How to date as a single mom?

Tiffany - posted on 01/31/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I have a couple of questions that I need an answer to since I really don't have any friends that know what I am going through as a single mom. 1st on is How do you know when to introduce your kids to the guy that you are dating? 2nd is when is the right time to start dating after having a baby? 3rd how do you know that the guy is going to treat your kids as his kids if things progress into living together or even marriage? Thank you so much I know I have more I just can't think of any right now.

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Ashley - posted on 02/09/2012

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On introducing ur children to ur new guy well that would basically depend on u. I wouldnt do it right away because if things dont work out with u two and ur kids get use to him then they will be hurt as well..So make sure its not right away and like I said u will def know when its the right time and if he is the right guy...The right to date after having a baby well that would be when u feel comfortable in ur own skin most women wait till the baby weight is off and I think that its good to wait till u can manage both baby and relationship...On the last question: Honey u never know untill u do it. U never really know a person until after a year of being with them and still u find out new things everyday. Thats something u always will be questionable on. I am going to a similar thing except my bf has been in with me from the time I found out I was pregnate and he has been around my daughter is step daughter and the only father she knows since she has been born and he has two children of his own. I think that sometimes he makes a diffrence in her but then again I see that it isnt just her he does it with his other two too. The thing with him is that he is 24 and its taking him alot longer to mature than most men would with children so therefore all the works on me he never helps with her so my advice for u is honey when u think he is the right one test him see if he helps with ur baby... When they say a mother senses things thats true so use ur senses u will be able to get through this and tell whats right or not and if hes right or if u should do this or that have some faith u will make mistakes we all do but u will get through them as will I.. I hope this has helped u

Alfreda - posted on 02/04/2010

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Ok to date but not to have several men around your child or children and the sleepover is not good for girl or boy children.

Noel - posted on 02/03/2010

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This is why I don't date. There is no way in hell that I am going to bring some man into my children's life only to have them leave or me get annoyed with them.

I'm perfectly content being single with children.

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Mairet - posted on 07/23/2012

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Please be CAREFUL with the online dating I know there are lots of warnings but please thats how I met my ex who as I now came to find out has numerous dating violations for harrasement/stocking & Domestic violance I had no reason to suspect him as he was as he said a court officer...a process server for Miami Dade County his violations were in another county. He said all the right things even had a daughter the same age as mine so I felt comfortable. LADIES please do your homework....Now we have a daugther together. I was alone through the pregnancy because I had found out he was lieing and cheating so I broke up but I was already pregnant. After the baby was born we got back together but it only lasted 6mths. I had detectives come to my home looking for him which is how I found out about his history including his current investigation of public corruption for using his process server license to con people out of money. Please I hope to spare some of you this experience. Do your homework dont let crudentials or even their love of children blind you from protecting yourself and family.

Nyree - posted on 02/12/2012

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Ok I am a Single Mother of two, and truthfully I started dating when my youngest was three months but as far as bringing the guy around I would wait for 6-9 months. Then ask him them need to know questions.

Lyssa - posted on 02/08/2012

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as a single mom many years ago, i never introduced my son unless i thought the relatioship was going somewhere. and you will just know when that time is right, so don' dwell on it. being a single mom is hard work, but you deserve to have time away from your child to go do something fun, have a date. there's nothing wrong with that at all. and don't ever immediately think, if it's serious, that's he's going to jump right into daddy role. if it's a serious relationship, that time will come. but just focus on the fact that you need to have some fun experiences!

Karen - posted on 02/05/2012

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I'm with Noel Trujillo...above.



My 10 year old daughter is the focus of my life, NOT dating. While yes, I have had a couple of boyfriends throughout the years (her dad and I broke up around her 2nd birthday), and I have tried internet dating, I always come around to the conclusion that my daughter is number one. I only get one chance to raise her. I don't want her meeting a whole bunch of men throughout the years. That's not a good example to set and, worse...it makes the child feel that someone else is stealing their focus. Especially at my daughter's age.



I realize you have a baby... and that you have that desire to connect with the right person...(who doesn't?) BUT please don't lose your focus. Your child. As far as meeting someone goes...how about if it happens, it happens? You never know who you're going to meet, especially when you sort of pray for it, let it go and leave it to the universe to manifest for you. There's someone out there for you... it just may take awhile to find him. In the meantime, enjoy that baby! :)

Zoe - posted on 02/03/2012

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I don't know about some of the responses... Since I broke up with my partner I have been approached left right and centre for dates.. and also tried online dating which I thought I would never do and am currently dating a guy who loves kids, and also has had experience in helping raise his exs child (to another man)- and very recently even had someone ask if they would have a chance with me if I happen to become single again.



I have another single mother friend who has just started dating a guy who is looking to be a sure thing and let her daughter meet him within the first few weeks to guage how he reacts and interacts with the situation and they seem to be going swimmingly.. It's how comfortable with how you feel i suppose. The guy I am dating has asked and said he wanted to meet my son soon- but I do find it a big deal where he has explained he doesn't find it a big deal, and he understands it may be a bigger deal to my son's father who doesn't live in the country..

Mel - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have to say there really is no easy answer to your questions. I think you just have know your children and follow your heart. I have been single for four years. i have dated but only my most current relationship have my kids met my boyfriend and understood that he is my boyfriend. Previously they had met a couple but it was made clear to him up front that when they were around we were just friends. It worked for us. Even when i did explain i was dating my current boyfriend it took adjusting to the situation. I think you just have to remember that children get attached very easily so you don't want to introduce them to anyone you don't think will be there for the long haul.

PAULA - posted on 02/03/2010

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i definately have to agree with that...im afraid of a man to run away if he knew i have an infant because thats exactly what his father did. where do u go or how do you begin to meet someone nice. i really want to date its driving me crazy being at home everyday!

Heather - posted on 02/03/2010

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Ive had the same questions myself but i agree with the other moms. its a case by case situation and i wouldn't introduce just anyone to my daughter regardless of how old/young she might be. and going out looking for a father for our kids i don't think is a great idea either....that is when bad choices are made.slow is not a bad thing but the guy your dating should love kids and over time you should be able to see if its going to work based on the relationship between him and your kids. just trust your gut....

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2010

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ok so my kids are older, but i introduced mine to my now partner, when they were comfortable meeting me-- about 2 months but his kids are younger and are twins. likewise we let it to them to decide when they are ready. its now 6 months into the relationship and i have yet to meet 1 of his kids but the other is quite happy with me. cant answer the other 2 questions-- its been 16 years since my last baby and we've not yetmerged the 2 families but seeing how he treats my kids when he is around them is enough 4 me to know he will be ok. ground rules will need to be made before 2 become 1. hope that helps a bit
i found that the older the kid is the worse they take a breakup and new people.

Patty - posted on 02/02/2010

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i have been divorced for 2 years and seperated for 2 years before that. mu son is 17 as of friday and now that he got his licence I feel its time to start dating and letting him know. Up to now I've snock out a few times when he was busy with his friends and I new I'd be picking him up at a certain time but this really sucked because I live in a secret world and acually am a very honest open person in almost all other ways. I felt like that little white lie of saying I was with a girl friend was ok because he is very protective and jealous and am worried that he will tell his dad and things will backfire. in fact I didn;t enen tell my mom!! it just seems too complicated to explain how I don't want anyone's advice when I'm just at the point where I want to get to have just a friend and feel what it feels like to date. I could use some advise too or even an ear to listen. patty

Kekua - posted on 02/02/2010

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I pretty much agree with the other moms.
1. When your relationship is one that you would consider making a permanent commitment to (like marriage), but before you've actually made the commitment. In other words, if you start to realize that you think you could see yourself marrying the guy, it's time for introductions (very slowly building time up of course).
2. When you can know for sure that your baby is well taken care of and you don't feel so much worry/guilt that you can't enjoy the date as a woman instead of as a mom.
3. Wow. I don't think you can really know that until you have gotten to that point of #1 and you see how he interacts with them. That's a haaaard one!!

Melanie - posted on 02/01/2010

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It is hard to get back on the dating scene when you have kids as most guys would run a mile when you say you have kids. I started meeting people on oasis and went from there. It was just easier for me as i work full time and my spare time is usually when the kids go to bed.
Introducing the kids to someone can be hard as you don't kno how the kids will react. I found the best way was to see someone a little bit and when i kno that it is more serious then consider introducing them to my kids. I think that it's important to not rush into things and you will kno when the time is right.

[deleted account]

I don't think any of these questions have a right or wrong answer, it depends on you, your kids, and your babysitting options.



I have heard people say to not introduce the kids until you are engaged. Well, I happen to think that is totally unrealistic. You kind of want to know someone inside and out before you get engaged and your kids are part of you. I would say that you should wait until you are actually in a relationship, in other words, not ever guy you go on a first date with, and take it very, very slow. He comes with you to take the kids to the park for an hour the first time. Out to dinner the 2nd time, etc. I wouldn't have him hanging out with you and your kids all weekend until it's pretty much a sure thing.



As far as dating after a baby, I think it depends on your baby and who you have to leave him with. Do you feel comfortable leaving him with a babysitter? Do you have relatives who could watch him? Are you still nursing?



For your 3rd question, I would say, trust your instincts. If you have doubts, listen to them very carefully. Watch him with them when he thinks you're not watching.



I think the most important thing is to not be looking for a man to save you from single motherhood. That is how you'll end up making bad choices. If you are happy with yourself, your kids and your life, you have a much better chance of staying detached and rational while you're dating.

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