If he has to pay child support, will he be allowed visitation with the child?

Lisa - posted on 09/20/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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To be honest, I'm not sure who the father of my 2 yr old daughter is. I was seeing two men at the time. My question is, if I do a DNA test what rights will the father have without being on the birth certificate? I'd like to get child support and no visitations. The one man, the one I'm referring to, was only a one night thing. He lied to me though. He said he was single yada yada, but actually is married and has a family in Canada. He drives to the U.S. everyday to work --- I'm in Michigan so Canada isnt far at all. I dont want him taking my daughter, especially out of the country. Him and his wife have a girl that is two weeks older than my daughter. When I told him I was pregnant, he denied it was his. Any advice is appreciated.

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Real - posted on 01/08/2013

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Wow. I'm like three years behind this one but I just had to speak my peace. hopefully someone will think about it. The fact that this is an open discussion says a lot about the state of humanity and our culture socially. You my friend are what men like to call a "whore" or "hoe". You were having unprotected sex with two men at the same time and now your concerned about money and which man should play the role of "father". Hmm. Perhaps you should have shown better judgment before you spread your legs. There should be some kind of punishment for slackers like you. You give real women very bad names and produce more dogs of men.

Secondly,this is why women aren't equal to men. This is why its a mans world and will always be. A woman's dependance on a man goes beyond her thoughts and reasoning. You perpetrate independence so long as it's convenient. When in reality every woman is just a little girl still looking for daddy whether he was home or not. Men will always be the head. I wish women would stop trying to be like men and just be women. How can you demand for respect as a women while being so busy attempting to match scenarios with men. You know why women who have a lot of sex with different men are considered sluts: because the art of sex is a game. Sex for a woman is a choice, for a man it's a chore. Men are predatory mammals by nature. If your easy prey then there's not a victory. The more men who have you the less your sexually worth. It's like over eating at a buffet. Hence the term "slut" which is to say "pig". Funny how we have less sexist pigs but more sluts... Just food thought.

Simone - posted on 09/23/2010

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Wow,I'm so sorry to hear about that situation Lisa. My situation is similar in ways. I was actually in a relationship for 5 or so months before I ended up pregnant. Everything was fine until a female called and text my phone and it all hit the fan. His bestfriend came out and told me he was married and his wife left him. Point blank I didn't know of a wife at all, EVER! So for that reason and the fact that he doesn't ever call unless he wants to know what I'm doing,thats why I have chosen to do this thing all alone. I've been lied to over and over and my child will be 2 months Sat. He is still in the NICU and it is just making my heart really cold towards him. He didn't tell you the truth so you should have a chance to get what's right for your child. I haven't decided if I want to put him on child support or not. I refuse to let him and his wife "play house" with my child so I almost can do without child support. i have quit answering phone calls from him and am consulting with a legal advisor about the whole thing. There has to be peace in our situations. Pray for a sign and an answer and always trust your "mommy instincts" :-)

[deleted account]

If you don't want the biological father to have visitations w/ HIS child then it would be foolish to pursue paternity and child support. If one of the men you chose to sleep w/ decides he wants to find out if that child is his... that'll be on him. He might not WANT visitation, but I think it's rather selfish to go after a man for money and then try to deny him all access to the child.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2010

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PS- If your involvement with these two men was even a few weeks apart, you could do careful research regarding your cycle and when you were likely to get pregnant, when you got pregnant according to the ultrasound and if that agreed with your babies development at birth. (Did your baby seem like an early baby or late baby?) Feeling more certain about which guy it was might help. You didn't mention it, but are you planning on ruling the one night stand in, by ruling the other guy out with a paternity test?

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21 Comments

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Just - posted on 12/25/2013

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Just get the "child support" from him. It's free cash; and additionally, you can deny him access to your child with relative ease. No matter what any so-called visitation order states, they simply aren't enforced. In other words, a worthless piece of paper! Thus, you can have your cake and eat it too!

Jen - posted on 02/26/2012

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You can pay child support and have no visitation. But you can't deny him visitation just because you think he is shady.

Juli - posted on 02/19/2012

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If you are needing financial aid. Go to your local SRS office they can help with child support and other support services. They usually will have helpful numbers also like Legal Aid. But if you don't need the help then don't bother with DNA cause once you do the father has the legal right to see the child.

Serene - posted on 02/16/2012

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Lisa maybe you should think about it if you want this man in your childs life before you file for support. My case is a little different then yours because I didn't file for support, the state went after him because while I was unemployed for a short period of time I was getting assistance. I had a two month fling with him and I ended up pregnant and I broke things off with him because he started talking about moving in together, getting married and disciplining my 18 month old son all in the same day. NO Man will ever put there hands on my children and I'm not going to marry some man just because I'm pregnant by them. I would rather be in a single parent then be in a "loveless" marriage. So he denied her, he harrassed me throughout my whole pregnancy, had his family harrass me. I had to block him from my phone, and fb page.

I reopened my fb page when my daughter was 3 months old and contacted him and he told me that my daughter looked too much like her brother so she wasn't his.

Now my daughter is 20 months old and he has only seen her 3xs and he is trying to get unsupervised visitations, her last name changed and custody. Hasn't accepted her in his life until the State went after him. Didn't even accept the DNA test results, back in October of 2011, he had to call the courts for the results.

Hasn't gotten her anything for xmas or even offered to buy her wipes, diapers, or even an outfit. He has never offered to meet me half way when I took her to go visit him; we live almost 2 hours away from each other, or even offered gas money when I have drove to him.

When he talks me he always yells that I am taking his fathers rights away from him. Thats all he can talk about is just alot of drama

We go to court in May and I had gotten a lawyer because I am going to fight for my daughter. I want supervised visitations, To beable to let her keep my last name, and custody. I sometimes wish that i didn't have to go through this drama and the state would of never contacted him. Good luck

[deleted account]

Think it boils basically down to this:

a) do you (or your child in the furture) want to know who the biological Dad is?

b) Child support - do you need/want it and what's the likelyhood of you getting it.

c) visitations/custody - the likelyhood of it. Will the biological father want either?

d) if it's proven to be the one you suspect (married one) then the implications of the situation to his marriage



At the end of the day, it boils down to what you think is right for your child. If she knows who her biological father is, then she has the choice (when she's older) to find him and make contact (if appropriate). Like it was said earlier, by having a DNA test could result in a very large can of worms being opened.

Kimberly - posted on 02/16/2012

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Hello Lisa! I know I'm SUPER DUPER late on this post but paying child support does NOT automatically grant the non-custodial parent custody of your child as this will need to be handled in a separate court for visatation rights. However, once child support is filed, the courts will give him the option of obtainig a DNA test and depending on the results of this test, the judge will then order him to pay child support and if he would like to have joint custody of your daughter, then he would need to hire a Family Law Attorney and judges rarely grant full custody to the father unless the mother has been proven to be mentally or physically incapable of taking care of the child, meaning the mother is either strung out on drugs or physically and/or mentally abuses the child so you will have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. I wish you the BEST of Luck!! :-)

Susan - posted on 09/24/2010

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If you do a DNA test and the dad decides he wants to be a dad, he can take you to court for visitation and/or custody. It doesn't matter if he's not on the birth certificate. Once you establish paternity, yes, you have the right to get child support, but he also has the right to see his child. Put your child first - if you think he can be a good father to your daughter, then you two may be able to work together to create a visitation agreement that is acceptable to the courts w/ fairly low expenses - you'll still need to see an attorney and get the agreement approved by the courts. If you plan to fight him once paternity is established, you could easily spend more money on lawyers and court than you would get over the next several years in child support.

Simone - posted on 09/23/2010

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Kristen, that's what I thought all along. Why would he pay for a child he can not see. Be honest with you that's why I don't want to pursue child support or anything from him. If you don't want to be here, Lord knows it hurts, but I refuse to let you in and out my childs life. Now when he is old enough and decides he fror the father son thing, then great. There is too much drama behind my childs father's life style. No more lies or surprises.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2010

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child support is handled separate from visitation/custody in nj. here its up to the non custodial to file for their visitation right if they dont do it in a cross motion at custody hearing. my advice to u is call your local court house and ask them what is ur responsibilities to file for. i know child support laws are different state to state cause it not a federal but ive been working on change that so it all the same every where but that takes time and the right people backing me its been two years in the making and they are slowly changing enforcement laws.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2010

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Oh, so many variables. Sounds like he wouldn't take a paternity test without a court order. Sounds like if he had the money he would prefer to pay and not tell his wife. But you never know. As far as I know, if he has a paternity test that proves parenthood, it doesn't matter what the birth certificate says. I would ask a lawyer. There might be programs that will give you free access, or maybe 5 or 10 minutes of free advice to let you decide whether or not to pursue it.

Ashley - posted on 09/21/2010

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Lisa I live in michigan too. Just figured I would tell you that. I know it's probably really hard for you not knowing which one is your daughters son. If you put everything aside money the bad relationship with the person and everything ... for your daughters sake. Don't you want her to know who her father is? If he is a horrible person and you think he desrve to know her than fine. Just know someday the question will be asked. Just make sure you are ready to have that talk with her because eventually it's going to come up.

Kirstin - posted on 09/20/2010

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If you really need the CS to help support your daughter then I guess I would get the DNA test done and over with....Either way it would probably be a good thing in the future in case your daughter wants to know who her biological father is....As far as the visitation goes they will only do that IF he wants it. If he doesn't file for visitation the only thing that will be done is the CS, but then he WILL be on the birth certificate if the DNA does confirm he is the father. Good luck! :)

Billie - posted on 09/20/2010

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If you put him on child support (and you'd need to pony up big money for a lawyer to handle the international issues on getting that done) then he can take you for visitation or even custody.

JuLeah - posted on 09/20/2010

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Why open this can of worms? If you don't want the men in your child's life, and they are not in her life ... why do this? No, you can't expect a man to send you money and not even ask to see her. If he is required to pay support it is assumed he will be involved.

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