I have no clue

Beth - posted on 01/21/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband just announced he wants a divorce and on top of that I jsut quit my job 5 months ago to be a stay at home mom with my 2 1/2 yr old. I think I can figure things out for myself but I am really worried about our innocent little girl. He is going to have every other weekend visits. I don't know what to tell my daughter in terms she can understand what is going on. She is going to have to start back at a daycare, move and see her dad on a limited amount of time. Any advice?

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Beth - posted on 01/22/2009

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I am actually thinking of having him move out of the house until I get a job and get my daughter adjusted to going to daycare and not being with me all day and then getting my own place that I can afford and is closer (we live in a rural area 30 miles from the city). That way everything won't hit her at once. She actually seems excited to "go to school". But even now when her dad works late or he is out of town she constantly asks "where's daddy". I think I may purchase some books on divorce for her, any one have any suggestions on books?

Wendy - posted on 01/21/2009

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My younger son was just over a year when his father moved out. He was too young too young to understand at the time, but he's just used to it now. The other day I mentioned something about when his father and I were married (he's 4 1/2 now) and he said, "Mom, you were married to Dad??!!!" with shock and disbelief. My older son was 5 when we separated and we kept the message simple "Mommy and Daddy are not going to be living together any more because we don't get along. It is not your fault and we are sorry because we know that this is upsetting to you." As your daughter is only 2 1/2 I would just stick with the first sentence. Keep the lines of communication open as she gets older. Their dad seems them every other weekend now as well. It was very hard for me at first to let them go with him, especially when my younger son sobbed at leaving me for the first time, but I know its good for them to know that their father wants to be involved in their life and I take care to not express negativity about their father to them. They have to live with the divorce, they shouldn't have to live with animosity as well. I have seen first hand what that does to children and swore I would never do it to mine. My younger son asks me sometimes if I'm going to go with them to their father's for the weekend. While I want to laugh, I just say, "No, that's your time with your father". I honestly don't have hostility towards him either. He's not a bad person, we are just not compatible long term.

Demontica - posted on 01/21/2009

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you should start talking to her about everyday when you are doing little things like giving her a bath or getting her ready for bed, tell her mommy and daddy are going to be living in different homes and that you both still love her very much but he will just be staying somewhere else and that she's going to school with other big kids so she can make a lot of friends and have fun---peole may not think that children understand but the more you talk to her about throughout the day the more they will understand and it makes it a easier transition--try not to show her if you are stressed because she will pick up on it--hope this helps

Pati - posted on 01/21/2009

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A friend of mine made a little book about divorice for her 3 year old to help explain how things would be with pictures and words. Mommy and daddy read it to her and they both reinforced that she was going to be ok.

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