How do I talk to my 3 year old son and explain "daddy"?

Monique - posted on 08/24/2012

I'm so glad I found this site. For the past 2 years, I've felt like the only person in the world wit a son that has never established a connection with his dad. I agree with the others in this post. Once our kids are old enough to understand the truth, that's when we as moms should explain why things didn't pan out as we expected. Until then, we have to give our kids unlimited love and support!

Shayna - posted on 09/01/2011

My ex has been in prison since I was pregnant with my eight year old. I agree with the previous post. Just answer honestly and only provide just enough information. Don't sound angry or talk down about him. It can only complicate things. Let him know that you two are your own family. :) It's hard, but I found that being honest and sharing only what he asks was just the perfect solution.

JuLeah - posted on 08/31/2011

Well use care. The feelings you have around this are not sons feelings unless he is taught to feel from you. He is without judgement right now.

It is like the kid who falls and scrapes her knee. She is usually okay unless mom comes along freaking out, "Ohh NO, you poor baby, oh that must hurt so much"

Well, then she is in pain, and crying, and upset .....

So, in my child's, and I have found this to be true every year, there are kids who were adopted, kids with one mom, kids with two moms, kids being brought up by a grandparent or Uncle/Aunt, kids in foster care, kids with a mom and dad who are divorced and both remarried, and kids with a mom and dad both living in the home.

I got movies, books from the library, and made sure my daughter understood there was no right way - no correct way to do family. It was about loving folks and wanting to spend time.

He is way too young to even think in terms of 'why did he leave' or 'why didn't he want me' unless the questions are put into his head

He has one mom, and odds are, grandparents, uncles, aunts .... nothing wrong with that

Maybe when the questions do come tell him that his father knew he could not be a good father, not the father your son deserves and he loved him enough to leave before he could cause him pain

Jennifer - posted on 08/26/2011

you're answers will all depend on what age he is when he asks them...and expect him to ask them throughout all the ages so start very basic. Daddy lives somewhere else/left us a long time ago/ect...depends all on what info he has and such.

I feel for you truly - my 4 year old is starting school and has already had a time of things explaining that his daddy lives in one country, his half brother and sister in another and me and him in a 3rd. young kids understand a lot more then we ever want to think of them doing...ASK him what he thinks, what he knows when he asks...you may get your answer from him. HUGS

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2009

When he asks questions like "Where's my daddy?" make sure whatever answer you give start it with "Your daddy loves you..." It's important he knows it's not because of him it's something daddy can't do right now. If he ever decides to initiate contact I would wait until that is a definite before you tell him "your daddy wants to see you". My son's dad texts and says one thing and does another. It really bothers me. My son doesn't know anything about it. When he gets much older and wants grown up answers, I will ask him to try to talk with his dad.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2009

i have a 2 1/2 yr old i live at home with my parents. when my daughter asks about her daddy i tell her you dont have a daddy you have a poppop nad that makes u xtra special

Shayna - posted on 04/19/2009

My ex was arrested when I was three months peg. with my son. He is still in prison and will be there until 2021. My son is now six. He started asking too at that age. I told him that he has a father, but he is unable to be with him. I also explained that he has a Heavenly Father that loves him very much. He still craves that attention from a father figure. I have several wonderful male friends who spend time with him frequently. He is also starting to want a "new daddy" (ie. me to get married). But that's a whole other subject! lol

Patty - posted on 04/19/2009

I agree with waiting until he asks questions but as far as telling the truth (the details) I'd wait until they are in their teens before going that far. My son is 16 and has asked since he was 4 or 5 why his dad didn't live with us like the other kids' dads do. I couldn't tell him the truth, that his dad was a drug addict and a womanizer, that would have distroyed him and any trust that he would have with any man that would later come in and take up the roll of dad in his life. If you tell them too much info at a young age, they will automatically think that all me are just like their fathers and not want to trust or bond with any of them. I always told my son every time he asked that his father and I just couldn't get along any more and that it was better for all of us if we didn't live together anymore. A child will continue to ask that question for quite a while, especially when they see the kids at school with their fathers. Just reassure them that some day when the time is right, God will bring them the right daddy and that daddy will be better than any daddy anyone else has because God sent him that daddy just for him or her! It worked for me and still works to this day!

Michelle - posted on 04/18/2009

Thank you all for the help to my question I feel more confident with the hard task of dealing with such questions. I will wait until he starts to really ask questions, but like most of you he doesn't know his father who left right after my son's 1st birthday and for that I am lucky.

Natesha - posted on 04/18/2009

My 3yr old daughter's father hasn't been a stable figure in her life. She knows there's this man that calls once in a while & refers to himself as daddy. She doesn't make a big stink about it. Just a couple of months ago I told him not to call the house and get her hyped that daddy's on the phone for a conversation that would only last but 5 seconds. Because in reality she can't put a face to who daddy was. Before this phone call she saw a Dora episode when Boots was going to spend his special day going to his daddy's job. In her own words she asked like a who or where's my daddy question.
I told him my job was not to answer those type of questions but to exceed where he has failed. Meaning I will make sure that even though she sees her classmates have mommies & daddies active in their lives, she will never know the difference of not having a daddy present. The day that she matures and starts to ask more detailed questions is the day I give her his phone number so that he can explain it to her why he wasn't there for her. I also do not talk about him in a negative way in front of her. I want her to be able to have an unbiased outlook on the situation as she gets older.
I have tried to make things easy for him as far as her spending time with him and stuff. But what's that saying about you can lead a horse to water..but you can't make him drink? He's the horse..

Emily - posted on 04/18/2009

My son is 3 and never had a father. He knows about dads but never really asked. I wouldnt get into to much info about the father because he is only 3 and most likely wont understand if you say he left us. But you have to tell him the truth as well. What i can offer is dont say anything until he asked. Dont bad mouth the father on the same end. I am lucky because my son never seen his father so he doesnt really ask about that. But i am under the dont ask dont tell.

Anita - posted on 04/16/2009

You are all the family he needs. Jaxson went through the same situation. I asked him questions to explain, things like "are all clothest the same?" "Are all people the same?" "Are all the colors the same?" Then I explained that people and families are alot like the colors, they are not the same. Some people have daddy's and some people have lots of grandparent's that are in their families. In our family, it's just you and me, and that is ok.

He still makes small comments and I know he wished his father and I were something more than distant strangers, but time will ease it.

Geraldine - posted on 04/14/2009

Don't do anything until the child starts to ask questions.  Be honest and let the child ask the questions and answer  him until he stops.  eg: Mommy why don't I have a daddy?  He left us a long time ago.  Simple truthfull answers.  The questions will stop but may later need to be discussed more.  Like I said truthful and simple.  And Don't be mean or anything about it, remember this was between you and your ex not you, ex and child for the child is not the reason why he left, nor should he feel like he is to blame.

Hope this helps.