how do you get over a 8 year relationship with the father of my 3 kids?
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Wendy - posted on 01/27/2014
I am having to get over a seventeen year relationship with four children and he has moved on with someone else but theres a part of me that still has that love for him and that makes it very hard. sometimes I wish that I could just not see him, not have anything to do with him to help me get closure but hes the kids dad so I dont really have a choice unless I kept them away out of spite which is not fair to them. On an emotional level I struggle since for most of those years he was the only person I felt any real closeness to. I can empathise with all you other mums out there in similar situations I still dont know how or if Im ever going to be over it. I just try and look after myself and ask for help if I need it but its an incredibly lonlely journey at times especially if you dont have family or other close friends..
Tasha - posted on 11/11/2008
I myself have 3 kids with a guy that i was with for almost 10 years..and we are no longer together...I left him..it will be 2 years this Feb and when I left we only had 2 kids...lol and last Nov he wanted to try to work things out and I thought maybe we could and of course I got pregnant again...lol and it wasn't long before he was being an idiot again so I knew it wasn't gonna work and I did want it to because we were together for so long, we had kids and he was my first love but what got me through everthing is my kids...you gotta think for them what is best for them and if your in a bad realationship with constant aruging and fighting or whatever the case may be your children are the ones that see it and if they grow up with it they may grow up thinking that it is normal to fight or whatever and it may have an affect on their own realationships with people when they are older...so knowing that I have started them on a healthy and safe road to their furture was enough for me to move on and get over everything I needed to get over and it takes time and sometimes it may not be easy but in the end it's all worth it because not only are my kids no longer in a bad situation but they are a lot happier and that makes me happier...so I hope my advice helps and you just gotta remember to keep your head up and all will be ok.
Krista - posted on 11/11/2008
I too am in the middle of it right now. I was with my (ex) husband for 11 years and married for 8 when I found out he was seeing another woman behind my back. I found out just days after our 8th anniversary. He moved out and never looked back. We are now in the middle of divorce proceedings as I figured he wasn't coming back to me and our son. It hurts..I go through all the emotions nearly every day - from relieved to angry to sad to hurt to empowered to strong then to lonely and feeling like a failture. It's mintue to minute but I try to keep it in perspective that brighter days will come and I will learn more about myself from this and be a better person in the end. We only have one child but were talking about having a second baby after we sold our house and moved to a bigger home. I thank my lucky stars that never happened. We can't always figure out WHY things happen..I am just trying to be satisfied one day at a time with whatever comes my way.
Maisha - posted on 11/11/2008
I don't think we get over it, especially if there was love there!
So there's no "how to" answer. I think what you have to do is understand that its over and move on. That's hard to do but when you are a mom you are always looking forward. That's one of the biggest gifts our children give us, the ability to look past ourselves and to do what's best for them.
So I say do what you're feelings dictate like Kisha says but understand that this is a moment on your journey and it will get easier.
And never disrespect the dad, no matter how hard it is to keep your tongue!
Nikki - posted on 07/19/2013
I been with my children father for five years i have 3 children bit only 2 are his it will b 6 years in December and right now were not together i want to b over him so bad and just want to let everything go but its hard i just caint find myself to see him with another female and that's what make it hard. What should i do?
I hope you laugh:
each time I caught myself thinking about "him" I would say, "WOA! WTF? I could be using those brain cells on ME!" and quickly think of something to do or work on that makes me and my family happier. Sure, it happens lots of times in the beginning, but soon you train your brain to work for YOU and BLISS and LAUGHTER : ) !!!
I don't think you ever really get over it, especially with kids involved, but it hurts a little less each day. It has been 5yrs since my divorce (11yr of marriage & 2 kids) and I still get sad when I hear a certain song on the radio or something silly like that. The pain will eventually go away, although I know you feel like you're going to die at times. Good Luck.
Darlene - posted on 11/11/2008
I don't know the answer to that one either. I'm newly divorced in April. We were pronounced divorced 1 week shy of our 14th wedding anniversary. The cuts are way to fresh to answer this one but all we can do is take each day as it comes and look it dead in the eye and say this will not kill me, I'm too strong to let this get to me! And don't forget to breathe!!!
Kisha - posted on 11/10/2008
One day at a time. When you need to cry, make sure you do it. Holding feelings because you want to be strong isn't a very good idea. I hated the idea of being that woman that has children and is not married. Well I am. I just had to do the usual things and do some things that I never had time for. The only thing is loosing some friends along that 8 year relationship. Being disconnected. Find some positive women to be around and only talk about things your are planning to do. Talk to you mom (if it warrants). I have been out of a five year relationship for a year now. He was not the father of my children so it is not quite the same but not having that person that you thought was the one (forever) is hard to get over. So just network with friends and family, cry, and when you get angry go for a brisk walk or run.
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