Any pro spanking moms?

Molly - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 1301 moms have responded )

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Hello, I would like to chat with other like minded moms or dads who are pro spanking.

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[deleted account]

Well to answer your question more directly, yes, they do teach their children not to hit other children or others. I thought my post made that clear. I was trying to give you perspective of how I thought of it as a child. I never thought it was okay to hit someone because I felt like it or was angry, because I never got hit just because the adult felt like it or was angry. Like I said, I saw it as a form of discipline just like time-out and other things.

Alice - posted on 02/26/2013

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Kristen, may I say very politely you did not answer the question I proposed. Do parents who hit their children teach them that hitting others is wrong? I worked in a Domestic Violence Shelter and once witnessed a mom hitting her son for hitting another child and saying "you don't hit people" of course I had to respond to her in a professional manner because I was there to help her. But, I have wondered for years about how parents who hit their children can possibly try to teach a child you don't hit people, all the while hitting them...are these their precious children people too?. It is an honest question that I would truly like to hear someone tell me how they reconcile this.

[deleted account]

Alice: To respond to your question based on my personal experience: I was spanked as a child. So were the other children in my family. We didn't grow up trying to hit each other all the time because we got spanked. We didn't see it as "well they hit us, so its okay to hit others". No, we were taught to have respect for other people and their space. Spanking was something done for doing something out of line. We knew what we would get spanked for and what we wouldn't get spanked for. I got spanked with a belt, fly swatter, or "switch". I was never afraid of the person doing the spanking, but of course I didn't like it. Just like I didn't like other forms of punishment like time-out, getting things taken away, ect. What child does like not being able to get away with everything ;-)

For some reason the men in our family are often "babied", and I have a cousin who was spanked, and her little brother wasn't. Her brother was the one who was always trying to hit/kick/punch people. Not saying the spanking had anything to do with her not hitting, just giving an example.

I do think that if it is done improperly (such as abuse) or out of anger, than yes it could give the child the impression that the bigger person "wins" through force.

Ashley - posted on 02/26/2013

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I am so for it!!! I was spanked as a child and I believe that it encourages respect from the child as well as a tiny bit of fear to not do wrong..
Nice to meet you Mam'

Alice - posted on 02/26/2013

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Do you parents who spank, also teach your children not to hit others? Just asking.

[deleted account]

http://www.examiner.com/article/what-abo...

Here it is! Now with that being said, how about us not attacking each other on the form of discipline we choose and just work on uplifting each other as moms in general? How about not depending on society, books, and biased opinions to tell us what is right for our own children? Do what feels right for you and your child and leave it at that.

It just hurts my heart to see moms attack others intelligence and question their love for their children just because of how they raise them, whether they choose no punishment, time-out, spanking, or whatever. Being a mom has turned into a competition.

[deleted account]

I am sorry, that is the wrong one article. I will look for the other that was done by a specialist. They are on the same site with the same name :-P

[deleted account]

I can't say that I am either pro or anti spanking. But I have done A LOT of research on the subject in the past few months. I am studying Criminal Justice and the topic of social issues, such as how children are disciplined, have came up in several of my classes. After doing the research on different parenting styles and what is effective and what is not, I have found that the only conclusive thing they know is that permissive parenting does not work, and authoritarian parenting does not work. What does work is somewhere in the middle. It also depends on the child and their natural disposition and resilience.

I will say that spanking is NOT ABUSE, and to accuse any parent that spanks their child of abuse is ridiculous. The reason why the media screams that spanking is bad is because of the type of parenting that is popular now, and what is "politically correct". That is why it is so hard to find a good argument for the other side (pro-spanking). I think this article explains it best:

http://www.examiner.com/article/spanking...

Tamyka - posted on 02/26/2013

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hello all u loving and doting moms and dads! i hope all is well in ur worlds!
hmmm, spanking. it's such a controversial issue, yes? and one that i've struggled with as well. i was spanked as a child-alot. i don't even think i was that bad...sneaky, but not bad. my grandmother was raised & raised us with the sentiment "...u must use the rod...spare the rod spoil the child..." and, may i just say, it is not a sentiment easily shaken.
i remember wonderful sunny afternoons riding the orange line from oak grove to forest hills and eating ice-cream and having picnics just to come home to hear my grandmother tell us to get the belt. we didn't always get spanked the day of the transgression. she also believed in not discipling while angry. so some of my spankings were done with "a tear and a smile". sounds kinda twisted, i know. but i knew and never doubted that she loved us and i honestly don't feel any anger or resentment towards her for doing that.
my daughter is 6 years old and she is awesome. my perfect imperfect little angel. that drives me crazy-almost daily!!!! and i have spanked her. and i don't like it. i feel like i'm treating my spirit child like a slave. i'm left feeling very guilty and oftentimes, leave just as teary-eyed as she. (i now understand that bullsh*t statement they use to say 'this is going to hurt me more than it hurts u') and so i know that spanking is not for me.
and then i am on a mental mission of coming up with other ways to discipline. i believe we have to do what is best for us and every child is different. my daughters pcp said at her 3 day check up "oh boy, she is a firecracker. trust that she will know what she wants". i have come to trust those words fully and know that i you don't fight fire with fire-u use water. or some other type of extinguisher. i believe that spanking is a tool in the tool box that u may have to use. or may not. maybe if ,we the parents, take a time out and calm down, we'll realize that we don't have to spank. if i did something wrong or bad or upset someone, i would hope the person would not hit me. i would hope that person would calm down and then come to me and talk to me and tell me how they expect me to redeem myself. wouldn't you? for a six year old...just walk away-WALK AWAY. take a time out-really. the urge to spank your child is less likely and a more effective method will soon come to mind.
it is challenging. there are times when my daughter can really use a swift pop to the lips or "a little hind shine" (as my granny so eloquently put it). but while i'm in my time out, deep breathing, i think about and am overcome with how much i love this spirit & how important it is to nurture it and so by the time malibu (nickname) is an adult it will be natural for her to effectively deal with people and confrontation.
let's face it, no matter what we do and whatever it is that we do-our babies will learn (or not learn) how to cope and deal with people from how we deal and cope with them. yes?

Holly - posted on 02/25/2013

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To Eve Hill: Thank you for responding in a disagreeing but RESPECTFUL way instead of condemning us for our methods. Most anti-spanking parents see a post about spanking and think that we're abusing our kids, which is not the case. As a matter of fact, after about two spakings for the same thing, all I have to do is tell my son to stop and he gets the message. I'm parenting the way I was raised; and I turned out to be just fine. At least I'm not constantly screaming at him and demeaning him. Also, after the spanking, when he corrects his attitude and does what he is supposed to, he gets a "thank you" and a reward of some sort. My own methods have worked so well that he is EXCITED to help me out when I clean his room, or do anything else around the house, for that matter. He loves it when I cook because he knows he gets to throw paper towels away. He loves it when I do laundry because he knows he gets to dive halfway in the dryer and drag out clothes. He loves it when I clean his room because he knows he gets to help me put things in order - and all of this he learned to do because we have an understanding now. The understanding is that I am the parent and he is the child and he will not disrespect or walk all over me. Therefore, if anyone finds fault with my methods, I would ask them to remember that everyone handles things differently, and the way I do thing is specifically designed to work with my child - because I know how he ticks. I don't leave bruises or anything of that sort - just a tap on the butt or the hand, or most often, clapping my hands really loudly to get his attention and instruct him. This is my opinion, but we have to remember that these are very precocious, impressionable, little people; and if it takes a light slap on the butt or the wrist, or holding his arms in front of me to get him to look at me and listen to what I am saying, that is what I will do. My child is an extremely far cry from miserable, and complete strangers compliment me on his manners - so am I doing wrong by teaching him manners in my own way, if at the end of the day we still love each other and he isn't scarred in any way? I honestly WISH the creative stuff would work on him, but he has his "father's" mind - and I'm the only one to enforce the rules, so sometimes a strong hand is required. I have a very loving, happy, and outgoing child, so I would say that I am not a terrible parent just because I have to get a little rude sometimes. We both understand the lines that he is not to cross, and he understands the consequences of crossing said lines. For instance, if he doesn't eat his dinner and wants cookies, he knows that if he wants those cookies, he has to eat the dinner. I have taught him this and no one else, and I do not appreciate anyone attacking my parenting simply because I do it differently. That said, Eve, if you would like to offer me any tips on creative parenting, I am open to suggestions. :) I love my child more than life itself, and if there is anything I can do to make both of our lives easier, then I am up for the challenge! Feel free to comment on my profile, or leave me a message (if that's possible on here) and give me some ideas, if you want. :) I would appreciate it and I'm sure it would be more fun to find a more creative way to discipline. it's hard to put him in a time out because the child can entertain himself with absoutely no outside influence lol! Now that I've stated my case, my son would like to crawl in my lap and have a hug/kiss fest, so I look forward to yours (and everyone elses') response(s). :) Have a great day, and thank you, Eve, and everyone for sharing your insight on this. TTFN :)

Rachel - posted on 02/25/2013

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Wow! This is disturbing. Control?!!! Scaring your kids and traumatizing them for life is how you get control?'! How about understanding them.. They are still learning. Please, try harder to be gentle. Spanking is hitting, which is abuse. Period.

Holly - posted on 02/24/2013

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I'm for it! There are only SO MANY times I can say "STOP IT!" before I have to figure out another way to get the message through. The good news is it's getting to where all I have to do is take a step toward him and he stops in his tracks. I love my child, but he can really grate on my nerves with this "testing" stage he's in!

Aida - posted on 02/24/2013

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Hello I am also pro spanking, I was spanked growing up, n yes I do spank my son when he is doing something wrong, he needs to know that I am the boss, I also turned out fine.

Eve - posted on 02/24/2013

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Side Note: no spanking does not mean no discipline, it just means more creative discipline

Eve - posted on 02/24/2013

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Hi Molly and the rest of the pro-spanking parents. I am a professional nanny, a parent of a 2 yr old-strong-willed girl and I also used to work in child protective services. I am not for spanking but I will share why. I do NOT think parents that spank are bad parents and it is true that spanking and beating are two different things. But here is why I differ from you, being a nanny I cannot raise my hand to the children in any manner. I have cared for kids for over 20 years now, there is always another way, it just takes a creative patient mind and will. But like I said before I am a professional and might have an easier time at it than most parents.
Although I would never tell another parent that they shouldn't spank, I do want all parents to understand that there are other ways, as I and many more have proven for years (I always get compliments on how well behaved my kids are).

Kaila - posted on 02/24/2013

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I am pro-spanking. I was when I was younger when it was needed. I've never been in trouble in my life and I'm 26. My daughter is 4 and she only gets spanked when she does things she knows not to do like coloring on the walls. She gets popped twice, and 5mins of corner time. After its said and done I or my spouse ask her, do you understand why you got in trouble.

Tiffany - posted on 02/20/2013

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I am pro spanking as well my son gets spanked when he is doing things that will ultimately harm himself or others and when he he has been disobedient..i use time out as well birth works d depending on the child

Jennifer - posted on 02/20/2013

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Glad to see that I am not alone in this. Beating is different from spanking. And yes, I do spank only after a lot of talking nice and lots of warning. And we talk a little after to make sure she understands why it happened.

Mikila - posted on 02/19/2013

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I don't like to use spanking as a first option, its more of a last resort. I use timeouts and take her stuff away. When the disrespect starts to come out, that's when she gets a spanking.

Donya - posted on 02/19/2013

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I am a pro spanking mom but I use it as a last resort, It is not my first punishment choice and I never do it while I am still angry. I have two children and 2 nieces and 2 nephews and 1 goddaughter. All of them know the rules and for some of them spanking is really rare.

Jamilah - posted on 02/19/2013

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I have worked in prisons/jails for many years. All the inmates I spoke to were spanked. Please don't fool yourselves into believing that spanking keeps kids from getting in to trouble. What these guys/girls didn't have was guidance, support, structure and opportunity. If you give your children these things you can take spanking out the equation and still raise a child who will turn into a healthy well adjusted adult.

David - posted on 02/18/2013

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hi im single father 10year old . recently spanked . but do i continue, and for how long, how do you spank, and how old , thks

Monica - posted on 02/18/2013

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My daughter is 21 years old and was spanked when necessary. Not very often I must say because I was consistent with disapline. What are your questions?

Wilma - posted on 02/17/2013

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I support negative reinforcement. Aka spank that behind. Some kids need to be reminded

Jennifer - posted on 02/17/2013

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I am pro spanking as well my son is 9 and I have spanked him three times in his life. Never hard or accessive and it only comes out if its a really necessary moment for the most part I will try every thing but spanking but have no problems pulling it out if need be

Rodcita - posted on 02/17/2013

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I'm a mom of 4 successful black children 1 Howard university grad who is a personnel banker, 1 Cornell university grad and masters degree from Georgetown, labor and public relations for the navy, 1 who is still in college to be a psychiatrist, 1 autistic child who is in school doing well
All grew up in a drug filled area. With a single parent who worked long hours. But with God first love second and a good ass whipping 3rd they chose to follow the correct path and be educated productive citizens

Mandelle - posted on 02/17/2013

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I am pro spanking n I have commented before, there is one rule when spanking.... U CAN NOT be angry when u do it! As I said before children can sense when it's discipline or being hurtful! If u are angry walk into another room n chill out then after proceed with the punishment.....
I was spanked as a child even for things I didn't do (gotta love little brothers...lol) I feel it made me respectful to my elders! N to this day I still am n always will be....
In over half of child abuse cases the parents are either on drugs, or drunk!

Rodcita - posted on 02/17/2013

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I'm a mom of 4 successful black children 1 Howard university grad who is a personnel banker, 1 Cornell university grad and masters degree from Georgetown, labor and public relations for the navy, 1 who is still in college to be a psychiatrist, 1 autistic child who is in school doing well
All grew up in a drug filled area. With a single parent who worked long hours. But with God first love second and a good ass whipping 3rd they chose to follow the correct path and be educated productive citizens

Erica - posted on 02/17/2013

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I am pro spanking. A lot of people get spanking and child abuse confused. I'm not one to spank my child as a way of disciplining for every thing, but certain situations warrent a spanking and is usually used as a last resort. I was spanked as a child and I don't feel that it has had a negative effect on me. I also feel that the government has too much control in how we raise our children, but the minute your child gets in trouble with the law or in school, they are quick to blame the parents for their child's behavior and lack of discipline. I also want to let my child know who is in charge and that I have control in this house. I refuse to be those parents on TV who are getting abused by their teenage kids because they didn't discipline their child(ren) at a young age and they are now out of control. At the age of 6, my daughter knows what the consequences of misbehaving and knows what will happen if she does.

Heather - posted on 02/17/2013

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I am the mother of a 5 year old boy. I do not spank. I was not spanked as a child. He is very well behaved. My son's father has antisocial personality disorder and I use at risk parenting techniques, which recommends against using hitting as a means of correction. I believe the true test of parenting abilities lies in the ability to disipline and control without using violence. That being said, I live in the south where many parents spank. So I think it is up to each parent to find what works. I wanted to share a very fameous quote about spanking: “I should like to tell all those clamouring for a more rigorous approach and tighter reins [in child discipline] what an old lady once told me. She was a young mother in the days when people still believed in the idea of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" — or rather, she didn't really believe in it, but one day when her little boy did something naughty, she decided he had to have a good hiding, the first one of his life. She told him to go out and find a suitably supple stick or rod for her to use. The little boy was away for a long time. He eventually came back in tears and announced: "I can't find a rod, but here's a stone you can throw at me." At which point his mother also burst into tears, because it had suddenly dawned on her how her little boy must have regarded what was about to happen. He must have thought: "My mum wants to hurt me, and she can do that just as well by throwing a stone at me." ” - Eleanor Roosevelt, the first chairperson of the UN Human Rights Commission.

Mandelle - posted on 02/17/2013

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There are plenty of ways to discipline your children. Most seem to think that spanking will instill fear in children n well it just depends on how U spank. Toddlers understand more than u think.... They will know the difference between Mom/Dad mean business and Mom/Dad are hurting me.... They can sense ur emotions! Toddlers will associate a spank with Mommy/Daddy said NO so long as u dont abuse ur child, it won't be fear, it will be respect! The child will grow to be respectful not only to their parents but to others...

Leanna - posted on 02/17/2013

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No, because there are much healthier forms if discipline over intimidation and fear. You might want to read on better alternatives. We live in 2013, and all should know better by this point.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2013

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I'm pro spanking but I currently can't spank my children bc my crazy jackass of an ex husband has CPS hot on my trail. I have to play by their rules until I get custody of the kids again and even then I have to be careful bc my ex has some serious screws loose....

Bev - posted on 02/17/2013

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No, I am not...I was very clear about guidelines. There are many things that can be pointed to as a precursor to abuse. I have counseled battered women and helped with their children. Children must have boundaries and some need more discipline than others - mine did not need much so were not spanked much. I am 63 years old, university educated and was offerend a membership in mensa, and most of my generation were spanked but seems to raise children with no self discipiline - not all, of course....it is not barbaric when used not in anger and only when all else fails (understood consequenses). Futher you will not that the poster wanted to talk with those that supported it not those with another agenda - there is 'research' to support any position especially with the internet. Do not scold me, you do not have the right. BTW, do you drink? stats are that you will abuse or neglect your children. Are you single and let your boyfriends stay over? wow read the stats on that......I could go on....but that is not the topic.

Robbyn - posted on 02/17/2013

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Bev, It may look like it works, but the research shows the risks for negative outcomes are very serious. Your children may be one of the lucky ones that have no negative outcomes, but that is not true for many, many children who are spanked. The risks are just too great to be promoting this as a method for other parents. You aim to help, but really what you are saying is potentially very destructive. Here's the research: http://stopspanking.org/2012/12/05/what-...

Did you know that parents who approve of spanking are 4 X more likely to abuse their children? Why? Because spanking increases your risk of taking it further. Did you know that 85% of all physical child abuse cases begin with an attempt to use spanking? 88 million Americans report being physically abused (not just spanked) as children. Spanking is the leading precursor to serious abuse. 1 out of 3 parents who spank use a spoon, a belt, or some other implement! You are supporting a barbaric practice that harms so many children. We need to stop telling parents that spanking is OK. It isn't.

Bev - posted on 02/17/2013

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I am pro spanking or was...mine are now 19 and 20....sometimes you just can't get their attention so they are redirected without it. ...Never in anger - ever...and always as a consequence they know they will get...except when they are really small and it is just a light smack with the hand to redirect.....

Shell - posted on 02/10/2013

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Whole-heartedly agree with you Katina..... The problem with the next generation is lack of discipline and a feeling of entitlement because of it! Spoiled rotten with no sense of responsibility and lacking empathy.

David - posted on 02/09/2013

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hi i agree with your coments i recently had to spank , what a reaction, made immediate response

Katina - posted on 02/09/2013

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Hello I am pro spanking. Nice to meet you. Discipline is a missing element in today's world.

Brandie - posted on 02/06/2013

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I am pro spanking as well. But only for things that warrant it. EX. Running in busy streets, totally out of control. I also use time outs and slaps to the hand. I use the "mom voice" as well. I don't believe spankings are needed all the time, but I do believe there are times when it is needed.

David - posted on 02/01/2013

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hello hope u well, things are good with me,the spanking really work,daughter more responsive.will i have spank again? dont know , how often u had to spank to start , and is it formal, thanks again

David - posted on 01/30/2013

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hi , how you , things seem good for me and daughter, she reminds me of spanking,. how often do you spank, daughter really responsive. as you say last resort , appreciate your in put

Robbyn - posted on 01/30/2013

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Here's a cool post on "Instead of Spanking, TRY THIS" https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/312377_602695599757080_370186607_n.jpg

David - posted on 01/30/2013

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hi thats good to hear you are strong person, i m single dad, would like some advise

David - posted on 01/28/2013

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hello .may i ask are you married, if so who do most of spanking, and where are you from ,

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2010

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I am a pro spanking mom however I have limits and rules that help the situation stay under control. I give my children a warning the 123 but I never back down, I am consistent, if I get to three they get a spanking; most of the time by the time I get to 2 they have complied. I have a three lick rule that I don’t break regardless of the offense and it helps me keep a line drawn so I know I am disciplining not abusing my children. I have to admit I struggled with this in the beginning with my first child. When he was three he had hit his little sister in the head with a toy and I popped his butt and told him not to hit her. He looked at me and said, "Mommy you are not supposed to hit people." So I cringed...Was I reinforcing the behavior by spanking him? But as time went on I realized that there are times when spanking is needed to show I mean business. I am now a single mother of four and am proud to say my kids are well behaved. I use spanking when it is needed but I am not reluctant when it is.

Gina - posted on 06/09/2010

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YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. I am a pro spanking mom. I was spanked and I'm still alive, smart, happy and healthy. me and my kids' fathers have very bad tempers and are very stubborn and it really comes out in the kids to. and as a single mom of 3 who also babysits 4 other kids and all of them range from 1 to 6 years of age I need them to know that I am boss. I only spank my own but it shows the other that I do mean business and not to mess with me. As long as the line between discipline and abuse isn't crossed spank away.

Nareeda - posted on 06/07/2010

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i am a pro spanking mom, i am a single 23 yr old with 3 kids (2 boys nearly 6&7 1 girl 3) and i think if i didn't spank my child when they deserved it then my house would be a horrible place to live. the other day i was at the shops and my daughter threw a temper tantrum and through herself on the floor, i gave her to the count of 3 to get up and hold my hand or i was going to smack her bottom, i ended up having to smack her and i was abused by a lady telling me i was a horrible mother, yet on the other hand praised by an elderly lady saying it was good to see young mothers disciplining their children.. so i say "YES"

Jen - posted on 06/05/2010

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I am a pro spanking mom as well. I'm a single mother of two. I've got a 2 year old daughter who gets spanked when she needs to be. She knows when she does wrong so she needs a form of punishment that will show her that she's not in control and it will also keep her out of harms way. My other daughter is only 5 monthes so she has a while before she gets that sort of punishment. I'm glad that I'm not the only one out there that is a pro spanking mom. lol

Rotacha - posted on 05/20/2010

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Definetly a pro spanking mom!! It's biblical!! The bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child", now that doesn't mean beat your child til their near death (lol). My daughter is 10 now, but when she was a toddler I definetly popped her hands, or legs when she got out of control or disobeyed. Again I have to reference the bible, "Train up a child in the way he shall go, and when he is. old he shall not depart from it." With that said, I have spanked her in years. Now, all I have to do is raise my voice or use a certain tone and she gets right in line.

[deleted account]

I'm definitely a pro spanking mom. My girls got it more than a few times when they were young, first with my hand and as they got older and still acted up the belt was used to teach them a lesson. Sure helped! they are happy and healthy young ladies now.

[deleted account]

Hello!! Thank GOD you all are pro spanking moms as well. Kids today have no respect for authority and they are getting away with way too much. I have heard too many arguments that it hurts their self esteem but I don't agree. I was spanked (a lot) and my self esteem is fine. I spank my son when needed but I am honestly afraid to do so because people get too nosy and all it takes is one phone call. My son knows at home anything goes but out in public I am more reserved.

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