Is it normal to lose all your friends after having a child?

Alicia - posted on 02/04/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

4

17

0

I had my daughter in April 2011. Since then I have noticed my friends have dwindled away to the point where I have one friend left and she is 1200 miles away. I quit partying all the time when I had my daughter and it seems all my old friends want to do is party. How are you suppose to start over and make new friends when your a single mom and have become a complete hermit?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lynn - posted on 02/06/2012

162

6

2

Try taking some classes, either with or without your daughter, baby swim class, go to the park, single parent support groups or dating groups, meet your neighbors, or go to the local gym or community center.



You've had a baby and grown up, and it sounds like your friends are still acting immature and partying. You're doing the right thing, and you're better off finding other women you can talk to that are dealing with the same things you're going through, and can help you get through the rough patches.

Karen - posted on 02/05/2012

7

7

0

Hi Alicia, I suggest that you join a mom's group or playgroup in your area. That is a super place to meet other moms. I wouldn't say that it is normal to lose all your friends after having a child...but it is to be expected when you have such different lives now. The positive part is that you've made the right choice by bonding with your child and making her the center of your world. Credit yourself with that!



As your daughter becomes a little older and more mobile and independent, you may also want to enroll her in a gymnastics/movement class. I used to teach them and I can say that it can only be positive for your child. They learn a lot about the world, listening, waiting, taking your turn, being a part of a group, etc. She would be likely to make friends in classes like this and I am certain that you would meet other moms who would like to be more social.



Again, I credit you with focusing on your child. It's hard to be a single parent, this I know. It is definitely possible for you to create a whole new group of like-minded friends to spend time and connect with. I hope it works for you! :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

15 Comments

View replies by

Sarah - posted on 03/12/2012

28

34

0

I'm having the same problems. I got to mums groups but the other mums have been going since they were pregnant or had newborns. I'm out of place and noone is interested in talking to me. Most of the mums in my area dont have anything in common with me or are friends with people who dont like me so they dont like me either. You know how cliches can be....

Trelanie - posted on 03/10/2012

12

1

0

i can most definetely relate!! i am 24 and graduated from college over a year ago..before i graduated and got pregnant..i was the ultimate socialite!!! however, once i got pregnant...i started to loose friends well not loose but our relationships drifted apart..now i rarely here from any of them except maybe 1 or 2 every blue moon but hey it is what is is!! We are in a new season in our lives which is totally different from them. Plus, they cant RELATE to being a parent a SINGLE parent at that which is very hard to do. Soo with this transition, brings about CHANGE! Rarely, do i club or go to bars and if i do something its going to catch a movie or grab a bite to eat and im perfectly ok with it now.. i dont have a sitter other than my grandmother who watched her while i worked and now while im back in school..but here again im content with it! Im a mother now and should be a role-model for her and be here to bond with her..i have started myself coming closer with friends who also have kids that i can totally relate too! Hang in there your child will love you for putting her first and partying last!

Zet - posted on 03/07/2012

6

0

0

hello there, and I am so happy to be able to offer some help, even from across the miles.

You are not alone, and this is perfectly normal. you are just at a diffrent stage of your life, and what you must do is adjust.

I am not sure how old you are, but usually, it sounds like these friends do not have kids. They simply dont know how to relate to you, so you must now set the parameters, and help them understand your new life.

These are a few tips that really helped me, and I hope will help you.



1. Get out the house. You need new social activities. Take youe daughter to the park, and get some exercise chasing her. you will make loads of new friends there, and parks are usually free. Invite some of your friends to a picnic, that way they can interact with your daughter in a way thats not boring for her.



2. Have some 'me' time. Paint your nails, do your hair, have some of your friends come over and have a girls day. Again, you can do this with little discomfort for your daughter, but without feeling totally out of it.



3. Call your friends and have short little chit chat. Dont bombard them with baby talk, which is something most of us moms are guilty of.



4. Depending on your child care situation, you can start a new hobby/learn something new at a community centre. This is also good for your little one's development, to see you involved in positive activities.





Hope these tips help, and welcome to the (mother)hood!

Liz - posted on 03/02/2012

49

28

3

With being 21 most of my friends partied and gossiped plus with my boyfriend I shared his friends. After I fell pregnant my bloke ran for the hills, his friends hated me and the ones I had dwindled away till I had my new boyfriend. I got so sick that I went to the nearest SureStart centre to start out on some courses and made some new friends who were mums like me.



You don't have to stop the partying, if you can get a babysitter. Meet up with mums who are in the same situation and help each other out. Have fun.

Youngmama87 - posted on 03/01/2012

7

0

1

I'm in the exact same situation my daughter was born march 2011. It sucks but it happens, I feel better knowing i'm not the only one. Except now i'm expecting again!

User - posted on 02/29/2012

6

2

0

Wow.i really understand that one.I was a right party head for years and when i had my daughter..suddenly i had no one..i moved back up near where my parents lived for help, most of my old school friends had different lives wnad didnt want to know me any more..I started going to mother and baby groups which were ok but no substitute for having a friend around the house to chat to..I also felt a bit paranoisd going to these just because when others mothers were talking about home life and had years of parting stories behind me..not the kind of things you bring up in front of strangers..Anyway ive managed to get back in contact with ol;d friends that had kids..that im ashamed to say i dropped when they had kids.but they understood..and through them ive met some othe great friends..its really hard on your own...i had park pals and bus pals for a while..just people i met on the way s somewhere, whom i think were in the same situation as i..you will get there..And well done for giving up the parties for April...

Lisa - posted on 02/24/2012

0

0

0

I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm single Mom as well. Prior to having my son my phone was non stop and there was always something going on, now I just "over hear" about it and then see it on Facebook. I came to the realization that it is what it is. I get invited to dinners once in a while but that is from like one or two friends. I heard of friends getting together for girls nights to the movies or dinners but I guess my invitation was lost in the mail. I asked a friend about it but was told my priorities changed. Really? Oh I was unaware of the child I gave birth to but that doesn't mean I changed. I still like to go out and socialize so as most of the women here have said.. find yourself a little circle of friend and expand from there. I find I have new friends who have kids now and I'm doing great! It still hurts but I'm not going to cry over it.. face it you have something they don't have ... a little person who ADORES all that you do! Stay strong!! :)

Luvmia - posted on 02/18/2012

297

2

54

Every stage of life as change and this is your time for transitioning. Just remember that people are in your life for a reason, season and a time. Once you became a mother, you decided to be less selfless and more mature in order to succeed in raising her. Because you are at a higher level than your partygoing friends they can no longer be apart of your life. I applaud you for making this tough decision.



In order to meet other moms, go to the libraries that have toddler playgroups or look for playgroups on www.meetup.com. I hope things get better for you. And just look at this as a start on a better journey in your life.

Alicia - posted on 02/16/2012

4

17

0

Thanks everyone. It is hard for me to go to the mom and me groups because I work from sun up to sun down then have to go home and tend to dinner and such. But I appreciate all the feedback. You all rock. :)

[deleted account]

For various reasons (probably including your change of lifestyle, while they keep the same one, you having a child etc), you and your friends have drifted apart as the amount of things in common have decreased.



It is now time to get a new group of friends around you. Look at attending some form of mother/baby (and/or toddler) groups so that you are meeting up with other Mums. Like it's suggested earlier - look at doing courses available for you.



Being a single mum is no easy thing. When your little one starts playgroup/school, you'll notice a lot of playground/yard talk is what other parents have done with their partners, while like us single parents there isn't a partner - we've got an ex. I've got a couple of good friends (especially one) who are single parents. The one I get on really well with, when we're together we put the world to right.



Certainly make sure that you get socialising as best as possible. It doesn't mean going out to the pub/nightclub. Just taking your child to a playgroup setting, later on watching your child during swimming lessons, participate in after school clubs, can help bring new friends into your life.



I split up with my ex, just before I had my youngest. My two eldest were at school full time. For the first few months, it was the most difficult adjusting to being a single parent. Over the years I've met other parents and will talk to them when we're waiting to collect the children/on the school run. Also children's birthday parties are a good way of meeting other parents - you will get to know them in a different light to the school run situation.

Allison - posted on 02/15/2012

18

22

1

It is very normal to lose all your friends when you have a young baby. Your baby becomes your priority and partying and all those other things becomes secondary. There is nothing wrong with that. Remember you are now in charge of a helpless infant ...it is called taking responsibility...I would recommend you make friends with other moms of young children.....that is the only solution....friends who would understand that you have your priorities in order....I had my first child at 19 and the second at 21 so I know what I am talking about, but here is the good part, those same people would come back into your life when they become mothers and fathers....just sit back, enjoy each and every moment of your kid and watch as things unfold.....Good luck and remember you may feel alone but to your baby, you are the whole world....

Michelle - posted on 02/12/2012

245

5

22

I won't lie, those first 12 months were the loneliest of my life. You lose one set of friends and have yet to find the others. If like me you have to work full time you can't join the mom groups that meet at 10am on a Tuesday.

As your daughter gets older, there are more things to do. Even going out to the park I met the other moms that had similar schedules to mine.

And once she's preschool age you'll start meeting the other kids her age and thereby their parents. I would suggest doing something for yourself though, even if you have to hire the expensive babysitter to do it. It is so vital to do something for yourself, and you'll be a much happier mom for your girl too.

Michelle - posted on 02/04/2012

2,191

23

1087

you need to search out other mothers of kids your childs age, find a mom and me drop in group in your area it will be good for you and your daughter to get out and socialize

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms