how to deal when a father denies paternity

Sarah - posted on 04/24/2013

I really need advice'nn this is my first time on here... Ok so my babys dad of two is denying are second kid... Her names Nichole she's 1.... He was there in the beganing like the first 3 months.. Buth things where not going good for are realationship so I moved out n left him.. When this happened I started hearing rumors that he was saying that he didn't knw if my baby girl was his so when I asked him he said he had doubts!!! So I told him to sight over his rights cus I was so mad I knw he knws that she is his so Idk why he is doing this!!! He said no he wouldn't do it until he found she wasn't his for sure !!! So I told him to get a paternity test since he doubted... He never did anything so I took him to court, the jugge ordered him to pay for the paternity test which is 475$ ... I knw he don't have money like that at the time he was unemployed so I offered to pay half! Still nothing!!! So then he starts asking to see her after so I let him... He is a good dad to my son we have joint custody also threw court cus I took him cus he tried keeping my son... Anyways we where support to go back to court n never did cus he was starting to come around for my daughter... So now I text him and i ask him for help because I am a single mom and he has not bought not one pamper for her no wipes no nothing!! So I get a text back saying well when are we gunna do the blood test!!! I'm like wat??? So I text him saying that I did my part on him getting the paternity and he did nothing!!! I really don't knw wat to do any more he sees my son every two days and is in his life 100%.. My daughter looks just like my son!!! I really need advice I don't knw way to do!!! I can't talk to my family cus they hate him so much so any advice they give me woul just be anger towards him wich I understand !!! Any advice please!!! In my heart I really think he knws he Is the dad idk if he has a new girl and is doing this cus of her or wat but I really just want to put him in his place!!!

Sarah - posted on 04/24/2013

How do I wright a post to get advice

Kimberly - posted on 12/30/2012

I just found out that I am pregnant and the father is telling me he doesn't care. I am afraid that when the baby is born he won't take responsibility and say that it is his. I know you can get a paternity test but my question is: In the state of NH, can the biological father not pay child support if he doesn't want the baby, even if it his?

Maretta - posted on 12/19/2012

get a DNA test...problem solved

QuAnna Boo - posted on 12/17/2012

OK SAME SITUATION WHEN I WAS 6Weeks PreGnant THE FATHER OF MY SON STARTED DENIEING MY SON I'M STILL PREGO I HAVE ABOUT A FEW MORE WEEKS LEFT TO GO TILL I'M DUE SEE I MOVED FROM CALI TO WASHINGTON TO GET AWAY FROM THE DRAMA I BEEN HERE ABOUT 4MONTHS OUT OF ALL HE ONLY CALLED ABOUT TWICE HE SAYS ONE MINUTE HE IS THE DADDY BUT TO OTHER PPL HE AIN'T I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE I NEED HIM TO KNOW HE IS THE DADDY MY SON DESERVES A FATHER.ANY ADVICE BY THE WAY I'M QUANNA 23yrs old

Leah - posted on 10/28/2012

Hey Im in a similar situation at the moment the baby isn't born yet only about 6 weeks along! I went for the pee test and it came up positive and went for the blood test as well. Told the person Im seeing, he is the only person Ive been with in the last year, and he doesn't beleive it is his. I said if I could get a DNA test I would straight away but I can't!



I know hes the father and I really don't know what to do about it now! He said I could just be telling him that and its someone elses. I said to him its obviously immaculate conception because hes the only one Ive been with. Really don't know what to do!!! We used protection to

Beth - posted on 10/26/2012

I split up just before my youngest was born, so ended up government benefits, I also had to fill in the Child Support Agency (CSA - in the UK) forms, or my benefits would have been sanctioned. (Didn't object to the forms anyway and knew who the biological father was/is to all three of my children - my ex husband). He was present when the CSA forms were filled in and confirmed that he was the biological father to all three girls. Initially though we agreed to come to an agreement privately, even though the forms had been completed. No support came, so I told the CSA to take over the case so that I could get money. At the best of times it's been irract. My ex is also denying that the youngest is his, and claiming that the youngest is his brother's child. I know that my ex has been claiming paternity for my youngest for several years now, but hasn't taken me to court to prove that the youngest isn't his.



As for my ex denying paternity of my youngest, I would quite happily get all three girls DNA tested to prove that they are all his children, also request that both him and his brother turn up for testing as well. By getting all 5 of them tested (my girls and their Dad and uncle) it would prove that my ex husband is the father to all three of them and that my ex brother in law isn't any of their fathers. I'm waiting for my ex to challenge me through CSA to say that he isn't the father of the youngest - the chances of that happening are quite low.

DeAnn - posted on 10/26/2012

Be careful ladies of what you wish for, you just might get it. Once you have it, you can't get rid of it. Speaking from experience, my best .2 is simply, if the "man" does not and I mean REALLLY REALLLY DOES NOT, IS OPPOSED NEAR FANATIC IN HIS POSITION, you might consider reconsidering the forceful dragging him to the slaughter, the slaughter may be your own sense of stability ...after all you were secure in knowing CS won't be appearing next month in your mail box right?



Chances are your doing nothing more than reaching into his wallet and TAKING WHAT BELONGS TO HIM.... not you and not YOUR child. Steaming from resentment, you might regret the drama and yes, the TRAUMA his physchological war games really might be, ecspecially when your little one, is unprepared as a kitten thrown to a pack of hungry wolves....... word of caution, money is NOT everything, and not always the support you assumed.

Megan - posted on 01/31/2012

Honestly I've been in your situation, something my husband is not proud of. When I became pregnant with our oldest he threw a fit saying he wasn't the father and made my life miserable the entire pregnancy and our son's first year of life. After I had enough and threatened to leave him for good he finally sobered up and started to act like an adult and realized the mistake he had made, I also got pregnant with our second child which kind of proved the point that he could indeed have children despite what doctors told him so he never said another word about it except for when he apologizes to me. His family was a lot of why he doubted the first one because they told him that I had cheated because they didn't like me. We are now happily married and have another child, which makes our grand total 3. He is a good dad it just took a little while for him to grow up because nobody other than me was willing to make him. I'm not saying that all of them are like that, sometimes they never grow up. I just got lucky and my baby-daddy did. I know that it's hard but don't force your daughter on him, or try to be one of those mothers that has to make a dad out of every man she dates in the future because it won't end well. Just tell him one final time that you are tired of arguing about it and that he is the father, whether he wants to be one or not he is. Then take his butt to court and make him take a DNA test. I think that worked in my favor with my kids dad because i was more than willing to have him do the dna test to prove i never cheated and he was their dad. We never did the tests because he signed the birth certificates on the day our oldest two were born, but the fact that i stopped him from signing each time saying he could take the test to prove it before hand worked because he signed without a second thought. Good Luck

M - posted on 01/25/2012

I think, oftentimes, it is deflecting and nothing more. Some women do deserve to have paternity called into question, but so many do not and it is simply that the biological fathers are not ready or willing (or willing to be ready) to be fathers to their own children. I believe that is the reason why they take the cowardly way out by holding their arms up in the air as if they were completely blindsided by what's happened. If the guy is mentally competent and has had sex education at some point in his life, he knows how babies are made. If he consented to having sex, he consented to taking the risk that a baby might be created by such an act.



In my opinion, if a biological father wants to be around for his child, he will. I believe that genuine fathers make an effort where their children are concerned. If biological fathers don't and instead they rely upon the mother to MAKE them involved, that is a cause for concern and speaks volumes about his intentions. It is up to the mother to do what is best for her child. Only you know your child's biological father, his history, his present circumstances, etc..



If you want to seek child support again, you will need to have the court enforce that a paternity test be given. This should be of no charge to you (if I am not mistaken, it's the biological father's financial responsibility at this point). This will most likely just be to legalize paternity, establish child support payments and custody/visitation. This does not mean the biological father will step up and take responsibility for his actions, but it's the most the government can do to make sure that he does.



If you choose not to go through with child support, your child may still know who her biological father is (by you telling her when she's old enough/having his name in her scrapbook). Even if it is "of question" to him (although most likely, he already knows and is scared/cowardly), it is of no question to you, so you know what to tell her when she/you are ready. If you have safe, positive male role models in her life, she is not fatherless - she has those strong male leaders in her life. If you eventually get married to a great man who is willing to love your daughter as a daughter, then she will have a step-father she can call her own. :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/18/2012

Thats me!!! I was accused of alot behind my back. My son's father has refused paternity for 8 years. I have had alot of accusations like: She got pregnant to keep me, She was with someone else (not true.. I had an ex that would not leave me alone and tried to always make it appear like we were together .. story of my life!!!).. Or she lied to get money. Okay.. so if I was trying ot keep you then why am I not around you? Why am I not pursuing you in court and why has every past conversation been focused only my son? and the money thing? Yeah thats stupid as I get nothing and if it weren't for stupid insurance laws I wouldn't even have filed. Well.. you are not alone and I won't beat the man down.. but I am tired of being the one getting all the pie thrown in my face when that wasn't even the case. I say quit trying.. its a battle you don't need when there are plenty in your everyday life as of now.. let the system do their job and focus on you and your child. The best you can do (or at least I feel ) is pray for these fathers and that they cometo see that responsibility is not a control issue.. that their hearts for fathering be restored and work on your own heart so your child can benefit. I am broke most days.. no lie and work alot.. but I remember the battles that are mine and the ones that are not. I still get angry at the lies and the marring of my character so he could save his face.. but really that is all that is.. trying to save his face and skin.. I think its more dignified to take up your part in anything and admit and take responsibility .. aim through this to now seek better qualities in those you let into your lives. I hope that you are your child are provided for and safe and are surrounded with the support of those who CHOOSE you!!! Do you believe that you are worth that? I never wanted my son to be fatherless.. but if someone shows no interest.. its taking your focus from your child to have to try to convince someone you are worthy.. serious. Time to build into you and believe it or not.. your child can have a great life with you as a single mom. Single parents can be some great parents. :)

Yolanda - posted on 03/20/2010

Sweetie.... u can't force a man to be a father, that has to come from him. But u can take him to court for child support. They will do a paternity test and he will be in arrears from when she was born. Just love her for the both of you. It's not hard. I raised 5 kids on my own. Now they're grown & productive hard working people w/kids of their own. My 30 yr old son is raising my grand daugter by himself (well.... w/a little help from mom :) If he doesn't want to be in her life, what good is he to her. Be strong and God Bless ♥.

Jennifer - posted on 03/05/2010

I haven't seen this reply but the best thing that you could do is not tell them they are the father if they are assholes. I had to pay over 100thousand dollars in family court and he finally agreed to give up rights so he could get off criminal charges of assault to me. He now lives in US ('i'm in canada). Because he owns his own business I cannot get money from him and now that he is across border it is even harder. IF there is any way you can raise the child without him, do it don't go through what I did.

Serene - posted on 03/03/2010

I'm going through this right now with my unborn childs father. When he found out i was pregnant he was excited and we planned on moving in togeter. Turned out I changed my mind. He got mad and denied my baby. Until now he is admitting it is his. I'm not happy about it, I want him to take DNA test though because he denied her this long. Good luck!!!

Niikki - posted on 02/28/2010

hey im niikki im in the smae situation as u. my son is 4 months old and his father wnats nothign to do with him, the way i see it if they are 2 dumb 2 see the blessing then let them miss out, if he takes the test he doesnt have 2 be int he childs life still, n tht s just asking for trouble, i mean i wanted my sons father 2 take the test but after talking it over with a lawyer, if they take the test any tie later on in ur childs life they can claim your baby n take her away. dnt worry u will find in time that while it would be nice if they were ther, but u truely dnt need um

Nicole - posted on 02/26/2010

I have 5 children and have supported the on my own with some help from their fathers but it did not hurt me it hurt them because they grew up seeing others with there dads but it made my sons know what kind of men they want to be to their own children one day. through all the struggle would not change the fact the fathers were not there because they turned out to be good ass kids and they know Ilove them and they love each other. I wish you luck but yor daughter will be ok because she has you!

Tamara - posted on 02/26/2010

My 4 yrs old sons father had deneyed him all along but excepted him and then when he was a year old stood in front of the judge and told him and everyone in there that "I could tell him till I was blue in the face that he was his but he didnt know". He deneyes him based on what a friend told him that I was cheating. When I walked out of that court room I told him that he was not allowed to see him again untill a DNA test was done. We got the DNA test done and he came back his cause I never cheated on him and he knew it. But see I hope no one makes the mistake of paying for it yr self. Make them pay for it they are the idiots that insist that they child is not theres. He was court ordered to pay half and never did. Also dont make the same mistake of making the appt and giving the child back the day of the test I regret that to this day. I should of made him suffer for the hell he put me through.

Megan - posted on 02/26/2010

Thank you everyone for your support! I got my results back today and surprise surprise.... He is her father. lol. What i already knew. He still hasnt contacted us or anything but we will see if that changes once hes paying. Thank you again for everything, hearing that im not the only one in this situation makes me feel stronger that i can do this.

Nicola - posted on 02/26/2010

Hi Megan, I was in an almost identical situation & even though I new 100% who was the dad, he still denied it... Ended up having DNA test which 15 yrs ago was a blood test which onviously came back as proving him to be dad. He has never seen his son & never ever paid a penny despite Child Support Agency involvement. I truly believe my son is better off without this guy in his life & as far as i'm concerned, there isn't anything that he could give him that I can't. It does get tough but believe me you can do it & as long as your child has one parent that's always there for her... she'll be just fine :)

Laura - posted on 02/24/2010

Let it go! it used to bother me all the time. I went threw some what of a similuar situation and I'am still trying to get the father for child support. If he acts as though he isn't interested what will the differents be if the name was on the birth certificate or not. A true father isn't the one who signs the paper a true father is the one who is there for there child threw thick and thin teaching them right from wrong and loving them unconditinally. He may never be that person but that doesnt mean there isnt a chance that person maybe coming along or even if you end up doing it all on your own forever, you will now that maybe all along you did a great job being both. God Bless you and just always pray about it

Joanne - posted on 02/24/2010

if hes not interested then so be it he is not worthed take gd care of yr wonderful child and leave it up to god He always finds us a way to path through keep in touch whenever u want tc

Joanne - posted on 02/24/2010

u should send him a court paper and he cant refuse it or else he gets busted

Lisa - posted on 02/24/2010

The day that I found out I was pregnant my sons sperm donor told me he didn't want any part of it, wasnt going to help out or be around at all. So when I had my son I left the fathers name blank on his birth cert. I figure if he is not going to be there for my son his name don't deserve to be listed on there anyways. I did the child support thing and they told me that would put his name on the birth cert but I called and explained the situation and said that I wanted it left blank. So they never put his name on my sons birth cert. He tried to deny that he is my sons father so almost 3 months after he was born (he was born 10 weeks early and had to spend time in the NICU so I had to wait till he was home) I contacted child support and let them know what what going on and I personally requested a DNA test to be done. I knew he was the father and got tired of hearing him say he wasnt. When he got served with the DNA papers to appear for testing he contacted me telling me he didn't want to do it because then he would get stuck paying child support. He showed up for the testing anyways and got proved to be the father and now pays child support but has never seen my son, never seen a picture or asked about him or anything.
Keep your head up, if he dont want to be there for your child it's his loss not yours. Your child will be lucky to have a great mother who is always there for her no matter what. You don't need a man to raise a child!

Stephanie - posted on 02/23/2010

Im just really pleased I didnt get pressured to put him on her certificate coz his sirname was rediculous and there was no way my baby was being lumbered with it! Look on the bright side and know you can do it alone coz you are her mummy and you wont go anywhere xx

Emma - posted on 02/22/2010

hi my names emma im in the same sorta situation my daughters father wants nothing to do with her and personially i think its great coz he was really abusive towards me and his whole family are crazy, but when i herd that he is having another baby with another chick i was releved in a way coz i new that he def would not want anything to do with my daughter. he has only seen my daughter once since she has been born (she is now 3) and i think its a good thing coz of what he did to me im afraid of my daughters safety. i dont get child support from him i get nothing which is the way i want it. my new partner has taken my daughter on as his own she calls him daddy and she was the one who started to call him daddy i didnt tell her no1 told her to say it :) and ive never been happier alothough he isnt the biological father he is more of a father to her than the ass hole is

Kizmect - posted on 02/21/2010

That's fine. He denies paternity and you go to court. He asks for a test and when it comes back his, he'll have to pay for the test and his back child support. Hopefully he comes around after the test reveals he's the father. Good luck!

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2010

Went through the exact same thing! I filed for child support days after my daugher was born bc the whole time i was pregnant the dead beat was denying it was his..it took almost 6 months, but he finally consented to a paternity test...best part was..he was on the hook for the $250 for the test since it proved he was the father. He does pay support but does not publicy acknowledge our daughter and has never wanted to see her....just remember that you cant force anyone to be a parent. You may be better off without him in the picture; as for your daughter...keep doing what you've been doing...loving your child and supporting them emotionally is better than being in a hostile tug of war with a dead beat loser!

Stephanie - posted on 02/21/2010

I'm currently going thru this system and I'm actually finding it very emotionally draining. Esme's dad and I were engaged and he came and held my hand as I told my family and he smiled and said how proud he was of me but things changed when I decided I was taking care of my body the way I wanted and I wanted my mothers help! (Sometimes only a mother can help eh!) So I walked away from him. I think I dented his pride but since he told me the last time I saw him to get rid she is better off without him. I'm waiting to see when I have to take her for the DNA test and I can't believe he is doing this to me. If he looked at her he couldnt deny her but even though I have said come and see her he wont. Some men shouldn't be dads but without them we wouldnt have our beautiful babies so I dont regret a thing and will go thru the systme coz I know Im right!

Lindsy - posted on 02/21/2010

ew I would never speak to him again and never let him to talk to her even though that's what he wants too..... you deserve better and especially your little girl.... you will find a man one day to love you both and take her in as his own. you probably worry a lot about finances and ya know needed help with her but I wouldn't totally drop him.... I can say this only cause I left my son's dad and he rarely sends money and I don't push it it's up to him if he wants to be in my son's life. he knows he is more than welcome to call anytime on phone of webcam and can come see him whenever he pleases but chooses not too. In the long run your child is the only who is going to get hurt knowing the dad doesn't want to be apart of their life so don't push him into doing something he doesn't want to do. You will definately find someone else and your daughters dad doesn't deserve such a blessing...... be strong and move on impossible as it seems but you can do it... If I can a tons of other moms can you can also just think positive for your little girl.... It's all about keeping her out of harms way and keeping her. She doesn't need to know for a long time that her daddy didn't want her :(

Lonya - posted on 02/20/2010

Hey i was in your situation at one point...when my now 3 yr old son sperm donor was dening him. After he had told me he was going to do his part as far our son went but he never did so we ended up going to court for child support and he asked for a DNA test to be done and never took it. After he was given numerous chance to take the test and skipped out on each of them the judge declared him as the father anyway because of his sorriness n his knowing that that is his child. And to this day he has nothing to do with our son no more than paying child support but thank God i have two brother and a good brother~in~law to play the father figure for my son and that along is what gets me through knowing that even though he don't know of his real father that he still have good mens to look up to in his life to teach him how to be a real man.

Alene - posted on 02/20/2010

Megan, I understand what you are going through I have been where you are, some what. My children's father never denied that he was their father but he hasn't really been their father. My daughter is 16 and my son is 11 and I have prided myself every day on being the best mother/father I can be. Just remember that the only person that matters right now is your daughter Bella. The piece of advice I could give you is to remember that when the test comes back that he is her father, if he chooses to see her don't deny him his rights because it can come back to hurt you in the end. Even though he was never a father to my children I never denied him his right to see them. When they got older they started asking the questions and they where able to see that it was his chose and now they deny him.

Jessica - posted on 02/18/2010

get the child support! My daughter's dad aka sperm donor wanted paternity testing even though he and his family knew it was his, just to delay time of him paying me. We all knew there was no way it was someone else's. Everytime we go to court they increase how much he has to pay me. He is still trying to fight it, but I am the one w/ full custody and has no time for myself! Kepp fighting for what is right and u will b provided for.. God is our strength, rest and our husband and our daughter's fathers!! Yeah!!

Mitzi - posted on 02/18/2010

DNA testing is the answer. I never had this problem but that's usually what has to be done. Once that is done, you will get the child support.

Rhonda - posted on 02/15/2010

Ok you said it your self, he doesn't seem interested in her now~what makes you think he will change his mind? He is showing and telling you he doesn't want to be in your daughters life. You need to except that fact. If you are not with any man at the moment~ there are a lot of great men out there that will love you and your daughter! Think about ~would you rather take sole custody of your child and make a good life for yourself with or with out someone else, being a man. Assuming you have support from your family and friends? Or, would you like to hunt him down through out the years fighting for child support?Then you are looking at lawyer fees, court fees, baby-sitter, and so on. That is if he takes the test. I know you are thinking you don't want your baby to be fatherless, but are you willing to accept someone in the long run that will disapoint you and her? My daughters father died when she was a year and a half, during our divorce which he never paid child support to me! I found a wonderful man 5 yrs ago and we are both, my daughter and i, are very happy. Even before him, life was good. Think about what it is you really need, not just want at the moment. Maybe just maybe this is the path you are to take. Good luck!!!!!!!

Kristie - posted on 02/14/2010

After the DNA test try and get some mediation or councelling to help you through it. I thought i was ok with the whole thing after The dad stopped seeing my son when he was 3.5. But now 3.5 years later he wants back in again and i am so angry about it. Unfortunately in Australia the laws have changed so fathers have more "rights". So now i have to deal with all the emotions again... also having to deal with the fact that i no longer get to choose what is the best for my son!.
Good luck Megan

Megan - posted on 02/14/2010

Well im just waiting on the results now, im just nervous on whats going to happen between the 2 of them after the truth is out. I kinda hope, after hearing yalls story, that he will just have to pay and have no interest in seeing her. that way its not an in and out thing with him. But knowing him and his asshole family, they will think that since hes paying, he might as well see her. :( Im just gonna let god handle it, i think iv done enough worryin about this situation. ughhhh

Kristie - posted on 02/14/2010

Been there... a simple DNA test settles everything. He cannot refuse if it is ordered by the court.
Good luck

Stephanie - posted on 02/13/2010

My baby's dad his mom, sister, and one set of his friends were telling him that my baby wasn't his. I think it was the hardest thing that i went through, because they made him believe that I cheated on him. Which I didn't because i was and still am in love with him. He has only seen her 2 times I think and she is 3 months old. So his dad (who believed she was his) told him that he would pay for a paternity test. So we got the test and it came back that she was his.

I would reccommend getting a dna test, that is the only way that you are going to make him believe you.

Rebecca - posted on 02/12/2010

I am going through the same basic situation. I'm 28 and have had a ten year on-again off-again relationship with my daughter's father. He stopped talking to me when I found out I was pregnant, told our friends and his family that "she wasn't his", and refused to answer my text messages when I tried to discuss the matter with him. He showed up once when I was 7 months pregnant saying he wanted to "do the right thing" and be there. He never came back or answered my texts again. When I had her I was going to get a paternity test at the hospital to avoid him being able to deny her. He never showed up. Even after my family and friends called him. Now the only way that I can issue a paternity test is through the Child Support Division. If you're a single mother you can get financial assistance from the state and it automatically opens up a child support case. You put down who you believe the legal father to be, and the state takes care of it from there. I think they issue a paternity test automatically if the father does not claim the child. That is what I am waiting for. I've already filled out paperwork on Fallon's father and the state is supposed to contact him and issue a court ordered paternity test. There is no way out of it and if the test proves he is the father he has to pay...ha ha. As far as the emotional part of it...it sucks. I've never felt a bigger rejection in my life... especially for my daughter. She is so sweet and she looks exactly like her father. It's like you want to make the father love the child, but unfortunately that's not something that can be done. You can't force someone to be a part of something if they don't want it. And if you ask me...anyone who isn't interested in loving their own child has something psychologically wrong with them, and isn't worth messing with. I believe dragging the child through the emotional experience of always being rejected by the father could only hurt them worse. You can nail the jerk financially (...could come to jail time eventually) but you can't do anything else. Leave him be...he sounds like a piece of **** like mine.

Katina - posted on 02/12/2010

Yes this has happen to me my daughter's father denies my daughter also so I took him to court and proved she was his.He now pays child support and still sometimes refuse's to see her, she is now 8 years old and when he does comes around he gets mad when she don't wan't to leave with him.All I can tell you is go to court and if he still don't want to be a father you just be the best damn mother you can be, cause in time he's gonna realize what he has missed out on and then its gonna be to late...

Teresa - posted on 02/12/2010

I have been through almost the same EXACT situation, the only difference is I chose not to put him on the birth certificate. My daughter is now 8 and doing well!! Its better to have no father then a bad father. Hope this helps!

Jaqlyn - posted on 02/11/2010

Yes i been through this. my boyfriend left me as soon as he found out. he wanted me to get an abortion and i refused then he started denying my son. even after he saw pictures and all after he was born. i called the courts set up a dna test and all he wanted nothing to do with his son he was going to give up all right and all. when the court date come about everything just turned around and now things are alot better. i do know where u are coming from and i am so sorry he is doing that to you. some men just dont know what they really have or how to appreciate them.

Sally - posted on 02/11/2010

Oh and by the way I have birthed 4 children and had to raise 26 others whose parents through them away with no help from either parent , or the system or foster care nothing I went without winter boots, coats for myself so the children could have what they needed. The saddest is when they become successful the child is the only one that thanks you for caring, The parent/parents well lets just say partying was more important and never a thank you form them. Give them structure, stability love and routine. You just have to learn to be both. Play ball talk, lots of love he is not alone in the world is my point. So believe it or not they get over it usually after 1 or 2 encounters of the ugly parent.It is your job as a mother to honor,protect, love your children.

Beth - posted on 02/11/2010

Sometimes it can be easier to not have the father in the picture, but it would also be nice for your child to know who her biological father is. If you have any photos of him, keep them so that when she is older and asks about her family roots you are able to provide her with information. You don't have to go into any details. It could be just as basic as this is your biological father and he has xx siblings etc. I would try and not voice an opinion on why he has or hasn't kept in contact (or his reluctance to accept that he is the father). Anything like this has to be taken slowly and I would suggest that it is brought up when your daughter asks you and given to her on a need to know basis, taking into account how she may react/feel to the information that you supply her with. It could also be worth keeping a note of what relatives that he has that you are aware of.

Billi - posted on 02/10/2010

I am in the same situation as you. I too worry about my daughter living without knowing her father. He wants nothing to do with her as he was caught cheating on his wife! He lied to me, he lied to his wife and because of all these lies, he is unable to-(or wont) have a relationship with her (she is his only biological child, and he is in his 50's). I keep telling myself that it is better for her to grow up without him here, than to grow up with a father that she can't count on! At least maybe she won't have to deal with the dissappointment of a father that claims he will be there or says he wants to see her and then never fufills his promises or obligations! I like to tell myself that he is punished everyday by knowing that he has a daughter out in this world that he prevents himself from having a relationship with because of his lies. It's really hard doing this by myself.....but I wouldn't have it any other way and I am kind of glad I don't have to share her. Besides......single mothers get all the love!!!! Good luck to you & have faith in yourself as a mother, and know that you are doing a great job by commiting to her happiness!

Kimberly - posted on 02/10/2010

I am currently going through the same situation as you my sons father denies him and has told me that i am a slut and a whore and well you can imagine, I have went through child support and he didnt show up for the paternitity test so we scheduled a court date and they couldnt serve him because he moved out so now they dont know where he is or how to find him. I know my son is better off without knowing his dad but i could use the financial support and just like the rest of you i know he is the dad i was totally faithful to him

Lori - posted on 02/10/2010

That is almost like my situation Kimberly's father denies her cause she looks like me more than him and his mom has put it into his head that I am a slut but I have been nothing but faithful to him when we were dating which is more than I could say abiut him. I havnt taken him to court cause I just dont want him to be with Kimberly alone cause he dont knoe anything about babies. I am trying to hold my head up and try my best cause she deserves better!

Beth - posted on 02/09/2010

There's only one way to prove that this man is the biological father of the child and that is by having a DNA test. This should be fairly conclusive to prove one if he is or is not the father. If you've only been with this man then it will be impossible for him not to be the father. Just because he's the biological father, does not necessarily make him a Dad. Being a Dad requires actual input into the child's life.

Jilloni - posted on 02/09/2010

Been there done that! I went thru this and my daughters Bio father. He wasn't on the birth certificate either and he denied the whole thing but DNA tests Don't lie is all I can say! She just turned 18 and I am still getting back child support from this man! You can't force a relationship between him and your child, I always taught my girl that DNA doesn't make a father, Love and support does and no matter what she has me!

Chrissy - posted on 02/09/2010

In the state I live in when you file for Child support or you are on state insurance they automatically make the father take a paternity test. The father of my son pulled the same thing when I was pregnant. He said I was a slut, whore...all the names in the book and when it came time to go to court he never showed up for the paternity test but the state had his DNA on file already so it was not the first time it happened to him. I knew he was the father the whole time. Soon as the test showed he was the father then all of a sudden he wanted to see his son, mostly because his mother was making him do the right thing. So I get child support and he was supposed to see the baby on Sundays from 1-7 and then whenever he wanted him with 24 hours notice per the court order. As long as my son was in diapers he wanted me to stay there for the visits so he didn't need to do any of the real work, feeding, changing, dealing witha fussy baby. Then as my son got older he would see him without me there. My son is now 5 and he does nothing for him, rarely asks to see him. His mother sees him more. I am going to get the custody agreement updated soon. He is a bad influence on my son and I do not want my son around him anymore. He threatened to take me to court for 50/50 custody just so he wouldnt have to pay child support. After my son was born he went on to have 2 more children. He is trash, the best thing he has ever done was give me my son who is smart, cute, funny and I will never let that man raise him to follow in his footsteps of disrespecting women and not wanting to work for a real future. If he does not want to see your child, it's his loss and when your daughter is 18 he will have to explain himself to a young woman when she asks why.