!!
I think dealing with all of the emotional feelings after you leave the abuser is the hardest part of all. Because of all of the abuse that I did go through, I now suffer from serious anxiety and have frequent panic attacks...sometimes for no reason at all, I will have a panic attack. I have been prescribed drugs to calm me down, but I don't take them cause I am nursing, and of course I have not had a drink in almost 2 years....
At first I turned to my girlfriends, but in the end, I talked to them less and less about the situation, because I think they got sick and tired of hearing me whine, but not do anything about it. I finally decided that outside professional help was the only way. I so see a shrink once a month...I am not ashamed of that because I am doing it to get stronger for both myself and my baby son. I am currently single, and I think for the first time last Friday, reality sunk in, and I realized that YES, I am single, but I will be okay...I think that is also why I have stayed away from the happy pills, because I need to grieve this loss...even though it was a bad relationship...I am currently reading a book called Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie...it is an excellent book, and it really helps me sort out my feelings...I have also just recently joined the gym so that I can lose some of my baby weight and feel good about my self...it is a good boost!!! and when I get the urge to call the jerk, I try and hold out, and talk to my mom instead, and then she helps me see the light...My heart still hurts like a bitch...but I need to take one day at a time...and be there for my number one little man....
also, I have gone to group councelling, in Calgary, we have the YWCA, and it was good for me to go to group therapy because I got to listen to other girls talk about similiar situations, and they were very helpful with giving me good advice, and the best part was that they did not know me on a personal level, so there was no judging....which really makes you feel better if you suffer from a low self esteem like I did...and still sometimes do...I hope this helps a bit...as you know...you're not alone, and we need to be there not only to help ourselves, but help other women going through the same thing.

User - posted on 02/23/2009

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I just want to take a minute to thank everyone on here for listening to my dilemma and giving your opinions.  With every posting, I feel I am getting stronger and wiser emotionally to where I can let myself stand back and see things from others' point of views.  Melanie, reading your posts sometimes makes me break down as I feel I am seeing my relationship in the future (what you went through with your ex-husband).... I feel I can relate to you the most.  It just seems so crazy, the thought of a man taking care of you but doing so much damage at the same time.  One of the main reasons I feel I am struggling with ending all communication with him is, as crazy as it sounds, the relationship of my mother and father.  I am one of 5 girls, ranging in ages from 17 to 31, and I have seen them to the point of divorce so many times.  My father never purposely hurt my mother, but he would hold her back from leaving the house if she wanted to leave him, ending in bruises after all was said and done.  I saw this happen a few times when I was younger, and since then, I haven't seen an argument as bad as that.  To this day, he still is still quite tempermental.  Therefore, growing up with the mentality that "things happen but people can change" seems to be stuck in my mind.  Without directly asking for supervised visits from a family member of his, I would like to bring up the idea of the 3 of us spending the time together so I can personally see his interaction with our daughter for quite a good time before I let him take her on his own.  He's not going to react well to this, I feel his automatic response will be something to the extent of, "Thats how I was 4 years ago...!", a huge argument,  and it will result in us facing each other in court.  He has his abusive past, but I am afraid a judge will rule against my requests being that it took place 4 years ago and he hasn't been involved in any further criminal activity since his support groups/anger management/counseling.  If I could just take off and live somewhere else so his visits are limited... I would do it... but there's no way I can afford it, and he will fight me for custody also because he's currently working and I'm not (I was just laid off, my company went out of business due to this horrible economy).  Overall, my head is such a mess right now... but listening to each and every response on here is slowly putting the 1000 piece puzzle together in my mind, one step at a time...

Melanie - posted on 02/23/2009

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Quoting Catharine:

Of course no one can tell you what to do...but what I can tell you, is that I have been there...I was with my X for 10 years...about 4 years ago, he beat the living crap out of me...and the neighbors heard us fighting, and they called the police. the police came, and they charged him with assult. We went to court against each other...and he went through months and months of councelling....thinking that he had changed, and would never hit me again...I took him back...things were good for awhile until about 2 years ago when he hit me again...by this time, I was so weak I took him back again, my self esteem was gone to hell, and he had made me feel like I would never be worth anything...then finally about a year ago, I got pregnant, he told me that he wanted nothing to do with the baby....and although he never physically abused me while I was pregnant, he mentally and emotionally did....to the point where I finally had enough strength to leave for good. It is tough, I am not going to lie about that...I still think about him, even though he was so evil to me, but I thought to myself that there was no way in hell I would ever let my baby son become a part of this dysfunctional mess...please think really hard about what everyone is telling you...they never change, as much as we think we can change them, we can't...



Catherine, i left my ex husband and then found out i was pregnant. I too kept going back and finally left  when my daughter was two. Aside from him already emotinally and physically abandoned me already, when i realized my daughter could be around the craziness, I left for good.  I have been divorced for two years already and just started dealing with the emotional stuff. I had to stuff my emotions back at first bc i had a child to raise with serious health problems and who has down syndrome and didn't want to get weak again and go back. May I ask if you had any outside help dealing with recovering from the abuse, I think i need to start the process and don't know where to turn.

Sandra - posted on 02/23/2009

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I totally agree with Kate, be strong and move on!!! You have the best, your baby! you don't need anybody to put you down.

Catharine - posted on 02/23/2009

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Of course no one can tell you what to do...but what I can tell you, is that I have been there...I was with my X for 10 years...about 4 years ago, he beat the living crap out of me...and the neighbors heard us fighting, and they called the police. the police came, and they charged him with assult. We went to court against each other...and he went through months and months of councelling....thinking that he had changed, and would never hit me again...I took him back...things were good for awhile until about 2 years ago when he hit me again...by this time, I was so weak I took him back again, my self esteem was gone to hell, and he had made me feel like I would never be worth anything...then finally about a year ago, I got pregnant, he told me that he wanted nothing to do with the baby....and although he never physically abused me while I was pregnant, he mentally and emotionally did....to the point where I finally had enough strength to leave for good. It is tough, I am not going to lie about that...I still think about him, even though he was so evil to me, but I thought to myself that there was no way in hell I would ever let my baby son become a part of this dysfunctional mess...please think really hard about what everyone is telling you...they never change, as much as we think we can change them, we can't...

Melanie - posted on 02/23/2009

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I can not tell you how much this sounds like my ex-husband. Sounds like you are just not there yet to walk away. You will get there...all of these women have said the same thing...they never change and wish i would have left sooner. I hope you get there before you or your daughter get hurt. I get how you feel. My ex bought me pearls the day he told me he wanted a divorce. Presents are bought out of guilt! I pray that you listen to what these women are trying to tell you, they are taking time out bc they now how important of an issue it is. Good luck to you and i will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.

User - posted on 02/22/2009

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Quoting Emily:

How is his temper? Does he have a habit of putting holes in walls or throwing toasters across the kitchen? Or is he the exact opposite and never lets you see him upset. (This could be a sign that when he does get mad he LOSES it). For one, stop waiting for him to grow up. At this point he's done all the growing up he's going to do, and he's already developed into the "man" he will be. What you have is a character issue. He is already showing disturbing signs of emotional and verbal abuse: cheating, chronic lying, twisting stories, putting guilt trips on you. It only gets worse from there. Even if - IF! - he never physically hurt you or your child, verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging. Problem is, this type of abuse is much harder to detect and address because there are no physical injuries like bruising or fractures for other people to see. Take it from someone who put up with this for way too long - it will never end, for the safety of yourself and your family get out NOW and stay out


This past summer, he purchased himself & me plane tickets to go out to Vegas to see his 3 year old son.  He would call his son every night, and eventually his ex would get on the phone and start saying things like "I just put a restraining order against you, don't even bother coming out here!"... up to the point where she tried to stop us from coming the day before, while we were at the airport.  Once when I saw her do that to him a few days before we were supposed to leave, I saw him flip out, he stayed away from me but punched a brick wall and then locked himself in his car and hit the steering wheel & drove off.  He didn't break anything, but he was so angry about his ex fighting to keep him away from his son.  Like I said, he did go to therapy and anger management, but 4 years later, he still apparently doesn't know how to speak of his emotions freely.  I've never seen him throw things.  I can see his anger and frustration in his eyes from his ex not giving him a chance, yet at the same time I don't blame her after all the pain he put them through years ago.  When we did get out to Vegas, we found out she was lying about the restraining orders, it was just a false statement to keep him from his son.  And he did show me how much of a good father he could be if she would let him.  I have to admit, he tries, and he's ran out of money to keep up with the lawyers... so that's where it's so frustrating on my behalf.  He's hurt me emotionally so much, that I assume he's going to do the same to my daughter when she arrives this July.  I will admit, he did tell me what had happened when he had asked me out when we first started dating, but I took it as a man owning up to his past and instead of hiding it from me, being straightforward and telling me the truth to see if I accept him the way he is after going to his anger management and church groups.  I feel he did learn from his mistakes about hitting his child and his ex, as he's never physically hurt me, but his mind is still as immature as it was when he was with her.  It's just so difficult to decipher what he has learned and grown from, from what he hasn't.  With him hurting me emotionally over and over, as you said, it can be as damaging as physical pain.  If he had the opportunity to be a father to both kids while in school and working as he's doing at the moment, he would.  But because of the fact that I cant trust him with my own feelings, makes me never want to trust him with my daughter's.  He is there for her and talks to her (through my belly) and is planning on setting up a room for her in his house, and even comes to all my doctors appointments.  He also ensures I am always fed before he is (he refuses to eat unless I do, to make sure the baby is taken care of), and is always asking me if I have enough maternity clothes to keep up with my growing body.  Even down to him wanting to replace the nearly-balding tires on my car with brand new ones to make sure I am safe & don't get into an accident, and him pretending to buy himself an expensive anti-virus software for his computer when it was actually for MINE because he knew I was having bad computer virus issues.  He's no where near rich, he works a part time as a banquet waiter, so it's not like he's just throwing money at me just to shut me up and make me happy.  It's like he's got 2 completely different sides- one that wants to take care of me as any real man would, and the other... just some really confused man inside of him that doesn't know how to change or where to go.  I am just afraid that he will be as fake to my daughter as can be with me when that overdramatic side of him comes out.

Emily - posted on 02/22/2009

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How is his temper? Does he have a habit of putting holes in walls or throwing toasters across the kitchen? Or is he the exact opposite and never lets you see him upset. (This could be a sign that when he does get mad he LOSES it). For one, stop waiting for him to grow up. At this point he's done all the growing up he's going to do, and he's already developed into the "man" he will be. What you have is a character issue. He is already showing disturbing signs of emotional and verbal abuse: cheating, chronic lying, twisting stories, putting guilt trips on you. It only gets worse from there. Even if - IF! - he never physically hurt you or your child, verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging. Problem is, this type of abuse is much harder to detect and address because there are no physical injuries like bruising or fractures for other people to see. Take it from someone who put up with this for way too long - it will never end, for the safety of yourself and your family get out NOW and stay out.

[deleted account]

OK, now I've read the rest of the responses.  I'd like to say that no judge in his/her right mind would ever allow a child near these people, but I don't know.  I have full custody of my kids, but their dad never showed up in court to fight me on it.

[deleted account]

OK, now I've read the rest of the responses.  I'd like to say that no judge in his/her right mind would ever allow a child near these people, but I don't know.  I have full custody of my kids, but their dad never showed up in court to fight me on it.

[deleted account]

Stay away from that man and keep your baby away from him as much as you possibly can.  Even if he never lays a hand on you or your baby he is showing you by his actions (cheating, etc..) that he is still a loser.  Don't stand for it!

Erica - posted on 02/18/2009

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There are so many red flags in your story that my initial response is 'RUN'!

I know the emotional side of you is trying to see things through rose colored glasses, but you really need to focus on the facts.

He says he feels forced to be with you. That on it's own is bad enough, but factor in his aggressive and violent tendencies to women and children and it's a bad combination.
Being in a relationship that he truly does not want to be in will only add to the stress and tension which in my opinion will make it all that much easier for him to feel excused to use you or your baby as a punching bag.

If he's inclined to cheat, don't attribute it to his age. Yes 23 is young, but seriously, he's an adult and already a man. I've know many young men who have more integrity and morals than the man you talk about. There are fundamental rights and wrongs that aren't learned by age. To cheat, lie and hit are not things that you simply 'grow out' of.

Yes people can change, but are you willing to risk your daughter's well being and happiness to find out? She's not a guinea pig for him to try out his new parenting skills (as his previous ones obviously left a lot to be desired), and neither are you. You deserve to be with someone who has the basics down like respect, honesty, integrity, loyalty, compassion, responsibility, caring...

From my experience (as a child from an abusive relationship and single parent from an abusive relationship), it's best to have one great parent than two parents who are miserable with each other and possibly in a hurtful and violent relationship.

You may feel like you love him, but once your baby is born you'll see what real love is, and won't want to risk her safety and happiness for someone who doesn't especially seem to be interested in yours. If he was, he wouldn't treat you the way he has.

Good luck.

Melanie - posted on 02/18/2009

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my ex-husband has brainwashed even my closest friends in his family that i was the abuser and who knows what else. You need to move past that and understand that nothing you say will change thier opinion of you and just know in your heart they are ignorant to the truth. Start documenting and the court will see it your way. My friend was able to get overnight rights suspended until he proves he is drug free....meaning random drug tests whenever she requests it. Sometimes the courts do come through in that regard so don't loose hope. Keep up with the email documentation! Great idea!

User - posted on 02/18/2009

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Quoting Melanie:



Quoting Melissa:




I guess it's just hard for me because he wants to be there for the baby, and he's helped me with some materialistic things like maternity clothes... but he doesn't seem to understand the simplicity that to me, the baby is already HERE... I'm already going through all these changes for her and myself, while he gets to go home and still be himself like nothing ever happened.  Let me ask you guys... if I were to wind up in court fighting for custody, do you think it would be divided amongst us?  Or based upon his background alone of him being sent to jail for a brief time period for hitting his wife/1 year old that he would only get visitation rights?  The only thing he's got on me... is my parents have (ehh) 15 cats, and all he keeps talking about is how I could get sick from them and maybe the baby too because of something that's in their feces that they carry around.  Do you think that would mean anything to the judge?  I guess that's just another reason I try to let him stick around for the baby's sake... if I were to have to go to court, I would fight to win full custody, not just partial... and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of winning anything.










I don't know your boyfriend but i do know about the personality of abusers and they are manipulators. He got you pregnant, the least he could do would be to purchase you some clothes to where, the expense should not all be on you. They are good at making you feel that it should. I have police reports from incidences but were irrelevent in court bc they were over six months. You need to document in a notebook every conversation and any harsh things he says and does. My attorney says document everything and record every conversation. I unfortunatly have no control over taking away his visitiation so I made good friends with the new wife so hopefully she will protect my child. These cases are very hard to prove and win in court. Document!





Now that I'm thinking about it, there were times when I first found out that I was pregnant and I went into such a depression that when we would talk or text each other, I would say things like "I don't even want to be pregnant with your child!"  and the like.  Of course, I didn't really mean it.... I just said HORRIBLE things I deeply regret in the midst of me being hurt emotionally so badly.  I now know I put myself in a bad situation where he kept those texts and will try to use them against me.  I can't believe how harsh I was, I was doing it to try to make him feel bad I guess- which obviously never works with guys like him.  Recently, instead of talking over the phone about the baby, I decided that sending e-mails back and forth may be a better choice for me so we have all conversation documented.  His friends/family will BARELY even talk to me anymore... so in regards to having someone I can trust, there's no one left.  Not to mention, his older brother who lives in the attic of the garage (SO illegal i'm assuming!) was involved with the usage & selling of drugs a little over a year ago... and even tried to sell his daughter for $500 when she was an infant!  His sister, 18 years old, got arrested recently for stealing in Lord & Taylor.  The background of his family DISGUSTS me, and I am worried that the judge will say they have nothing to do with the baby staying in that house.  A history of an abuser, a druggie, and a thief... and there is probably nothing I can do to keep my child out of that house?  It's amazing how the court system works these days...

Melanie - posted on 02/18/2009

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Quoting Melissa:



I guess it's just hard for me because he wants to be there for the baby, and he's helped me with some materialistic things like maternity clothes... but he doesn't seem to understand the simplicity that to me, the baby is already HERE... I'm already going through all these changes for her and myself, while he gets to go home and still be himself like nothing ever happened.  Let me ask you guys... if I were to wind up in court fighting for custody, do you think it would be divided amongst us?  Or based upon his background alone of him being sent to jail for a brief time period for hitting his wife/1 year old that he would only get visitation rights?  The only thing he's got on me... is my parents have (ehh) 15 cats, and all he keeps talking about is how I could get sick from them and maybe the baby too because of something that's in their feces that they carry around.  Do you think that would mean anything to the judge?  I guess that's just another reason I try to let him stick around for the baby's sake... if I were to have to go to court, I would fight to win full custody, not just partial... and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of winning anything.






I don't know your boyfriend but i do know about the personality of abusers and they are manipulators. He got you pregnant, the least he could do would be to purchase you some clothes to where, the expense should not all be on you. They are good at making you feel that it should. I have police reports from incidences but were irrelevent in court bc they were over six months. You need to document in a notebook every conversation and any harsh things he says and does. My attorney says document everything and record every conversation. I unfortunatly have no control over taking away his visitiation so I made good friends with the new wife so hopefully she will protect my child. These cases are very hard to prove and win in court. Document!

User - posted on 02/18/2009

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I guess it's just hard for me because he wants to be there for the baby, and he's helped me with some materialistic things like maternity clothes... but he doesn't seem to understand the simplicity that to me, the baby is already HERE... I'm already going through all these changes for her and myself, while he gets to go home and still be himself like nothing ever happened.  Let me ask you guys... if I were to wind up in court fighting for custody, do you think it would be divided amongst us?  Or based upon his background alone of him being sent to jail for a brief time period for hitting his wife/1 year old that he would only get visitation rights?  The only thing he's got on me... is my parents have (ehh) 15 cats, and all he keeps talking about is how I could get sick from them and maybe the baby too because of something that's in their feces that they carry around.  Do you think that would mean anything to the judge?  I guess that's just another reason I try to let him stick around for the baby's sake... if I were to have to go to court, I would fight to win full custody, not just partial... and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of winning anything.

Erin - posted on 02/17/2009

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I know how the depression goes.. I left both my ex husband and my ex boyfriend for the same reasons... The depression sucks but once you have the baby in your arms girl it melts away.. You start living for the baby and not you.. At least that was my whole enlightenment stage... Yeah you still get the blues... but it never lasts long with sweet baby hugs and kisses..

Alicia - posted on 02/17/2009

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ZOMG! he sounds like my ex. constantly lying, cheating, and he also hit his ex. I thought I was in love...but I finally wised up and left. I actually had to leave the state because of him. I dont want this to happen to you.. you see the signs, all the red flags.. you need to leave this guy alone. love shouldnt be like this.. you deserve sooo much better for you and your child. you will be so much happier when he is gone out of your life.. no one likes drama and thats all he is. there are plenty of fish in the sea... go find you a good catch! :-)

Susan - posted on 02/17/2009

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hands down hun NO WAY! dont rust this fuy any where and get as far away from him as possible. I used to be in a domestic violence case, and cme out alive and my son unharmed...thank god!!! they dont change!!! This is not a case of rude behavior where he might not fart in pubic bc it embarrasses you, this is some real hard core shit that only takes an asshole to do. No real man would ever ever do this. take my advise here and please get away, very far from him. Stay safe and get help. GEt him outta your life forever, youll be glad you did.  Trust me.



signed, from experience

Melanie - posted on 02/16/2009

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You sound like you are a very bright young women who is going to be all right. The father will always be in the pic and will have to deal with that roller coaster. if you ever want to talk..i will always be an ear for you. I too went through my pregnancy by myself bc the father was out of state.

User - posted on 02/16/2009

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Even with having family around, I have felt alone the past few months of my pregnancy and never really knew where to look for advice.  When you're depressed it just eats you alive and sometimes you feel you have no where to go but further into the hole you have already dug yourself into.  It feels really good knowing there's other single moms out there who have gone through similar situations and have grown so much from their experience.  I truly thank everyone for your responses, the more I read the more empowered I feel to grow into a stronger woman for my daughter.

Melanie - posted on 02/16/2009

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I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive marriage which turned physical only a few times. He is the father of my little girl who has down syndrome and life threatening heart defects. I have been in your shoes wanting to love him out of this and wanting to trust that everything would be ok. I was scared to death of the thought of raising a child like Macie by myself and stayed until she was two. When you do finally leave be very careful, they always snap when they relize they have lost control of you. He threatened to slice my throat. I have raised my child myself for two years and have been much happier than being on the emotional roller coaster with him. You will have much more self respect for leaving.n Lloving your baby enough to take her out of that potentially dangerous situation is the greatest act of love. I have never regreted leaving and have become a much stronger person bc of it. He is remarried now and is doing the same thing to her. They don't change! I have always said that i hoped that my story would help save someone else. btw, he is well like in the community, well respected and a church goer. He is a charmer and a manipulator. I do understand your complicated situation.

Erin - posted on 02/16/2009

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Sweetie take it from a single mom who is a cop too.. ANGER ISSUES NEVER NEVER change... it is better for you and your baby to be alone than have him with the possibility of him hitting You or your baby (possibly more to an infant)..  Think about..

Angie - posted on 02/15/2009

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Definitely don't think it won't happen again.  People are who they are.  It is very very hard to change. 

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I am 49 y/o and in my experience they never change. If he was honest, loyal and loving to you, I would give him a chance, but he is not. You have to look after yourself and your baby now, emotionally and physically. Be strong and move on. He will only cause you grief and heartache. Us girls seem to have a nack of ignoring warning bells and you have had some big ones. Living in fear is no way to begin motherhood. Believe me....giving birth to your first baby is the most treasured experience in life. Don't ruin it by focussing on someone not worthy of your love. Turn to us and your family and friends if you need suport and "let him go!!" xx

Pati - posted on 02/14/2009

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If he is feeling forced this is a bad place for you and your child to be. Yes people change, but I would not just take his word for it. Personally I would move on and work on providing a beautiful life for your child.

Chloe - posted on 02/14/2009

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Whoh. Look it sounds like your in a hard place. I believe people can change but its a BIG risk when a child is involved. The fact that he apparently feels "forced" into being with you and is cheating are BIG RED FLAGS. you need to steer clear of this man. If he truly has changed he would not be doing any of the before mentioned immature acts. HE sounds dangerous. If he decides to change in the future make sure he has put an honest amount of time , effort, and truth before you subject yourself and your child 2 him. if he is ever sincere he will put in a mighty big long effort to show this considering his past actions. all the best to you..

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