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How do I move out of my ex's house and have my 3 1/2 year old be okay with it?

Shelly - posted on 09/14/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

My son and I have been living with my now ex-boyfriend since last November. It took a really long time for my son to get used to him being in our lives. My ex and I got into a really big fight while on vacation and nothing had been the same ever since. Last Saturday he told me he didn't love me anymore, the spark is gone and we should just be friends. I asked him if he wanted to try and work it out some how and he said no he's been through enough. I thought that was a little strange so I asked him if he had been seeing someone else and he said no. I asked him if he was sure and he said no again. Then yesterday he left his Facebook on and I read his email and found the emails between he and the girl he's seeing. I showed it to him and anyway it's over and I'm very sad, depressed and angry and I'm tying to hide it from my son. He finally loves my ex and his three sons and I had to tell him that mommy and he have to live somewhere else. I feel like his heart is going to break. I'm stuck living with the ex for a while because I lost my job and still have to find a place, etc. I asked the ex to please be good to my son and he said that of course he would. I just don't want my son to be heart broken over this and for him to happy. I'm trying to stay busy so I don't have to think about it as much but I really just want to get over this pain as fast as possible and move on.

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Shelly - posted on 09/23/2009

Thank you so much everyone, you words really have helped me out a lot. I'm pretty sure my son will be okay with it all and once we are able to get out of here, he'll be excited that it'll just be him and me again like it was before! A friend told me tonight that no woman she knows who has been through this kind of experience has ever wanted to go back and they have all come out on top and are happier and have much better lives now. So that is really what I'm looking forward to. All of the good things that are to come and I know God will lead me in the right direction! Thanks everyone, you've been great to me!

Shameka - posted on 09/23/2009

I think you have to do what's best for you and your child. My child is know 9 and she does not remember the guy I dated when she was three because we have not seen or talked about him since. So it works out different for each child. Pray and know that God will lead you the right way.

Megan - posted on 09/22/2009

I'm going through a similar situation....but it's with my daughters father. I opened back up to him and let him back in our lives. We used to live together then we split up, then back together, so on.
She's 3 and she asks why daddy isn't home all the time. The only remedy for the heartache that I've found? Spending as much time with my daughter, my best friend, and her daughter.
It hurts when you're alone, but if you can 'game face' it until your little boy goes to sleep, all will be well.
Find you a place to go as soon as possible. Exs can TELL you they will play fair and all, but then when he brings that girl home and you bring it up it'll be "This is MY house!" Been there, done that, honey.

Brandy - posted on 09/22/2009

it is going to be hard on you and your son may be hurt alittle at first but you need to move out as soon as you can it will be easier for the two of you to heal when out of the house and not around him everyday it will take time to heal you just be there for your son let him know he did nothing wrong to cause the seperation and that he is still loved no matter who you are with. Is this the father of the child ? is so hopefully he will still get to see his dad . your child is still young and I think the younger they are the faster they will over come the seperation . I don't know how to help you feel better but my thought are just that the faster you get out of there the haster you can start to heal

Niki - posted on 09/22/2009

First, my prayer is for your strength in God. Know that He can and will mend your broken heart. God never closes a door without opening another.

Now, concerning your three yr old. I remember my divorce with my kids dad, and my sons were 5 and 2 at the time. I specifically told my boys that dad and I were getting a divorce, but we were not divorcing them; and we lived up to our word. Our boys spent a considerable amount of time with their dad, and they are now 20 and 17 and doing well.

You and your ex should have a sit down with your son, together, and assure him that although you two are no longer together or live together, he will still be loved by the both of you. If the ex is serious about continued care for your son, see if he will still be willing to come and get your three yr old for outtings; just them two.

Jill - posted on 09/22/2009

It will ever be easy whenever you do it and putting will only make it worse. He won't understand b/c he is too young but in time he will adjust just fine. Don't worry about moving out and how that will affect your son, think about living in an enviroment that is not happy and how that will affect your son. As long as he has you and knows that you love him he will be just fine. Be strong, be independent and beleive me your son will respect you for it later!!!!

Christina - posted on 09/21/2009

This sounds really tough! I have a 4 year old son and have been with someone for about 2years, on and off, and it looks like we are now breaking up. He techinicallyt lives here but works in another province so is not here all the time. My son is asking about him often and assuming everything is the same even though he hasn't been here for a while. It breaks my heart to have to break the connection between them but i know that my son will be okay with it eventually. It's hard now but you really have to focus on a point past this hurt where you know your son and yourself will be happy again. I realized that my son just wants me to be happy, he loves seeing me happy and i think he's supportive of whatever it is that makes that so.

It's so hard to hold it together for your child when you hurt so badly but at the same time, you need to hurt and feel it so you can learn from it and move on a stronger woman! Your son will adjust, he has you and that is the most important thing! Try to truly enjoy everyday with your son and be thankful you have each other!

Renea - posted on 09/14/2009

IT IS MUCH EASIER NOW TO MOVE OUT, BECAUSE THE CHILD IS AT A STAGE WHERE HE WILL ADJUST TO ANY ENVIROMENT. BEEN THERE DONE THAT. I MOVE OUT FROM MY HUSBAND WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE 10,7,AND 3. AND ADAPTED TO THE MOVE.