I'm going to be a single mom and am frieghtened that I won't ever be able to find love. Any help?

Heather - posted on 09/26/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend of over 2&1/2 years spit when I told him I was pregnant. So I moved from Texas to Connecticut to be closer to my family. I'm so excited but don't want to be alone forever. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and that I won't ever be able to do all this by myself, let alone try to find love again. Any stories and help would be greatly appreciated!!

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Danielle - posted on 09/28/2009

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Keep your head up high and don't ever give up hope. There will be days you want to cry yourself to sleep and just give up. Keep the faith in God and he will guide you through it. How do i know this? Because i have been a single mother since age 16 of four children. I won't lie it was a very bumppy road at times and still is. You will find love when the time is right, just don't rush into it.

Kea - posted on 07/24/2011

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im a single mum of three. i had on girl and when she was 2 and a half i fell pregnant with twin girls my husband walked out on us when i was 12 weeks pregnat with the twins. so now i have three stunning littel girls and i have been with my new man for 12months. i have know him for 4 years. never had thought about him in any way but its my exhusbands fault were together. and he has been there every day. i thought i new what love was when i was married but i was so wrong. you will one day meet someone alse that will love you both. I said to my partner he need to know that the kids will always come first. and he was happy with that. but i bwould also love to get married again and have 1or2 more kids. just make sure he knows were you stand. but dont bring him in to your life to fast you need to make sure the next man you would like to m,ake a life with that u spend time with him befor you slowy bring your child into it. i know its hard but u will find that one that means the world to u both.

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It will be a little overwhelming but that's why you have your family and friends hun. Ask for help as I'm sure they will more than gladly help you out anyway they can. As for finding love again...yes it's hard I'm not going to lie to you about that. As there are a lot of guys who aren't ready for a pre made family. I thought I would never find someone who would accept me and my daughter but right now I have an amazing man in my life who loves her more than I ever thought another man could. He even surprised his family by getting with me because he always said he wouldn't get with someone who had a child. But it's been almost six months and he does more for her than her biological father does. So just concentrate on taking care of your baby to start with hun, don't look for love as it will find you when the time is right. And for you ex, well don't pay him no mind he's a jerk and well obviously not man enough for you and your baby. So stay strong and just let life happen. It will with patients and time.

Sheena - posted on 09/28/2009

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I was pretty much alone from the moment I conceived until today. When I was pregnant that was the only thing on my mind, is no one will want me now. But it isn't true. I have had men interested in dating me. But honestly, with my daughter so young (5 months) I feel it would be easier on me to stay single and just worry about her and her needs.

Also, you have to watch out for some men who think because you have a kid and you are single that you are an easy target. This has happened A LOT.

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Jonathan - posted on 02/25/2013

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Hey ladies, im Johnny, and Im in a relation ship, about ten months now, with a mother of two that loves me, but is having trouble falling in love with me, she says its because of her past relationship with her babys daddy. that she is afraid she might never re leanr the art of being In Love again and is scared Im going to go away and she'll be alone forver, I Told Her that I am completely willing to wait as long as she needs me to, as long as she can give me some sort of glimmer that she in fact can see somewhat of a future with us together.
I am writing this in an attempt to get any advide as to if there is anything I can do to help her or any resources I can get her, I am Crazy about this woman and want to try whatver i can to make it work. I also understand that in the end she may just not be into me as I am to her, But i am prepared to hear that. the diffuclty now is just figuring out how to let the walls that came up after being a single mom with just her and her kids for a period of time. She says she wants to let them down but is having trouble.

ANY Feedback You ladies can give Me will be MUCH APPRECIATED :)

Trace - posted on 01/24/2013

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Hi guys im kinda in de same boat..i am newly pregnant nd my x said he will be der and he is willing to be wit me stil but im not in love wit him anymore..im scared dat ill never find the one especially now that their is a baby on the way..i feel so alone even though iv so many people here to help me and my ex is being great and i no he loves me but he just is not the one..wat will i do???

Cassie - posted on 10/02/2009

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I can understand were you are coming from, but just because you have a baby doesn't mean your shut out of the 'love' world. There are men out there that aren't afraid of a woman with a baby. You will be able to handle all of this & find love too, it will actually find you when you aren't expecting it. I can say this from a personal standpoint, I'm a single mom of two, and one baby has a dad in her life & one doesn't & I'm currently engaged to someone else. So it does happen.

Wendy - posted on 10/01/2009

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Don't worry, The father of my 3 year old just left me 4 months pregnant. I too have family but the nights and mornings are hard alone. You are definately not alone. Just make sure your get advice from an attorney if he is trying to skip out on the child support as well. I recommend you talk to an attorney prior to the birth of your baby.

Aurelina - posted on 09/28/2009

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first off i would suggest that you give ample time to your kid and then worry about yourself next. hey you're young and beautiful, you don't really need to worry about it. i know God has reserved someone special for you and for your kid. stay blessed!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/27/2009

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First of all, nix the fear. God's got it, and if He's got it, you've got it. Your priority is your baby, when a real man comes along, he will respect that first, as long as you are honest with him. All things are done in God's time, and we must be patient enough to wait until He has made us ready for the blessings that He sends our way. Your love will come along, at the very time when you are considering it the least.

Never ever be concerned about how you will appear to others when you ask for assistance with the love of your life. (your baby) God's word says that no man is an island. Though we were not meant to do it alone, He didn't make us punks either! He will sustain you, and guide you to the people and places you need to keep you strong and your baby happy and healthy. All you have to do is ask.

Jennifer - posted on 09/26/2009

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I have the same kind of thoughts sometimes. I'm a single mommy to a beautiful one year old girl and had to move back with mom before she was born. Sometimes it feels like it'll just be us forever, but I know that there are good men out there. I wish I knew where to find one for myself, but I would definitely say don't give up. Focus on you and your child until you feel ready. Once your baby arrives you won't even have time to think about a man. Just sit back and enjoy the ride because that first year goes by fast.

Corina P. - posted on 09/26/2009

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I met my soulmate at 19, and he felt the same way. But life got in the way of us being together. Now ten years later after each of us has been married, had two kids each, and divorced, we've found one another again. We're geting married next year and plan to have one more kids together this time, and spend the rest of our lives together. Since you back in your home town, try looking at old flames. You're true love is hiding in your past.

Lanice - posted on 09/26/2009

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HI Heather, I am a single mother of four and I have gone to college and graduated with my Masters. I dont look for love to validate me, I look within myself for that. But my response is stop looking in the wrong place for love and look within. WHAT EVER you put in the atmosphere you are sure to get it in return..... If he left when you told him you were pregnant he proably wasnt going to be there for you anyway.... WHen you think of love or feel lonely look down at your little ones thats the most sincere love you will find!

Marisol - posted on 09/26/2009

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I have dealt with that, but my faith In God, my church friends htat give me the strength and encouragement are the ones that make me strong and make me see that the luv my baby gives me, that is Ireplaceable cus I am her mommy. Yeah... I feel lonely at times, but I for a fact know the next man in my life is going ot have to have God in his life as God is in mine. I just wont take anyone to fill that loneliness and feel loved, I need someone sent from Heaven above, Dont loose the faith, and PUSH!! (Pray Until Something Happens !!) :) Stick to positve people, a support system is the best you can do, believe in yourself that God has a better plan, and His love is UNconditional!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/26/2009

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I was in the same situation but once my lil girl arrived i forgot all the heartbreak, when you have your child your whole world becomes that child, its the best feeling in the world! I am now dating again, but i have wised up and im taking things slow, you cant be afraid of what might happen, just go with it, you'll soon see having a relationship isnt everything, you will find love again, it usually happens when you stop looking for it, it did for me

Traci - posted on 09/26/2009

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Being a mom of 3 almost grown sons, and newly divorced, I can tell you from experience that love happens, and when you least expect it... just hang in there, don't be afraid to love yourself. When you love yourself, you attract more love than you could ever imagine, and take this time with the little one to bond. You'll never regret it and when love happens you'll appreciate it and never take it for granted.



I was also born to a single mom, and my dad walked into our life when I was about 3 months old. He loved my mom and I so much that he adopted me, even though I wasn't his blood and this was back in 1970, so...

Kathryn - posted on 09/26/2009

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Your welcome, i know when your going through it you feel like no one understands or has gone through this before but if you ever needed to talk you can talk with me :)

Heather - posted on 09/26/2009

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Thank you all for your support. It's so nice to know I'm not the only one going through this! Even though you feel like you're the only one these things are happening too, it's nice to know that I'm not and that there are other strong women out there. Thank you!!

Kathryn - posted on 09/26/2009

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Im in the same sorta situation... my partner left me when i was 7 months pregnant for someone else and i moved closer to my family. It does get easier, i remember not knowing anyone and having so many sleepless nights. If you need help ask for it, even that few extra hours of sleep helps :) wat i found helped me was going to mother and baby groups. It will be a while before you have the time to focus on a new relationship. but the right guy will come along. I always thought i will be alone forever. But now i have my daughter i realize i dont need anyone else. You will notice it will take a guy you really care about to be introduced to your baby. But he will come along :) You can do this by your self :) You dont need a man at the moment!

Monica - posted on 09/26/2009

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The first thing that you should do is stop feeling responsible for the other parent not being there. Find a support group of other single mothers that have made it through and learn from their experiences. When I first had my son I felt like I was going to be alone because the father quickly moved into another relationship and being a father to our son was not first on his list. At fist it was a little depressing that I was angry that I had all the responsibility of raising our son. But when talking to other single mothers I realized that I was stronger than I thought and that if I take everything one day at a time then I will not feel overwhelmed. You can make it through it and when you discover your own strenght then you will be ready to begin thinking about being in a relationship. I have begun to start the dating process again. YOU CAN DO IT.

Difela - posted on 09/26/2009

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I have the same problem, but with me, I dont even feel i want to be involved anymo. I think im too scared to behurt again. hopefully with time i will open up again.

Brooke - posted on 09/26/2009

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You will be okay! There is someone out there that will love you and your baby. Just don't settle for less because you are scared you won't find anyone. Because you are not only looking for a husband...but a father for your child! Motherhood is one of the best things, but it can be really hard at times too. So let your family help you, they can be a very good backbone - especially when the "real" backbone walked out. Pray and God will help you!

Dolly - posted on 09/26/2009

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Once you have that baby you will realize that anything else is extra. The love you will feel for your child ... nobody will ever be able to make you feel that way. As far as doing it alone, my story goes like this.. I was 19 when I got pregnant, and I was heavy in to the party scene .. drinking .. doing drugs .. all of the above. I had nothing, no home, no money, no job ... but all I knew was I was going to do whatever I had to to make sure my son would never feel an ounce of my struggle. I wont sit here and say its been easy and I'm living happily ever after - there were times where I wanted to give up, bury my head in my hands and cry; especially when I got pregnant with my second son a year later! - but as long as you stay focused on your baby and doing everything you can to protect them and provide for them, you will not have a problem. Any man worth having in your child's life will respect what you're doing and he will fall in love with not only you - but more importantly - your child. :)

Lisa - posted on 09/26/2009

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Well, I am very sorry for what happened to you. But look on the bright side, your going to have a beautiful baby girl or boy that is going to light your world up like never before. Im a single mother of a 2 year old. I've been a single mother since a month after he was born. It gets difficult at times, but you have to be strong no matter what, your child needs you and you always have to remember that. I kind of feel the same way you do, how will I ever find love with another person. I've changed my perspective about it recently, love is out there I am sure of it, but I need to be worried about myself and my son, and make sure we have all we need. It'll happen one day, just don't give up hope. It will happen when you least expect it. :) You will be able to do it on your own, and one day you'll find yourself a man that loves you and your child.

Billie - posted on 09/26/2009

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First off when you start feeling overwhelmed don't be afraid to ask for help. That's what your family is there for! If you're still pregnant you've got a long way to go before you'll have the time and energy to focus on a relationship, but that right man will come along in time. Be patient and focus on your baby right now. You CAN do it without a boyfriend or husband. Believing that will help you avoid winding up with a jerk because you're scared of being alone. Take good care of yourself and focus on getting the baby here healthy and safe. Once you get back up on your feet and have a handle on dealing with your life after the child is here, then you can start opening yourself up to falling in love. It DOES happen. I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me and my son, but before I was ready to be with that man I had to figure out how to be a mother on my own. It'll happen for you too honey. Just have faith and be patient. Very best of luck to you!!

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