Any pro spanking moms?

Danielle - posted on 01/19/2013

i just saw how that looked my friends dont spank alot i have alot of friends who spank

Danielle - posted on 01/19/2013

hi kristi
thank you for your kind words thats all i was trying to say and yes i live in a horrible place im trying to get out no ive never used spanking but i dont look down on those that do i like to think im a good mom my son is my life right now the baby i nanny for is only 5 months old but the father believes in spanking and the mom does not so they asked me what i thinki told them the truth i dont really believe in it for me but a swat or 2 is fine to and as long as you are not being abusive that is something as parents you have to decide just remember i have her 50 hrs a week and i wont spank her they laughed lol im just saying anyway as i said i have friends you spank lots actually and they no how i feel i love them and i love thier kids and the funny thing is one of them is who my son would go to if something ever happened to me anyway i guess im just chatting now i do have to say though if i did believe in spanking it would be some of the teens around me a couple of boys were blocking the side walk i said exscuse me one turned around and said f u old lady btw im25 im not old just had to grow up very fast most of my friends are in thier 40s any way i just stared at him ok so im wasting time thank you again for the kind words

Kristi - posted on 01/19/2013

Danielle--

As a "pro-spanker" and a repeat poster/defender of appropriate use of spanking as a part of a discipline "bag of tricks," if you, like Kim mention, I must say it is very refreshing to have someone with an opposing view be so respectful.

I very much agree that using the Bible as an excuse to hit/spank/abuse children is incredibly pathetic. God never wants us to harm our children. I'm sorry you live in such a sad, abusive neighborhood. I can't imagine the pain and fear you feel in your heart.

You also find that the majority of us don't believe the only way to raise a good kid is to spank them. It is more an argument to the parents whose children are out of control, disrespectful, doing poorly in school, etc who complain that they don't know what to do, they tried time outs, grounding, taking the Xbox away. That's when spankers are like, well smack his ass.

Most of don't believe that spanking is effective after ages 10-13 because they usually have better reasoning skills and many times are physically, close to the size of an adult.

Also as Kim said, most parents set the rules and the consequences ahead of time so the kids know what to expect. As for toddlers, we usually give a quick smack during a tantrum to get their attention but that's after we've tried all the obvious solutions first.

I think it is awesome that you have not needed to use spanking. You sound like a wonderful person and loving mother. Thank you for sharing your point of view.

Danielle - posted on 01/19/2013

oh and although mean yelling is the least abusive thing you can do trust me when i say this

Danielle - posted on 01/19/2013

kim plenty of people have told me if i just beat him he wouldnt be autistic but aside from that of the 300 somethin kids ive cared for including my own i have never raised my voice or hit them i never said spanking was abuse but you are hitting your kids thats a fact you think yelling is bad i agree but i think hitting can be worse i work with abused children also and most kids i work with are to young to stop the abuse but i had a 16 yr old whos mom started out with a swat and when she realized she could controll him that way only got worse anyway when i asked why he never left (it took going to the hosiptal with a broken coller bone) he said i just wanted her to love me so no i cant condone spanking at all does that mean i think everyone thats swats every now and then is a bad parent no as mentioned before i have friends that spank and we talk ver openly about it however i have a big problem with people who look down on those of us that choose not to hit our kids thats all i was saying it was not directed toward you or anyone else personally

Kim - posted on 01/19/2013

Danielle, I do not think anyone here would condone hitting an autistic child! I have posted here before, i have 4 adult children Ages ranging from 32-26. All were spanked, all were loved. Spanking was ONE form of punishemnt used. To me the most abusive thing to do to a child is to yell at them all the time. My kids knew ahead of time what behavior would get them a spanking. So it was not surprise! Because you spank your child does not mean you abuse your child. It's funny alot of the folk on here who say they do not spank....can be found yelling at their poor kids :(.

Danielle - posted on 01/19/2013

i believe spanking is wrong but to each is own however please stop using God to justive ur choice to spank/hit your kids a rod was a staff used to lead cattle in bibical time not hiting i know no one is going to agree with this and im fine with that i live in a neighborhood where children get spanked all the time and then join gangs and do drugs the people doing this are people from our generation who were spanked are now doin it to there kids im not talking about a swat on the bottom im talking about those that do nothing but beat their kids so they never have an opinion or anything before you as i raised 2 children that wernt mine and am now the single mom of abeautiful 4yr old ive also been a nanny for 12 years i have friends you spank and i love then just the same they are good people and parents but please dont make it seem like the only time a child goes bad is if they are not spanked also every situation is different my 4 year old flips out hes also autistic and no amount of beating is gonna change that fact anyway this was just to give a different view not to put anyone down or start any fights God bless you all put your children first they are gifts from GOD

Kristi - posted on 01/07/2013

104! Yuck! I'd have to stay inside with the air conditioner! Tell me you have that! Lol I could use a little sun though...it's dark and gloomy and rainy here in WA State. Xp

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2013

I don't like to over-spank, but if time outs aren't hitting the spot, then I'll go a step further. Not the first punishment I use (except in dangerous situations - running in streets/parking lots, etc), but it is used when the time is right.

Claire - posted on 01/07/2013

Leave you, my American Beauty? :)

Nah, Mum in law just sold her house, quick settlement- 2 wks to go!!- so i have been in Melbourne a lot. Of course it's summer and the average temp for the last week is around 104! Living the dream, no really lol

Kristi - posted on 01/07/2013

I thought you left me, Claire! Lol

Claire - posted on 01/06/2013

Katie, Jamie,

It's so lovely to hear from you and about your parenting style! Both posts reflect the majority's thinking on this thread.

Katie,

I agree! People ought to have the right to discipline their children- as parent, we're the only ones that know exactly how to deal with naughty behaviour.
I believe a touch of fear is healthy. To me, that tiny bit translates to respect and it's evident in my own children.

Nice to have you both onboard!

Jamie - posted on 01/06/2013

I am Pro Spanking. When i grew up I got a belt or a switch when I misbehaved. I wont do that to my child but I will spank them, pop their hands, stick em in a corner, take their things away, early bedtimes etc. The only way children will respect is if they know its not ok to get away with everything and all actions have a consequence. I will not allow my kids to run over me or tell me no or what they are and arent gonna do. I would have had swollen lips and a sore butt for a month if I even thought about acting the way these kids now a day act! If my kid does wrong I will let them know and they will get a punishment whether it be a spanking, a time out, loss of privileges ect. I have to be the one who deals with my kids when they hit the older years and people done realize it but being easy on them when they are 3 and 4 years old or what ever really does impact them as they grow. if you let your kid get away with writing on walls at age 4 then at age 5 they may think its ok to continue doing it and do it in school or at someone elses home and as they get older it can continue to progress. I remember the things I didnt do as a kids and a teen and I am not gonna let my kids make those mistakes!

Katie - posted on 01/05/2013

I am pro spanking. I just posted on a post if they think that right should be taken away from us. No, that is my answer. You loose all respect from your children if they do not fear you in a small way. Hit them in the face or grab them by arms or other body parts NO! Hit them with anything other than your hand, NO. But spanking them on their bottom as children and sending them to timeout, the corner or grounding them from their favorite toy or activity. YES.

Kristi - posted on 01/04/2013

David--

I apologize for being so harsh. Usually the men that show up on here are jerks and are just looking to insult or bash us.

You have an incredible story which inspires hope and the power of God's love. I am sorry for the abuse you suffered. No child should ever have to go through something like that especially at the hands of his mother, the one person he/she is supposed to be able to count on to protect them and love them unconditionally.

It sounds like you have done an amazing job with your daughter and you didn't let the cycle of abuse continue. Single parenting is hard work but I think even more so when you have a child(ren) of the opposite sex for exactly what you said about puberty. I don't think I would have been very comfortable hearing about female changes and issues from my dad either. ; ) It sounds like you have a good support system.

Again, I'm really sorry I snapped at you. It was unfair of me to judge you. I hope you see this message and I wish you and your family the very best.

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2013

My youngest is like that, he has a high tolerance for pain, so when I'd spank him with my hand, he would laugh at me and go back to what he was doing. Time outs didn't work, as he can put up hour-long power struggles. Taking things away from him didn't work, as he would go on a frenzy smashing his stuff, or screaming and yelling and smashing his head into the floor.

My child is diagnosed with ADHD and ODD...and while these are brought on by bad parenting, sometimes, my son has been inflicted with this since he was in the womb...lol.

Now that he is 11, I find myself not having to spank him much anymore. Now, I can bargain (and discipline him) with his video games and money...lol.

Kristi - posted on 01/04/2013

Well David--

First of all, according to the rules of this site men/dads are not supposed to be commenting on here, as this is supposed to be a safe haven for women/moms to come and share anything/everything with other women/moms without interference from men.

Second, if you bothered to read further, you'd have read that the large majority of "pro spankers" don't agree or even need to spank after the of 10ish.

Third, if your daughter is pregnant at 16, I'd say you have more important issues to focus on.

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2013

16 years of age is too old to be spanking children, in my opinion. I think the oldest age I spanked my children was around 12. Once they reach their teen years, I think it becomes more important to help them use their mind for logic and reasoning. I also think a lot of it depends on the child, per se. If she's pregnant, then she's got one foot in the door of adulthood, and she is going to have to grow up very quickly. I especially don't advice spanking someone who is pregnant, either.

Kristi - posted on 01/02/2013

Once again Robbyn, we all believe there is a difference between abuse and spanking. "Tradition" is not why most of us use spanking as PART of our disciplining program or what have you. We use it based on EXPERIENCE and EFFECTIVENESS. As I will never speak for all of us, I would wager that the vast majority of us don't make decisions that will have such a lasting impact on our children based on tradition.

Unfortunately and tragically, abuse can and has become a cycle. In other cases, where there has been no previous abuse or even spankings, violence and/or abuse can erupt from a parent or child for any number of reasons. Which is another reason we've repeatedly stated that spanking might not be effective or even needed for everyone.

Nobody on here is trying to force anyone else to spank their child.

Robbyn - posted on 01/01/2013

You might believe in spanking, but Science is not on your side. I trust science over tradition, particularly if the tradition is rooted in violence. Normally we growing up believing a lot of things, but it is important to question where those beliefs came from.

Angela - posted on 01/01/2013

I think that if done when you are not angry and you discuss why they are being spanked then yes! I most definitely believe in spanking. But not for just anything.

Christine Elizabeth - posted on 12/30/2012

Im here, Whats up?

Jessie - posted on 12/27/2012

I'm not for spanking for every little infraction, but there are times when only a spanking works to get your point across. My 10yo daughter knows that I am not opposed to spanking her butt if she gets too far out of line, but I always try other consequences first. If the issue escalates to spanking, which rarely happens, she knows she's reached the breaking point.

Kristi - posted on 12/27/2012

Oh goodnees...that sounds terribly overwhelming!

The hitting at daycare is pretty normal, I think. Kids that age tend to start testing their limits and likely not wanting to share. Children may mimic that behavior once or twice but usually is not really aggressive and is easily corrected at home and at day care. What you are going through with your child sounds quite different.

One of my friend's daughters would have major temper tantrums when she was around age 4-7 or 8. Generally she was a good natured, happy kid but every so often...BAM! She would go nuts. She suddenly had the strength of 10 men. Screaming, yelling, hitting, kicking, biting, pulling her hair, anyone's hair, throwing anything and everything she could get her little hands on. My friend would get a hold of her and basically pulled her daughter tight against her, wrapped her arms around her little body and arms and then she sat down and wrapped her legs around her daughter's legs. She just held on to her until her daughter wore herself out and fell asleep. She would sometimes have to battle her for hours and sometimes she would lose her grip and then she would have to somehow get a hold of her again.

I urged her to get professional help, as well. She did go but my friend is not good about following through on things. They went a few times but not long enough to accomplish anything. But she's 10 now and seems to have out grown them or worked through whatever was causing them because apparently she isn't having them any more.

Don't be too hard on yourself for being angry and screaming at your child. Any honest, imperfect parent will admit that at some point, they (we) have done the same. If a person has not walked a mile in another person's shoes, then they have no right to judge that person. Don't bottle up your feelings and frustrations though. Talk to friends or family, exercise, bake, anything that you enjoy and will relieve your stress.

Nessi - posted on 12/26/2012

thanks for you suggestion,yes here it seems something different going on with my doughter, which I have some explanation for that, but the only thing I had tried from the begining with my relation with my doughter been just love, she has almost everything she needs to and even more ...I always hug her and kiss her and tell her look at me, momy want to say something to you:" I love you for ever, and you are everything in my life" almost 80 persent of my time at home is spending time and playing with her after she comes back home from daycare, almost too many attention.
her father is at home almost alot, but sitting in front of computer in a seprate room and just encourage her with watching TV, which always make us quarralel with eachother since I do not want her to wath TV more than 2 hours.
my husband does not hit me or she has never experienced hitting or bad behaviour at home , but unfortunatly at daycare... it has happened maybe 10 reported times in htis year which different kids has hit her and she had no reaction over them, it seems she is affraied of something to say no to kids there, in daycare, tried to talk to daycare personals manytimes , before she starts hitting me but got no time.... now it is two months that she I guess over react somthing at home and on me most , also on her father... like just jump on oss, even she knows it is painfull or throw stuffs to me, and sometimes even her father...
I have tried my best to keep calm and tel her to stop be violent untill I got mad and scereamed on her with a high temper angerness...since she does never listen to me!
the other things is that I almost shuted at my daughter alot in my behaviour since I always had problem with her since she says No with almost everything I want she does, like:
eating, getting dressed, changing dyper , taking shower, brushing her teeth, changing dress to bed time, washing their hands after comming back home from outsid, do not eat icecream alomost everyday and so on... almost anything...
I had only hard time with her.
she does not talk with anybody but with me and her father.
people tell me she is not social, and even I noticed she is not nice to people who visit oss , which happens rarely!

Kristi - posted on 12/26/2012

Nessi--

I'm sorry you are experiencing such a difficult and emotionally painful time with your child. I'm not exactly what advice to give here as this sounds like something that goes deeper than simple behavioral issues we (collectively) generally have discipline and sometimes spank for. In this case I would definitely advise against spanking. The majority of us who spank, just give a swat or two to make their bums sting a little to get their attention and make them think twice when they are warned with a spank in the future.

From what you posted, it sounds like your child would laugh it off and maybe even see it as a challenge. Is there a father in the picture? Does he take part in the discipline? I'm no professional, but if this is a regular or semi-regular occurance, I might suggest enlisting professional help. I wish you the best and don't give up...keep pushing until you find the answers and get the help you need to have a stable, loving relationship with your child. God bless.

Nessi - posted on 12/26/2012

I try my best not to use spanking tools... but now I am involving in a serious struggling with my toddler girl who hits me hatefully, and she drives me crazy with her missbehaviour which at some point I was about to hit her back seriously to stop her beating me .. almost in 3 hours in bed time!!!!!
but it does not work either since when i hold her hands and told her stop beating me and put pepper on her lips , she just laghed at me and told me not yet!!!!!

Kristi - posted on 12/26/2012

Actually, his mom did not have anything to do with Sandy Hook Elementary. Those initial reports were incorrect. She was in marketing or finance, I believe, but had quit her job to home school and work with the little fucker because of his inability to fit in and get along all right at school. One of her neighbors said she was very dedicated to him.

If those in his community, his own father and now the police and psychological experts can't figure out what was going on with this kid, there is no way in hell any of the rest of us should dare assume what his childhood was like or to what kind of mother Nancy Lanza was or if any of us could have done any better with him. (Leaving unlocked guns aside)

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday, whatever you believe. ; )

Claire - posted on 12/25/2012

Robbyn,

Did the Sandy Hook murderer experience a toxic childhood? Was it in a newspaper (media 'credibility' zero, own agenda 10/10)?

Unless you're a close relative, with intimate experience with that man, you know nothing of what his life was like. Australian papers said he had a fairly normal upbringing, but his parents split up when he was 10+ (?) or something to that effect. But is that gospel? Not to me.

From the outside looking in, this fella had more going on than we know. His killing the mother with more than one or two shots suggests he held her responsible for his feelings.
The violence against the school suggests he held the school responsible in some way. Was mum more work oriented than he needed her to be? Is that why it became personal between himself and the other children (possibly perceived by him as 'taking his mum away from him' when she belonged at home, looking after him)?
Was he jealous of the seemingly perfect childhoods of the other children- but unaware or unable- to make the connection that life is never perfect, for everyone included?
HIs level of maturity may have been a factor. Some children never get over that one cataclysmic childhood event, ie, death of family member, divorce, abuse. Some people retain the childhood persona that was present at the time of the event and it remains as their filter of the outside world when they enter adulthood. Whilst persona is an 'interface', it has strong fundamental personality characteristics.
Schizophrenia could also be an issue. Some people don't display any symptoms other than 'grandiose egotism' which can be seen simply as youthful narcissism (and don't we all know of some teenager like that?? Or remember our own inflated sense of self importance as a young'un?).

I can go on, but this annual Cognac is getting to me.

Merry Christmas to us all, and those who have gone on before us.

Kristi - posted on 12/22/2012

Yes Robbyn--you know he was spanked and neglected.

Robbyn - posted on 12/22/2012

Sandy Hook is so heartbreaking, but in most cases the child has been born with vulnerabilities into a home life that is full of toxic stress. It is the first few years of life, 0 - 5 that really matter the most. The effects of child abuse and neglect early on often do not show up until much later, because the damage to the development of the brain is lasting and complex.

http://stopspanking.org/2012/12/15/how-c...

I think one thing we can do to stop the violence is to stop condoning any form of hitting children and promote positive, respectful discipline that effective (not to be confused with passive parenting.)

Claire - posted on 12/18/2012

Exactly what we mean, Celine! :)

The majority of us use a smack on the toosh AND passive measure (for most of us, it sounds like we use passive techniques first... A smack being the final word on the matter).

Glad to hear your son is responding well to your method. :):)

Celine Danielle - posted on 12/18/2012

I am pro spanking, but when it works and is appropriate. IF you are just spanking for everything, it becomes excessive and inaffective, my opinion. However, corporal punishment worked for me, but for my son I could spank his bare butt n he wouldnt cry lnger than one minute and he was back doing what he got spanked for. So we had to find another discipline tool, so we now take away his favorite toy or cut the cartoons off. This works great for him and us, he's being more obedient and easier to control!!!

Kristi - posted on 12/17/2012

Sandy Hook is incomprehensible. I mean everybody is working around the clock to figure out why. There is absolutely no answer to that question.

We also have people screaming for tighter gun control and more security in schools. But in this case neither of those would have or could have prevented this horror. Connecticut has some of the strictest gun laws in our country. The killer, who lived with his mother, used guns that belonged to her and were legally purchased and registered. In addition, he had to break into the school because in order to get in at all someone has to buzz you in. Had there been a security guard there, he would just be another among the dead.

However, I do NOT see any logical reason for a civilian to own an assault rifle, like the one used in this case, in the recent mall shooting in Oregon and in the mass murder in Colorado movie theater. I also don't think a person should be able to walk into a gun show and buy any weapon(s) they want without a background check, a mental health review and repeated gun and safety training.

I do suffer from mental illness and I have since I was 15. The stigma does suck. As soon as people find out that I'm "sick" then all of a sudden anything I say becomes less credible. If something upsets me, it's just me being dramatic or over reacting, my problem isn't legit. One of my daughter's friends wasn't allowed to come over any more after her mom found out that that is why I am on disability.

Obama was right in his speech today when he said we, as a nation have to change. Human life has become far too expendable.

So...I'm just a little off topic! I'm still pro spanking! ; )

Claire - posted on 12/16/2012

Many children would do the same thing HFA or not! The flip side to saying someone has mental health issues is the 'we must contain it quicksmart' approach. Some act like it's contagious, I know.
That stigma is the other person's issue! But because they don't have a similar label, your son was the 'problem' one. I have a girlfriend who is constantly belittled or disregarded because of her Clinical Depression. As soon as a doctor hears her mention that or reads another doctor's notes, they treat her as a lesser person and sweep her physical ailments under the carpet.
I had no idea it was as bad as she claimed, but after seeing a doctor's reaction to her case notes (and I argued with him big time about her objectivity and his treatment of her) I fully understood where she was coming from.

We'll be sending 'em to school in Kevlar Sumo Suits, soon! And Stackhats!

Re Human Services et al. When I first started, I met a nice Children's Court lawyer and we went out for drinks. He knew I was in the field but when I told him I was a Social Worker with a Human Services he said,'My my. How did you land a job there? You don't come across as an over-privileged, arrogant, private school lesbian!'
The guy was quite a comedian. When I told him where I lived he said,'Oh, right. And do you push a pram?'
I got too tired to finish the date after that!

Claire - posted on 12/16/2012

Kristi,

So very sad re the Sandy Hook massacre. How brave the teachers and children were. What an awful thing to happen... Ave atque vale. Hail, and farewell.

Conversely, our gun laws are so tight, you dare not fart near a copper. Anything higher than a speeding fine, and my husband would lose his. He owns a .22 and a .44. These are classed in two different categories, 'cause the .44 is a higher calibre. He has to re-apply for a licence renewal tri-annually, coppers can come in unannounced to check the gun safe, bullets must be stored in another area under lock n key, and no one other than defence force personnel can have semi and automatic rifles. Even amoured money vehicles only have pump action shotguns. Security guards can have a handgun but they must be stored in a home with electronic security and the safe hardwired. Private handgun owners must have a permit for every pistol and they must not be removed from the gun club where they stay in lockdown until you go onto the gun club range for target shooting. If you don't use the range a certain amount, the police can acquire and dispose of them at their discretion.
So you can imagine how our jaws dropped when we saw 'Bowling for Columbine' by Michael Moore. A free - LOADED!!- .22 with every bank account opened!! And the look on the manager's face when Moore asked,'Don't you think it's dangerous to give a loaded gun to someone you just met in a bank?" (Or something to that effect). Bizarre... to us!
Yep, tighten the gun laws and at the same time, boost mental health funding. But the Right wing have Congress, don't they? Oh dear. Anyone for tea n biscuits, disenfranchised mentally ill people? Let's have a good chat instead...

Spine! I've seen abscesses around the nappy area to the pelvis and the stench... uggh. The mother had a mental disability and was scared of doctors. She packed the wound with a plastic backed bib. She eventually got the child back and I've always wondered if her support system held up; did the grandma ensure her daughter took her tablets, that the toddler was adequately cared for... Just the natural act of death, grandma's death, would have sent that child back to the dark place from whence she came. Frankly, there wasn't enough funding to pay for a person who just checks up on 'closed' cases once in a while.
And that is in the same basket as a smack on the bum. Our system is just the same.
(Please note that I don't hold the case in the same light as someone who does not have a mental illness. Mental illness impairs judgment and reason so I see the ill parent as less culpable).

As one wannabe Aussie politician, John Elliot, said, 'Australia is the arse end of the world'. :)
Simply, he's a bogan with money. And a map. :)
I, however, am a bogan with no money! (Like a hick, dare I say it.. lol). :):) it must be a Southerner thing lol...

Kristi - posted on 12/16/2012

Um...I don't know where the hell you guys are! I feel totally left out! Lol

We still have "rights" over here but teachers don't and kids are so entitled they call CPS and complain they are being abused. 9 times out of 10 the idiots leave the children that are really being abused and neglected with their horrible parents! For example, CPS had been called 5 times on this one parent and they did nothing. Finally someone called the police instead, they found a baby surrounded in his own waste, flies all around him and when they picked him up the lower part of his skin, near his bottom, was gone. His spine was exposed.

But in the schools, if students are fighting or have attacked a teacher, the teacher cannot intervene or respond physically because they could be sued and arrested for assault on a minor! So either way someone is getting the snot knocked out of them and teachers have to sit there and watch or take it until police arrive.

Talk about jacked!

Claire - posted on 12/16/2012

Love the city of churches :) dunno why Melbourne's media like engender animosity towards S.A. Maybe people feel second best 'cause S.A. did a better job with the G.P.?
We wanted to go up to Eyre but hubby can't take the time off. If we go driving I'd want to see all the touristy stuff. Isn't there a big Lobster and those subterrain lake/ caves- The Piccininnies??- in S.E. S.A.?
I can take EVERYTHING off my oldest- incidentally the one who has been smacked- but it has no effect. ONE day she'll listen!

Claire - posted on 12/15/2012

Morgan,

I am a former Social Worker (Psychology) and Division 2 nurse. It's been assault in Australia- as is using a wooden spoon (or another implement) on the buttocks- for quite some time.

Kristi, Terri,

Fanks guys, for sticking up for me. eHugs coming atcha!

Terri, sooo true regarding parental rights. Don't even get me started on the justice system- juvenile AND adult.. Bleeding heart civil libbers...ugh!

I'm in the Victorian High Country. Where are you?

Just reading a young adult book by Aussie author Scot Gardener. Kevin the Plumber rocks!
So realistic, LOL funny to grave sobriety. Has a drug scene (wish it didn't- the 12yo would've loved it).

Kristi - posted on 12/15/2012

Heather--

So glad to hear the clarification on the mouth smacking! I totally get a little swat for the disrespectful language or cuss word.

I used soap when they were little but I just rubbed the bar on their tongue like 2 swipes or if it was liquid I put a drop on my finger and rubbed it around my finger until it was just coated so nothing would drip and then I would rub my finger on their tongue.

Morgan--just for future reference Claire is reliable. : )

Morgan - posted on 12/15/2012

Terri, be sure you are getting your information from a totally reliable source. In America there are a lot of people who will tell you what the law is whether they have any idea or not. I assume Australia is similar in that regard.

Terri - posted on 12/12/2012

I only just found out that the soap in the mouth is assault in Australia and I live here!! WTF?? Ooops better stick to pepper I guess LOL

Claire - posted on 12/12/2012

Heather,



Yep, assault. I have never done it - i remember my own retching afterwards, too! Aye, watched what I said, though!

Reply more when I have the time. Say, 10 years? lol

Heather - posted on 12/12/2012

To Tammy Allen



Firstly. Do not judge people who parent differntly to the way you do. We all do things diffently.



Secondly, do not tar us all with the same brush. I was smacked as a child, regulary because I was NAUGHTY. I have had no ill affects from it. I enjoy a lovely relationship with my parents. I didnt grow up into a criminal or go to jail. I am a highly qualified Nursing Home Manager :)



Secondly, I know many people who grew up without spanking, and to be honest I would be ashamed to call them my children. They are spoilt, rude and have no concept of self dicipline. One was at university, had his own life a gf ext..... until he got caught doing cocaine and got kicked out of uni...... he now lives in council accomodation on the dole.



We all do things differently and just because you dont belive in spanking doesnt mean you can condone people who do.



I hope you have found other effective dicipline techniques so your child doesnt end up a uni dropout, doledossing coke head :)

Heather - posted on 12/12/2012

Really? Assult?



I remember my mother doing that to me when i was younger and i was violently sick afterwards because of the taste of the soap, and wouldnt want to do that to my boy. It did teach me a lesson though and I watched what I said afterwards.



I dont snack his mouth with enough force to harm him, its the same kind of smack you'd get on the back of your hand, I have never hurt him doing this but i feel it re-enforces NOT to be rude. It works for me because it makes him think about what he is saying before he says it knowing he may get a smack if it is rude.



I wouldnt like to put my hand over his mouth, this for me is not something i would do. I know how this feels to have this done, in a more severe way and it is not nice, so wouldnt want to inflict it on him.

We all have different parenting styles and its interesting to read and get new ideas by reading others posts.

MONIQUE - posted on 12/11/2012

Hi Molly ,

I'm a single Mom of one daughter and I whole-heartedly believe in spanking. My child is almost eight now and I haven"t had to spank her in months ,but as a toddler i would give her a couple pats only on the backside and never with a belt,(like I got). I feel there is a need to let them know whose in charge, and to have a lil healthy fear of Mommy to prevent her from going out and doing things she has no business doing later on .

Claire - posted on 12/11/2012

Heather,



I agree with all your methods but not smacking across the mouth.



I put my hand across my (12yo) daughter's mouth and tell her ,'If you can't speak nicely, don't speak at all.' She is then put in her room until she cools down. 9/10 times comes out contrite and apologetic.



But Lord! How I wish I could wash it out with soap sometimes! (Considered assault in Australia).

Kristi - posted on 12/11/2012

Wow Heather, I am a major advocate on here and maybe it sounds worse than what actually happens but back handing a kindergarten or first grader sounds pretty extreme. I've been back handed by someone twice my size and it hurt like mo fo. But I do agree with all of your other examples.

Heather - posted on 12/10/2012

My son is 5 and a half.



If for example he has drawn on his walls he would get ALL pens. crayons, felttips, paper ect conviscated.



If he has hit another child then he has 6 minutes in his bedroom, a toy conviscated and MUST go any say sorry to the person he has hurt.



If he has run into the road, put my mobile phone in the fish tank or is down and out rude to me then yes he gets a smack.



For rudeness, this is a sharp backhanded smack against his mouth, for the other 2 it is 3 hard smacks on the naked buttock.



Some people may agree, some people may disagree HOWEVER there is a HUGE difference in smacking a child and beating them.



I was smacked as a child and grew up perfectly well with no side affects and enjoy a lovely relationship with my parents.



There are somethings that a child does, that need renforcing with a hard, sharp, smack to ensure that they DO NOT do it again.



For example at 18 months my son sitting on the sofa beside me, suddenly for no reason at all bit me VERY hard on the top of my arm, leaving teeth marks, blood and a BIG bruise.

I immediately bit (Hardish, but not to cause LOTS of pain) his thumb. With a loud " YOU DO NOT BITE, OWCH, its hurts doesnt it"



MY son has NEVER BITTEN me again EVER.

Christie - posted on 12/08/2012

I am pro spanking as well. Its not something I have to.do often but my baby knows what the spank soon is!

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2010

I am a pro spanking mom however I have limits and rules that help the situation stay under control. I give my children a warning the 123 but I never back down, I am consistent, if I get to three they get a spanking; most of the time by the time I get to 2 they have complied. I have a three lick rule that I don’t break regardless of the offense and it helps me keep a line drawn so I know I am disciplining not abusing my children. I have to admit I struggled with this in the beginning with my first child. When he was three he had hit his little sister in the head with a toy and I popped his butt and told him not to hit her. He looked at me and said, "Mommy you are not supposed to hit people." So I cringed...Was I reinforcing the behavior by spanking him? But as time went on I realized that there are times when spanking is needed to show I mean business. I am now a single mother of four and am proud to say my kids are well behaved. I use spanking when it is needed but I am not reluctant when it is.

Gina - posted on 06/09/2010

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. I am a pro spanking mom. I was spanked and I'm still alive, smart, happy and healthy. me and my kids' fathers have very bad tempers and are very stubborn and it really comes out in the kids to. and as a single mom of 3 who also babysits 4 other kids and all of them range from 1 to 6 years of age I need them to know that I am boss. I only spank my own but it shows the other that I do mean business and not to mess with me. As long as the line between discipline and abuse isn't crossed spank away.

Nareeda - posted on 06/07/2010

i am a pro spanking mom, i am a single 23 yr old with 3 kids (2 boys nearly 6&7 1 girl 3) and i think if i didn't spank my child when they deserved it then my house would be a horrible place to live. the other day i was at the shops and my daughter threw a temper tantrum and through herself on the floor, i gave her to the count of 3 to get up and hold my hand or i was going to smack her bottom, i ended up having to smack her and i was abused by a lady telling me i was a horrible mother, yet on the other hand praised by an elderly lady saying it was good to see young mothers disciplining their children.. so i say "YES"

Jen - posted on 06/05/2010

I am a pro spanking mom as well. I'm a single mother of two. I've got a 2 year old daughter who gets spanked when she needs to be. She knows when she does wrong so she needs a form of punishment that will show her that she's not in control and it will also keep her out of harms way. My other daughter is only 5 monthes so she has a while before she gets that sort of punishment. I'm glad that I'm not the only one out there that is a pro spanking mom. lol

Rotacha - posted on 05/20/2010

Definetly a pro spanking mom!! It's biblical!! The bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child", now that doesn't mean beat your child til their near death (lol). My daughter is 10 now, but when she was a toddler I definetly popped her hands, or legs when she got out of control or disobeyed. Again I have to reference the bible, "Train up a child in the way he shall go, and when he is. old he shall not depart from it." With that said, I have spanked her in years. Now, all I have to do is raise my voice or use a certain tone and she gets right in line.

Gerta - posted on 05/18/2010

I'm definitely a pro spanking mom. My girls got it more than a few times when they were young, first with my hand and as they got older and still acted up the belt was used to teach them a lesson. Sure helped! they are happy and healthy young ladies now.

Courtney - posted on 03/28/2010

Hello!! Thank GOD you all are pro spanking moms as well. Kids today have no respect for authority and they are getting away with way too much. I have heard too many arguments that it hurts their self esteem but I don't agree. I was spanked (a lot) and my self esteem is fine. I spank my son when needed but I am honestly afraid to do so because people get too nosy and all it takes is one phone call. My son knows at home anything goes but out in public I am more reserved.