Interstate custody questions. (kinda long sorry)

Tara - posted on 08/20/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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ok quick recap, i was with my sons father for 2 1/2 years before i got pregnant upon the positive pregnancy test his immediate response was to abort,he refused to even consider or discuss other options, so at 7 1/2 months pregnant i got on a train and traveled 500 miles back to my hometown, taking the clothes on my back my pillow and one extra change of clothes.
after i returned home my "donor" became more involved oddly enough in my pregnancy, I'd call him during my prenatal checkup's so he could hear everything going on, he called me in the hospital while i was in labor, he suggested our son have his last name, and that i use his grandfathers name as a middle name,
After our son was born everything was great for a few weeks, he was in contact and taking an interest in our son's development and health, had admitted to friends that he had no doubts as to my son's paternity, he had not however informed his parents that they had a new grandson.
then suddenly he developed doubts (due in large part to the trailer trash girl who used to live across the street from us, who spent 6 months tryin to split us up, that he is suddenly talking to again) so i took the initiative and informed his parents, he freaked out and started trying to accuse me of cheating on him last summer, saying that was when my son was concieved, the incident he was talkin about happened august of 2009 my son was born july of 2010. I'm not part elephant, but nice try,
my question Yes i do have one, is this, I'm planning to return to the area next month to retrieve my belongings and to allow my ex's parents to meet their grandson and his kids to meet their brother, do i need to file custody papers to keep the creep from tryin to take our son?? his name is not on the birth certificate, I'm currently living in oregon the "father" is in california, i did start proceedings to do a paternity test and start a support order, he wanted me to have my son's blood typed, to alleviate his doubts, i figure if knowing the blood type would answer his questions a dna test should be no problem for him,
any input would be very appreciated, as i need to go get my things but wont risk my son to do so,
thanks,

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Rachel - posted on 08/26/2010

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u tell ur mom that she needs to stop this, u do not need the extra stress. give her as little info as possible that is what will get transfered to "daddy". she needs to realize what she is doing and the complications it has caused. it is fine she wants to have a relationship w/ him. My family still talks to my ex, but not about me. i am a taboo topic.

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Heather - posted on 09/01/2010

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I know that oregan is a mother state... so no he can not take your son... I would highly recomend you start some kind of court documents...talk to a lawyer.. see what exactly your options are... but if his name is not on the birth certificate well there really isn't anything he can do... He has no obligation paperwork wise so if he tries anything take him to court and make him pay... Hope that helps...

Tara - posted on 08/29/2010

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so here is what i've found out so far, I have to file for custody in oregon, when i go to california, take thise and his birth certificate with me and just never leave him unattended with his dad.

Krystel - posted on 08/28/2010

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true but some people has there way around stuff like that. & thats not always the case! just be careful in what u do.& call the courts in ur state & his and ask questions to see to be on the safe side.

Susan - posted on 08/28/2010

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I would think if his name's not on the birth certificate, that, until paternity is established, he has no rights or responsibilities. Meaning he can't take your son anywhere legally.

Krystel - posted on 08/28/2010

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i would go ahead a get court order but however if u take ur son to another state u need to watch out for there laws too. i live in nc & my daughters father lives in maryland. i have court order where he has to see her in my presences. but i was going to let her stay with him for a weekend during the summer untill i found out that if she went there to visit the court order i have in nc that does not matter in the state he lives in. so for that being said i didnt let her go. he could of took off with her & i wouldnt be able to do nothing about it.so i would check with that state before u take ur son there.

Marsha - posted on 08/27/2010

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Yes go get custody papers bc if he comes he can take him. I went through that I dint have papers he came cops were called and they couldnt do nothing but tell me to go for custody. And Child support dont forget that either.... He's the father he needs to pay.

Maggi - posted on 08/27/2010

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Honey I am in the same boat as you are! In all honesty I decided for myself that his side of the family will not be able to see my son until we have gone to court and he has started to help with finacially providing for his son. That is just what I am doing so that way I am protected, their protected and most importantly my son is protected from a possible dangerous situation. I do know that since you had your child in a different state he has no rights to that child but you need to do what is best for you. It would be nice for them to meet him but at the same time if the dad and his family are screaming paturnity test than don't do.

Tara - posted on 08/27/2010

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yeah i am going to ask for supervised visitation for the "dad" (i use that term loosly where he is concerned) but i don't want to limit or restrict communication between my son and his paternal grandparents as they are wonderful people. it'll all work out the way it's meant to i know i juust wish it'd hurry up lol

[deleted account]

My ex tried to pull that on me! I did get an attorney they did just a swab DNA and he had to pay that plus he tried to take my son then but, he had no attorney and mine laughed at him made him pay back support and plus most of the medical he see's him 1 day a week and every other weekend. I would get some kind of papers or an attorney just in case he tries to pull something.

Vicky - posted on 08/27/2010

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If you want the child support, be very careful! I don't know if you want him in your life and your child's but this is a step that, once you take it, you can't back out. Definitely have a talk with your mom. If it's any consolation, I had suspicions that was going on for me as well. It stopped the day he tried to sue my parents. They were hurt beyond words and he is unwelcome anywhere near their home or them now. Good luck!

Tara - posted on 08/25/2010

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yeah I am so upset i feel like someone kicked me in the stomach and she still trys to offer her advice and " support"
ummm...............................

Tara - posted on 08/25/2010

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so get this I foundout today, my mother andone brother have been in almost daily contact with my sons father, funny they never mentioned it and "daddy" was always to busy to call me or answer his phone when I'd call him, huh.......... nice to know my mother helped stir all this crap up, she was telling him everything i said to her...........

Tara - posted on 08/24/2010

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thank you to everyone for their advice, I'm filing for custody as well as taking the birth certificate with ne and a relly big friend to avoin any criminally stupid behavior

[deleted account]

Okay I live in California, and have a somewhat similar move away case (I changed counties within California) - so I will tell you what I DO know.
First - if he is NOT currently on the birth certificate he has no legal rights to the child. The police don't care what orders are being processed, they only care what is currently STANDING. So take a copy of the birth certificate with you. JUST IN CASE!
As long as he isn't on the birth ceritficate he has NO LEGAL RIGHT to the child - HOWEVER that also means he doesn't have to pay child support!
If you want him to pay child support, then you have to establish him as a parent. If it is uncontested, you can just add him to the birth certificate. Otherwise you can request DNA. If he wants the blood type it should be in your child's medical record from birth (most children are blood typed at birth).
IF you decide to go forth and get child support from him, and add him to the birth certificate, there is a chance he could gain partial custody. By that he could get your child during the summers, some weekends throughout the year. Since you two live in different states the courts won't award 50/50 because that would be stupid. IF you decide to go that route, or it looks like he is wanting to truly be on the birth certificate, I HIGHLY reccomend you go see a lawyer! They can answer a lot of specifics and give you a general direction your case might go. additionally I don't know if it is better for you to file in Oregon, or California. The lawyer will be able to help you with that.

Tara - posted on 08/24/2010

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thanks ffor your input, its all such a mess. I'm heading to the court house today to double check what i should do

Cynthia - posted on 08/24/2010

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First and for most you have too. Cant stress that enough also for child support and medical. You have to put in Court writting. Yes he can take the child anytime when he visit and its called KIDNAPPING and its horrible. for him. LOL but if it is on COurt papers and he has days he visits him on paper only that is even better becuase if you have court papers stating you are the Custodial parent -he cant tell you oh im taking him out of state becuase its you that makes that decision regardless he is the father ., You need to find more information about this. Also back pay of child support. medical insurance. I have sol custody of my child for thirteen years and ex have every other weeken to see him and in the summer 2 weeks of vacation and switching on holidays. if he bring him late he gets arrested and its entered in courts as contempt. he goes to jail, if he fails to pick up the child as planned by the courts at the time he is supposed to then he is out of luck child doesnt go with him. so yeah papers do work to your advantage as long as you follow it and document everything and ever incident and report it. I hope this works. God Bless you and you child.

Kimberly - posted on 08/24/2010

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Definitely file with the court. If he trys to take your son without a court order, its a grey area and the police can't do anything about it. If you have a court order stating that you have full custody, the police can get involved. Support and the DNA test however is up to you I believe, but I think your son deserves the support.

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