how do you deal with and ex that doesnt want anything to do with his children??

Amy - posted on 11/03/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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my babbies daddy has never wanted anything to do with his children even when we were married but now he has a cow if i dont let them go to his familys house every weekend. its in the divorce decree but he never sees them. my 4 yr old has already said he doesnt like his daddy and the court system told me i cant ask him to sign him rights over unless theres someone to adopt them but i dont want them to have to find out their daddy doesnt want them what should i do????

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TAN - posted on 11/08/2009

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Quoting amy:

how do you deal with and ex that doesnt want anything to do with his children??

my babbies daddy has never wanted anything to do with his children even when we were married but now he has a cow if i dont let them go to his familys house every weekend. its in the divorce decree but he never sees them. my 4 yr old has already said he doesnt like his daddy and the court system told me i cant ask him to sign him rights over unless theres someone to adopt them but i dont want them to have to find out their daddy doesnt want them what should i do????



You should just give them all the love you have for them, and that will help. They may or may not think about their absent father. I grew up without a father, and I don't resent him, nor did I miss him.  I always had mom.  And that is what you should remember. Good luck and God bless you.

Amy - posted on 11/07/2009

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Is there any reason why you would have to mention that he doesn't want them? My daughter's father is absent and there are many times when i would love to tell her that he's a deadbeat and chose a life w/out her, but that would break her heart. So i find a healthier way to explain his absense. Unfortunately, there may still be some hurt and confusion, but they shouldn't be told straight out that he doesn't want them. I move to Jersey so my daughter could grow up near her absent dad's family cuz I've managed to stay close w/ them thru all this. Her Granpop and uncles are great male role models so I felt it best. If the dad chooses not to be around, its clearly his loss, but if his fam is good people, it will benefit everyone to allow your kids to still see them. My daughter rarely mentions her father now-a-days, it has gotten much easier over the yrs as she becomes more adapted him not being present. It's hard and it breaks my heart, but its what we've got to deal with so we make the best of it and remain strong and positive for our children. God Bless...

Gladys - posted on 11/07/2009

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Men Suck When They Have kids and do not acknowlwdge them!!! I too have a deadbeat father of my 4 year old girl, He is out of our lives completely, my daughter still loves him even thou he does not make any attempt to pay child support or even to call to see how his daughter is doing, she forgot his name the other day and it's his loss, not ours as life is better w/o him in it!!! i believe when they turrn 12 they can decide for themselves i believe the courts know nothing and often make judgement that does not help the families at all!!! hope all gets better for you and your kids, will just have to accept it!!!

Natasha - posted on 11/07/2009

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i would rather my kids go to my exs family than going to see him. he doesnt care to see them and they really dont want to see him.good luck with everything that happens

Tiffany - posted on 11/06/2009

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I want to start by saying that kids know a lot more than we give them credit for. My situation is slightly different (in that no one in his family even acknowledges my daughter), but my daughter blatantly admits 'I don't have a daddy'. In your situation, you do have the option of having the order reviewed - most likely won't work unless there's a threat to the safety of the child. However, I have found a 'loophole' - if he isn't taking part in the actual exchange, don't do all the work yourself; this may get you out of making the effort to ensure that his family gets your child every weekend. I'm not sure what will work (for sure) for you; another option is to seek some kind of legal options on how to move forward - check at your local court house, there should be a service that may be able to answer your questions regarding your exact order/responsibilities; however, they CAN'T give legal advice.

Kellie - posted on 11/06/2009

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My ex has had barely anything to do with our 2 kids over the 12 years since we've been divorced. They way I helped my kids deal with it when they were young (5 & 6) is not make a big deal out of it and not talk about it around them. If they asked, I'd say something like, 'Oh, he must have had to work again'. After a while, they did not have expectations of him, but also, didn't seem to mind his absence. Now 18 and 19, they see eachother occassionally, and it's all peripheral to the kids. I didn't want them to feel they missed out on anything, so I never made a fuss about their dad not being around. You can't force someone to care for their kids. I tried to see the positive in it and considered it something that made our lives easier. He paid child support regularly, so their needs were met, and they are now well adjusted. As for familiy, I've had the attitude that the more people that love and care for my kids, the better. I wouldn't let them not see family unless I thought it would be detrimental for them, or dangerous. They have a good relationship with whomever they want to see now. Best of luck to you all.

Wendy - posted on 11/05/2009

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My sons father was the same way. my son is now 19 and his father now regrets his behavior. I always spoke well of his father and never put him down. I found myself making excuses for his father as to why he never showed up to pick my son up. My best advice is to love your children the best you can. They will figure out with age why their father did not see them and will make their own decision on how to handle it then.

Ginger - posted on 11/04/2009

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What you do is be the best mom you can and show your child that he or she is not missing out on love because his father choses not to be there and trust me in time they will understand and make their own choices where he is concerned. I know it can be difficult and hard at times but be the best mom you can I have been doing it know for ten years and they get to a point that they are just fed up as you are and you dont have to be accomodating if he doesn't put in any effort to be there for his child

Nina - posted on 11/04/2009

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They will find out soon enough on their own. You owe it to them to let them figure it out. This is no longer between you and your ex. This is between your son and his father. You have to do what you are required to do unless your son is in danger otherwise you just have to let it take its course. I know it's not fair but neither is divorce. :(

Carmen - posted on 11/04/2009

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When I was younger my dad was allowed to sign away his rights and my mom still let us be a part of his family's life. That was my fav place to be on the weekends. Even thogh my dad wasn't around my granparents didn't choose that. They wanted us to be there, and it has paid off because the more family the more support honestly. I tried it with my daughter's dads parents but they have chosen not to see her for a while and she doesn't understand that, so I would say let it lie and see how it goes. You never know it may turn out to be for the best and then again it may just fade out over time.

Laura - posted on 11/04/2009

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I know I didnt like my ex's parents and they hated me.. I let them dig their own grave tho.. My kids hate going over there.. It led to resenting them WAY more as they got older.. My two arent too keen on their father either.. Sometimes if you let it be, especially if it already is in the order.. Ya might not believe in karma, but karma believes in you! I think it will work its way out in time.. Just be there for your child and love him and support him and nothing can take that away.. He may come to resent his father as my children do with theirs as time goes on and you wont have to worry about the drama and stress of court.
Sometimes we do have to just let it be.. It worked for me and mine.
-Laura

Kyesha - posted on 11/03/2009

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How does his family treat your children? I haven't see my father in 20 years but I am close to his family. My grandma, my aunts, uncles, and treat me no different. They know that he has issues and I have been able to allow them to be a part of my life. Yeah, it did hurt to know he didn't really want anything to do with me but that's on him. His loss. All you can do is let your children know everyday how much they mean to you and how much you love them. Perhaps one day he will grow up and realize what he is missing. Don't tell them he didn't want them just tell them he wasn't ready to be a Dad. Not everyone is cut out to be a Dad. But question did he want kids at the start of your marriage and change his mind after the second one?

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