Molly - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 1263 moms have responded )
Hello, I would like to chat with other like minded moms or dads who are pro spanking.
Molly - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 1263 moms have responded )
Hello, I would like to chat with other like minded moms or dads who are pro spanking.
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Kristi - posted on 09/25/2012
I'd fly with you! ; )
Andrea - posted on 09/25/2012
I feel like my dad went way over board to borderline abusive but I am still pro spanking. It seems like everyone against it thinks we're abusing our children because we swatted on the backside a few times. Its more emotional upsetting that's why it seems so awful from the outside prospective.
Velma - posted on 09/25/2012
will someone. please send me a e-mail to tell how to respond back to the ones who have wrote me email@example.com
Claire - posted on 09/24/2012
Glad to talk.
I use a smack in moderation, as I do every other method I employ. I believe that if you use a technique too often, the child will become inured to the punishment and after a time it will have no effect at all.
I don't smack in all situations, nor for the same 'naughty' thing they do over and over - as I have my own structure of parenting. I work from their view of things. I assess and then see where they're coming from. The times where I have smacked is when I'm 100% certain they are doing it for the sake of making a tantrum or deliberate mischief, nothing more.
Most times, I resort to soup, toast and bed! Or warm milk for the young'uns (carefully removing my sotweed to spit out 'baccy juice there lol).
Regarding your family model, we sit somewhere near the strict and smacking.
Our oldest is also praised by her teachers and friends' parents.
She just saves her bad behaviour for home! :)
I have observed many families, as I am a former Social Worker (B.A. Social Work (Psych.) and also have nursing qualifications (DIV 2)). I taught parents that have zero parenting skill (think of that movie 'Precious') in a Parenting Assessment Skills and Development Service. We also ran PPP, a positive parenting program.
I have found parents that smack have the best results and well behaved children. Unfortunately, I have never met a child from a non smack family that I consider well behaved. The ones I have seen are shockers lol!
Yes, I agree that lazy parenting is a form of bad parenting. Are you in Australia (I note the time you're writing)? The Victorian State Government wants to legislate for child neglect charges against parents whose children end up in ER after too many accidents. It'll put me in a bad light! Our 3.5yo is constantly pulling her elbow and refuses to let me manipulate it back in place ,so I travel the 1.5hrs to a doctor/ hospital atleast once every three months (farmer nurse now lol).
I'm trying to show that while there are (justifiable) concerns for children ie abuse cases or Munchausen By Proxy (deliberate injuries inflicted by a parent/guardian for the purpose of attention, in case you're unaware of this condition) , sweeping all naturally occurring injuries into the 'abuse' bucket is wrong (Ruby can pull her elbow whilst she tries to dress, for instance).
Ergo parents that smack. For most of us, it's not the only technique in the arsenal. :)
I note, that without asking, you have overlooked the possibility that I (or other smacking parents) DO use other methods for punishment. I use passive techniques all the time - except for Tami's idea of standing in the corner, balancing a book. I'd be too concerned for the book. One would probably throw it at me, the other would refuse to stand, preferring to sit + read it while baby Joey would just chew it.. :)
My experience and methods have been developed over what I have learnt whilst studying, working but most of all and more importantly, from my experience with three very different personalities. Books, studies and philosophy don't mean diddle, in comparison to experience.
Wanna fly with me? I read a fighter jet book once :):):) Be a real eye opener :):):)
Tammy - posted on 09/24/2012
Thank you for not screaming at me, Claire. I hate when people do that, we can have our differences, but talk it through.
I do think discipline & teaching needs to start young. I disagree that you ever have to hit though. I took in a foster child when he was 14 & it was too late for him. He was set in his ways. We taught him what we could, got him through high school (he had all F's before he came to us). He missed so many basic things when he was younger, it's too late to start when they're 14. The earlier you instill what you want them to learn, the better.
My siblings & I were also not hit ever, so I guess you'd see the outcomes of how we turned out? We are all doing great, all went to college, work hard, have good kids etc. We all have a lot of friends & are honest. No one in jail, no one lazy, no one's kids having issues, etc.
My daughter is only 15, but when I compare her to my husband's family's kids who are the same age & they're day & night. They raise their kids totally different. I'm WAY stricter, but never spank or hit my kids in any way. He has 2 siblings, both with kids and one is strict & believes in spankings, the other is NOT strict & believes in spanking. We're the only ones that DON'T spank in his family. Their kids steal, are promiscuous, don't do well in school, are basically wild, both in the strict family and the not strict family (that both spank). My kids have jobs, are in honor classes, achieve highest honors, have never & would NEVER steal, get praised all the time for being good kids. My sister ALSO doesn't spank her kids & her kids are just like mine. They are hard working, respectful, national honor society, honors, etc.
I'd say just even looking at our own families, friends & how the kids turn out as teenagers, the non-spanking parents are doing a lot better in EVERY area. You can look around & ask the people who have great kids if they have spanked or not. Also, ask people who you think their kids are wild. See what you come up with. I've noticed in my own life, there is a big difference all around. It takes a LOT more work to actually teach a kid than to hit them. The lesson gets through a lot better to. They learn for the sake of learning, instead of the sake of trying to not get caught. It's real learning & learning how to monitor yourself, instead of your parents monitoring you i.e. not getting caught. There ARE terrible parents who don't spank too, they just let the kids get away with everything. I'm NOT talking about those lazy parents. I think it's bad parenting to hit your kids, but also bad parenting to let your kids get away with murder & spoil them. See what I'm saying?
Anyway...have a sinus headache & can barely even concentrate. Going to go take some medicine & get to bed! (: Best of luck with your kids, hope things work out for the best! Parenting is such an important job & a hard job! Take care.
Claire - posted on 09/24/2012
I agree with your method, however my experience with delaying the tap on the toosh until our daughter was older was, for us, the wrong thing to do.
I believe Anna, now 12.5, would've benefited from a tap earlier - she was 4/5yo when I chose to smack- because she had already gone too far in the rude/cheeky/naughty area.
Time out meant nothing to her, though.. unlike your girl! :)
I did see that the odd smack did reign her behaviour in, but she also needed further coaching with her interpersonal skills.
I'd be interested in your outcomes when your daughter is older. I like to hear of other peoples' methods and situations.
Have fun! :)
Tami - posted on 09/23/2012
i believe spanking a child in a serious circumstance is okay. spanking too young could bring on the thought that i get hit when i'm bad, its okay to hit others when they are bad. I'm a firm believer in time outs. my daughter is two has been in time outs since she was 11 months old and has upgraded already from the chair to the nose to the wall. once she's older and a nose to the wall isn't enough. i intend to have my daughter hold a book above her head while her nose is against the wall. the if one doesn't work ill add one. i'd prefer to save spankings for when she understands what its about and she does something really bad. or when time out doesn't work the first time. so she knows that there are other punishments.
Jen - posted on 09/23/2012
This particular thread has turned circle of moms into circle of bitches. I am so sad about that.
We ALL love our kids more than anything in the world, yet some women want to criticize and tear each other down for their beliefs. I KNOW this post was "PRO-SPANKING" moms.....so I say. keep it pro- I want my kids to be good citizens, contribute to society and know that they are loved and have boundaries, that said. every child responds to discipline differently. Do it in LOVE and you are doing WELL..Good luck and much love to you ladies.If you are pro-spank, try an new post and include me.I have read and researched this intensely .:) JEN
Kristi - posted on 09/22/2012
You know I agree with most all of your ideas about spanking so you know I'm not attacking you. But, I saw Tammy's comment about separating your post up a bit to make it easier to read. I didn't for a second question that she might be attacking you. Her comment did not seem aggressive to me at all. I really believe she was just trying to be helpful. It is harder to read a long post with no breaks. I figured that out after being on here for awhile. I used to post one big, long comment (as I usually have a lot to say lol) and when I went back to reread it after I posted it, it did seem harder to focus on than other people's who were broken up. It's no biggie. Again, I sincerely believe Tammy was not trying to be insulting. ; )
Tammy - posted on 09/22/2012
You're obviously very rude, so spanking didn't work for you. I wrote for you to break it up because I literally couldn't even read it. I didn't say it rudely, but your whole dissertation was very rude & condescending. You should try to work on that, extreme defensiveness. Sorry you felt so attacked by me suggesting you break up your paragraph so you could share what you write with others. WOW! Unbelievable....
You can look up statistics about states that have most juvenile crimes & they are from states that paddle. That is a fact, nothing biased about it. I wasn't talking about football aggressive, my son plays football & all other sports. Sorry you misunderstood. The schools that have shootings WERE schools that use corporal punishment. It may have been from other things, various factors, but it's not helping all around, obviously. One kid went on a spree the day after being paddled at school & they thought his anger was fueled & put over the top by the paddling. I think his last name was Mitchell, but you can look it up.
I was sharing my success story that I can raise awesome kids (which a lot of people CANNOT say about their kids who are teenagers) without hitting them ONCE. It can be done, that was the point I was trying to make. A lot of people say kids are out of control if they're not hit, spanked, belted, etc. That is so not true.
I can post anywhere I want, you're not the posting police, LOL! I'm glad you think you are though. You may want to look into counseling. I'm very sorry you were abused, I mean that sincerely. That may be why you are going over the top for me suggesting you break your writing into paragraphs. I mean no harm & wish you no harm. Please step back & try not to attack & be so rude in the future, so sorry if I was rude, it was not meant that way. I honestly could not read a word you had said previously, my eyes are getting older & not so good anymore. Forgive me.
Vanessa - posted on 09/22/2012
Tammy even if I broke my paragraph up it would still be the same length. If someone can't read it because I didn't hit enter every now and then and use the excuse that its too long then they wouldn't be able to read it even if I did hit enter. I don't want people who won't read it simply because I didn't hit enter or type my response how THEY think that I should to read it anyways (no offense).
But for your sake I will hit enter and break it up for you :)
Every kid is aggressive. My daughter is aggressive. I am not afraid to admit that.
It is not because she has or might be spanked in the future.
It is simply because I am a tomboy, and she is being raised as one. She would rather play flag football and wrestle with the boys than play dress up.
This aggressiveness of hers would have happened even if she wasn't spanked because she would still be raised as a tomboy.
Am I breaking it up enough for you Tammy?
The kids who went on shooting sprees are because of bullies, and other things. Not because of paddling. I know hundreds of schools who still use corporal punishment, and they haven't had any instances like that. In those schools, there are also severe punishments for bullying. But we can't mention that can we? If paddling is the reason for shootings than those schools who still allow it would have already had something like that happen.
Thats the problem with research. A person who is biased will take things like paddling in schools, and do exactly what you did Tammy. They will apply it to something that is not in direct correlation with it, and twist the results to match their point of view.
Still breaking it up enough for you Tammy?
I was in Honors Classes. Still am in honors classes, and maintaining a 4.0 gpa as a junior in college. I was physically abused during my childhood. I used school as my escape, and I absolutely love learning. That goes against what you were saying so we wont mention it.
Both of my sisters and my brother are the exact same way. My daughter is smart, and at the age 4 outwits me a lot sad to say. The point is those researchers leave out what debunks the theory or any evidence that might not support their theory is labeled false so that their theory becomes the "correct" one.
But like everyone else said "different strokes for different folks".
The last thing I have to say is: Tammy I'm glad it worked for you. But please go tell your "success story" to those who disapprove spanking. I'm sure they would love your story so they could use it as "evidence" that us spankers are abusive horrible parents! Oh, please refrain from posting on here again. Did I break it up enough? Are you going to be able to read it now? Or did I break it up too much and now you won't read it because I hit enter too much?
Kristi - posted on 09/22/2012
I am the least aggressive person, ever. (unless you screw with my family, then you might want to take a step, or two, back : D ) I'm from back in the day. Just about every kid I knew was spanked. In my 13 years of pre-collage education, there was one fist fight. It was in 11th grade and a senior was dating a freshman and he talked her into having sex. So, her big brother kicked the snot out of the dude. IMO, that is required and justifiable behavior for an older brother. Even though we didn't live in a big city, there were still enough kids to figure out that if kids were more aggressive due to being spanked, we'd have known, more importantly, our parents would have known.
My daughter is a strong, self confident, athletic, smart, brave individual. (pat, pat lol) I spanked her, when it was called for. Gave her a little smack on her mouth when she was about 4 because she was being extremely disrespectful and obnoxious. (behavior she learned from older half sisters when we still lived with my first exhusband.) It was not even close to being hard enough to hurt her but she knew she was in trouble. I told her why she got smacked and asked if she would like me to talk that way to her. She apologized and we went on about our day. She never got smacked in the mouth again. But as a teen, she knows a smack in the mouth will come her way if she smarts off too much. You have to allow for some sarcasm from teens. ; ) But, I don't see the need to spank a child after 10'ish years old. I think it becomes ineffective because children have more self control and can use logic better as they get older.
Anyways, as Claire said, different strokes for different folks!
Jitka - posted on 09/21/2012
I'm pro spanking, although i could never bring myself to do it :(
Claire - posted on 09/21/2012
Good for you, and may you enjoy the rest of their-your- life in a blissful-blessful- family!
If your style has worked for you, then congrats. I have my style and slowly yet surely, I see what my oldest is growing into- I'll skim over the narky puberty bits for now, thanks :)- and I can finally see the light at the end of a very long tunnel. Acadaemia has never been her strong point, admittedly, but I'm proud for her- she has finally found a passion- guitar- and we hope that the process of learning the instrument will inspire a further want for knowledge ie, books.
But I'm holding firm regarding my copies of Fifty Shades.. and Truebloods... John Marsden's 'Tomorrow..' series and Terry Pratchett will have to do. (Sorry, Anna, 18yrs+, darling :)).
Once again, Tammy, good on you for having your own- successful- style.
Oh and re your comment about spanked children being more aggressive, my oldest was 4-5yrs before she was spanked and was super aggro before being smacked. Our 3 yo was the same, but I have smacked her earlier- a few months ago, before her 3rd birthday, and she has not displayed any more aggression than before a smack. Ruby hates time out and after a couple of minutes in her bed will be more aggressive than her pre- time out behaviour.
Different strokes for different folks, eh?
Our 22mth old boy is just a little rough bugger anyway. Predict we couldn't attribute aggression to smacking if we tried. :)
And I like the study that followed researchers that were studying children. The outcome showed that the researchers themselves became forgetful, failed to identify their study's key objectives and they started to show a bias to particular- favourite??- children!
To summarise, they got 'baby brain' and started acting in a flawed, yet natural, parental state.
I know, you never hear judgemental anti smacking lobbies talk of this study, eh? Or how about the few studies- online- that say we are an 80/20 mix? Meaning, our fundamental psyche is 80% genetically pre-defined with only 20% of a person's psyche attributed to conditioning.
Howzat for apples?!
Studies show our great need for security and order but fail to identify with the person, in my opinion. You simply cannot put a five dimensional being on a piece of 2D foolscap!
Tammy - posted on 09/21/2012
Vanessa, no offense, but you have to break it into paragraphs! There's no way my eyes can read that long, long run-on, ouch! Just saying for future reference, more people would read what you write, if its broken up.
Tammy - posted on 09/20/2012
Funny, the kids I see having no respect ARE the ones being spanked! If you look up the statistics, kids who are spanked are MORE aggressive. You don't have to hit to be strict, or if you don't hit it doesn't mean you aren't strict. I'm a vERY strict Mom, never hit my kids ONCE! My kids are teens now, are in ALL honor classes, make high honors every term, have jobs, keep their rooms neat, are respectful. The places where school shootings have taken place are in schools that paddle kids in school, all of them. Actually, 1 kid went on a shooting spree the DAY AFTER he was paddled! Do as you will though, they're not my kids, I've done a great job raising mine already. As I look around, I wish more people would!
Claire - posted on 09/14/2012
How true... or they know they will get a tap on the bum for not sitting down! :)
Mia (Myishea) - posted on 09/13/2012
When you see that child sitting dow and minding his/her manors.... they were probubly spanked!
Monique - posted on 09/10/2012
I am pro-spanking as well. There's a huge difference between beating your child and spanking your child. A spanking never hurt anyone...it sure as heck never hurt me! LOL!
Jen - posted on 09/01/2012
What a wonderful gift of love and security you have given this little lady! Kudos to you. My little girl is 8 and YES , I have noticed a difference in her behavior as she tests her boundaries and grows in to her own little personality. Be firm! She has endured a lot from what you posted. All kids want to know that they are safe and cared for , boundaries are our way of providing that. My friend has 4 teenagers , she says "T.E.S.T".....Take Everything away for a Short period of Time. friends, games, t.v. toys...etc. Just let her have books and conversation with you. Which also shows her that there is a consequence to her behavior, but you still love and adore her. I hope things get better, you will be on my heart. MOM to MOM
Velma - posted on 09/01/2012
Hi I'am at a lost what to do with my 9 year old, I'am really her grandma I adopted her and her sister 4years ago, I put her in therapy when I first got her because she was so abused,she got better so I took her out,and now its starting all over again I have talked to her ,I have given her time out ,I have taken things away from her,I have sent her to her room,I have grounded her, and yes I have spanked her but only with my hand, but it was more like a love tap,because after I did it she just laughed at me so I made her stay in her room Please Please if anyone can give me any advice ,I will try anything I love this girl with all my heart. I also put her on Zoloft . sign at a lost
Betty - posted on 08/31/2012
I have 2 kids ages 7 and 9 and I am completely for spanking.. there is a big difference in spanking and beating and my kids know what a spanking is.
Claire - posted on 08/31/2012
I believed your comments on this thread and the 'What are your thoughts on spanking' thread to be judgmental as you have inferred on both that smacking is bad parenting, parents that do smack are wrong to do it and that you believe it's wrong- but you have never been in a situ with your baby where a smack may be applicable.
Ergo, judgment. :)
Claire - posted on 08/31/2012
FIFTY SHADES OF SPANKING lol
Jen - posted on 08/30/2012
I personally love a spanking :) hahahaha!!!
Kristi - posted on 08/30/2012
I just want to point out that adults don't get spanked because we, hopefully, respond to correction appropriately and can already differentiate between right and wrong. If a person repeats bad behavior as an adult the consequences are usually more severe. As an easy example, speeding. Most people get caught once and then slow it down (at least for awhile lol). They get a fine, points on their license, and an increase on their insurance rates. For those that continue, more fines, more points, dropped from insurance, license suspended.
A spanking is designed to "hurt." It makes a child think twice before repeating "that kind" of behavior. (that kind meaning whatever it was that earned him/her a spanking) Don't misconstrue what I'm saying by "hurt." I don't mean a whomping so they are bloody and bruised or that they should be talked down to like they are stupid. There should always be an explanation. It should never be done in anger. I've already stated all this before. I just wanted to say you can't compare disciplining techniques between children and adults. Apples and oranges.
Roni - posted on 08/30/2012
Vanessa, Im sorry we dont see eye to eye on this, but I can comment on any thread that I find interesting. And if I wasnt the only one, I guess we really felt like we had to say something. There will be a lot of women here on COM, that will have different views and different ways, and Im not going to stop anyone from commenting what they believe in. I didnt try to start an arguement, I simply asked how you'd feel if u were in the 'child's shoes' as a grown woman. You went on and on saying the same thing over and over instead of replying me. Now, after I said what I said, I will stop commenting, cause I dont want to start an arguement, but I will only read if you do. Have a peaceful and a great day, all of you :)
Kristi - posted on 08/30/2012
So if we renamed this thread you'd be ok with it?
This the 2nd thread tonight that people are having a hard time differentiating between what is being said literally and what is being said figuratively.
I wish some people would get their heads out of their asses. figuratively and jokingly speaking. ; )
Christian - posted on 08/29/2012
OMG! No one is judging anyone as a parent and/or trying to start a fight. Its a blog and I was stating my opinion. I'm allowed to do that, so are all of you. I am not comparing abortion to spanking. I'm comparing the use of the term. No one wants to kill a baby. Fetus or no. Whatever your view is, in a perfect world, no one is pro-abortion. So my point is that no one should want to hit thier kid. In a perfect world, there were be no spanking, hence the reason, I don't like the term PRO-spanking. There are other posts called, "what are your thoughts on spanking?".
Again, my kid hasn't done anything to be spanked for yet, and I'm not even anti-spanking, so I came on here looking for experiences from other intelligent parents who put thought into raising thier kids. But the more I read, I see that the justification of it has faulty logic in most, not all cases.
I was spanked as a child. I didn't like it and to this day, I don't think I needed it. I do resent my mother for the hitting and I have friends TODAY who have challenges in their parental relationships because of spankings. They, like me, will never tell thier moms. What's the point in making your mom feel guilty about something she can't change? On the other hand, my brother was bad, plain and simple and even though I absolutely hated seeing him get hit, I could see it coming from a mile away because he was "hard headed". I wasn't, so alot of my spankings came from my mom's frustation.
So, yes. I'm leaning toward not spanking my own child, but if timeouts, repetition and redirection don't work, I may consider other other. Nevertheless, I don't like the term "PRO-SPANKING" and I absolutely am not judging anyone on here. I've lived enough not to throw stones.
P.S. I'm probably going to post something else later. Not to start a fight, but because I want to read through the responses, I only glanced.
Wendy - posted on 08/29/2012
Jill - posted on 08/29/2012
i dont like doing its always last resort for me until my child shouts and swears
at me and puts me down
Claire - posted on 08/29/2012
I don't need to 'put myself in the child's place' to imagine the effect of a smack. I still remember scooting up the hallway, following my sister, giggling at mum behind me. We had been so damn cheeky!
When her trusty wooden spoon connected with my bum, I was still laughing, and thinking, 'Ooh, she's mad!'
After I stopped running, I was rubbing my toosh. My second thought,'Hmm, never following Louise (my older sister, agent provocateur :)) in her naughty games.. Again!!
A smirking sister escaped mum and her spoon, walked around the corner... only to find Dad had come home from work- and none of us had heard him. Lou would've been better off with mum's spoon. Dad's hand would cover your backside and more lol
Do I think of that as child abuse or particularly hurtful? Goodness no! We deserved it, we knew what the consequences were and we learned not to be naughty.
I am happy for those who parent sans smacking. Good for them! But I also know that sometimes, some children, benefit from a tap to the bum.
Stop the judgement, enjoy your own life and be happy for yourself and those that you care for.
As we do!
Jen - posted on 08/28/2012
I posted about this prior to seeing your question. We ARE, but, we reserve this disciplinary action for "willful defiance"....When you have warned the child of the consequence.For example.."billy you must NEVER go out in the back yard alone, the pool can be VERY dangerous." If Billy, heaven forbid, is caught at the pool....dun dun dun..One spanking on the bottom, followed by a hug and an explaination . He could fall in and be very hurt or worse. Also getting out of the car seat, running in the road, playing with matches...well , you get it. Just do it in LOVE. and always administer the swat on the covered bottom followed by a hug! :)
Sarah - posted on 08/28/2012
Kids need real discipline and real boundaries.
Melisa - posted on 08/28/2012
nothing wrong with spanking you don't need to do it hard some kids just don't listen i was as a child and i turned out fine :)
Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2012
And yet again ANOTHER ADULT decided to get on here and post a comment about why they disagree with spanking, and opted to start ANOTHER DEBATE and arguement with a group of adults who did not ask for a debate or an arguement. So yet again adults are showing their kids that its okay to pick a fight with people on the internet. Maybe I should start a post about "mature" adults going to pages where they KNOW they wil disagree with the thread and posting their comments to start an arguement or debate when the original thread simply asked for like minded people. In that thread or post maybe the adults can tell their kids its not okay to start fights or arguements and use themselves as examples. But then again most of the adults who disagree with spanking have gotten on pro-spanking threads and decided to put their "opinion" on that thread and essentially picking a fight with a group of moms for no reason except to simply shove their opinion on others so they wouldn't be able to use themselves as examples. I don't get on other threads if I know that I'm going to disagree with it, and I don't post my opinion on threads that didn't ask for my opinion on that topic. This thread did not ask for your opinion Roni. It asked for like minded moms and dads who are pro spanking. If you're not one Roni then go find a thread that says Spanking is wrong, and post your opinion there. I didn't ask for your opinion on the matter, and neither did the person who created this post. If you want to pick a fight please do it on another thread, and leave us alone. I hope you teach your child that it is okay to pick fights with others especially people you don't know because you disagree with their opinion Roni because if thats not what you tell them than you are lying to them because you just got on a thread and picked a fight with people who weren't looking for one. I wonder how traumatic it will be for your child/children when they find out that you're philosophy is do I say, and not as I do?! How hard is to understand that this post is for like minded people and NOT people who disagree? I knew education was going down, but good grief I thought adults still could read! BACK OFF and go to a post that asks for a debate and STOP PICKING FIGHTS WITH US!!!!!!!!!
Roni - posted on 08/28/2012
I have to ask you, today as a grown woman how would you feel if you were spanked? it would prbly hurt you, hurt your feelings, hurt your skin. hurt ur feelings more because it would come from someone you thought loves you. thats what these toddles/kids/babies feel. that their feelings and body were hurt from the parent. I think everyone can achieve their goals without the pain of a belt or the hand of the parent. And Ive seen many who manged without it.
Kristi - posted on 08/25/2012
Wham, bam, thank you m'am! I couldn't have said it better myself, in fact, this is better than some of my original posts! Chalk one up for the spankers! lol
Vanessa - posted on 08/23/2012
Spanking is like pro-choice (thats what it is normally called instead of pro-abortion) Chrissy? One is about teaching life lessons when done properly and the other one is about someone killing a fetus for whatever reasons. How do they even compare? One results in the loss of life while the other one teaches a child that there is consequences for their actions! Have you ever met or seen a 12 week old baby that has been aborted? I've never met a baby that has been aborted, but my child is still alive and well even though she has been spanked. Before I had my child I researched, and read every book on pregnacy, birth, and how to be a parent. In fact, those are the only books I would read until she was two. I tried every technique they said in those books to no avail, and I mean to no avail. She would just turn around and do it again. The first time I popped her on the butt was when she was two and a half, and now when I start counting she makes sure she listens. I hardly ever have to spank her because she knows that after I have given her three warnings, and then start to count that I've had enough at that point. Again I'm going to say what everyone else has said on here I don't spank for every issue. For example my daughter decided to throw a fit yesterday morning. I didn't spank her for it. Instead she was not allowed to get on our computer and play on Nick Jr (the games on that site are awesome for her age group and learning), play any games on my phone or Kindle, and no board games. Spanking her would have made the tantrum worse, but there are sometimes that a spanking is needed to get the point across, and works better than taking away games. It just depends on the situation, and the circumstances. But EVERY child is DIFFERENT. What works my child may not work for yours, or my next door neighbors. What worked for my oldest sister didn't work for my brother or me. But here is the real question that I have for you Chrissy. How would you feel if I told you that the way you discipline your child is wrong even if it works for you and that child simply because I do not agree? It's like people think that because someone agrees with something on the internet they automatically know the person, and how they are with their families and kids. We get on here and say that we are pro-spanking because we agree that sometimes spanking is okay, and automatically people jump to their conclusions, accuse us of things that are not true, twist the words, and try to tell us who we are. I don't recall ever doing that to anyone on any of these posts until it was done to me. Yes spanking is traumatic but so is walking in on your parents when they are "doing their business", so is smoking weed or doing any drugs in front of your four old, but yet we have shows that try to show their side of their story. Shows that convince us to feel sorry for them, to help them get over their addiction, and get their child back. So why is that drug abusers who have recovered from their drug addiction get their child back, and are offered a clean slate but those who say that they have and will possibly spank their child/children in the future are accused of abusing their child, and told what "trauma" their child is supposedly suffering from without ever meeting the child or the parent? No psychologist or psychatrist can tell me how or if my child is suffering any trauma until they meet my child. She is a healthy rambuctious onry little girl that loves life. My posts on here are not going to help someone determine what kind of child she is no matter what I say. Likewise no one can tell you whether your child has suffered any trauma or not simply because you do not spank. Kids will suffer trauma whether we spank or not. But this is what gets me the most. There are child molestors, people who kidnap kids to sell them to sex rings, REAL abusers (drug, alcohol, physical, mental, and emotional), sadistic people out there messing with our kids, but yet those who disagree with spanking get on a post for people who are pro-spanking and pick a fight simply because they disagree. No wonder our children don't act mature. They see their parents get online and pick fight with people they don't know and accuse them of things, belittle them, or tell them how wrong they are simply because they don't like or use that discipline technique. We need to take care of the serious situations we have in the world right now instead of getting online to pick a fight with people we have never met and don't know simply because we disagree with their opinion. This post was for people who have and still do use spanking as a discipline technique, and not for those who disagree. So if you don't agree with spanking then please don't post on here. Instead go to a post that asked for a debate or go to one where like minded people have posted and are in agreement with your opinion on this issue. Otherwise you are teaching your kid how "mature" adults act, and picking a fight with people you don't know.
Claire - posted on 08/22/2012
You make me laugh! :):)
If only you could see my 12yo in full swing! Your 'without trauma' comment would be your undoing, I swear. :)
When she comes home from school, and I have to defrag her negative adopted behaviour from her fundamental ego, I'M the one with a mild infarction, not her!!
Sadly, it has been this way for many years and no, she doesn't have any psych issues. I reckon she's a carrier, though!!
(And to reiterate MY trauma, I usually 'get' infarcted on a weekly basis, thanks to her behaviour. Ahh, I love that word :) Means a bleed on the brain).
From your previous posts that I -admittedly- skimmed over, you have a young one, yes?
That has pushed your buttons- but not in a big way, right?
Take a walk with my daughter. She's not as bad as what she used to be, but if we were posting 3 years earlier... She has ALWAYS been a high strung, unco-operative, argumentative person from the word go.
I started off not smacking. She was 4-5yo when I did do it. And I truly believe, the damage had been done by then. At the time, I was a Social Worker (with major in Psych), working with parents that had zero parenting skills. So, according to my training, I was emphatic about smacking.
'Not Me!' I declared to my self, so certain of the academia and studies that say smacking is bad. I was so self assured that I could parent without the need to smack.
Then, I met/had Anna.
Although she has calmed down a lot, she fights and defies us at every turn. She lied daily- it used to be constant. She has nearly caused car accidents (one minute I'm calmly telling her that eating whole packets of choccy biscuits and trying to hide the wrapper in her bed is unacceptable, next she has jumped over the centre console to scream in my ear).
I think if she had received a smack when it was sorely needed when she was younger, she would have more respect for us and do what she is asked to do in a more co-operative manner.
For the record, I refute the saying smacking creates fear of the parent, I think having a little bit of fear is a healthy feeling. Fear of fire is good. Fear of snakes is good (we live in the country in Australia. Just about everything can kill you here).
So fear of a smack is good. It's a natural boundary enforcer to me. I use passive techniques before *assessing* whether a smack will modify the offending behaviour. I DON'T choose a smack as a final punishment -every time- after I have exhausted passive avenues. Most times it's a tin of soup, toast and bed! (Heinz, I love you xoxo).
The argument that smacking engenders violence in children is also unsubstantiated, to me. Anna was violent before she started getting smacked, our other two were also rough with each other- before I ever started smacking. I think children -unconsciously- see the need for physical action when standing up for themselves. The obvious reason is that they don't have the speech development or comprehension to communicate their thoughts. However, when they do develop, and they still use physical force, what does that tell us? THEY HAVE CHOSEN THAT METHOD, WHETHER IT IS WRONG OR RIGHT, TO US ADULTS.
We may see the force as unacceptable, tell them why and so on, but you cannot deny that boys -in general- are more likely to use force even when they grow. They see it as a natural boundary enforcer. Whether it be for keeping the peace, ensuring their status or the general pecking order. It's to teach.
No, I'm not talking about bullying, here, nor do I think bullying is right. I'm meaning the regular scraps children get into - with their siblings, their mates at school or kindergarten.
Nor do I try to reason that smacking is right because children use force, I'm simply saying that they see physical action as enforcement of a boundary. Ergo, they will remember physical action (even just that stern cranky old lady look of mine lol) more easily than words which don't mean all that much until mum says it over and over and over... :)
And what about the children from non smacking families that are violent? What's their excuse? Also, if smacking is such a social ailment, why hasn't society broken down before this?
With our 3yo middle child, I have smacked her 3 times and she knows that breaking the rules will have a punishment, better than our 12yo. (Although, she doesn't seem to need more than a time out. That is her fear re-inforcement. She is mortified by the threat of time out). The three smacks she has had have been for running in front of cars in the carpark- straight after been told not to do it, opening our wood heater- after being told not to and fIngerpainting.. not with paint though:):).
Our 20mth old, Joey, is now ignoring passive measures. He gets a tap on the hand when constantly trying to get to something he shouldn't. He loves the wood heater as well. (We do have a screen surrounding it, but as I did my back in nursing, it needs to be movable for me to get to the fire ). I remove him from there atleast twenty times a day. Being stuck inside on our snowy winter days doesn't help and I expect him to get to things though.
Like Kristi, I believe your comparison to abortion was wrong- abortion is different on so many levels.
I also believe your comment that 'smacking is touted as good parenting' is misguided as the phrase 'good parenting' is basically unjust and unconsciously discriminates between parents.
Parenting is like learning in life to me. We each reach, grok, and evolve from each learning outcome, at our own speed. What may be right in one situ may not suit another parent and child's situ.
I'm not on here to say smacking is 'good parenting'. I'm here because I believe ALL PARENTING TECHNIQUES have their place, time and possible usage.
Kristi - posted on 08/21/2012
Do you honestly think "pro spanking" means we like to beat our children? Give me a break. Spanking and abortion and the decision to do either have about as much in common as a snake and a giraffe. Pro abortion is a slam against people who believe it is the woman's right to choose. Pro spanking is not a slam or a matter of pride. It simply means that a person believes spanking is an acceptable and sometimes necessary form of discipline. The decision to spank is immensely less serious than the decision to abort. If spanking is used properly as a part of a parent's discipline methods should not and hardly ever does have lasting, traumatic consequences. Abortion is on entirely different scale. There are much more serious ramifications when a woman chooses to abort. Comparing the two is like comparing rape to a traffic violation.
How many of the "pro spanking" comments have you even read? Albeit, there are some outlandish comments, which do take away the credibility from those of us who use spanking as an effective form of discipline. But, for the most part people are logical, smart, and have no ill will when a spanking is called for. By "smart" I mean that we are not spanking just to spank, there is a valid reason for the spanking and being "smart" about it means we don't abuse or humiliate our children.
Spanking is not used just because it easier. That comment is ridiculous as well. Patience will not prove to teach a child which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. For example, you have a screaming toddler in the midst of a meltdown in the grocery store because you won't let him have a bag of jellybeans, sure you could sit there patiently while the tantrum continues and the child wears him/herself out and finally falls asleep from exhaustion or when he/she just gives up (doubtful). Thus, not teaching your child about what kind of behavior is appropriate or about the fact that it is not ok to throw a fit every time he/she is told "no." IMO, that is irresponsible parenting, or lack thereof. I think the majority of spankers would agree a swift pop on the bum will quickly get his/her attention and help the child to recognize that this behavior will not be tolerated. The "easy" thing to do here is to give the child the jellybeans just so he/she will shut up. I'm sure we can all agree that this just reinforcesthat the negative behavior will get produce the child's desired results.
Nobody, well most of us, has stated that if you don't spank, your child will be an unruly, disobediate drain on society. There are numerous comments that state if you can effectively discipline your child without spanking more power to you. People who "tout" spanking as good parenting (more likely touting it as good disciplining) are doing so based on the parents who just offer patient words and 5 minutes in the time-out chair or they laugh and shrug the poor behavior off because "it's just a phase" or "he/she is having a bad day," etc. and then wonder later why their child(ren) is/are out of control. Many of us have also stated that each parent has the right to choose how they discipline their children and that one method may work for you but not for me and vice versa.
If this whole thread continues to bother you might I suggest you find another thread, either that or go back and read or reread more of the comments on here. For those that do say outlandish things that bother you address them personally. But don't just make haphazard comments like "pro spankers" want to hit their children and then try to compare the decision to spank to the decision of having an abortion. That bothers me in general.
Given your distaste with this
Christian - posted on 08/21/2012
I finally realized why this thread bothers me in general. It's because there should be no such thing as PRO spanking. It's like being pro abortion. No one is pro abortion. You are pro-life and pro choice. if you are pro choice, you agree with a person's right to an abortion, but no one wants people to have abortions.
I agree with a parents right to spank, but I dont' feel that it should be touted as good parenting. No one is a perfect parent, but the reality is that you could get the same results that you get from spanking without the trauma with patience, but with all the things involved in parenting, sometimes its just easier to spank. Spanking is something that (if you choose to do it) you should do it for a reason that hopefully benefits your child, but the fact that you would be pro spanking shows a lack of judgment in my opinion. I may or may not choose to spank my child, but I HOPE to never have to, which is why I would never consider myself pro spanking, just because I spanked my kid. I hope that you "pro-spankers" don't WANT to hit your kids. That would be sad for you and your children.
I'd also like to reinterate that PLENTY of children turn out to be polite, proactive, happy productive members of society without being beat or spanked.
Vacreta - posted on 08/21/2012
i am and it worked for me because since he was about 7 or 8 i do not have to spank anymore now all i have to do is give him a look and my son is now 11
Kristi - posted on 08/20/2012
I'm not sure who, recently said they or their children are "just ok" as a result of being spanked. Additionally, we both know "ok" is used in many contexts with different meanings. Same with "fine" or "alright." I scrolled through page 1, post from 8/4 to your post 5 hours ago. These are the adjectives I found in other mom's comments about their children or themselves being a "product" of spanking; great, fine, awesome, healthy, and productive. Not one person, recently, said "ok."
Julie - posted on 08/20/2012
Good for you but, I am hoping my kids are better than OK!
Kellee - posted on 08/20/2012
It is great to hear that there are still parents out there who understand there is a need from time to time to spank a child...I agree with you all that the reason many kids/teens are running the house and not the parents is because we have gone away from disapline. If your child is responsive and behavior is modified by "time-outs"/"time-ins" that is awesome, but not all kids resond to that....Everyone needs to fidn what works for them an their child. No you don't need to beat your kid, but you do need to make sure they know who is in charge and it should NEVER be the child!!
Claire - posted on 08/20/2012
Hehehe, Kelly, nice one!
(Post, I mean :))
Kelly - posted on 08/18/2012
There is a big difference between spanking - a swat on the butt and what some people do I have seen - smack in the face/head. I totally agree with spanking, I was spanked and I live a healthy, productive life, haven't committed crimes, don't hate my parents! I am totally sure that's the reason there is so much trouble with today's youth/young adults. There are no consequences to anything they do. Heaven forbid you talk back or misbehave, you might get a time out or have to go to your room! I wish I had someone tell me to go to my room so I could text and play video games! As long as it's not a 'beating' or hitting in the head, aside from a red mark for a minute, a spank on the bum is not going to psychologically damage a child. Sometimes it's the only way to get my 3 and a half year olds attention when he is having a 'moment'. Talking softly and sweetly is certainly not going to. Spank on parents!!
Claire - posted on 08/17/2012
To add to Kristi's response, I use an occassional smack like any other discipline technique- sparingly- because if you use a punishment too often, the child becomes inured to the measure, or adjusts to the punishment and it becomes least effective.
I have found this to be the case both professionally and personally, and it goes for passive techniques such as re-orientation (removing child from situ and giving them something else to do, for example) to time out, naughty chair or smacking.
Might I suggest if a child rebels against a smack it is because they are either uber sensitive (but see nothing wrong in breaking rules :)) or the "smacking' is done in an abusive fashion (ie, paraded in front of other children, bare bummed or the single smack is actually a beating).
There is a difference. :)
I remember my mum's famous wooden spoon, too :) Never did I try to emulate the (naughty) older sister after the last smack!
And if it's only on the bum, I don't see anything wrong with the spoon. I don't do that myself as that is classed as assault in Australia. Each to their own, though, as long as the child is not hurt- again, a BIG difference between the momentary ego reaction and 'Oww' and longer lasting welt or something like that.
Amber - posted on 08/17/2012
I am definitely pro spanking. I also use time out and grounding as appropriate. My rule is that is someone can get really hurt by the action then a spanking is warranted but I will say I have never gone over 5 swats. Also I only use my hand or the ever famous (in my parents and my house) wooden spoon. My daughter is 15 now and the last time she was spanked was just under a year ago. She told a very big lie that could have cost another adult their freedom. I spanked her and grounded her for 2 months. She lost EVERYTHING. My son is now 5 and he stands at parade rest against the wall for minor infractions but I do spank him too. It really is just a case-by-case situation. My daughter is not really affected anymore so I do usually just take her phone and other gadgets but my son, as I said a moment ago, it is case-by-case.
Theresa - posted on 06/09/2010
I am a pro spanking mom however I have limits and rules that help the situation stay under control. I give my children a warning the 123 but I never back down, I am consistent, if I get to three they get a spanking; most of the time by the time I get to 2 they have complied. I have a three lick rule that I don’t break regardless of the offense and it helps me keep a line drawn so I know I am disciplining not abusing my children. I have to admit I struggled with this in the beginning with my first child. When he was three he had hit his little sister in the head with a toy and I popped his butt and told him not to hit her. He looked at me and said, "Mommy you are not supposed to hit people." So I cringed...Was I reinforcing the behavior by spanking him? But as time went on I realized that there are times when spanking is needed to show I mean business. I am now a single mother of four and am proud to say my kids are well behaved. I use spanking when it is needed but I am not reluctant when it is.
Gina - posted on 06/09/2010
YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. I am a pro spanking mom. I was spanked and I'm still alive, smart, happy and healthy. me and my kids' fathers have very bad tempers and are very stubborn and it really comes out in the kids to. and as a single mom of 3 who also babysits 4 other kids and all of them range from 1 to 6 years of age I need them to know that I am boss. I only spank my own but it shows the other that I do mean business and not to mess with me. As long as the line between discipline and abuse isn't crossed spank away.
Nareeda - posted on 06/07/2010
i am a pro spanking mom, i am a single 23 yr old with 3 kids (2 boys nearly 6&7 1 girl 3) and i think if i didn't spank my child when they deserved it then my house would be a horrible place to live. the other day i was at the shops and my daughter threw a temper tantrum and through herself on the floor, i gave her to the count of 3 to get up and hold my hand or i was going to smack her bottom, i ended up having to smack her and i was abused by a lady telling me i was a horrible mother, yet on the other hand praised by an elderly lady saying it was good to see young mothers disciplining their children.. so i say "YES"
Jen - posted on 06/05/2010
I am a pro spanking mom as well. I'm a single mother of two. I've got a 2 year old daughter who gets spanked when she needs to be. She knows when she does wrong so she needs a form of punishment that will show her that she's not in control and it will also keep her out of harms way. My other daughter is only 5 monthes so she has a while before she gets that sort of punishment. I'm glad that I'm not the only one out there that is a pro spanking mom. lol
Rotacha - posted on 05/20/2010
Definetly a pro spanking mom!! It's biblical!! The bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child", now that doesn't mean beat your child til their near death (lol). My daughter is 10 now, but when she was a toddler I definetly popped her hands, or legs when she got out of control or disobeyed. Again I have to reference the bible, "Train up a child in the way he shall go, and when he is. old he shall not depart from it." With that said, I have spanked her in years. Now, all I have to do is raise my voice or use a certain tone and she gets right in line.
Gerta - posted on 05/18/2010
I'm definitely a pro spanking mom. My girls got it more than a few times when they were young, first with my hand and as they got older and still acted up the belt was used to teach them a lesson. Sure helped! they are happy and healthy young ladies now.
Courtney - posted on 03/28/2010
Hello!! Thank GOD you all are pro spanking moms as well. Kids today have no respect for authority and they are getting away with way too much. I have heard too many arguments that it hurts their self esteem but I don't agree. I was spanked (a lot) and my self esteem is fine. I spank my son when needed but I am honestly afraid to do so because people get too nosy and all it takes is one phone call. My son knows at home anything goes but out in public I am more reserved.