Is it okay to go through your kids' stuff??

Lizzielucas - posted on 07/25/2012

its so not okay to go through a child's stuff over the age of 12, if you don't still pack them a lunch box, then they should be allowed to be independent, you should feel comfortable enough to tell them how to live their lives and hope they do it wisely. as its not your life so you shouldn't go through their bag or their emails, that will just lead to them distancing them selves and closing off aspects of themselves to you, when it comes to something important, they wont trust you because you've already violated their privacy by them simply not doing anything wrong and you just wanting to control their life, i understand as a mother you want to feel more involved but a simple heart to heart will do the trick. im sure as a child you done stuff wrong, its a learning curve, everyone has to experience mistakes to live by themselves, they don't need a judgmental mum every step of the way. if you want your child to grow up mature and responsible give them some space to do that, their property is not your property.

Jemma - posted on 04/16/2012

No. My child is perfectly well behaved not including the obvious slip ups everyone gets.

They have a right to privacy and having their own opinions. So I'm not going to sort through his sock drawer like a rat through garbage. My child knows I'm in charge and sees me as a parent not as someone you have to be afraid of. If my child wants to tell me something he can tell me himself . I trust him to do so. I raised him to come to me when something is wrong.

Marcy - posted on 04/15/2012

When I was a child my mother went through my things. Found something she did not like, pulled me out of school, had me burn (literally) my diary because of things that she did not agree with. My mother is very religious.. I am not. Needless to say that situation made me resent her a little bit and to this day we are not as close as we should be because I had no privacy. I could not be myself.. rather I was made to feel like I had to be who they wanted me to be.
Granted this is not a situation you see often, but with my son I plan to be open with him on everything. I want him to be open with me and know that he can tell me anything and though we may not agree, I will listen and we will go from there.

Marcy - posted on 04/15/2012

When I was a child my mother went through my things. Found something she did not like, pulled me out of school, had me burn (literally) my diary because of things that she did not agree with. My mother is very religious.. I am not. Needless to say that situation made me resent her a little bit and to this day we are not as close as we should be because I had no privacy. I could not be myself.. rather I was made to feel like I had to be who they wanted me to be.
Granted this is not a situation you see often, but with my son I plan to be open with him on everything. I want him to be open with me and know that he can tell me anything and though we may not agree, I will listen and we will go from there.

Dominique - posted on 04/15/2012

Response @ Anastasia

Shoot my mother always reminded me your not grown to you move out and pay your own bills I don't care if the law says your grown cuz your not. Then I ca't tell you what to do, but I will never stop giving you advice and will alays be here for you. lol

Dominique - posted on 04/15/2012

Response @ Jemma:

I bet your child slamms doors in your face, screams at you, tells you to get out their room. You need to be disgusted w/yourself. If any one of use were to come to your house I bet you get disrespected all day. HA HA HA Your a joke and I bet you think your child wld never do nothing wrong this is why they will cuz your head is in the clouds come down to earth w/ us space cadet we wld love for you to join us. Not bashing what so ever but your child needs you mama. Or your probably the type of parent that lets your child drink and smoke in your house w/ their friends don't get locked up BOO. Guess what? Don't say if you don't allow it they will do it else where cuz they won't if they no you don't play games with them and put your foot down. Hope one day your eyes are not opened but somethng bad. giving mad mama love and hope one day you wisen up. SMH

Dominique - posted on 04/15/2012

I myself notice ppl of different races give their child privacy. This topic kind of enrages me considering you can save your child's life by checking on them. Going thru their stuff is not like being in prison, in prison you have not privilege and they check body cavities (have not been in one but hay I watch TV). Your child could be endangering them or someone else it is our duty to love, protects, and teaches. If we do no start at home with setting boundaries they will not take rules to well outside of the home from school, work, or authorities. PLEASE mommies check on your babies.

Dominique - posted on 04/15/2012

Are you kidding me, they have no privacy they are the child and you are the adult. It is not spying if they are your child you MUST know everything about your babies if you love them. If you do not check thru their stuff you don't know who you could have in your home. SMH too many parents try to be friends with their child and that's exactly why their child does stuff like yell at them and say get out my room and slams doors. Growing up I wish I would lock a door or bring a boy in my room. Respect and boundaries need to be in place. I hate when I hear ppl on TV say I didn't know my child was into drugs or had guns or this that and the third. Like seriously are you kidding me really. I'm not saying be FBI all day but open communication that you love them but need to make sure they are not getting into stuff. My mother was slick she would randomly come to my room and say she wants to help me do a good cleaning. I knew what she was doing I called it being nosey but it was cool I would do the same to her lol, hoping I would rcv' some of her stuff she did not want any more like jewelry.

Jemma - posted on 04/15/2012

No!

I'm absoulutely disgusted with all of you people who decided to rummage through your kids stuff.

I mean like whats that teaching them. Rummage through your friends stuff!

Cop on.

Denise - posted on 10/21/2009

Yes I would. I recently went through my son's phone records. I discovered he gave out his cell number to someone on the Whyville websit. (This site prohibts this behavior and suspended him for a week). I was terrified and reported them. The emails were harmless, but the individual would not stop texting my son and he became frightend. The bad part is he never told me about it. I feel parents know their children, I know my son and I know he is a sneak. So I don't feel guilty about going through his things. I feel the phone is not personal, I bought it so we could communicate when he is on his way to or from school. I look through his book bag and anything else I feel I want to. He can have his privacy when he moves out.

Heidi - posted on 10/20/2009

I agree with kids having privacy but I also feel that sometimes kids don't tell us everything. when i go through my kids' stuff it''s not to get mad at them its to know what is going on in their lives. If I find things I don't agree with we talk about it togther but I don't let them know I was in their things. When my husband and I got divorced my kids didn't know how to express their feelings so i had them start writing in a journal. I had noticed that my son was not acting right so without him knowing i read his journal and I found out he was having suicidal thoughts.If I wouldn't have read it who knows what would have happened. He is doing wonderful now and I still go through their things.

Phe - posted on 10/16/2009

Yes its your house kids today are not like they were back in the day now you have to be on the up and up one step ahead of them. I tell mine as long as you live in my house then its my rules with a little privacy.As long as you dont do anything to make me be more of a private I

Misty - posted on 10/15/2009

Quoting Victoria:

I absolutly agree with going through your childs things, I have an 11 year old son and I check his email, myspace and room regularly. At this age the peer pressure is so out of control and while I talk to my Son and teach him right from wrong, I want to ensure my child is doing the right thing. It is my job as a parent to keep him safe and I just think that is one way to ensure he is okay.

Victoria: You are absolutely right ...Now days peer pressure is very high and and it's happeneing to children younger and younger. Like the 2 boys that hung themself b/c of bullies calling them gay! You need to know whats going on even if their are no signs! You got to ask them questions and keep up on their actions ( asking them "how was school today? Anything interesting happen?") And watch for the facial expressions and their attitude. And sometimes children just don't show anything untill it's too late!!!!

Kirsten - posted on 10/05/2009

I agree, that if they live in your house, everything in it is yours also, so you have a right to "snoop" just watch out that once they are teenagers they don't try to turn that on to you. but if you have raised them right, it shouldn't be any issue.

Deanna - posted on 10/03/2009

They are children...you as a parent have every right to go through thier things. With my teenager, I thought things were going on . . .started snoping ...and I was able to head things off before they happened.

Victoria - posted on 10/03/2009

I absolutly agree with going through your childs things, I have an 11 year old son and I check his email, myspace and room regularly. At this age the peer pressure is so out of control and while I talk to my Son and teach him right from wrong, I want to ensure my child is doing the right thing. It is my job as a parent to keep him safe and I just think that is one way to ensure he is okay.

Anastasia - posted on 09/29/2009

Depends on the age of the child in my eyes. My mom raised me saying that until I was 18, everything i had was hers too. and not to have anything that I didn't want her to see.