How do you cope with being lonely as a single parent?

Danielle - posted on 02/19/2010 ( 89 moms have responded )

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My daughter just turned 1 on Valentine's Day and I have been a single parent since before she turned 6 months old and it is not getting any easier. I have two best friends who help by coming to see us, and we get together with my Dad every week. It's just at night time when Arianna falls asleep, I get extremely sad, lonely and emotional. Please help!

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Gayle - posted on 10/25/2013

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My daughter's father and I split before she turned 2. After she was born, I was having difficulty with post-partum depression, working full time, and dealing with his man-child mentality (one example, staying up all night playing video games after working an 8 hour shift, then complaining he doesn't get enough sleep... yeah, funny how that works), so he found it easier to go off and find himself someone else. We tried to patch things up after being split up for a year and a half, but he couldn't manage to grow up and take responsibility seriously, and it was having a negative impact on our daughter. I ended it for good, leaving him in the midwest and moving myself and my daughter to MA four years ago with whatever I could fit in my compact car on the last gasps of my unemployment checks after the economy had tanked. We were homeless, with no one to take us in. But I knew that the east coast was the place we needed to be, and Boston had a better job market than most other places in the country. I ran up my credit cards to keep us in an affordable hotel for 2 months until I landed a job in Cambridge and got us into an apartment in Boston. If it wasn't for my daughter, I'd have just resorted to living in my car and taking any job I could get anywhere. Or possibly much more bleak than that.
In the beginning after getting us back on our feet, I felt really lonely. Early in the first three years, I joined one of the online dating things to see if I could meet someone local, but that was a flop. I had two different short-lived relationships with guys who were friends. We did that "take it to the next level" thing. But neither worked out (the second was actually pretty disastrous -- nothing that involved breaking the law or serious injury/harm, but NO ONE messes with my kid, I'll just leave it at that). And in between both of those, I had my final falling out with my family due to their chemical dependency issues, so they're out of our lives as well.
Over the last year, I have come to realize "why should I feel lonely, look what I've accomplished, look how I pulled myself and my daughter up from poverty, why should I feel empty without a significant other at home every night? I shouldn't! I'm stronger now than before!", that my daughter and I are both better off with just having our simple connection with my friends in town, staying connected with other parents and kids at her school, and me and her depending on each other entirely. We don't need the additional drama of serious dysfunction in our home, of having people bringing their bad habits into our lives. It is very hard being the one sole person to keep the world turning for a child, but I don't need to end up with another man-child who says he wants to do this together as a family, but I only end up supporting him like a second child. And my daughter doesn't need random guys going in and out of our lives [I've seen what kind of impact her father made on another single mom with kids when he passed in and out of their lives], so I am not actively seeking out a new man. If my path leads me to one, and it turns out that he's actually an honest self-sufficient man and it all works out to where I feel confident to let my daughter meet him after a while and it goes well from there, so be it. But I'm content to have a whole lot less nonsense around here, so I can just focus on my daughter and my career.
Some people will have a close knit nuclear family unit in this lifetime, others won't. It's just the way it is, and sometimes dwelling on it or trying to force it to happen just causes more misery. Many have told me "there really are good men out there, and you shouldn't have to sacrifice starting a relationship with a man just because you have a young child. and why don't you make up with your parents, it's the right thing to do, maybe they'll clean up. you can't shield your child from everything". Well, for me, it works better this way because it's more stable for my daughter to not drag her through excess drama, she is the most important person in my life and I almost let it sink us before. Other people may agree or disagree with that. But you gotta do what you feel is right for your child and you. Keep a clear mind and go with your instincts.
But aside from the "gotta find a man" route, there's definitely ways to network, get connected with other parents at daycare/school, local support groups or a religious group if you're into that, and then during that time at night at home, work on planning events, volunteer activities or meetups. Take online college courses and be able to get the work done at night. If you have hobbies or ones you want to learn, try to focus on that. My downtime on solitary nights was spent: working on things as the treasurer for my daughter's School Parent Council, catching up on reading books that I'd never gotten around to since she was born, working on my daughter's baby book which fell by the wayside for many years, getting back to making artwork, gradually watching the entire X-Files series on Netflix with headphones on so I wouldn't wake her (yes, Mulder's hot, I'm a geek, I know), organizing stuff... all those things I could not get done while she was awake and getting all my attention or getting into stuff.
You're definitely not alone in being alone. Just stay strong, know that you and your daughter are each other's lifeline (she gives your life purpose and fulfillment so this keeps you going, and before you know it you'll be having to motivate her through everything [I don't WANNA get up and go to school! :-P ] and keep her going), and really take advantage of the "me time" when you can get it. :-)

Gemma - posted on 01/04/2013

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Hi. My daughter is 1 this month, and has been single from been 7 months pregnant, my child's dad can't even see her so she's had no contact from her father. I am finding this so hard to do all this on my own even though I have my friends and family's support but it's just not the same. I feel so alone, it hurts and it's been realli hard over the Christmas period all you see is couples all over the place as a family, I just don't know what to do. Xx

Misty-Lynn - posted on 09/21/2011

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it seems like no matter how busy or tired i am i still can't sleep till like 2-3, even if i lay in bed & REALLY REALLY try i still can't...i hate laying in my bed at night cuz it always feels so big & cold by myself so i end up sleeping 1/2 of what i do sleep on the sofa....i do my house work after the kidz are in bed to try to keep my mind busy but it doesn't do much, i still cry

Jessica - posted on 01/04/2014

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I have a 2 year old & since she was born finacially I have been doing everything on my own, I also have no help from family or her father as far as care taking or finicially. Her father & I split up in the middle of my pregnacy. He dates around with different woman and lives the fast life, before my daughter we have spent a total of 6 years together and things fell apart fast once i got pregnant with me & her father, he started treating me differently...like I wasnt as important and like my life needed to be boring bc i have a child. He tells me he loves us & one day when he is ready we will be together & a family but Im lonely and I dont want my daughter to get hurt by this situation. Any advice?

Raina - posted on 10/13/2013

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I ran away from a emotionally abusive marriage fearing loss of my kids. I live in india in a society that still punishes single moms. Need parents just to survive..but they reject any idea that i need a life. Some of it is shame..that i failed. Some is fear that i will meet someone lse. I need to live like a dead being having failed. I struggle to work, raise my children with values in the face of constant bashing n encouragement to disrespect me for failing.
Its 12 years. Im tired..of struggling. Fighting. Being brave!
So far,inspite of everything, kids r doing well...so i shouldnt complain, right? Im worried what impact all this will have on my son emotionally. The rejection by father. The mother who is constantly being disparaged.
I dont know what i want. Im so lonely. Alone. Rejected. Imprisoned n hidden forever. Buried alive for daring to fail.

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Lizette - posted on 09/21/2014

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I'm 22 years old fell in love with a guy we were together for 2 years when I found out I was pregnant. When I was 6 months pregnant out of no where he told me he had a family and kids in a different state. He cheated on me my entire relationship and walked out on me when I was 6 months pregnant. I have no family help to watch my son while I work. I got post partum depression with everything that happened and lost my job. I'm doing what ever I can to support my son and I'm slowly getting back on my feet. I love my son so much but I feel so lonely. I miss my friends and dating . Well I lost all my friends and I have to start all over from work and just my whole life changed. Please help

Itumeleng - posted on 06/13/2014

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I am also a recent single mom and I can relate to your situation , but one thing I can tell you is to be strong and everything has a way of working its self. I believe you will overcome it and be a better person , I know its hard but you will be fine . Enjoy that daughter of yours.


Take care

Reema - posted on 06/01/2014

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Dear Gayle Brown, m glad to read about your life story. Its like reflection of my life story. I too believe we should focus on good things we have done for our kids. No one is coming for your help. You are the one who will get you out of all this.and that's True.
However despite of all the self controlled motivation I some where feel strongly depressed sometimes. My mom and sisters don't talk to me much. The feeling of lonelyness surrounds me and wakes me up at midnight at 3.00-3:30 am even after working for 10hours. The guy I met recently have not added much to my emotional level. N I don't think he understands me well enough. So do I have to consult a phycytrist? Pls suggest

Jessica - posted on 01/04/2014

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You have to be strong, I know how hard it can be at times, but things will get better.

Nicola - posted on 10/19/2013

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Raina Storm, my heart goes out to you too.
Such adversity that you endured on a daily basis and it so shouldn't be that way for you or your child.
I'm so sorry that a man you married did this to your past which affects your future and the relationship that you hold with your family.
You survived and did the only thing you could do to try to keep your child and yourself away from further abuse. There is no shame in that and I'm so sorry that your going through abuse after abuse. You deserve peace and support for being so brave. Your a true mother and I wish you and your son warmth and love. Kindest respect to you.

Jess - posted on 10/17/2013

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It has been very hard for me but I have felt like a single mom since my children were born. They are now 11 and 12 years old. My ex cheated on me four different times we got a divorce in 2011. He remarried the last girl he cheated on me with. He has always been in and out of my kids life. About 2 months ago my daughter called her father and wanted to spend the night over his house he say ok and my kids packed their bags and waited almost an hour. Then he called and said he wasn't going to be able to get them he wasn't feeling good. My daughter was so mad at him. She said he was fine when I talked to him an hour ago. She said she wasn't going to call him. It has been two months. She said she is going to see how long it is going to take for him to contact them. He hasn't gone to any of my sons football games nether. My daughter cries a lot and ask me why doesn't daddy love me. I always tell her he does. I dislike picking up the pieces. He also keeps telling people it is my fault he doesn't see them. My kids know better then to believe that.

Gigi - posted on 10/16/2013

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Raina Storm♥ my heart goes out to you. My name is Manpreet. I'm a single mother in Canada. I feel for you sister. You did the right thing. Keep strong.
Mhansra1@gmail.com I'd love to hear from you.

Columba Lisa - posted on 09/22/2013

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You're not either too old. People of all ages get married all the time. Cheer up! :)

Adetoun - posted on 09/21/2013

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have got 2 kids boy 3+ and girl 1+ but i feel lonely. my partner doesn't care though he looks after d kid but we dont have a solid communication,no sex. my routine is wake up,tidy the house,clean d kids,cook n go to work and when i come back take my computer check mails,play game and watch film. what can i do am too lonely

Liz - posted on 09/19/2013

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Hi there

I know the feeling. I am 42, single mother to 2 kids for the past 3 years but I came out of a abusive relationship so I should just feel relief anf joy right? But I feel terribly lonely and not that I had the company of my ex when I was married no I did not I hated his very presence but I feel very sad thinking about why I got into this mess, etc those kid of dark thoughts. I am too old and know that I will not find anyone and I dont have any social life. My parents are supportive but they dont communicate much with me so I have nobody to talk to even. take care. Liz

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2013

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I know this feeling I was separated for two years from my ex husband and just got divorced and every night when my two girls are in bed I sit here and cry myself to sleep. Unlike you my friends don't have kids so all they want to do is go out instead of coming over to see me so every single night I am all alone! It's driving me nuts and to top it off I am bipolar and lost my health insurance in the divorce so I can't afford my meds. And I make too much money for Medicaid so I thought it was just me not being on meds that makes me cry every night....glad to know I'm not crazy

TIA - posted on 06/12/2013

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COLLEGE WAS A GREAT THING FOR THIS. TONS OF NETWORKING AND HOMEWORK TO KEEP ME BUSY. I FELT LIKE I WAS REALLY DOING SOMETHING AWESOME. NOW MY BOY IS 6 AND HE HAS MORE INDEPENDENCE AND I HAVE MORE ALONE TIME. I HAVE SOME SINGLE FRIENDS THAT R MY PHONE BUDDIES I TEXT OR CALL AFTER HE GOES TO BED AND THE LONELINESS SETS IN. IT HELPS BUT DOESN'T CURE IT.

Maria - posted on 01/24/2013

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I know how you feel ;( just last night i had an emotional break down. I have a 12 year old boy and have been separated from my husband of 14 years and high school sweet heart for nearly 5 months, there is not one night that i will not cry and ask myself why? I recently turned 30 and feel lost, for all the time i was with him i was a stay at home mom and i'm scarred to be on my own but it has to be done. I've been crying myself to sleep these past months hoping it will get better. I would suggest keeping yourself busy and going to bed exhausted helps me sometimes. I wish you the best of luck

Vanessa - posted on 12/15/2012

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Hello I just wanted to say I'm in the same boat as you. I moved from London to a small town in the new forest and pretty much have no friends. Their father visits but he lives in London. Iit's hard but I just think for now it's all about my children and my career and later things will improve.
So your not alone

Vee

Heather - posted on 11/28/2012

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well i have three a 2 year 14 month and 8 month i am a single parent and foster career i do get lonely on night time when the kids are in bed but i try to play games to take my mind of that aspect or do the ironing or washing but we also go to the local childrens centre where they hold loads of different events it gets me out of the house its the sure start bulidings but my advise is keep busy all of the time

Vanessa - posted on 11/18/2012

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I know just how you feel. I have hired a part time nanny and go to the gym most nights and then work on my portfolio ready to return to work when Freya and Oscar turn a age I feel I can leave them more then a few hours. I think it is best to do things that will empower yourself excerise for one I also started to learn to snowboard. I spent too much time feeling low and thought right these kids deserve a mum that has the get up and go so I suggest become the busy bee and do the things you always wanted just bear in mind one day at a time and you can get the life you always wanted.



I love being a mum and even though it's not I planned it I still have these two amazing little people in my life that teach me so much.



You will get there lovely and as another mummy said you are stunning I'm sure when your ready to let another person into your life you will have the cream of the crop to choose from.



Take care



Vee

Mark - posted on 11/01/2012

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Hi I m a single parent as well my sons mum abandoned hiM Wen he pwas 1Yr4mnths old I have grewn him up on my own his now 6 yrs old

Mark - posted on 11/01/2012

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Hi I m a single parent as well my sons mum abandoned hiM Wen he pwas 1Yr4mnths old I have grewn him up on my own his now 6 yrs old

Mark - posted on 11/01/2012

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Hi I m a single parent as well my sons mum abandoned hiM Wen he pwas 1Yr4mnths old I have grewn him up on my own his now 6 yrs old

User - posted on 02/05/2012

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Yeah i feel lonely right just got my youngest baby down for bed i have a 6mo and a 1yr old and i get really lonely sometimes that i just cry at night and pray things will get better.

Jessica - posted on 09/22/2011

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i feel the same way. every night it is the same exact thing. i put the kids to bed, after they fall asleep, i sit there alone watching tv and staring at the walls. it is the same thing over and over again. it is so lonely. it has been that way for 12 years. i don't notice it when they are awake running around. it is only at night when they are all sleeping. i started chatting with friends or a hobby like sewing, so i can keep busy! i also read a lot and that helps big time. try going out every once and awhile so you can connect with friends and meet new people. another thing that might help is meeting other parents with kids so you have people to talk to and relate too. mommy groups are great for that. i would also carve out some me time like joining a gym with daycare so you can work out a few hours a week in a work out class. some of those things might help to feel less lonely at night when there are no distractions and you don't have the freedom to run around doing what you want.

Davenia - posted on 09/21/2011

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Honestly, I try to keep myself very busy. That way when it is night time I fall right to sleep.

Theresa - posted on 09/15/2011

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I envy all you ladies and your leisure time LOL - I bit off more than I could chew by buying a home so now I work a full time job as well as multiple part tie jobs when my daughter is at her dad's on the weekend so I don't have time to feel lonely or depressed. if I ever do get some down time I sleep :) You are young - I don't know what you do for a living but the single best thing yo can do for yourself is to further your education. You could be getting a degree at night at home and know that you are doing something great for both of your futures and being an awesome role model besides!

Lisa - posted on 09/09/2011

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i know how u feel me and my sons father split up wen he was 5 months and he ll b 1 nov 12 and it still bothers me that his father isnt here with us but i try to see the reason that mayb way it happened and all tha situations that we went through and think maybe it was for the best yes i still miss him but all of us single mothers just have to pull together and be strong for each other and find away to cope with the heartache but if this is ur first baby i know how u feel cuz my son is my first and he will b 1 in a couple months and im still tryin to cope deal with and learn how to be a single mother gurl just stay string and keep prayin god will bring u through it i know woth all da struggles i went through if i can do anybody can im still strugglin with things and its hard bein a single parent but just hang in there and dont give up

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2011

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Danielle- I wish there were the right words to say to take the feeling of it away. The truth is we can all relate and you can know that there are others that understand, but sometimes you have to just feel it out and find a way that works for you. Get to know what makes you feel better and what is best for you. I wish there were easier answers to the feelings we go through. But feelings are what keep us alive (even when we feel like we are going to die when they come).. I pray that your journey as a single mom is a great experience that enriches your life. Kiss your baby and she will someday need this experience you are going through to speak into something in her life someday.

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2011

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I wanted to say as I read over my last post as I see how I was equating all loneliness as the guys' fault. I guess it was just due to the title content.. the truth is that expecting people (who are imperfect and flawed and come with their own struggles as well) to fill every part of you is setting you, and the other person up for failure. I guess this time around I would rather just relax, forgive and not be too opt on looking as much as just growing.. I believe that God brings who and what you need in good times. I do not retract the statement that "letting the wrong one in can cause more loneliness" as this is true. But this can be for anyone. I hope now that I can just step back and let love.. not just romance but love work its way... I made a list of things that I have always desired to do but never could due to limiting circumstance.. this has been helpful. I think its a good time to get to know yourself more. It is hard because it feels like as mom's we have to be everything to everyone and match some ideal. I have a deep faith and sometimes (actually alot) when people meet me they get disappointed that I am human. I hope that we find people that can accept and love us where we are and in that love encourage us forward. I just thought it sounded as if I was man bashing.. and I wasn't intending to. To me personally I identify a good man not by his deeds or his looks but rather on how he communicates to me and see's me as a person. If I sense that I am subject to merely being set up to be a replacement and not really seen for who I am and it spoken then its best I just move along.. that is what will set apart my lover (companion) from the others. Loneliness is something everyone has to encounter and I think as a single parent its just out in the forefronts more as we do not have someone there to journey with.. we where our lives and aches on the outside and I have begun to realize that even though I view my single mother status as a strength and deepening experience, the world for most see's it either as weakness or prey. Which is so sad.. I thought it would be good to take a risk after a deep relationship with someone I loved to just be myself and get to know people. I was an idiot because I didn't realize that I was being seen just for mere prospect and not seen for who I was as a person. Its okay.. it will just make it that much more pleasant when something right for me and my son comes along. I just caution to be careful as I have been learning that people see our cicumstance as something other than what it really is sometimes.. Does anyone else ever feel like they are always subject to criticism more than they are listened to? Just wondering.. I think its more lonely to settle out of the void than it is to face the loneliness and embrace it as an opportunity to know yourself and therfore, connect with others. I know there are great men out there who are feeling just as "misunderstood" as we do, just as lost and lonely at times.. the only thing is..its not as aceptable for them to go on a site and openly express these things so they hide in places.. just like us. I hate the games. I have seen that when we have been subject to them in the past we often mistake good intentioned people for the same when in actuality it is our past. I think this season is a great time to heal.. everyone should, no matter what and the beauty about being a single parent is that you are more aware of your need to heal so your a step closer to it if you choose to be!!! I hope we all grow and look back at the time in parenting our children and smile. I hope we all get to know a great person that will love us for who we are..

Jennifer - posted on 09/08/2011

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I have been so lonely alot lately as well. Which is strange as I have been a single mom for almost 8 years now. I have found that letting the wrong guy into your life or someone who is not being legit can actually be more lonely or painful than being alone.. then when he leaves.. it just makes the situation that much more daunting to deal with. I never struggled too much until this past year. Honestly I am just thinking of new ways to reinvest in my life and regain parts of myself that were lost in time spent on someone who just couldn't be there and just wasn't where I was in life. Its harder than people on the outside think as we are designed to have relationships.. its harder when there are few in your life that can relate. You are blessed to have some family that will engage real time with you and I suggest any books that may help encourage you. I read, write, walk, and now I study. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your child will thank you later for enduring the lonely times and waiting for someone who loves your heart.. yes you are very beautiful and remember, you are also very worthy of your heart being loved as well. Blessings!

Samantha - posted on 09/07/2011

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I was a single parent for 4 yrs then I volunteered for a disability group in which I met my partner. It's hard being a single parent but there are fellows out there that are great and will love your daughter as much as you. I took up studying to past the time. If you need to chat I'm on fb or message me here any time. I know it's hard but you are doing great x

Amie - posted on 03/16/2010

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Hi,
Mu son recently turned 1 and I have been single since I found out I was pregnant. I too get lonely, but find that when i surround myself with things to do I don't' realize it as much. When I am playing with him or just sitting with him watching TV or a movie I am content. When he is asleep, I do my house chores and cleaning. I also have joined one of those online dating sites and do all that stuff.
Hopefully this hopes you. Good luck

Katlynn - posted on 03/15/2010

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i have been a single mom for all of my daughters life, at times i find it really really lonley but i try my hardest to keep myself busy, after i put my daughter to bed at night time i make time for myself and the things i need to get done its nto the greatest way to spend an evening but it keeps me occupied and one day you will find a man that loves you and your little girl and theese lonley times wont even matter nay more jsut stay positive your beautiful and when god thinks its the right time for you to have a man he will bles you with an amazing one!

Rita - posted on 03/13/2010

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wow I can totally relate. I've been single since I was 4 and a half months pregnant. and there's no support from the dad and it's not easy doing it alone. at times I wish I had someone there, but other times I think things are just fine. My son keeps me busy so even if I wantewd to it would be hard to date. keep your head up doll.

Rachel - posted on 03/13/2010

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I know exacly how you feel! I have two kids and a, trying to get through collage. My oldest son's father comes around on Tues and Thurs, sometimes on Sat when my oldest has baseball practice or a game. As for my youngest's father, he has another child coming in June and the other baby momma, also his girlfriend, will not allow him around me. So we have to sneak around for him to see Zac. Truth is, at night, when I lay down, both my boys fast asleep beside me, I cry myself to sleep, EVERY NIGHT. Trust me, I know what you're going through. And if you're anything like me, you think that no one wants a single mom with one or more kids. It's hard, I know.

Charity - posted on 03/13/2010

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Hey everyone, My name is Charity I have a 4 year old lil boy. And I have raised him by myself since he was born. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if his father and I had tryed to be together. But, I look at the person his father still is today and realize that we have made the right choice. For the first two years it was hard. I lived in FL and had no family there - found out who my TRUE friends were fast. Two years ago I decided to move back to my home state and WOW! family really does make a differance. But still it seemed like I was working so much. I worked a 12-9 shift, How could I ever find time for my son it wasn't fair. Luckily, I lost my job though I was terrifed at first, it was the best thing that could have happened to me and my son. I enrolled in school and I tell you it's great for me and my son. I get more time with him and I am bettering OUR lives at the same time. Plus, going back to college I get to meet alot of people - moms just like me. So, its great. **So like a few people have said already just keep busy in your own way. If it doubles a way you can give a better life for you and your child then thats a plus right**

Kylie - posted on 03/12/2010

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Hey there. I just wanted to let you know you arent alone! My son is 8 years old and i dont have any family support or friends that live close by(and it has been mostly like that for the whole 8 years). All i seem to do is work, eat and sleep! I think its great that you have friends that are able to support you by having a meal. Keep your chin up and remember you arent alone :)

[deleted account]

I went through the same thing and still do at times...I've been a single Mom since my son was 2. He is now 10. I used to mope and be really sad especially after he went to sleep at night, I kept thinking all I do is sit on the couch, flip through the channels on TV and wait till I can finally fall asleep and awake to the same thing tomorrow. Now, I've realized like so many others have said to keep myself busy. I do a lot of my cleaning when my son is asleep, chit-chat on FB or talk on the phone, or watch a movie on TV. Things will get better and you're a beautiful girl, you'll find someone soon. Being a single mommy is hard at times but you have to think of all the wonderful things in entails too...your child absolutely adores you, she will grow up knowing her Mom did the best she could under stressful circumstances and that will make her a stronger women. Hang in there, we're all here to help you through this!

Mae - posted on 03/07/2010

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well thats very true in my case also. been single mom for almost 8 year now. and its really hard to be a single mom. have to double your time. have to be a papa, mama to him sometimes i also become an ate to him. but its a nice feeling that am able to do it for 8 years now. and its fulfilling and satisfying to know the 2 of you made it...

Mae - posted on 03/07/2010

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dont be too sad danielle, been there already before... all i do whenever i get lonely i just look at my child and think positive that we will get thru all these...

Catherine - posted on 03/07/2010

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If you find an answer let me know my son is now 6 I have not had a decent valentines day since the year he was born just before I left his dad. I cry all day. You have some great best friends mine all have husbands and boyfriends who they go out with on Valentines Day resulting in even more loneliness.

Megan - posted on 02/28/2010

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Hey
My boyfriend actually left me about 2 weeks ago. I really understand what you are going through. As I read these posts it is hard for me to accept that he is actually gone. I miss those nights that we would just talk or "love" each other. He had told me that he lost his love for me and that he never wanted to be with me again. I have a 1 year old son with him. We were together about 2 years. I am not sure how to cope with things myself because I feel like I don't want to date anyone else and I want to be with him the rest of my life. I think that as time goes on nothing is going to heal. I have lost hope. The one good thing that I can tell you is that I have had more time with my son and realized how much he really means to me. I don't have very many friends as they all went off to college and I got prego. If you would like to talk my email is mbar_ske@hotmail.com.

Cynthia - posted on 02/28/2010

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Danielle, I reallyunderstand where you are coming from, I have been a single mother since i found I was pregnant(sort of he was in and out of the picture )Its been two years and it really hard . thank you for asking this question. the women are giving you really good advice.

Alisha - posted on 02/28/2010

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Hey there Danielle. I know how you are feeling. I am going through a really rough time right now but I am trying to stay strong and focused. When I broke up with my first son's father I met an awsome man and we had been together for over two years and I am pregnant with his child. We had signed a lease on a rental just to find out that he is no longer in love with me and we had emotionally been seperated but I was neive. The hardest part for me is being alone when I am with friends I do fine and can cope. But on the weekends and at night I fall apart literally. I am struggling with staying and having him help financially for me to stay here or move. I have decided to move tonight I need to be able to do things alone. I had depended on him financiall and with helping my son which was unfair. My friends say it will be ok I have to stay really busy or I will lose it. I know hanging out with friends helps but I can't get people to come visit and I am too poor to drive to them. Just have faith in yourself and know you are never alone. If you ever need to talk, vent. It is hard sometimes but talking to others like us helps so call me or post me anytime you need to. My email is alisha.atherton@gmail.com if you want to chat.

Tracey - posted on 02/27/2010

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I am with Deb on this one. You are so pretty and obviously a caring person. Do not rush into something but take your time to find your own strength on your own. There is an upside to doing it totally alone. 1. Any diecision you make will be final no messing the child around with two sides to arguments. 2. If he si gone for good and not treating her like a toy he can get down of the shelf when he feels like playing daddy - you will not have to deal with teh strees it causes you. 3. when you are totally exhasted after a long day and you finally get her to sleep. Your time is yours and you do not then have to deal with a demanding husband.
I went back to shcool when my daughter was 15 months. Study gave me something to do while she was asleep. Now I have gone from being on child support (not sure if you have that over there) to being a partner in an accounting practice and owning two homes. I never had to work stupid hours either - so I ahve always had plenty of time with her. She is sixteen now and a good girl, and I feel like i have been a good role model during her life. Good luck - Mr right is out there butr spending all your time working on finding him woudl be a waste of time when you could be finding you.

Amanda - posted on 02/27/2010

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i know how you feel i been single since before my son was even born. my fiance passed away about a month after we found out i was pregnant. i also stay up at night and wonder wen i will ind that perfect one again. i get very lonely. i went from being held and loved all the time to no one. its hard but just think of your baby girl and be strong that perfect guy will come to you, your a beautiful girl and shouldnt let this get you down.

Theresa - posted on 02/27/2010

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It is tough - here it is Sat night and I am on FB posting LOL - but at least talking to folks who are going through the same things you are makes you feel less alone. Do you have a pet? Are you a Christian? I rely on God to be with me but I know often it still feels alone out here. Feel free to chat with me at anytime

[deleted account]

Danielle, you seem like a bright, strong person. Be encouraged, there is a reason you are passing through this place in your life this way. It is vital that you put yourself in the path of others who can benefit from your gifts and talents in a healthy way. What you describe is such a small circle! You may be surprised to learn for example that many married mothers feel the way you do. It's ok to feel vulnerable. If you need encouragement from time to time, I welcome you to read my blog and site for inspiration.
Thinking of you,
Adriana Hill
http://mydestinyjourney.blogspot.com
www.mydestinyjourney.com

User - posted on 02/26/2010

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hi, i no what u mean, im in the same boat. having friends that a single with kids is good, as u can do things together with the kids. there is an organisation called parents without partners they hav pretty good outings for the family and trips away, and at very cheap rates. and u get out and meet lots of people, and the kids do to. hope that helps u some.

Crystal - posted on 02/26/2010

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You have to make time for yourself. You're son will get over the babysitter thing. Sometimes you just have to walk away and let him cry. Mine freaked out like that when he started daycare. He's now six and he hates when I go out, but you have to just do it. I didn't do anything without my son for years, then a friend told me that going out would make me a better mom. Sounds weird, but it worked. It works because I come back refreshed. I have more patience... I guess it's because I get out of the norm. Same ole' same ole' gets old. Let your mom babysit and take a class at a local community college or something. Go get your nails done. It will also get easier as he gets older and you can start him in t-ball and other sports. You'll start meeting other moms...

Marifel - posted on 02/26/2010

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its ok to cry,but you have to be strong for your daughter,keep yourself busy until you get tired.dont think of what had happen it will only make you sad think of your childs future,of what can and how to make her grow up a better person..read self help books listen to music it may help you relaxed...hope you get over the loneliness sooon..take care..pray it helps

Kate - posted on 02/25/2010

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hang in there. my son just turned 17 months old. it's hard to balance life being a single mom, especially if you don't have friends around. i've decided to move back in with my mother as well to ease the pressures i am shouldering soley by myself. my son's father visits him regularly, thank god, but he's trashed my reputation, and he was cheating on me and mentally abusing me. it didn't help that all 'our' friends were really 'his' friends. i'm thankful to be heading back to family and friends, as they say, it takes a community. as far as dating, take it slow, find company in good friends and family, and date when you're ready. all the best.

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