HOW DO I GET FULL CUSTODY IN CA

Lily - posted on 05/25/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My baby is going to be 2months tomorrow and her father just filled for FULL CUSTODY for her this past Sunday, Unbelievable!!!! He hardly ever comes to see her and if he does its when he is not with his "other child" whom is only 1month older than my babygirl and that other baby isn't even his!! He is such an unfit parent. He lives in a 2bedroom apartment with TEN people sleeping there and thats not including the people who are in & out of there daily. I thought we were doing fine being that I would always grant his wish to let him see her. He would pick us up and we would go out to a restaurant or to his families house so he could have time with her but now he throws this in my face and still has the nerve to text me the next day to ask when he could see her... Its been 2weeks since he has even bothered trying to see her. This doesn't even include all the stress he put me thru when I was pregnant. We had dated for 3yrs and once he found out I was pregnant he told me to get an abortion and left me!! 5months into my pregnancy I found out he got my so-called friend pregnant as well and her due date was only 2weeks before mines!! He held her hand thru her pregnancy and all. But now that her baby is here.. well turns out the baby wasn't his but some other guys. So now he wants to come into my daughters life and steal her away from me. I want to know what I can do to get full custody of my daughter and no rights for him. He didn't even sign the birth certificate because I didn't want to give her his last name, for what? He ended up leaving me AND his daughter to find our own way home from the hospital.

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Susan - posted on 05/31/2011

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U do not have to worry about him getting full custody. The judge will probably require a paternity test since he didn't sign the birth certificate and in Virginia u have to see a mediator before u go to court that will try to get u 2 to come to an agreement I don't know how it works in CA. If no agreement can be reached then u will have to go in front of the judge and from what u say about this man I doubt u will have anything to worry about. Sadly enough as ur child gets older and needs discipline and financial help that man will probably not want to be as involved as he says he does now. Babies are easy at 2 months they sleep and eat but as they get older they require much more work that he probably won't want to do....good luck in all that u are going through I know ur situation firsthand except there are 2 kids affected by the man in my situation

Melissa - posted on 05/30/2011

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i don't disagree with ashley at all about whether a child should or should not see both parents, but i do think that it should depend on the situation on some parents- some should have supervised visitation depending on the situation of the parent. If they have a tendancy to be abusive or have a violent past or they are unstable then they should have a stable environment to visit their children in until they have a stable environment to have their children in, because a child needs stability! From what Lily originally posted she sounded concerned with stability too, and if the child doesn't have a stable environment to live in are they going to get the love and care they need?

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2011

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if it makes you feel any better in ohio the mom unless found unfit gets custody of their baby until at least a year old especially if breastfeeding. So i hope it's the same in CA! However, from what you have said he hasn't provided and doesn't have the stable life your daughter needs for full custody, and if there are really 10 people in a 2 bedroom apartment then he doesn't even have grounds for visitation in his home. He will need to get his act together for courts to take him responsibly! Get a lawyer or legal aid to help you out!

Meghan - posted on 05/25/2011

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Oh my, this guy doesnt seem like a very nice person. Given the information you put in your post, I dont think he will be getting custody anytime soon, visitation maybe, full custody, I doubt it. However, he is her father and that reason alone gives him just as much right to have the baby as you have, but if he has ulterior motives, then I suggest getting an attorney and documenting everything he does or doesnt do. The main problem that I can see, is his living conditions, I doubt any family court judge will agree to even overnight visits were she will not have a room to nap or stay over night.Even if the judge agreed, he would have to prove his house suitable for full time custody of a baby. The mediator or the judge will have to take into consideration, his reputation...i.e, multiple sex partners, leaving you and your child at the hospital. If he is not trustworthy then they will probably start out with court appointed supervised visitation. Does he have a job? If he does, then you will need to establish child support. If he did not sign the birth certificate, he will most likley be summond for a paternaty test to establish that he is infact the father (it is usually routine). What happens from there will depend on his living conditions, if he can souly provide financially and emotionally for her and of course, what the two of you might agree upon as well. I wish you both the best of luck for the baby's sake, every child deserves to have a good relationship with the both of his/her parents.

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Lily - posted on 06/01/2011

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Thank you all. I did let him see her but since she want allowed to sleepover his place he got mad. There is definetly much more to this story. I really do wish my daughter could sed her father, I would never want to keep him away despite what he had put me thru . But hw its not willing to meet halfway obviously =/

Korrina - posted on 06/01/2011

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I have not done the "custody thing" here in California (Did in another state) but I do know people that have. Unless you can prove hes an unfit parent (child molester/abuser) he will get 50% of custody. Period. California is a 50/50 state. If you are to ever want move away you must petition the state to remove the child from the state or even county or YOU will loose custody. Is he on the birth certificate? If not he'll have to prove paternity first to gain any rights. Unfortunately the best advice I can give you is retain a lawyer and hang in there.

[deleted account]

The law in California since you are NOT married is that there will HAVE TO BE a paternity test. Also in California is is mandatory for you to go through mediation. You can bring all this up in mediation.

I would highly suggest you work with a lawyer to make sure your and your daughters rights are protected. the legal process can be quite confusing.

In addition there is will be child support assigned through this process.

Don't worry, unless you are proven unift (and this takes quite a lot) he will not get full custody of a breastfeeding child.

Melissa - posted on 05/31/2011

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If you think of it this way, it takes time to try and get custody too, hopefully if your lucky he will have his intentions of wanting full custody at first but then realize the responsibilities of taking care of a child in the long run as your child gets older and then loose interest in wanting to raise a child which will be YOUR best interest. However in your child's best interest I hope you two can find at least a visitation agreement even if he gets supervised!

[deleted account]

Sorry, I'm just speaking from my experience here. My ex raped me while we were married, threatened to take my girls away and never bring them back, and was nonexistent in my kids lives for almost a year and a half and the ONLY thing that kept him from getting joint custody is the fact that he moved too far away to make that practical......

Ashley - posted on 05/29/2011

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It really depends on the situation.. My daughter's bio dad isn't involved, hasn't been involved, and more than likely will never be involved. He was abusive throughout our relationship, physically and mentally. He's not on the birth certificate either.. Although he has threatened plenty of times to take me to court.. He's just all talk.. Was your ex the one who told you about the full custody or did you actually get served?

I have to disagree with the other comments.. Sometimes children are better off not knowing the other parent regardless of blood. It just depends on the situation.. I refuse to have her bio dad involved in fear of him hurting or even kidnapping her.. and my boyfriend plans on playing the role of her father until she's old enough to understand the truth. if it comes to it and she Really wants to meet her father, so be it.. but not until she's at least 16 and it'll be supervised..

[deleted account]

Unless you are proven unfit.... he won't get full custody. Unless HE is proven unfit.... you may get 50/50. I understand he sucks and hopefully he will only get visitations as they have been while she is still so young, but he IS her father and, jerk or not, he has a right to a relationship w/ her and more importantly... SHE has a right to a relationship w/ him.

Good luck!

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