How many dads actually woke up to themselves after bub was born?

Melissa - posted on 01/04/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Im 19 yrs old, & currently 8 months pregnant, the father left 2 months ago for another women who has a 3 yr old daughter. People keep telling me that he will wake up to himself when she is born. Just wondering how many guys have actually walked out & came back?

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Jiselle - posted on 01/17/2010

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I agree with some of the other posts....dont hold your breath...i am a firm believer in the best in everyone but damned if im waiting around for it.....The idea of being a father should be enough, There is no excuse, not a good realistic one for leaving the mother of your child, born or unborn. Sometimes God has things all planned out for you, and until you've jumped that hurdle or made it over that speedbump....your left wondering why.....Your baby was given to you by God not by the "father" of your child.....God gave the gift of childbearing to women because honestly in my opinion we are the only ones that know how to do it (with the exception of some men) Once you see your baby u will "just know" that everything will be ok....there is no other option.....I really hope things get better for you girl...keep your head up and dont let anyone get in your way, in the end the only thing that matters is that u in your heart know that you are doing what is in your power and more to make a life for the both of you....i'm here 2 talk if u need it =)

Megan - posted on 01/08/2010

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I was 4 months pregnant this past March when my ex decided he didnt love me and hadnt for at least the last 6 months. He was apparently waiting for me to miscarry (I`d previously lost 3) so he could show support then use it as an excuse to leave. When I made it to the `safe zone`he figured he`d better do it now then get stuck with me and the baby. I moved out and havent looked back.
Everyone told me when she was born he`d come back. That he would realize his mistake and want to work things out. My daughter is 4 months old now and that hasnt happened. He moved back in with his parents and they are the only reason he comes to see her at all. Twice a week for 1 hour a day. Pathetic, he`s even missed days.
My advice to you is to make sure you stay healthy and get your priorities in order. Get set up and ready for this miracle in your life and make sure you have what you will need for the both of you. Start the process of taking the moron to court for child support and custody and if he comes back great, but if he doesnt then at least you will be covered.
I am all too familiar with family court as I`ve helped my sister with her two kids and now with my angel. I know what its like to start from square one just when everything seems to have fallen into perfect placement.
I hope everything works out for you and dont hestitate to message me if you would like some more info on the court process, I dont know where you luve but I`m sure its relatively the same. Or if you just wanna talk.
Best of luck, keep your head high.

Megan

Jennifer - posted on 01/07/2010

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In my situation the father left when I told him I was pregnant. Kind of. he partied every night in the place next to mine and watched me carry groceries up my stairs. Him and his friends would throw out comments like: "don't drop that".. he told them I got pregnant on purpose and that it probably wasn't his. Isn't that sad? Not true at all. I gave up hoping for that. I went on without him. Why should it take the baby coming to wake up and be there? I understand men are visual creatures and need to see things before it becomes reality, but doesn't that mean the same for you? shouldn't you SEE him trying now in order to want him to be in the child's life?

I wish I could say they all get a moment of "AHA" but rarely if it happens, does it motivate them to change. Usually when they do they are too scared to step forward as they KNOW they were wrong (very wrong) and the pride gets in the way to prevent them from looking like they did something wrong at all. Its sad really. I hope you are one of the rare cases if that is what you are wanting. I encourage you to not put to much expectation on him though and go on.. letting this experience give you more insight for yourself and whom you will choose next time. If he comes great, but I would not just let him come striding in 5 years from now and then he see's some form of committment to being a father and then leaves again. That is very unhealthy for your child and him. Right now you are best to just go on. File for support if need be and then relax and raise your son. I wish I could wave my hand and all things be made right again but its not where we are right now.

I had one friend a long time ago that had a child with a guy and he rejected her, slandered her and then 2 years later came back and apologized and wanted to become the active parent. She says it was easier when he was gone as he has caused more trouble to her now then before and she feels like its pulled her attention from her son and back to him. So be careful what you wish for. If his character is that he is this selfish now, then chances are that it may not change too fast and may be gradual if ever. I do HOPE the best for my son's father and pray he changes but also know that it takes time and to expect it is to set myself up for disappointment.

I am sorry that we cannot tell you more and I do HOPE I am wrong for your case and that he does wake up and realize that he is missing out. I believe people can change (i have!) but I also have come to see that I am only accountable for me and my choices and I cannot make people change either. My job is to forgive, love and keep moving forward.

Olga - posted on 01/06/2010

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I was 18 going on 19 when I got pregnant and my ex (boyfriend at the time) walked out when I was about 6 months pregnant and came back about a month later. He was the perfect dad for the first 3 yrs and has been in/out of her life for the past 3 yrs (shes 6 now) but he's there now and my princess just adores her daddy. Its not always easy and there will be bumps. But keep your head up ... its about you and your baby right now and that is what you need to concentrate on.. I hope things work out for you. God Bless.

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Barbora Milena - posted on 01/19/2010

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dont expect anything...He left me 3wks before the baby was born, sayin he cant have a baby with a foreigner 12yrs younger than hom out of wedlock, that it would be shame for his family...we were livin togehter over 1yr...my baby is 2months old now n he has not asked until now bout her, if she was born ok, how r we doin, how she looks like, he also said various times he doesnt believe she is his n that he will never ever wanna have anythin to do with her...i tell u somethin - better no stupid DNA donor round than bad father ur baby gets used to n then will be ruined by him leavin...u think bout ur baby bein born healthy n one day u will find a man who will deserve to be ur partner n ur babys daddy.

Tenneeka - posted on 01/18/2010

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My daughter is nearly 2 weeks old and hes ignoring all my msgs so yeah one day they will wake up with alot of regret.stay tough all your baby needs is you not a casual dad that comes and goes as he pleases xo

Tuesdae - posted on 01/17/2010

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well in my situation my sons father wasnt there while i was pregnant nor was he there when gave birth to him & to this day he still hasn't woken up, Only real men will woke up and smell the coffee...so now i just think about my son & Tell His Father go kicks Rocks lol

Jennifer - posted on 01/10/2010

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Quoting Yazmin:

when i found out i was pregnant i was 17 and me and the sperm donor had alrudey broken up. when i was about four months pregnant and my parents found everything changed. My dad told him that if he didn't take responsibility he was going to lock him up for rapping a minor. Againt my will i had to go live with him. Two months later i left the place were were staing. a month later at seven months he apparently woke up and convinced me to go back with him.

For the rest of my pregnancy he continued to be an asshole. I was hoping that once the baby was born he was going to change. About a week before by baby was born he desapeared and basicly quit his job. The night i whent into labor he apparently came back for something and i am guessing he felt sorry for me that i was going into labor bymyself without a fhone or a car. living in an appartment building were i did not know anyone. He took me to the hospital. He was there for the birth and then disappeared, again.

When my doughter was about a week old everything came to me. He had an affair. He had somegril that called her self my friend and she had her baby a week before i did. She also had two older grils who knows from who.

I moved with my parents with life treatning issues. Yes, i cried uncrontrollably for weeks.I fell on a really severe depression and didn't want treatment for it. Also with other sicknes including anemia that was about to transform into lukimia.
The doctors wanted to rush me to the hospital for a blood transfusion. Then and only then I steped in and sayd nomore. This is not going to affect me like this.

God has a pupuse for everyone and believe me, everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up and never ever let any one put you down, they can't do it with out your permition. Your baby needs you. Someone once told me don't worry he will realice his mistake when it is too late and regret not beeing withhis own doughter. Evry child is different and those moments missed will never come back. I don't get any support from him and don't want it. I am currently in college. and someday soon I hope to won my own business.
You can send me a message if you like or if you need someone.


first off reading your post put me to tears. It broke my heart that you or any of us should have to go through this. I read your last paragraph and I was happy!! God IS GOOD girl! You just made my day and yes, you get that business and you are great!! :)


 

Yazmin - posted on 01/10/2010

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when i found out i was pregnant i was 17 and me and the sperm donor had alrudey broken up. when i was about four months pregnant and my parents found everything changed. My dad told him that if he didn't take responsibility he was going to lock him up for rapping a minor. Againt my will i had to go live with him. Two months later i left the place were were staing. a month later at seven months he apparently woke up and convinced me to go back with him.

For the rest of my pregnancy he continued to be an asshole. I was hoping that once the baby was born he was going to change. About a week before by baby was born he desapeared and basicly quit his job. The night i whent into labor he apparently came back for something and i am guessing he felt sorry for me that i was going into labor bymyself without a fhone or a car. living in an appartment building were i did not know anyone. He took me to the hospital. He was there for the birth and then disappeared, again.

When my doughter was about a week old everything came to me. He had an affair. He had somegril that called her self my friend and she had her baby a week before i did. She also had two older grils who knows from who.

I moved with my parents with life treatning issues. Yes, i cried uncrontrollably for weeks.I fell on a really severe depression and didn't want treatment for it. Also with other sicknes including anemia that was about to transform into lukimia.
The doctors wanted to rush me to the hospital for a blood transfusion. Then and only then I steped in and sayd nomore. This is not going to affect me like this.

God has a pupuse for everyone and believe me, everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up and never ever let any one put you down, they can't do it with out your permition. Your baby needs you. Someone once told me don't worry he will realice his mistake when it is too late and regret not beeing withhis own doughter. Evry child is different and those moments missed will never come back. I don't get any support from him and don't want it. I am currently in college. and someday soon I hope to won my own business.
You can send me a message if you like or if you need someone.

Amy - posted on 01/09/2010

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me and my little girls dad had already split when i fell pregnant. when i told him he did not believe it was his. which upset me quite a bit. he was yes n then no about wanting to be in her life for alomst the whole pregnancy. pretty much ignored me until she was born. he came and saw her once in the hospital then pulled the "i gotta work, will see her next week" line. every week! until i gave up. i saw his mother every couple of weeks. she was always there for us. it wasnt until Taliah was 18 months old that he had finally decided he wanted to be a dad. he sees her once a week now and seems to have matured alot. i can see that he really does love her. but things will always be kind of awkward between the both of us. i just have to do what is best for my daughter, and if that is having her father in her life, i will put away my feelings and think of hers.



wether he does come back or not. you now have to think of your childs needs first. if he does and turns out to be a good dad. then brilliant. but if not, its probably a good thing he isnt around

Jennifer - posted on 01/08/2010

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And the scars left are there to remind us of something that wasn't good for us and to take it farther and help othes who are in the same positions of being burned as well. Isn't that what we do as parents everyday with our children. I think that its sad when people act like nothing happened and indulge in wrongfully thinking that to smile and pretend it didn't happen is okay. yes, we learn tact, but taking responsibility for another is not okay. These men are adults. I feel no more pity for a guy who cannot stand up and take responsibility. I do. Why can't they? yes I have come to understand they were never shown or guided in their own lives and it gives me insight on how to be better with my son as a parent. We are to hope for others but not let ourselves be brought down by their lack. I know people have had to let me go in the past and vice versa and its all about life and learning from it. The best I could do was approach them and admit what I did and maybe bring them some healing (although they mostly deny it and then go on with silent resentment still) but that is NOT my issue. That is an undealt with issue in them if I know that I did all I could in my human strength. The next step after that is to pray for them (as that is me personally) that they would be released from the hurt too and learn and grow as well. That is real love I am learning. It is so much more than what we have been taught and it is truly freeing. People will reveal their TRUE characters when you stop caving into them all the time and just love them. Most do not understand that to set limits IS loving them. Its alot with my generation I see but its everywhere. I just choose to be the change I desire to see in the world, one step at a time.

Jennifer - posted on 01/08/2010

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And remember. forgiving and forgetting are not the same. Forgiving is the choice to free the person from your anger and disappointment and choose to no longer hold what they did over them. That takes time and healing and is not operated out of denial or putting blame that isn't you on yourself. Its coming to a point after feeling the pain and naming it and stepping away from the emotional part of it and seeing yourself clearly and the situation from more of a "outside" view. Its realizing that the person who husrt you may not change and holding on and demanding justice is only chaining yourself to that person. Forgetting is SO misinterpreted. You know you are in the right spot when the memory comes back and it has no more emotional hold on you. God gave us memory to help guide us to right and wrong. What if my child forgot everyday what I taught him the day before? What would be the point of our minds then? Why learn? Why try? Why grow? If you put your hand on a hot stove I sure hope you remember that it was hot the next time around and never put your hand on it again. I hope you do not become scared of the stove, rather just learn how to use it so you don't get burned again. :)

Jessica - posted on 01/07/2010

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When i found out i was pregnant my sons father and i were already separated. I called him the second it turned positive......about 15x til he answered the phone. We talked every day til the dr appt. Then he disappeared. I had to go thru the Child support system in order to get anything done. Even after he got scientific evidence that my son is his, he still has not seen him. He proposed to a girl about a wk after the dna results came in.

SOme men do come back, but dont wait around. The greatest man i know is my daddy. He walked into my life when I was a toddler and has been here ever since. We dont need the men who donate sperm if they dont want to be in our childrens lives. Sometimes we just have something better coming in the future.

Gina - posted on 01/05/2010

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It took MANY years for "the sperm donor" to figure it out. He was 34 and "not ready to be a father". I decided that having no father would be better than having a "bad dad", We've kept in touch and now that my son is 17, he has a great relationship with his biological father. He still thinks of his stepfather as his father but he respects the "donor". P.S. I would not hold on to the idea of him coming back. He might and he might not You do not deserve to put you or your baby on hold until he can decide if he "likes it or not". Move on and make the best choices you can for you and your babe! It definately has advantages not to have to ask someone else for "permission" to make choices for your child.

Jordan - posted on 01/04/2010

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that happened to me after i had my son...his father left me for a woman he worked with when my son was 3 months old...come to find out she has 2 kids of her own..he came back a year later when his second son was 6 months old...he said he had changed but he was still tha same asshole he was..the truth is im glad hes gone cause my kids are better off without him..

i kno its hard and its gonna get harder but eventually it gets easier. and if hes gonna be stupid enuff to leave u and ur child then u really are better off without him no matter how much you love him. yea ppl may say he'll eventually wake up but when he does thats when ull realize u are way better off without him....and the best thing is CHILDSUPPORT!! but i kno exactly what ur goin thru and if u need to talk to someone about this look me up!

-Jordan S.

Kylie - posted on 01/04/2010

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In my situation the father of my children didnt want anything to do with me and my first son until i was 20 week pregnant, after seeing the ultrasound and finding out the sex he turned around and decided he wanted to be apart of mine and the babies life... Hopefully he does turn around...

But keep smiling and think of ur baby!!

[deleted account]

well in my situation my baby father still aint woken up!!

he left me as soon as i found out i was pregnant, i used 2 constantly ring him and stuff and eventully i gave up and him and started thinking about my pregnancy and my daughter when she was born, she is now 22 months and seen her dad twice when she was first born but he dont care he dont wana c her he dont give me no money at all. his family dont even no that he has a child!!!



everybody said the same 2 me about him changing his mind but he aint and 2 b honest i dont think he eva will, but thats his choice and theres nothing i can do about it.



all i can say 2 u is think about ur baby and try not 2 fet stressed about him,

private mse me if u need 2 talk more, good luck.

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