How do you deal, with the holidays alone?

Emperatriz - posted on 11/03/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone!
I am from Venezuela by birth, and American as of a year and some time. Recently I officially separated from my husband. I dont have any family here. I am rather sadden by the turns of events which eneded up on Protection order for me and my son. NOw we are in a house. Away from my husband awaiting on divorced to end. What do you do with the holidays and your children. Christmas? Birthdays? Thanksgivings? It's so hard! Advices?

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Katherine - posted on 11/18/2012

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we trade off thanksgiving and christmas every year. thanksgiving is easy to miss with my daughter, i'm an immigrant so it doesnt have as much significance as christmas eve. it's still nice to celebrate with family. on the years i dont have my daughter, now 8, i spend it with friends. on friday my daughter and i celebrate with a little turkey dinner. :) on the years i have her we drive about 6 hrs to spent it with my family.

christmas has been difficult because my immediate family is about 6 hrs drives. my parents are too sick to travel. we celebrate christmas eve but my ex doesnt. so last year i had her for christmas so we drove down few days before and drove back on christmas day. it sucked but i made the best of it.

this year my daughter is with her dad for christmas. so christmas eve I will pick her up, go to Mass and have a simple chirstmas eve dinner. we will open gifts. Then I'll take her to her dad's. on the 26th i will pick her up and we will drive to my parents and celebrate with my family. christmas is on our hearts so as long as we get to spend it together it doesnt matter that we're a few days off. Plus as Catholics we celebrate Jesus's bday all month long. so why get fixed on a day? learned to make the best of it. after all the holidays are about being with your loved ones.

Kekua - posted on 11/16/2009

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Hola Emperatriz,
I'm sorry for you, divorce is never easy. Sin familia it's going to feel lonely but do you have some friends who are just your friends (not friends of you + your husband)? Could you invite them to be with you at the holidays or be with them? Around the christmas holidays there's usually a lot of things going on here and there and I plan to try to be at them. When I was getting divorced I found that if I got up and moving I didn't feel so lonely because I was busy. Even if we just went to wal mart (aunque no compramos nada) we had gotten up and out of the house and that helped a lot. Poco y poco it didn't feel so lonely anymore to be only mis niños y yo.
Tengo unos amigos venezolanos y creo (no estoy seguro pero creo) que hay un gran grupo de venezolanos aca en facebook. Voy a buscar...
Wow! Hay muchos grupos. Maybe you could find some panas where you are. It's not the same as having your family but sometimes we have to make new families, yeah?

Kekua

Jennifer - posted on 11/16/2009

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I have had alot of holidays with my son alone too and at first it was lonely.. now I EMBRACE it and we love it! I agree with what was all stated above.. this is a great opportunity for you to build your own traditions (that your child will never forget) .. my son and I (we don't have alot of money) but we buy a little tree every year from our thrift shop and gather up old granny beads and little stuff to decorate. I also put up his artwork (if they are older) from all the other years previous' holidays on the walls... then we go and serve at a local charity or something... and I make a special breakfast for him in the morning that he never gets throughout the year. I know the loneliness is not easy but if you find little things like that to have with your child it will get better. My heart goes out to you, I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to be so far away from your family, in a new place and going through a broken relationship. I wish there was more I could do then just type this message on a computer... are there any things you do from your home country? It would be a great chance to teach or bring in some of your culture too.. you probably already know this though. It will get better.. not easy but better. Its a great time to show off your skills at being creative and do what you want with your children. Blessings!

Naomi - posted on 11/08/2009

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make simple new traditions, something fun they can look forward to and a way you can build memories. for example when my kids were young and to this day i filled their stocking with small trinket gifts of which for 7 days up to Christmas we gathered to pull out a suprise from their stockings. My daughter graduates this year and still looks forward to the week of Christmas and now they love to put things in my stocking! I had no family around at all either, but it's the little things my kids look forward to year after year now.

Candice - posted on 11/08/2009

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my ex and i don't usually fight over holidays. we have different family traditions and usually figure out a way to each spend time with her on the same day or alternate years. it seems to be the only thing we don't fight over. lol

Jody - posted on 11/08/2009

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Well me and my ex husband don't get along. We have it all spelled out in the divorce papers. Holidays are split by one has her even years the other odd years, except Halloween, which parent has her depends on who has her that day. My daughters birthday gets spent with the parent which has her on that day. We each have the opportunity to spend time with our daughter on our birthday regardless of who's day it is to have her. Christmas is the worst. Christmas eve and morning are spent with one parent who must exchange with other parent at 1 pm on christmas day. I have been divorced little over a year and I absolutely hate holidays.

Amanda - posted on 11/06/2009

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I agree with Candace my your own tradition. I had to do that five 5 yrs ago but I dont dread the holidays anymore.Meet other single moms around you. I have meet alot thru work. Here is info just incase.I'm a single mom, I was so tired of living paycheck to paycheck and off the gov't.I joined a team of moms who get work from home and earn an awesome income with no selling,Im so excited!!!!!!!!! I love the store. We are always looking for new moms as partners. If you are interested leave your info at my website.Have a wonderful weekend! Amanda http://www.workathomeunited.com/greenage...

Candice - posted on 11/04/2009

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take this as an opportunity to start a new tradition. make these holidays all you ever hoped they would be...you and your little family get to make all the choices! last year, my first year on my own with a baby, i got a new christmas tree and knew that from here on out I get to decide what i want my child to get out of this holiday. As she grows we will build traditions together. I got her a stocking with her name embroidered on it, and an ornament for the tree for her.

The bonus of being alone is you don't have to suffer through the rituals the other parent wants that you don't like! (one of my ex's always made me go to his family dinners with all his drunk family and horrible cooking!).

also, If you are part of a church, you could always join them for any special holiday ceremonies or events so you don't feel so alone.

Emperatriz - posted on 11/04/2009

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Tracey, my son is 3. He will be 4 on Dec 19. The 15th we'll have the hearing on he divorce case. I'm very puzzled. Because I work retail as Well so it's complicated. Thank you so much for your advice. Ceratinly accurate. I'm working on it. Just so heart breaking. Hopefully it will give us both a better turn in life for us and our children. Keep in touch please. "cm_orquidea@yahoo.com"

Angela - posted on 11/04/2009

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as long as you are with your child u r never truely alone. just remember to have fun and they will have fun. it's not about what u can give them financaly but what you can give them emotionally.
Angela

Tracey - posted on 11/04/2009

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Hi Emperatriz,great name!I am in the same position as you my family are far away and i am on my own with my son.You don,t say what age your son is?mine is 5 and has just started school.Try to hook up with other single parents,there are plenty out there,in the same position as you and may want to share a holiday,birthday etc.This christmas it will just be me and my little boy, so i will be thinking of you but i am sure that we will both eventually make friends etc.I have only been here for a year,it takes time.love tracey x

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