is it right for me to deny visitation?

Mairet - posted on 08/02/2012

Everyone has an opinion and the heart can cloud the mind. In my case I was alone thru my pregnancy he came around after she was born mind you he was engaged to someone wese while I was pregnant and never so much as wondered if I needed anything. After a few mounths of "Good Behavior" I amended the birth certificate and added the father. I am trusting god that it will all be OK but truthfully I am regreating the day I did that. He also ended up moving in with us. He just moved out on July 2. Left us high and dry. Self Employed makes all his money on the side, already dating someone else and like you left to figure out how to make ends meet, no car, no job etc. I did not take any chances I went starait to my Legal Aid office and asked for help and guidance. Let the Judge decide Child Support Visitations etc. Now I have done my homework I have documented information on his financial information and as it turns out he also has a history of criminal mishaps which will work in my favor when the judge orders visitation. I have launched a Investigation thru Dept of CHild and Family and I did this together with his ex wife who has also been siffering now for over 7 years. SHe clearly put up with more then anything I was willing to do. As it stands right now in FLORIDA I can deny visitation until the judge enters an order and thanks to the investigation he will be lucky to get restricted vists. As far as financials now they look at his current finance expenses such as rent utilities etc ...and they will figure out how much he will have to pay based on that not what he claims. SO dont worry yourself go get legal help and pray for god to guide you. Hope this helps. In my opinion we go through all the sacrifice....are left with the mess and if they want to be part of the childs life thats great but with reward comes RESPONSIBILITY also!

Chaya - posted on 07/18/2012

Don't deny him access to his children, you can go to court to make him pay child support, in fact, he can get arrested over it, but don't punish your children for dads behaviour, and be careful of speaking poorly of their dad. It could easily be used against you.
Yes, it is unfair to be burdened with financial responsibility, but you can return to court if he refuses to pay child support, if you live in the US, you can require support to be taken out of the paycheque. If you deny him access to his children, you are also denying your children access to their dad.
I require my ex to give me 24 hour notice prior to his non scheduled visits. If our daughter wishs to see him outside those peremeters, they can meet elsewhere. I just don't answere the door if he comes over unannounced.
Additionally, it became necessary for me to give my daughter a password of sorts, a certian knock on the door will tell us if it's her dad. I had a death threat some years past, (not her dad) so we give trusted friends that information if they need it.

Blossom - posted on 07/12/2012

You can get a court ordered visitaion schedule, you most likely need to get "Legal Custody" of your children first. Just because you're the mom & they live with you, does'nt mean you have more rights than the father you have to go to court and establish your rights as the legal gaurdian in some states.
Be prepared to take documentation of his behavior and how it affects your childrens day to day lives and yours as well. Depending on what state you are in , you may need a lawyer too.
Despite what some people tell you, you do have the power to control "chaos" in your family. A visiting father does not have the right to bring chaos in your house! I've been thru that and know how it feels!
You can get a child support order that will allow the courts (and police) to force him pay child support as well.

Ana - posted on 07/06/2012

If you haven't already, go to children's court to apply for a custody agreement that includes child support which is to be enforced by the court at all times. Don't deny your children the right to see their father. Take care of business. As long as your children are not placed in harms way when with their father, i.e. alcoholic stupors, violent threats, drugs, ... they should be allowed to visit with their father while you get the court mediation, custody order in place.

Caroline - posted on 07/02/2012

Children are a lot of responsibility and it is unfair that he is not doing his part, either emoitionally, financially or physically. However, it's called child support....not a visitation fee. They are two separate issues.
Cutting him out of your children's lives may be easier for you right now....but it is emotionally damaging to the children in the long run. I've dealt with an ex who paid religiously and never called and rarely saw the child....made it easy for me in not dealing with him....and hard for me to explain why daddy didn't want to see/talk to her. Children need both parents as much as possible.
Unless a parent is abusive, they are still the parent and the child needs them.

Tara - posted on 03/25/2012

I think each state is different. But he has no rights until it is court ordered here. Actually lawyers suggest not doing visitation of any kind until it is court ordered. Like I said its different in each state so I would check with the state.



I'm not sure why a father would not want to take care of his children.



I have not received a dime since May 2011 of any kind of help from him. We had an agreement last october and when I wouldnt come back home he stopped all contact with the kids. We just recently have a temp hearing in febrary so this weekend coming up with be the 3rd time hes taken the kids. They like it but wish he would help out financially too.

Dafne - posted on 03/24/2012

If he has the legal paper attached for his visitation rights whether he pays or not the law still and will follow the ruling agreed. Better change the agreement and have him questioned for the child support or he will end up in prison for non payment.

Put things in order.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2012

The Judge told me that visitation and child support are unrelated and that I could go to jail for refusing to allow him to see my child whether or not he was paying support. Be wise! Take him back to court for the support. My attorney told my ex that she would go for work release...meaning he would spend all of his time in jail except the time on the job to pay child support. Good luck!

Barb - posted on 03/19/2012

In Canada the father could come vist even if they don't pay. I am assuming this is in the US cause it's a bit different there. It's not fair at all he gets to play with and just check out. My ex didn't support refused to do it told me he was struggling too much maybe some day he'd be able to not now. He only saw her every few months 7 times in a year for an hour and didn't even play with her just was able to tell people he saw her and make it seem like he wasn't a bad guy. Guys who don't want to pay or just don't are scum! Makes me so mad there are so many men doing this. He hasn't seen his daughter in over a year partly because of me mostly because he couldn't make an effort. Ps- Do what is good for your kids and your sanity your kids that what they need!

Dawn - posted on 01/22/2012

I would see what kind of dad he is towards them and if it messes them up I would limit visitation. I am for them knowing both parents but I am not for dead beat dads or what I call fun dads. Here today gone tomorrow. I feel for you. Go to court. keep strong and know you are not alone.

Bev - posted on 01/19/2012

Visitation is not a priviledge it is the right of the children to know both parents. It is always best to have it all written up legally so there are no questions. Supervised visitation is only ordered when there is danger to the child and non payment of child support does not rise to that standard. If you let the courts handle it then you are never the 'bad' guy....think of the kids.....which frankly, we should all think about before we ever have sex with someone - is this a person I want to be bound to thru my child for life? is this a person I want to parent with? sobering....but children have rights and they include knowing both parents and not feeling like they are a financial burden or the reason their parents argue.......think about it

Deborah - posted on 01/19/2012

Is there a court order of visitation in effect? if not, you can't get in trouble for denying him his children. THere has to be a court order in the first place for you to be held in contempt.



I think you should tell him that being a father, and a parent, is more than just random playtime. There are other responsibilities when it comes to parenting - teaching them to use a cup, potty training, socialization...the list NEVER ends. If he is not going to be a parent enough to take part in those very important lessons, than he is not a father, but a sperm doner.



Tell him that, until he starts acting like a father and taking care of his children, he has no right to them. A biological connection does not make you a parent or a daddy. and you should call CSEA (Child Support Enforcement Agency) and complain that he has not been paying. IF you throw up a fight, they'll hopefully come down on him. In Ohio, if you are more than 3 months behind on your support, you can lose your driver's license. (WHile I Think this is bogus, how is a person supposed to get to work to pay child support if they cannot drive there?) some people need to see the reality of their responsibilities.

Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2012

It's not ethical for you to deny visitation to the dad, even if he is a flake. And, fathers who see very little of their children are often not emotionally connected to them enough for them to get involved in financial support. If you want him to be a better provider you should encourage him to be there as much as possible. Remind him how important he is to his children and how much they need him. If it works, then you all get the best outcome, if not, then you can be proud of yourself that you never got in the way of the children having a good relationship with their father and no one could blame you for that.

Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2012

It's not ethical for you to deny visitation to the dad, even if he is a flake. And, fathers who see very little of their children are often not emotionally connected to them enough for them to get involved in financial support. If you want him to be a better provider you should encourage him to be there as much as possible. Remind him how important he is to his children and how much they need him. If it works, then you all get the best outcome, if not, then you can be proud of yourself that you never got in the way of the children having a good relationship with their father and no one could blame you for that.

Michy - posted on 01/16/2012

I agree with you about the father should not be allowed to see the kids. I also want to let you know if there is a court order for him to pay child support and there is a parent plan in effect you can go to jail. It will depend on the ages of the kids, but get them into counciling because if the counslor could help you if stop visitations if they can tell that there is major behavior problems due to the father only showing up every now and then. I totally understand the fustration of not getting the support that you need. I have a 14 year old son that I am lucky to see a dime every three to four months from. I am furtnate since he is old enough to make the visiting his father decision on his own now. I would contact a lawyer before you do anything since it is a really fine line.

Vickie JO - posted on 01/12/2012

I still disagree "bio dad" flew the coop a long time ago on his own free will and has had nothing to do with my kids since PLUS he has been in and out of Jail and has paid zero support he owes over 50,000 and i will never see a dime. Our daughter has special needs and he really does not care. The more pathetic part is he has 2 other kids . 1 he has nothing to do with and the other has not seen him since he has been in jail for most of her life.. stick to your guns if they are a dead beat dad your kids are much better without them

Jessica - posted on 01/01/2012

AMEN TOMI. Its only hurting the kids taking them away ...very selfish. really. I was taken from my dad I know how it hurts and can scar for life.

Tracy - posted on 12/31/2011

Get the courts involved. They will demand payment or garnish his wages. He needs to step up and be a father who provides for his children. When he shows up don't let him in. No money = no visitation.

Tomi - posted on 12/31/2011

Again I will say this. He is their father, regardless of how you feel and THEY NEED HIM. If your children see you keeping him from them and vice versa, regardless of how justified you are or your lack of other recourse, then you will only be hurting your children and in the long run they will blame YOU. You need to let your kids figure it out on their own. If making sure that your child is fed and clothed is not important to him, than likely other things like birthdays and school plays wont be either. Take your fight to the court but keep it away from your children. If you take the high road, you will win in the end.

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2011

Ditto Alicia. Yes its not fair that you do most of the work. BUT Ive always firmly believed children deserve their dads and moms. Like a lot of moms always take the kids away when the dads dont do what WE want them to do. Not cool. Kids have a right to have a relationshop with their fathers. Id put more responsibilty on him. Like Id say when do you have free time? Im dropping your children off to spend time with you.

Dusty - posted on 12/24/2011

Is there something done through the courts that says he is allowed visitation? If so, you really have no LEGAL right to deny him visitation. But if you do want to deny him visitation, I would take him to court over it. If he was ordered to pay child support & isn't paying it, you can file a motion through the courts that would get his wages garnished, or put him in jail. Once a parent gets so far behind in child support, the court WILL take action IF you notify them.

Alicia - posted on 12/23/2011

It is considered the right of the children to know their father.

Yasmin - posted on 12/20/2011

I feel u girl... I am doin the same thing and im goin to continue to do it unless he changes.

Rebekah - posted on 12/20/2011

In my opinion is comes down to what is best for the kids. If they enjoy seeing him and he is good to them, I would allow it. If you need child support then by all means take him to court and make it legal. No one should have to be 100% responsible for a child as it took 2 people to make them however it often falls back on one parent to be the main care giver and financial support, I know from personal experience. Think about what it best for your kids and try to keep your personal feeling about your ex and the financial side out of it. I feel for you and know how it is. For me, it all comes down to what is best for my son.

Holly - posted on 12/13/2011

As I read through most of the posts in response to your question about visitation and child support, I am both understanding about how you feel, but also a bit a bit upset at what I read. I am a single mother of two children, both by different fathers in similar situations. My son's father does pay consistently finally (after accruing over $30,000 in arrears), but has no contact with my son since he was 4 (he is now 14). He was physically and emotionally abusive to me and we divorced. He had a visitation schedule and did not comply with it so I brought him back to court to have his visitations taken away. My daughter's father and I separated when my daughter was about 1 and we had shared custody (3 1/2 days with each parent and neither paid the other). When my daughter was a month shy of her 4th birthday, she disclosed what every mother fears the most -- he was sexually violating her. 4 year old children DO NOT make this up. After a long and emotionally exhausting investigation, mediators, counseling, etc. he was neither exonerated nor found guilty despite several disclosures by my daughter to doctors, counselors, DSS an a doctor's report confirming she had visible injuries (there is still an open case pending at the D.A.'s office that will remain open indefinitely). I don't want to get off the topic of visitation and child support so I would like to offer some advice. I agree with the people who said that child support and visitation ARE two separate issues. I don't know the details of your case specifically, but I would do it legally -- meaning I would set up a visitation schedule through the court. If he is not dependable and does not comply with the order of the court, then you are within your rights to go back into court and request his visitation be suspended. When parents separate or divorce, there are a lot of emotions between the parents and one or both want to make the other suffer. Men don't want to pay child support because they see it as hurting the mother. When parents deny child support or visitation it is to hurt the other parent. In many of these situations, we allow our emotions to control what we do, only wanting to hurt the other parent and not stopping to really consider what is best for the child. In both cases involving my children, I did everything through the court (and believe me, there were many times I just wanted to take things into my own hands), but I am glad I did it the right way and in both cases and they hung themselves. I never talked bad about their fathers nor did I deny them seeing their children -- they chose to not pay or comply with the court order. I was then able to go back into court and file for a modification for non-compliance. Don't let your emotions affect what is in the best interest of your child even if you completely disagree that he should not be seeing the child if he is not paying. Just one more thing, when I finally got sole custody of my daughter, her father was ordered to pay, based on his financial report that he put all zeros on, $20.00 a week!!! I guess in his little brain, he feels he is making it harder for me and making me suffer by not contributing more to her needs, but he is the one who is suffering. I get to be there for her pinning ceremonies at school, when she loses a tooth or to see her growth, to celebrate her birthday and attend her activities, to tuck her in bed and get kisses and hugs. He is the one suffering - I will always make sure I support my children with or without their fathers. I do agree they have just as much obligation to their children, but the most important thing is knowing she is safe and does not have to endure being molested by her father. That is something no amount of money could make up for. She is a happy child and she is doing great! I agree it is not fair and the court system is a joke, but my children have everything they need and more than enough love from me!

Teresa - posted on 08/18/2011

Hi It sounds like you are a wonderful mother who is trying her best to cope with a very difficult situation. Unfortunatly you are not alone as you can see by the many posts on here.

Unfortunatly there are parents who take the responsibility of parenting their child as the most important job in their lives, and part of that responsibility is making sure that your children are taken care of finacialy as well as supporting their many other needs.



However there are those parents for whom this one priority is one that they feel for what ever reason is not something they feel they need to do.



Your child has needs that have to be met and one of those needs is having a father figure in his life, even though understandable, you may feel anger towards your ex partner for not contributing finacialy.



It is at this time that you have to put aside all of your anger especially around your son, I would suggest you let a family mediatator handle this for you where you can express your anger, and explain the situation, not only will they support you, but also try to mediate on your behalf to make your ex partner understand that legally he will be made to support your son throughout his childhood.



Trying to get your ex- partner to disscuss this may lead to further confrontasions that will only make the situation worse for you and your son.

However your son will not at this age fully understand why you are angry. I am sure once you feel you are getting support and someone is listening to your needs this will help, in the mean time keep the visitations open, and conversations only to about your son, and the finacial situation can be dealt with by those who have had a lot more experiance in this area.

You are a very good mom and the important thing is that you are there for your son, and he will feel loved and secure by what you have done for him and continue to do. good luck

Keri - posted on 08/17/2011

I actually can refuse visitation. In my state both parties are required to take a divorce class. He insisted he did not have to take it since he lives in another state. I found him the class in his state. He never took the class therefore technically he can't see his son. Not that it matters I have not seen him 7 years or heard from him in at least 7 months and then only because I emailed him. Otherwise I don't hear from him at all. I go through the state for child support.

Lisa - posted on 08/14/2011

IF HE IS ORDER TO PAY AND IS NOT HE CAN BE ARREST AND HAVE JAIL TIME

Kelly - posted on 08/13/2011

Until this weekend, my ex hadn't seen his son in 2mths. He hasn't given me any money since 14th March. And all he does is tell me it's my fault that he's broke and that he doesn't see Tyler. He argued with me for like 2 days to see our son. I was fine with him having T, I just wanted T to go to daycare. It costs me $50 a day even if he doesnt go. And I wanted him home Sunday (tomorrow) because we're have visitors. Ended up agreeing for ex to have T Thursday night - sunday morning. It's Saturday and it was clearly too much work to have him that long because I had him back at lunchtime today. Although he did give me $100 because I had no nappies or anything, and I told him so. *shrugs*

Kat - posted on 08/12/2011

i think u have every right to deny visitation i recently had to stop visitation with my daughters father she is almost 17 months hes never bought her anything that she needs and i have yet to see a penny in support since shes been gone

Kat - posted on 08/12/2011

i think u have every right to deny visitation i recently had to stop visitation with my daughters father she is almost 17 months hes never bought her anything that she needs and i have yet to see a penny in support since shes been gone

Amber - posted on 08/10/2011

I know how frustrating it is. My ex has NEVER paid a dime and actually asks me to send them with money when they make their once a year visit (his choice) that is if he takes all 3 instead of his favorite two. However he is still their flesh and blood. If he is trying to be part of the kids life I feel that happen regaurdless of ability (or willingness) to pay. My hubby's situation is this......he loves his kids and wants nothing more than to be part of their life their mom only allows him to see them when she gets a check plus she harasses his family over him not paying and TRUST me he really is trying. he's worked at 13 different temp services trying to get steady work. I think theres a difference in not paying and REFUSING to pay. Either way the kids will eventually see who REALLY takes care of them. Good luc to you

Jana - posted on 08/10/2011

I agree with Donna! Kids do need their dad too...

Jana - posted on 08/10/2011

JuLeah has the right idea...it's not about money or child support. And I hate to break it to ya, but most women that are married still do all the work too! Kids need to be able to see their father, they may really hold it against you later in life if you try to keep him from them.

Donna - posted on 08/09/2011

Unfortunately, is not fair to the kids... I was in the same position... 2 babies and no child support. he was just irresponsible.... BUT.. though still irresponsible, he is their best friend. Kids need their Mom and Dad however they can get them... Unless he is abusive... take whatever you can get... I had a hard time too.. working 2 jobs...sometimes 3... after they got old enough, I had a break because they would ask to go see him and they'd spend the night....That's when I finally got my sanity back...

Beth - posted on 08/09/2011

In California, if a parent does not pay, they are not eligible for visitation. period. If I don't feed and cloth my child, that's neglect and the state will step in and remove him from my life. I fail to see how not paying child support is not neglect. If you aren't feeding and clothing and sheltering your child, you are neglecting him. I for one, will not reward that behavior. If for no other reason, I don't want my son to see that bad behavior is rewarded. He is being raised to be a responsible and accountable person. That starts at home by holding the sperm donor accountable.

Kelly - posted on 08/09/2011

then they should not make babies. yes it takes two to make a baby. But its not all up to the women. DONT PLAY IF YOU CANT PAY.

Kyleigh - posted on 08/08/2011

i dont mean to be "mean." just saying unless he is abusing the children he needs to be seeing them, in the court system paying support vs. visitation are totally two seperate issues

Beth - posted on 08/08/2011

C, I'm so sorry some people on here on so mean spirited. As someone who is walking in your shoes, I know what a moral dilemma this is. hang in there. follow that mommy heart of yours, and you'll be just fine.

Doris - posted on 08/08/2011

I most definitely agree that children need both parents. But responsibility also goes to both parents. Unfortunately the norm today is that too many children have only one parent or two moms or two dads. You can hear resentment when one parent does all the work takes on all the responsibilities and then the other parent comes along and just wants to eat the cake and leave. Resentment spills over on the children, so then it's best for the father to pay his dues to help mom and then he can enjoy the children much more. It wasn't said that the dad has financial problems so he needs to pay child support.

Kyleigh - posted on 08/08/2011

children both need their mom and dad, unless a sex offender and had his rights terminated because of "child abuse" clearly not the case.

Doris - posted on 08/08/2011

@Haley - she can be held in contempt of what? She didn't say she went to court and it was ordered for him to see the kids any time he pleases. I also disagree with the child support withholding and still letting him see the kids. Unless there is a darn good reason for him not to pay, then she should have the choice of not letting him see them. What I would suggest though is going to get a lawyer and make this legal. That would force him to pay. It's not fair to any mother who does everything for the kids and gets no financial support, then is expected to hand over the kids for visits any time the father feels like it. She is taking the responsibility and he is not, so how responsible would he be in watching the kids on visits? I wouldn't trust that. If Catrina doesn't talk bad about the kids' father, I think they will be okay.

Petra - posted on 08/02/2011

I understand your angle now completely..I think it takes a healthy argument to see both sides of the fence even If you don't agree...However, I feel for the people in this position whom are considered the "dead beat" male or female on a little level..For example If someone is in this position male or female,and they happen to be living with family,trying to start over get on their feet what have you- I don't feel that these people are neccesarily being "lazy",I feel some truly don't have the money at times OR don't have a good background check to get a job (following getting money to support their child) I was once at this point in my life, I have never been put on child support I have custody of both of my kids and get support for one-BUT I am currently unemployed (looking),and he is paying the support at the moment..I am thankfully lucky to have family help-SOME people in this scenario don't have anyone to help...I hate to be in this predicament, but I am as well ultimately "judged" as lazy because I do not have a job, but am in school at the moment...I use to down the homemakers once I was at the top of my game with a good job-THEN when I ended up here, I realized how truly hard it is to be at home all day,laundry,lunch breakfast dinner,etc..It goes on! I have respect for women who DO have the honor to call this their job...BUT my frustration with you is, SOME not all, but SOME cannot help the situation...I do not know her so I cannot judge only you know how she is...But women AND men in my place?? They know what I am talking about.

Petra - posted on 08/02/2011

I understand your angle now completely..I think it takes a healthy argument to see both sides of the fence even If you don't agree...However, I feel for the people in this position whom are considered the "dead beat" male or female on a little level..For example If someone is in this position male or female,and they happen to be living with family,trying to start over get on their feet what have you- I don't feel that these people are neccesarily being "lazy",I feel some truly don't have the money at times OR don't have a good background check to get a job (following getting money to support their child) I was once at this point in my life, I have never been put on child support I have custody of both of my kids and get support for one-BUT I am currently unemployed (looking),and he is paying the support at the moment..I am thankfully lucky to have family help-SOME people in this scenario don't have anyone to help...I hate to be in this predicament, but I am as well ultimately "judged" as lazy because I do not have a job, but am in school at the moment...I use to down the homemakers once I was at the top of my game with a good job-THEN when I ended up here, I realized how truly hard it is to be at home all day,laundry,lunch breakfast dinner,etc..It goes on! I have respect for women who DO have the honor to call this their job...BUT my frustration with you is, SOME not all, but SOME cannot help the situation...I do not know her so I cannot judge only you know how she is...But women AND men in my place?? They know what I am talking about.

Samantha - posted on 08/02/2011

I am a single parent. My ex pays only half of what he is supposed to due to being on unemployment compensation. I know for a fact that I am not incorrect about the information I have posted. The media has ALWAYS been one sided and will always be. We tend to feel sorry for the women not receiving support...and I do feel sorry for the ones going through this awful situation. But we never take the time to find out about how the men who are not getting support make it though this situation. No one ever wants to talk to them. She isn't reporting taxes at the end of the year...she is doing everything she can to avoid giving him any type of support. Dads being awarded custody is happening more and more every day and mothers who refuse to pay support, well their numbers are climbing just as fast. I am sorry you refuse to see this side of the argument. I see both sides as I am on one side and my boyfriend is on the other. I believe that they cannot run forever as we will all die one day...but that doesn't mean the custodial parent will ever see the support they so desperately need to take care of the child(ren). We have to quit assuming that all men are jerks and that they are the only ones playing this game as they are not. I feel for every mom and dad that is going through this. It is not easy to deal with nor does the State make it any easier when they deny you any kind of assistance because in their eyes you make too much money even though you only have $50 to your name each month after all the bills are paid.

Petra - posted on 08/02/2011

Samantha, I think it is great you feel so educated but I believe you're incorrect and I am not going to get into it because unless you're a "single" parent going through it on the other end? You cannot make that judgement! You need to dig deeper. Why do you think the media coverage on men suffering consequences for not paying their dues is publicized so much more than women? Because it's NOT the majority! However, If his ex is working under the table,BUT reporting taxes at the end of the year as a self contractor or claiming his child-It's also likely impossible to find it out himself unless the state recovers that information..They cannot run forever, just look at it that way! I don't think it's that the state isn't doing anything? There are thousands of cases,and it is sad the situation I feel for you..I know how hard that is to go through!

Samantha - posted on 08/02/2011

Well Petra my research is correct. It is a statistic from a national research project from Washington DC...the problem is we don't HEAR about the women who don't pay. Neither do we see them suffer the consequences of not paying. The media only reports the men that are not paying. You see your side and do not see the side that I am able to see which is the man in this position. We are told that we should be glad we have custody...but if he was the one that owed the child support he would be sitting in jail with no rights to his kids. It isn't fair that women get treated differently when they don't have custody. His ex-wife only calls the kids once every other month or so so believe me I understand what you are going through. The kicker here is that the State here knows where his ex-wife and STILL will NOT do anything. She is working under the table to make sure she doesn't pay! What I am saying is that we shouldn't ASSUME it is only the men pulling this crap. You can't legally keep the children away from the other parent for failure to pay...no matter how much it pisses you off...especially if there is a court order awarding visitation to the other parent. I know a lot more than you think.

Petra - posted on 08/02/2011

I think "many" of us Samantha understand this,but the "research" you have done is not all correct! The "majority" of dead beat parents is "men"..Sorry you did not do your research extensively! Furthermore, neither is anyone being sexist and hating on men! YES it does take two to create,and provide-BUT with that being said, sometimes one party may not have the financial needs to take care of the child-That is why our country is so great in that respect! ALOT of women/ men in this boat are suffering from the economic crisis..By no means am I defending dead beat parents! I went through a similar situation..My ex husband and I were going through a divorce-I was practically fresh out of dropping out, a homemaker while my ex was serving in Iraq-A year later from his return he went "AWOL" during his R&R...My son never saw him, nor did I...THe housing unit on the base we were living in gave us fifteen days to leave the premises,and as pride swallowing as it was? I had NO choice but to go be with family until I got back on my feet...I am STILL waiting for the state to locate,and go further with my case...IF we hear from him he calls on a pay phone,and only talks to my son for two minutes-He doesn't even remember his daddy! Now not everyones situation is as dramatic as mine,but it pretty much goes to the same source...BOTH are guilty,and just because someone is not financially stable as the other does not make them unethical or souless-SOME people cannot afford a pot to piss in!! Before you make such striking comments which I am sure besides me have offended some people-Get your research right..

Samantha - posted on 08/01/2011

One of the things that many of you do not realize is that there are mothers doing this exact same thing! My boyfriend has custody of his two children and his ex hasn't paid anything in 4 years. We go to court and to the state and all they ever tell him is that he "should be glad he has custody" and never enforces anything yet she still has rights to visitation. Through my research I have found that 60% of deadbeat parents are the moms. I am a mom and just do not understand how anyone...mom or dad...can do this type of thing. It took 2 to make the child and it takes 2 to raise the child both financially and emotionally. Some people just don't have morals I guess.

Petra - posted on 07/16/2011

I guess why I am so riled,and feel so much sympathy for this woman-Is because people who have gone through this type of situation should be THE only ones with the opinions..Not a bunch of women whom are married,their "religious" beliefs on where she's spending eternity! WHO GIVES A CRAP! Seriously! Women who have had this type of situation happen to them are the ones informed...Not someone who is bored,and just wanted to get it on the drama of everyones opinion..@ Catrina- I understand where you have been,and it is sometimes extremely frustrating! Do what's right for your kids,and keep the bastard away until he pays! Simple simon advice! If he tries to swoon you with some "bs", don't listen to it..A man in his situation will try ANYTHING they can to get out of paying..And for those ignorant women who call themselves moms? It is so not depriving a child of their father If she is not getting support from the other end! That's just plain idiotic to even say that! It takes two to make one, it takes BOTH to support-He obviously fled from what it sounds like,and doesn't want to take the responsibility..That's why states have programs like this to help the mother..If you read her question, no where in it depicts a mother trying to purposely keep her child away from his father! Why should she have to do everything? Take care of the child,support the child on her own while he gets away scotch free? That's not fair to ANYONE even the child..So to some of the women on here whom I presume are married? Shut up as well! Religion,and personal thoughts do not make constructive advice only to make you look like a jack ass..If you have been through this? By all means spit it! Otherwise, some of you just need to look into it more before you judge..Catrina I do not know what state you are in, but from my experience you do not need a whole lot of information to give to the state in order to find him-I will warn you If you do go ahead with the state to find him, get him on child support..Let me tell you it is a process! When I say "process", it is..Sometimes they will find him,you'll get a court date and If they don't serve him from the time they informed you of the court date to the DAY of the court date- Then the case will be cancelled..But I preach do not give up because in the end the child deserves the best of both worlds from both of you..And If he's not willing to give his best? Even financially- He's not worth having around your child..Hope this helped!