Help..What to do about my daughters dad??

Nicole - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

2

21

0

I have 3 little girls but my husband has been raising his 2 youngest girls plus the one thats not his..but my oldest one caitlyn belong to an ex-boyfriens from 4years ago. I was 2months preganat when we broke up. I never hearded from him again. My husband has been takeing care of her just like she was his and loves her dearly. About 3months ago her dad contacted me throw a friend of ours and told them that he wanted to she her. SO after being gone for 3 1/2years he finley seen her for the 1st time, but he told me that the reason for not seeing her or even trying to find her was b/c he had just gotten out of the Navy. He also want to be apart of her life but that went sour.. He would never call or ask about her, and seen her for about 4hrs aweek then run off saying he had something to do that was important..and he called that being a father.From Oct-Dec 2 he seen her for about 7times. I had a talk with he about what it takes to be a real dad..but he didnt get the point. He promise our daughter that he would get her the barbie doll she wanted for christmas..guess what he never seen her or called or even got it for her. 2weeks b4 christmas he disapeared again. if it wasnt for my husband going out the day b4 christmas she would had never got her doll.. Then on caitlyns b-day which was jan 18 he call with a blocked number just to say to me " tell caitlyn i wish her a happy b-day from daddy" which pissed me off after what he had done to her b4 christmas. Then i had asked him about child surrport and this is what i got told" Your a money hungry b**ch and im not giving you a dime untill she has my last name"..and she has my last name but What to do with this whole mess going on?????And also my husband has been rasieng her from day one and she calls him daddy but after this she know about her real dad.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Amy - posted on 02/24/2012

86

38

16

If your husband wants to adopt her my advise would be check with local lawyer about abandment laws and have your state strip his rights so your husband can adopt her. I am going threw that now with my daughter she's 14 and I can Count on both hands the number of times she seen her Bio father. We are right now waiting for him to be served court papers. We just have to prove it is ipn her best interest for his rights to be taken and it is. Its worth a call. Good luck

Tonya - posted on 01/26/2010

1

18

0

I don't know what state you live in, but every state has a statute that covers abandonment of a child. If it has been that long since he has even made a phone call to your child much less a visit, you should have NO problem getting his rights taken away. If your husband has raised her, then he IS her Daddy. Look into your states abandonment laws and then yank his rights so that you (and most importantly SHE) does not have to grow up knowing nothing but disappointment from a man who expects to be called Daddy but refuses to put in the time or effort to deserve the title.
Just my 2 cents. I had to learn to do my research on this. My daughter is in a similar situation and believe me....I know the feeling.

Patti - posted on 01/25/2010

9

12

1

First of all don't get yourself stressed over this. You are the parent who has been there from day one raising her and he can't take that away. You have a choice you can take him to court for support and get a visitation schedule in place or the next time he calls tell him to take you to court. If you go to court they will put an order of support and visitation schedule in place. As for the name thing he can want her to have his name all he wants but unless you agree to have it changed they wont do it. I have two children with my ex-boyfriend, our oldest has his last name and the youngest has mine this has caused problems in both directions because i can't get the oldest ones changed to mine without his permission which will never happen and i will never agree to change my youngest name to his. There is nothing he can really do about the name thing so don't worry about that, and if he is anything like my ex who doesn't pay support he is not going to take you to court and then visitation is up to you. Personally my kids don't see my ex for a number of reasons including that he thinks he should get the joy of seeing them without the responsibility of being a parent (paying support) and will never take me to court for visitation because he owes me $40k in back support. Good luck with which ever choice you decide to make and if you need to talk write me.

Jolene - posted on 01/25/2010

2

2

0

I'm in a similar situation.. and it's a very hard one. In my mind my son doesn't have a father, but about once a month his father calls and wants to know how he is and says he wants to see him. And he makes me false promises about being in his life and helping me support him. He's thrown in my face many times that all I want is money.. and all I can really tell him is that it's true, that is all I want from him at this point. The way I see it is that I know alot of people who have grown up with absent fathers or fathers that were in and out of their lives. And they are all wonderful people because their mothers stepped up to give them the life they deserve. At first when his father would call it would be an immediate argument.. about everything he's done and hasn't done. But now I realise that this will go on the rest of my life. If he wants to come and go as he pleases, its his own loss, and as my son gets older I truly believe that he will realise that he deserves better, and will see him for the man that he really is. I'm trying to better myself as a person so that that may reflect on my son.. so I'm trying to take the positive approach and let him have his moments, rather then spend my time stressing that he won't follow through with his promises. I'm letting him back in with no expectations, I would rather be surprised that he does do better, than dissappointed that he doesn't. I know it's going to hurt when my son asks about his father, or wants to see him and hes no where to be found.. but I dont think that will affect who he will grow up to be, because he has such a wonderful family and great influences already. You're very lucky you have found a man who has stepped up and loved your daughter, and in your daughter's heart that will never be replaced by the absent dissapointment that is her biological father. It's a very hard decision, and it hurts alot, but in my opinion it will make you stronger as a mother. Just go into it with no expectations, and you won't get let down constantly. Good luck :)

Kayleigh - posted on 01/25/2010

39

35

3

at the end of the day your daughter is at the age now where she is going to realise that he is coming in and out of her life. u need to sit him down again and tell him that he needs to get his priorities correct because that little girl comes first no matter what. and if cant accept it then tell him there is no more chances. change your number so he cant contact u. she already has a dad and and man can be a father but only a real man can be a dad. my partner isnt my daughters biological father but it doesnt mean he loves her any less. good luck x

Christina - posted on 01/24/2010

1

16

0

I would tell him next time you talk to him that you are going to take him for court and file custody and child support. This way you have a court order and he cant bother you. In the long he is just hurting your daughter because she is the one who gets dissapointed and gets brken promises. Atleast she has your husband who is really her dad.

Nicole - posted on 01/24/2010

2

21

0

my husband wants him to sign over his right so that he can adotp her. but he told me that he would never do that he just wants to bug me over a kid he dont want. i wish he would walk out and stay gone.

Karima - posted on 01/24/2010

46

14

6

omg girl that guy is a total loser if i were u i would say lose my number cuz my daughter has a dad that has been there unlike u who feels like u can call whenever u feel like it that is b.s. i hate when guys pull that crap how does ur man feel about it ? i dunno it just seems ur ex needs to grow up u should file child support on him lol

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms