Any pro spanking moms?

Molly - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 1289 moms have responded )

8

70

1

Hello, I would like to chat with other like minded moms or dads who are pro spanking.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

1289 Comments

View replies by

Robbyn - posted on 11/17/2012

19

0

0

It is fiction that hitting, spanking, popping, lightly smacking children teaches respect and keeps them out of trouble. To say that you can raise children to be non-violent by using subtle forms of violence is unfounded. There is no research to support this. Parents who spank often do not want to believe the research, because it flies in the face of their experience that they are able to control children's behavior with it. But really, the research shows that spanking toddlers works no better than saying "no no." The idea that spanking prevents disrespectful behavior is not borne out by the evidence. The juvenile justice system is full of spanked, smacked, paddled children. You would be hard pressed to find a child in the system that was parented with "attachment parenting." Yes, you may find some who were neglected by passive parenting, but that is also destructive. It isn't a choice between spanking and being passive. It is a choice between using control and power to help children control their impulses, and using logic, love, and reason to help them develop the capacity to use logic, love and reason.



It is no comfort to me to see that there are so many parents that hit their children.

Kellie - posted on 11/15/2012

1

29

0

I have just read through the post that i think probably sparked you asking this!!!

I have 3 children.

I agree with giving them a tap and i also agree with other comments made!

my parents, grandparents and great grand parents all grew up with a smack and are all fine non violent people.

I would only ever tap the hand or top of the leg on my 2 yr old and the bums of my older children.

I would also like to point out that i can prob count on 1 hand how many they have had in a year i believe this is because they have been taught well right and wrong and a good old fashioned smack never killed anyone!

Shell - posted on 11/15/2012

162

4

3

I am also PRO-spanking! Although like you, I've heard the same crap from other folks that it's bad (even those who spanked their own kids!!) I'm so happy to see so many women who feel the same way. Today's youth is..... entitled and bratty. I'm going to do my best NOT to contribute to that! My child gets in trouble at school... more trouble at home, I will not be calling the principal/teacher and raising hell!!

Robbyn - posted on 11/15/2012

19

0

0

CountryMomof2,

Popping your child in the mouth is so disrespectful. How would you feel if I popped you in the mouth? It is the same thing! Your son has the same basic needs for respect as you do. The only reason you think this is OK, is somebody did it to you when you were young, and has desensitized you to how incredibly disrespectful that behavior is.

Robbyn

FoxyMom - posted on 11/15/2012

115

0

6

I"m pro spanking as well. I got on to my son early in life so a little pop got his attention and when he knew I meant business he behaved. He is 9 now and I haven't had to get a hold of him for a very long time. I believe if you discipline at an early age that you won't have to discipline as much as they grow older becuase they learn the right behavior and grow up that way. Everyone always asks me how I raised such a nice rescetable young man to which I answer I disciplined him. Everynow and then he gets a bit of a mouth on him to which I take two fingers and pop his mouth to remind him I'm not taking any of it. Have I ever beat him? No...left marks? no But I did get his attention.

Laura - posted on 11/12/2012

8

3

0

Because they are scared, I am surprised at how many people are pro-spanking. Its terrible.The child didn't have a choice about being brought into this world it was your choice. So then when they are tired, confused, hungry or so many other emotions that they are learning because you don't get them to act or say the way you want them to they are subject to pain and humiliation. Great parenting, like I said shame on you for thinking its ok to spank.

Claire - posted on 11/11/2012

117

0

0

Wanda,

I know exactly what you mean!





Aha! I was waiting for it, Robbyn!



I find it interesting and important that 90% of non smack people on here were borderline or bona fide abuse cases when growing up.



To me, using a belt is hardcore; I was never raised with that (we had the wooden spoon, which I see as okay. When I do smack, I don't use one myself, though, and it's illegal in Aus to use anything but a bare hand). When I say hardcore, I mean it could be abusive.



But let's give Marissa the benefit of the doubt. We don't know how her punishment is implemented, for what reasons or the child's temperament. Some children respond well to a physical punishment, others don't, Some children prefer time out. Others are a combination.



I don't think you can condemn belts or spoons because you don't see how it has been employed by the parent. I think one -hand- smack at a time is enough, so I would see a single use of these items as possibly okay.

What I don't believe is a corrective measure is repeated smacking, smacking for every infringement or without warning and explaining to the child why a smack will be/ was used. But these are just my opinions on the subject, MY code. Marissa didn't write in a flippant manner, so I'M GUESSING she considers what she is doing before committing to the punishment she uses.



Robbyn, there are soooo many studies. Promulgating this idea, that train of thought...



I think the studies of the effect of long term pollution on the developing brain is the MOST pressing and of most importance. Globally, our children are growing up with more carcinogens than any other generation and that is so unacceptable.

If you believe the conspiracists, Henry Kissinger did indeed get his way.



What about that train of thought? Do you champion pollutant studies, as well? If no, why on earth not? Wouldn't physical health be up there with mental health?



What about studies on fatty food, the enzyme Acrillamide (forgive misspelling, if I have), violent toys, video games, drugs in utero, parental mental health issues, bullying and socio- economic demographics?



All these have impact on society and our children. If you support one, promote all, because they are all inherently connected on a respective scale.

Robbyn Peters - posted on 11/11/2012

26

0

0

Marissa,



It works well, you think, and perhaps in some short term sense. Before you stand firmly in that belief, you might want to check out the research on the long term effects that you cannot readily see. There are serious risks associated with spanking, and using implements only increases that risk exponentially. In fact, there are studies showing differences in the actual brain between children who are not spanked at all, and children who are spanked using implements such as a belt.



My grandmother used a switch, my mother her hand and a belt. They didn't know better. My mom is against spanking of any kind now. It was a different era when mothers didn't know about the negative effects that spanking has on the development of the vulnerable brain of the child.



www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2896871/



Of course I'm only sharing one study here, but there are hundreds and hundreds of studies that show the negative long term outcomes correlated to spanking. Why risk it?



For more information, read www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2896871/



I suggest that you support this form of discipline, because this is what you have learned from your own upbringing and the parenting practices of those around you. There are better, safer alternatives. Think of it this way, expert animal trainers don't use corporal punishment anymore. It was the norm with horse trainers years ago, but any animal trainer worth their gold does not hit animals, because it damages the bond, that natural pack animal instinct and makes the animal more afraid, aggressive, and irritable. It is the same with children. They fear you, and at a great cost to the loving bond. Yes, there is still love, but now there is confusion between love and pain.

Marissa - posted on 11/11/2012

1

0

0

I'm a 28 yo mom of two and my children are very well respected because I take the time to correct bad behavior by means of a belt. I was spanked growing up and I will carry on the tradition. It works well.

Wanda - posted on 11/10/2012

1

0

0

i am the grand mother of a 3 year old and i definitely believe in spanking if necessary.My parents did when i was a kid and i turned out an honest caring person,.My grand daughter is being hateful to people we meet and also to me.her dad is usually the one that spanks her she listens to him.any more advice?

DANCEY - posted on 11/07/2012

8

0

1

No, not pro spanking. I agree with a smack to the hand or bottom if a child is putting themselves in danger...touching flame, running across a road, something like that, but never prolonged spanking. For me it is a last resort, I never want to humiliate my children and it seems to be a possible by product so I m taking no chances! :) Mine are nearly grown up now so I think if I tried they'd chase ME round the garden for it, one of them is a twenty year old 6ft girl!

Kristal - posted on 11/06/2012

77

171

0

Claire I love reading your posts..They are so informative and be honest some of the words you use I have to look up:))) I totally think that same way, I dont think people realize how the more we change things the farther we are from our traditonal cultures and the way we discpline our children is acturally a large part of many cultures:)))

Kristi you were far from cowardous actually like others have said it takes a strong and smart person to do that. Anyone can go in their and confront that mother with guns blazing when your upset and cause more of a problem, what you did was the right thing for that mother and child..

Claire - posted on 11/06/2012

117

0

0

Jackie,



Agree with Kristi, toots! That is the kind of thing we all need to step up to stop. You were far from being a coward.



Kristi,



Yah, a bit of a digression, but as I extemporized, I thought! Where would that leave traditions?



Actually it's a convoluted piece with only a tad of relevance, but hey, I'm up at 4am putting together a costume, consuming far too much Pepsi and will need a strong sense of humour and iron will to get through the next 18hrs. What's a bit of hypothesis on top of that?? :):)

Kristi - posted on 11/06/2012

1,355

3

78

That's totally interesting, Claire! Thanks for sharing!



Jackie--the LAST thing you are is a coward! You never know what else that woman was capable of and most people would have turned a blinds eye.

Claire - posted on 11/06/2012

117

0

0

Geez Louise, I missed so many posts!



Gail, Katiss, Linda,



I hear you, sisters!



Kristal,



You know how I feel about that four letter word, 'studies', don't ya! :):):)



Cheryl,



Thanks for sharing the link. Will be sure to follow another time. (When I'm not baling hay, preparing for bushfire season, wiping bums, washing, cooking, driving, lol).



Kimberlee,



Aye, many have joined Sweden. I am Swedish, and the last time I was there, I had a bad experience when a group of young men surrounded my daughter and I down an alley in Malmo. I was overjoyed when an old lady came out with her broom and smacked them on the bum to shoo them away! Sverige still has high rates of child abuse and rape. Yep, it turned them into a genteel society overnight. This is in contrast with the huge amounts of money the authorities use trying to stem child abuse or corporal punishment.

Just don't forget that this is a country where being bat shit stupid is the norm.

Also, Sudan may have been the latest to join the non smack nations, but both the north and south still have child soldiers and high rates of child rape. And they worry about a smack?



Robbyn,



I concur with Kristal. How can you criticise something when you don't see it firsthand? Parenting has a lot of mitigating factors.



Bear in mind that when Kristal says it's been a social practice for donkey's, the Aborigines have a 60,000 year old culture.

Where would non smack legis leave ancient cultures?

Anecdotely, note that an Aboriginal elder was once asked by a Native American, why they didn't develop this or that? The elder replied that it was not in the Dreaming.

I must elaborate here.

Dreaming to Ab-origines (From- The First, their name means) is an inherent part of each being, community, other tribes and connection to the earth. Even though I have only a smidge of the blood, I wish I could convey the indelible link between everything.

It's a high form of existentialism and in contrast, some tribes will still spear a boy through the leg for looking at the wrong girl.

Dreaming is Law.

An elder may change the Dreaming of a tribe, but in 60,000 plus years they have never Dreamed that a smack or physical punishment is bad. It is up to the elders to look after the community in a social way and Dreaming assists this. This country is hard, damn hard and I realise you wont to fully grok what that means, or what a change means to their community order.

White people have changed much of their values and ways already. And boy, that has screwed up their system A LOT. To remove the traditions around punishment would further erode their culture.

Should their traditions be changed to suit Western studies that reflect modern ideas?



Ideas that are only 40 years old?



**Please note that the Australian Government has a quiet policy of leaving an abused Aboriginal child in the abuser's custody, as they don't want to be seen as 'stealing the children' (since late 90's). In the 40's-60's, well meaning stupid white people thought that some children were being abused, being treated traditionally, living in community camps. So they took them and tried to raise them 'white people way' .

The 'Stolen Generatiion' has a lot of addiction, physical violence, mental health issues and passed all that along to the next gen. The traditional people I refer to are in the remote areas- the Crocodile people of NthWestern Australia, Central Australia (not the 'townies' in Alice) and Arnhem Land people around east Darwin to Cairns in Queensland.



We modern people could learn so much from them.

Kristal - posted on 11/05/2012

77

171

0

Kimberlee was all do things that we tell our children not to do.. I have spanked my son since he was 2 I no longer spank him since hes 13 now but he has never hit anyone,.He was bulled in school and I told him to punch the kid. He solved it his own way without violence and now they are good friends.

Kristal - posted on 11/05/2012

77

171

0

Jackie I too think you did the right thing.. THat mother was definelty abusing her child and she needed an intervention as did the child.. Thank you Jackie for being so respectful and I wish u luck with you daughter..

Kimberlee its funny that u say that but spanking a child as a form of disclipline has been around alot longer than one or two generations.. I am right their with u Kristi.. Most of the mothers on here I have read a couple comments were I was thinking that is way over the top bordering on child abuse but for the majority of the mothers on here there is no abuse or violence involved in the spankings their children are recieving..

**Jackie** - posted on 11/05/2012

953

1

18

Me too. I felt like a coward for calling the police and not confronting her but I realized I couldn't do anything more than a cop could do.



Anyway, I guess I'll get back to you when my daughter reaches the peak of her terrible 2's and tell you how I handle her lol wish me luck!

Kristi - posted on 11/05/2012

1,355

3

78

You are very right Jackie. That's why I try to be careful not to make generalizations like all Republicans are anti-choice or all Muslims are terrorists. Stuff like that is inaccurate and unfair to say the least. Sadly, there will always be child abuse. It is already illegal and it hasn't stopped it from happening. It's not just physical abuse but there is neglect, emotional, psychological and probably worst of all, sexual abuse. Outlawing spanking, the kind of spanking the majority of us use here, is not going change the real abuse children suffer everyday.



It took a lot of courage to call the police on that woman. It sure sounds like you did the right thing to me. I hope she got what she deserved.

**Jackie** - posted on 11/05/2012

953

1

18

As a non-spanker, I can totally understand and respect where you are coming from, Kristi. Let me just say my daughter is not even 2 yet, so no I do not spank her. Will I in the future? I hope she doesn't give me a reason to, but it wouldn't be fair for me to say never.





It only takes one spanker to give all spankers a bad name. I have witnessed a mother repeatedly strike her child's bottom. I obviously wasn't there for the whole conversation, and for all I know he could have been given 15 warnings but he was playing with something (and I forget what it was) and wouldn't put it back so his mom ripped it pretty forcibly out of his hands and then just kept hitting him. I mean he was screaming and I could hear the smacks.



I tried so hard to stay out of it but I decided to call the police. I mean this child was screaming and crying in pain and she just wouldn't let up. I was so upset I broke down on the phone with the dispatcher. I don't know what happened, because all I wanted to do was go home and hug my child but I really hope she got a wake up call.



So having said all of that, I do realize that most spanking moms don't beat their children, but it only takes one out of control mom to give them a bad name.

Kristi - posted on 11/05/2012

1,355

3

78

Well, if I may point out this is was not a thread opened for debate until you passive-aggressive extremists came in here to condemn traditional parents, who, if you'll notice have not condemned your way of parenting. (At least very few out of 1066 comments are saying that) The majority of us barbarians think it's great if you've found other ways to discipline your children without spanking providing they aren't part of the self entitled, spoiled, you can't touch me, disrespectful crowd of kids we are seeing more and more of today.



What you seem to want to overlook is that we don't just run around beating the shit out of our kids, as you would say, every time they roll their eyes at us. I don't know why you people are even in here but to cause problems. You certainly won't get me to even take you seriously when all you do is attack us and throw out extreme phrases not even close to how we "spank."

Kimberlee - posted on 11/05/2012

80

0

3

Children do have a right to grow up free from violence .Spanking is corporal punishment , it's violent .How do you tell a child not to hit others while you're hitting them? It's not logical. How do you tell a child you'll always love them and keep them safe while you are the one hitting them?



In the 50's and 60's parents said the same things about children being brought up then . Every generation seems to think the next round of kids are out of control and worse. It makes me laugh , that people even use this in a debate.

Kristal - posted on 11/04/2012

77

171

0

RObbyn, I have read ur other posts on here and alot of them had said as well as other non spankers how horrible people who spank are, uneducated, lazy, dont care or want to learn other techniques. Im sorry in the 40, 50's, and so on when people were spanked and before all this postive parentiing, dont spank ur kids bussiness..Our nation was a very diffrent place.,. I dont belive that spanking has led to a violent nation.. Look at the other things that have happended to families. For instance mothers now work out of the home and have to in order to help support a family. Children are bombarded by violent shows, video games, etc....Their are many single parent homes where children dont grow up with a father figure, their is alot of drugs now in schools, peoples diets even are diffrent the world is differnt. People are not respectful, children have a very strong sense of entitlement that is wrong..GOne are the days of working hard for what u want and respecting your elders.. Of knowing ur boundaries and understanding how the world works.. Im sorry I know many people that are elderly that I talk to at work and I ask them. DId u spank ur children and the vast majority say yes.. Their children are well off educated individuals.. SO childern that were not spanked and grow up to be wonderful in ur eyes its all becuase they werent spanked??? That is absurd.. And you are correct to say everyone deserves their basic rights.. But, a parent giving a child a swat on the butt for misbehaving is not taking away their human rights. its a discplinary measure and a teaching tool.. So when yo dont pay for ur car and it gets impounded are u going to say ur enfringing on my human right to own property,, no and when ur child is abad and u take away a toy ur infringing on their rights of free speech and do as they please.. When does it end it dosent..As parents our jobs is to teach our children to be functioning members of a society and functioning adults.. I dont believe in spaking older children than 10 nor for everything, but my children knew when they had crossed the line and they very seldom ever did that... and I always love and talk to my kids after the got swatted and we talked about why that happended.. I think any disclpline can violate ur childs rights so its the way its carried out and how ur child percieves it..

Cheryl - posted on 11/04/2012

5

0

0

Loved your post Linda, just goes to show that you can have a bunch of kids and they can all be different. What works for one won't work for 10! lol

[deleted account]

hey im Sara im 22 with a 4 year old i spanked or slapped his hand up until he was old enough to understand that a time out was a punishment not a "distraction" and he's awesome lol

Linda - posted on 11/04/2012

2

0

0

Im pro spanking, but I think you have to do what works best for the child. My first son would get three warnings then a pop and that did the trick. He is well behave. I could go out in public with him and people would tell me how well behaved he was and that they didn't even know there was a kid in the building. It doesn't seem to work with my two youngest. They are terrors. You always know when they are in the building. But I love me some them :)

Cheryl - posted on 11/04/2012

5

0

0

Hi Molly, yup, I'm pro. But the instances are very few and far between. If you're spanking weekly, it's you, not him/her. Check out some of my articles on discipline at: urbanmommys.com. Then look at the comments and see how other moms deal. You can probably find a happy medium. Good luck, the fact that you are on the web looking to chat and find out how more experienced parents do it puts you in the top 10% of good parents. :-)

Robbyn Peters - posted on 11/04/2012

26

0

0

Kristal,

1. You only have a right to raise your children as you see fit within the boundaries of respecting their basic human rights. Their human rights supercede all other rights. I am arguing (as does the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child) that one of the basic human rights that children have is to be free from all forms of violence, spanking included.

2. I am quoting hundreds and hundreds of studies that constitute scientific validity not "a few stupid studies."

3. I did not say anybody was a horrible parent. I am criticizing the practice of spanking, not the general parenting abilities of most of the nation.

4. Arguing that because spanking has been used a long time, and therefore has merit is erroneous. It is a key contributor to violence in our nation.

5. Many children can and do grow up to be wonderful human beings, even when spanked. Again, this does not mean that spanking contributed to their well being any more than second hand smoke does.

6. Fighting all forms of physical violence, including spanking, contributes to preventing child abuse. That is the whole point.

Kimberlee - posted on 11/03/2012

80

0

3

Spanking seems lazy and dangerous . I wouldnt do it. I realize that not every parent who spanks is abusive but I also believe there are much better ways to teach a child right from wrong.



FYI- Since 1979 when the Swedes started the movement, 24 nations have joined them with laws banning corporal punishment of children.

[deleted account]

Very much pro spanking. Spanking works and have never seen anything work as good as physical punishment.



I have two very well behaved girls. So why do I keep spanking if they are well behaved? Because they forget them self sometimes, and also as a reminder of what's to come, only much more, if they step out of line...

Kristal - posted on 11/02/2012

77

171

0

Robbyn, I think its funny you are asking what it is the pro-spanking parents are defending..It is our right to raise our children how we feel fit. When we have happy, healthy children..HOw dare you or any mother look at a couple stupid studies and say that these mothers are horrible parents.. I too looked at your website and you probaly rember me from another thread on this website.. I believe spanking has been used for a very long time and look how far this country has come.

The majority of these mothers on here have great children.>Have you physically been in their homes?? Meet their children sat and had conversations with their families?? NO YOU HAVE NOT!!!!! So u can sit here all day and say all these things you have read on studies about this but until you physicall see these mothers homes then in my mind you have no room to talk.. IM sorry but this is rideculius. Right now their are children out their getting abused, real horrible abuse , not a swat on the back side. THat is what all parents should be fighting..

Gail - posted on 11/02/2012

3

0

0

I agree with Kara, kids are out of control today, even the young ones, they threaten their parents, back talk, hit, curse at them. They should have been swatted when they were younger might have changed their ways, it definitely changed mine. I was spanked when I was a child and it makes you think twice of doing the wrong thing twice. I don't mean to beat the child but a good swat now and then with groundings, taking away things like computer, handheld games, gaming systems and tv. Sooner or later they will get the message. I have raised three boys and they are respectful of their elders.

Claire - posted on 11/01/2012

117

0

0

Kimberlee,



In no way did I take it personally. Merely stating my opinion on a pro spanking thread.



In saying that 99% do treat our children with compassion, etc, I also acknowledged that some who say 'I smack' on this thread sound borderline abusive to me. Surely this is clear statement and not in any way inconclusive to a reader. It's an observation.



Defining a 'feral' acting child: A child that does not respect others or observe niceties that one would commonly accord a human of their age. To me, a child that would repeatedly defy an adult's request for courtesy simply because they can. There are other observations that I don't have time to write.



'I find it hard to believe that someone with an education would subscribe to such barbaric parenting'.. To me, that sounded scornful.



Robbyn,



The psych warfare comment was simply explaining the feeling I had when assessing, dealing and defragging my daughter's behaviour. (Eventually changed with para CBT techniques, as mentioned).

Anna is not allowed to view these pages as some comments were abusive, both from non and 'pro' posts.

Anna has also acknowledged her 'psych warfare' behaviour was way out of context; inappropriate considering the conversations from which that behaviour stemmed and disrespectful to us both.



Unsure of whom you direct the comment about permissive parenting to, but I don't see it as a matter of relinquishing control or keeling like a failure. If I smack, it is intended to be the final say on a particular behaviour. This is explained to my child before and after.Using control alone does not a parenting skill make.

I don't/ would not feel emasculated about not smacking. I go long periods without smacking because it is not the only technique used in my form of parenting.



If you use a technique repeatedly, a child will become inured to that. Pavlov was showing the way! I know that last sentence will invite comment but I don't have time to expand that thought.

Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

631

96

12

I raised my 5 kids spanking them

and would do it all over DIFFERENTLY!

Children are children - not soldiers OR robots!

I wish I'd had more grace ... and understanding ... and patience -

ONLY if they are rebellious would I spank them but ONLY if I KNOW they are old enough to know the difference and not Tired - Hungry or SICK.

♥ love them ... kids want to pleass their parents...

Spend as much one-on-one time with them ... it really does make a dif.!!!

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/31/2012

26

0

0

A loving swat. Do you want me to swat you with love? Don't you see confusion here? You are mixing violence with love. You are treating your child differently than you want to be treated. The argument is, it is just a little violence and it is mitigated with love. This is a very destructive idea.



To believe that giving up spanking is to be permissive, is missing the point. You can set boundaries without disrespecting your child by hitting them. Minimizing what you are doing (hitting) by calling it other words such as smack, pop, or spank is a serious problem.



Answer this question, please. Do you believe that you cannot raise healthy, respectful, empathic children without spanking them? Why are you unwilling to give up spanking? What are you really defending here? I believe you are defending yourself as a mother, and not a discipline practice that has merit. There is no study to show that spanking has positive long-term effects. Only studies to the contrary. There are immediate rewards with spanking, you get the child's attention and you relieve your own stress. That is about it.



To give up spanking requires mothers to accept that it is potentially destructive. It also requires mothers to accept that what they are doing has been unhelpful. It takes humility.

[deleted account]

Ladies, you say tomato, I say tomato....Look at the evidence in society. A lot of children,teens, twenty somethings, have been taught that happiness is all that matters. Great if one could be "happy" all the time. But as we all know, happiness is an emotion , not a state of being, and emotions are a risky thing to base you life around. That said, children do need to be happy, but there are going to be disappointments and consequences in life. The society of today tells you to give in to EVERY indulgence and desire that you have..."JUST BE HAPPY". That's crap! How about be a good citizen. Love others more than yourself and treat all people with respect. And if a little swat on the bum is deserved do it lovingly.

Kimberlee - posted on 10/30/2012

80

0

3

Nothing I said about hitting children was directed at any one person , if you took it as a personal attack then that's on you.



I believe hitting a child is barbaric and I won't apologize for it. I wouldn't expect you to apologize for your beliefs. Besides , the literature supports my position.



I have to say that I find it strange that you , Claire , write that you believe " 99% of us on this thread DO treat our children with compassion and empathize with our children. " and yet go on to state "Sure, some who have posted do sound a bit unhinged; borderline abusive,.." ...So which is it?



On top of it you're telling me that you don't judge non smacking parents BUT most of those children are feral. I find you contradictory and am having a difficult time taking any of your comment to seriously . All the justifications and explanations about your smacking and defragging your children aside , I disagree with you and I think it's very sad that as evolved as humans are , so many still continue to stoop to such a barbaric act as to smack ones own child.



Your novella aside , I stick to my initial assessment of corporal punishment ,..barbaric.



ps- - " as you so scornfully mentioned, Kimberlee, I didn't start smacking until she was four. .." ---- I didn't mention any such thing

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/30/2012

26

0

0

Do you really want to relate to your children with "psych warfare?" That may injure her feelings of safety and security with you. It is a golden rule concept. Do you want me to use psych warfare with you? Of course not. So don't do it with your children. There are better ways. I mean that with the utmost respect, because I have no doubt when I read your blogs that you are a very engaged, dedicated, loving mom. If you can't come up with alternatives to psych warfare and spanking, ask your mommy friends for help. We are all in this together!

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/30/2012

26

0

0

It seems true that some children are more aggressive inherently. Children are unique, to be sure. I wouldn't risk exacerbating that tendency by modeling aggression. Children are primarily right brained when they are preschoolers, so they learn from gestures and actions, much more than words. If you hit, it doesn't matter how you couch it, they learn to solve problems by hitting. They may not hit you, because you are bigger. But the research shows that children are more aggressive if they are spanked, and the more they are spanked the more aggressive. It isn't a good idea to parse out exceptions, like my child is different. Your child is at risk as well, and you don't know the effects you are creating, because many of these show up much later. Too risky.



Going overboard with spanking is not in the minority. Half of all preschoolers are "spanked" more than 3 times a week. That makes me cringe. That is an average. That means, some spank less and quite a few spank even more. Spanking is not worth defending. It is barbaric, and for many, many parents chronic. That doesn't mean you are a barbaric person. Spanking is a barbaric practice, however. We need to learn to stop doing it. Most of us do it. So it isn't like you are alone here. It is a societal norm, and it needs to be a thing of the past.



And please don't defend your right to hit your child, simply because other people (many, many other people) abuse the right. Spanking is an epidemic. We need to give it up for our children, and for the greater society and all children.

Claire - posted on 10/30/2012

117

0

0

Robbyn, Kimberlee,



First of all, Robbyn, I must apologise for being short with you in previous posts as i was a bit emo at the time. I believe in open discussion about smacking and I like to explain my position in it.



Kimberlee, I see judgement of our parenting as 'barbaric'. I do not judge non smacking parents for their decision not to smack and believe non smacking adults ought to accord us with that same respect. (Even though some non smack children I know are simply feral. I only know of three girls that are not smacked and well behaved. Out of about the 100 in our local community, that's pretty dismal, though).



I believe you have both mistakenly made generalisations in your posts.



99% of us on this thread DO treat our children with compassion and empathise with our children. I personally go to great lengths to decipher their needs, ensure they are looked after and find passive solutions before even thinking about a tap on their toosh.

I follow a rubric of assessment (around page 20 of this thread. Excuse the capitals- the children hid my glasses around that time :)) to determine whether a smack will be effective or not. This has been of great benefit to me with our eldest daughter (now 12.5yo) as she was extremely highstrung and rebellious from the get go. (Yes she was tested for everything under the sun by a few paediatricians).

Sure, some who have posted do sound a bit unhinged; borderline abusive, but they are the MINORITY and I certainly agree that they would benefit from individualised help. Come to think of it, a few non smack parents on here could to with the same!



I have never said my children are better behaved than non smacked children. Mine can be as naughty as the next errant child and I DO NOT believe that any child is different from the other in terms of their behaviour vs conditioning.

**Children act up regardless of being smacked or not.**



I also believe that children contain their fundamental personality by the time they are born. My oldest girl, Anna, was 'high maintenance' from the start and rebelled at every opportunity. True to my education, as you so scornfully mentioned, Kimberlee, I didn't start smacking until she was four. I was using all passive interventions I had learned and encouraged the woeful parents in our PASDS to focus on (Parenting Assessment Skills Development Service).

Oh Lord, was I wrong.

I began to have a feeling that 'Hang on, maybe my mum's parenting was right. Maybe a smack is a valid in some situations'.

Smacking did curb Anna's behaviour. No, it did not work all the time, not in every situation and not 'for good' (and before anyone jumps on that statement like a dingo on a lizard, let me ask you, does time out or re-orientation always work?). So my aforementioned rubric was developed and helped me to clarify what would work for Anna the most.

Bear in mind, at one stage, Anna was coming home with a mouth of attitude (thanks to three prominent non smack children and one smacked child in her class) and I would defrag her adopted behaviour from her ego every night for an hour a time. I used CBT techniques I designed to suit her specifically.



Regarding my other two children, Ruby, 3, and Joey, nearly 2, they have been aggressive before smacking was used (Ruby has been smacked twice and Joey once, just recently, for climbing out of the truck window and running in front of my husband on the tractor). Ruby in particular has been very physical. However, thanks to us all for being so diverse, I have not had the same psych warfare that Anna presented with at an even earlier age.



I believe that children are naturally aggressive anyway. I have observed both smack and non smack children being aggressive when left in unstructured play, not only in my training but also in the school where us parents volunteer.



To me, and to paraphrase another 'pro' smack parent on this thread, 'a smack is an natural enforcement of the words and passive interventions I use when they do not respond to either non physical actions'.

Kimberlee - posted on 10/30/2012

80

0

3

Robyn , I agree with what your saying . Especially regarding the perception that some pro-spanking parents seem to have regarding their own child's behavior. Though , I suspect that in truth these children are most probably more apt to act out aggressively and even hit other children. In part because they are modeling parental behavior and because they have not been taught more constructive ways of resolving conflict. Certainly their parents may have talked to them about not hitting , but children are more likely to act in ways they have watched their parents act.

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/30/2012

26

0

0

I think that the need to spank is related to a need to control behavior. Mothers that hold firmly to the merits of spanking often talk about how "well behaved" their children are. I think it is better to understand behavior and maintain empathy for the child. When we try to understand and we don't worry about our own "authority," or a child's "bad behavior," we often can gain better insight into what the child needs.



Mothers take a lot of heat for their children's behavior. Our society is very judgmental of children and how well behaved (or not) they are. If mothers were more supported, I think a well behaved child would be secondary to a happy, confident child.

Kimberlee - posted on 10/30/2012

80

0

3

I don't spank and don't understand how anyone with an education could still subscribe to such barbaric "parenting".

Claire - posted on 10/29/2012

117

0

0

Kristi,



I take it my reluctance to actually investigate the links was with merit? Well, I commend you for taking the time to peruse the site and video. I'm a little short of patience right now so I thought it best to stay away, given that it was probably designed to attract inflammatory comments from us 'ill-educated' parents in the first place... :)



Hello Kathy,



I have never heard of the 'diaper position'. What's that, may I ask?

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2010

15

7

0

I am a pro spanking mom however I have limits and rules that help the situation stay under control. I give my children a warning the 123 but I never back down, I am consistent, if I get to three they get a spanking; most of the time by the time I get to 2 they have complied. I have a three lick rule that I don’t break regardless of the offense and it helps me keep a line drawn so I know I am disciplining not abusing my children. I have to admit I struggled with this in the beginning with my first child. When he was three he had hit his little sister in the head with a toy and I popped his butt and told him not to hit her. He looked at me and said, "Mommy you are not supposed to hit people." So I cringed...Was I reinforcing the behavior by spanking him? But as time went on I realized that there are times when spanking is needed to show I mean business. I am now a single mother of four and am proud to say my kids are well behaved. I use spanking when it is needed but I am not reluctant when it is.

Gina - posted on 06/09/2010

21

30

1

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. I am a pro spanking mom. I was spanked and I'm still alive, smart, happy and healthy. me and my kids' fathers have very bad tempers and are very stubborn and it really comes out in the kids to. and as a single mom of 3 who also babysits 4 other kids and all of them range from 1 to 6 years of age I need them to know that I am boss. I only spank my own but it shows the other that I do mean business and not to mess with me. As long as the line between discipline and abuse isn't crossed spank away.

Nareeda - posted on 06/07/2010

10

19

0

i am a pro spanking mom, i am a single 23 yr old with 3 kids (2 boys nearly 6&7 1 girl 3) and i think if i didn't spank my child when they deserved it then my house would be a horrible place to live. the other day i was at the shops and my daughter threw a temper tantrum and through herself on the floor, i gave her to the count of 3 to get up and hold my hand or i was going to smack her bottom, i ended up having to smack her and i was abused by a lady telling me i was a horrible mother, yet on the other hand praised by an elderly lady saying it was good to see young mothers disciplining their children.. so i say "YES"

Jen - posted on 06/05/2010

48

47

2

I am a pro spanking mom as well. I'm a single mother of two. I've got a 2 year old daughter who gets spanked when she needs to be. She knows when she does wrong so she needs a form of punishment that will show her that she's not in control and it will also keep her out of harms way. My other daughter is only 5 monthes so she has a while before she gets that sort of punishment. I'm glad that I'm not the only one out there that is a pro spanking mom. lol

Rotacha - posted on 05/20/2010

14

3

2

Definetly a pro spanking mom!! It's biblical!! The bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child", now that doesn't mean beat your child til their near death (lol). My daughter is 10 now, but when she was a toddler I definetly popped her hands, or legs when she got out of control or disobeyed. Again I have to reference the bible, "Train up a child in the way he shall go, and when he is. old he shall not depart from it." With that said, I have spanked her in years. Now, all I have to do is raise my voice or use a certain tone and she gets right in line.

[deleted account]

I'm definitely a pro spanking mom. My girls got it more than a few times when they were young, first with my hand and as they got older and still acted up the belt was used to teach them a lesson. Sure helped! they are happy and healthy young ladies now.

[deleted account]

Hello!! Thank GOD you all are pro spanking moms as well. Kids today have no respect for authority and they are getting away with way too much. I have heard too many arguments that it hurts their self esteem but I don't agree. I was spanked (a lot) and my self esteem is fine. I spank my son when needed but I am honestly afraid to do so because people get too nosy and all it takes is one phone call. My son knows at home anything goes but out in public I am more reserved.

  1. 1
  2. ...
  3. 4
  4. 5
  5. 6
  6. 7
  7. ...
  8. 26
If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms