Is my daughter's father a preditor?

Kim - posted on 07/11/2010 ( 51 moms have responded )

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Hi All...this is my first time so I'm a little nervous. However I need some serious advise. This is very embarrassing for me to say but here it goes.... When my daughter was six months old, while i was changing her pamper, her father said to me "she has a pretty Pu**y. My heart dropped, I cursed him out and I left his house. I cant understand why her own father would talk about her private area this way. On another occassion, we were watching the tv show Are you smarter than a 5th grader, and he said one of the little girls was sexy. I called him crazy and laughed it off but this build even more fear for my child. After this I never left my daughter alone with him. When she went to his house on the weekend, I went too. She is 2yrs old now and he has not said anything like that again but I'm afraid to let him take her alone. My friends think I should let her go to his house, but I just don't feel comfortable. Am I over reacting?

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Uh - no! That's scary! That's really disgusting to talk about an infant that way and to talk about children that way. Some things you can't be too careful about. I would also talk to her pediatrician about how to start the good touch/bad touch discussion with her.

Amy - posted on 07/27/2010

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Always trust your intuition! The comments he made are not normal and are defitinitely red flags. The last thing you want to do is ingore your gut and send her over there to find out something happened to her. Not sure what your custody agreement is, but do not leave her alone with him if you don't have to!

Holly - posted on 07/26/2010

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You are absolutely NOT overreacting. I cannot imagine a father ever saying something like that about their child and it disturbs me to the core of my being. I, personally, would never EVER let her out of my sight around him.

Xenia - posted on 07/24/2010

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Hi, sorry to hear about your situation, but one piece of advise to you is, if you can control this situation & not leave her with him, go for it. We should all learn to trust our instincts specially when are innocent children are involved. I never had that situation, thank God, but did go thru a divorce & was worried about what could happen to my kids, I had 3 girl 12, boy 10 & baby girl 6, not with their father, he would never do anything of that nature. But I was afraid of all the friends, people coming in & out that I had no control of, in my case my children had to go every other weekend. It was horrible for me, they were also allowed to play outside in the street & I've never allowed that in my house for many safety reasons. Their friends would come over & even when in the backyard I would be keeping a very watchful eye on them. I'm gonna send you a link to a very good article I read which it's great & has a lot of very helpful advise on all we should do to keep our children safe from harm, when you click to read the article, they will give you links to other articles covering different aspects of safety for our children. Hope you like it! http://www.watchtower.org/e/200710/artic...
Also here's a link to a program that I had for my kids when they were small "the safety kids" which teaches children to be safe. I think it's question number #6 that teaches them no to let anyone touch them in private places. It's great you should probably try to buy it & review it with your daughter often.

Remember it is our responsibility to take the very best of care of your beautiful children after all they are a Great gift that God has given us, so we should treasure them & protect them. Trust your instincts always, & may Jehovah God bless you & your little girl, hope this has been helpful for you & I deeply wish you all the best! Take care & feel free to contact me when ever you wish: xensan379@yahoo.com

Sandra - posted on 07/15/2010

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Always trust your first mind, that feeling is there for a reason. What grown man in his right mind would say that about any child? And how can he look a little girl and say that she is sexy?? There is something not right about him and I think your right about not leaving your child alone with him. I wish you the best.

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Melissa - posted on 06/23/2013

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I would react the same way as u and if I could afford it a private investigator just to make sure his butt wasn't a creep.

Sara - posted on 06/20/2013

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My convicted pedophile uncle raped his own 6 month old daughter. She was later apprehended by CPS and to this day I have no idea where she is. My other convicted pedophile uncle (both were brothers) raped his own daughters since they were toddlers. They all now suffering major mental health issues. As I write this out one of the survivors, my younger cousin is sleeping on my couch. I just picked her up after fleeing from a drunk abusive boy-friend. She has accepted abuse as a 'normal' way of life. I have great trouble getting her to realize that abuse of any type is not normal behavior. But I fear she may be brain-damaged because she cannot understand and easily forgets everything I tell her. Her previous boy-friend kicked her head repeatedly for 3 years until she finally went into a 1 week coma. The comment about your baby girl having a 'pretty p***y' literally translates he is expressing sick desire for his own biological child - and only pedophiles have such sick desires. Babies as young as 1 month DO get sexually assaulted. They DIE from such invasive trauma. I used to wonder why my sick pedophile uncles always had jars of vaseline around. I used to wonder why my uncles stared at me with intent hungry looks when my dad turned his head. I was only 8 at the time and thankfully was not raped. If a man, any man comments about how 'sexy' a child looks then they are probably big fans of 'Diamonds and Tiaras' and play with themselves while watching. They also like those images of naked babies in pamper commercials. They will not call adult women 'sexy' but they will invariable be drawn to the single parent woman with low-self esteem and 3 or more kids. I remember how one woman used to proudly gush how her new man was so helpful and how much he took her children as his own. She appreciated that he always volunteered without complaint that he would stay home to watch the kids while she went to bingo or any errands. One day she came home early and found him naked in bed with her two toddler daughters also naked crying while he forced them to 'lick the sucker'. There are evil depraved people out there and it's in their better interest YOU DON'T SUSPECT a thing! How else can they enjoy their evil ways undisturbed unless you actually start respecting the God-given intuition gifted to you on behalf of your children and heed the wisdom that says - something is not right and it is actually unholy. Take your child away from that unholy evil being that desires to destroy her life.

[deleted account]

better to be safe than sorry...protect yo little ones in every aspect ...whr ther is smoke , ther is absolutely fire! So I say you are not over reacting...

Jessi - posted on 07/27/2010

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i don't think you are. you are only protecting your child and just think if you were to leave her alone knowing the comments he has made previously and something were to happen...then think of how you would feel.

Leslie - posted on 07/27/2010

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Thats really strange a grown man would make comments like that. It would lead you to think maybe he has some kind of attraction to small kids....why else would you say those things...I mean think about it this way...Is your father a good man or maybe there is another man you looked up to?? My dad is the best and he would never in a million years make comments like that..why? bc thats really inapropriate...I think you are right on protecting your daughter and should keep it up!!
Anyone who says your overreacting is insane

Lori - posted on 07/26/2010

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Hi, I'm also a therapist who worked with sex offenders for 8 years. I agree with everyone that your mother's intuition is your best gauge. Since many custody issues are complicated now, at some point he may pursue his right to have her for weekends. It would be a good chance now to find resolution while she's 2. Usually someone is 'attracted' to a child who is the same age as a traumatic situation in their own life. For example if he was assaulted when he was 9, he might be attracted to kids who are 9. You may want to find a counselor in your area who specializes with sex offenders or victims and tell them your fears. They will ask questions about other behaviors and from there might be able to help you with the courts so he has supervised visits, if they determine red flags.

Rachel - posted on 07/25/2010

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HELL NO you aint over reacting.. A mother's instinct is never wrong.. I don't think you should let her go cause all the signs are there.. if you let her go and something happens you will never forgive yourself and something like that can really mess your daughter up for life.. So again i dont think you should let her go..

Xenia - posted on 07/24/2010

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Good for you, & try to document everything you can. Start by writing a Journal of all the weird things he's said & with dates. If possible if any witnesses were present. Because if he's a predator he's gonna want to spend time with her alone, & you might have a battle on your hands. Specially since it's unfortunate but sometimes innocent people pay for what others have done wrong. There has been mothers who make up things like this about the fathers, only to get revenge or to keep their children. So the court systems does review these cases closely, but sometimes not good enough, & you don't want to get after the fact, or after you daughter has suffered any harm. So please be very smart & maybe even have a recording or video up around when he comes by & see if you can bring up the conversation & see how he responds. You really need prove, & a very good lawyer, maybe going to get a free consultation right now would be helpful. They would be better suited to give you the most appropiate Legal Information.
Take care & hope everything goes well. You're in our prayers!

Wanda - posted on 07/24/2010

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SOMETIME PPL SAY THINGS AN IT IS WHAT IT IS SOME TIME WE DON'T WONT TOO SEE WHAT IS WHAT CAUSE IT HER DAD BUT DAD CAN BE PREDITOR TOO WE C IT ALL THE TIME WHEN SHE CAN TALK ,TALK TOO U ABOUT ANY THING !! AN U NO SHE WILL TELL EVEN ON DAD! MY BABY WILL LOVE! GOD IS GOOD!

Mary - posted on 07/24/2010

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Not at all, there is something strange going on with him, he may need some serious help before something tragic happens (hopefully nothing has already happened). Protect your daughter and yourself

[deleted account]

That is a terrible and frightful situation to be in. I would also be extremely fearful. I would suggest talking to her father about his comments. Has he made stupid or dirty comments before in public or about someone in the same way? It's hard to know whether he is just a jackass or something worse. However you move forward, either scenario will have a big impact on your daughter. Trust your instincts. If you know him to be a fool bring up your concerns about his comments or if you think he may be inclined to do your daughter harm, speak to a social worker about your concerns and take the necessary steps to keep your daughter safe. You are the only one who will know (as other comments say) trust your gut.

Mandy - posted on 07/23/2010

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Trust your instincts. Always.
Human beings ignore their instincts everyday, and if they're lucky, they'll live to regret it. Not always though, sometimes ignoring your instincts can be fatal.
Those comments he made would give me that 'feeling in my stomach' too.
That 'feeling' is natures alarm clock honey.

Caitlin Allope - posted on 07/23/2010

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No you are not over reacting. Tell CPS what he was saying they should understand your fear because that is not normal behavior.

Kathy - posted on 07/23/2010

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WOOOO,THAT IS NOT NORMAL.I would do a criminal background check on him.If nothing came up,and would ask him why he would say such a thing like that about his daughter.All in all I'm glad your doing something about it. So many woman are so nieve when it comes to men or they don't say anything because they don't want to lose their man. But that's another story. And that is sick too.

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2010

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First off-- you need different friends. Any friends that would not really hear your concern are not worth it.. Second.. You were given those intincts for a reason. Get your daughter away. Will there be a fight? Maybe, probably.. but that is what a good mother does.. she takes some blows of misunderstanding and rejection for the safety and protection of her child. This guy is sick mentally and needs some serious help and its a fact that 90% of sexual abuse happens within the family and is from a so called "trusted" family member or friend. YOU CAN DO IT AND DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU!! Once you step out, the guy is going to try to fight.. but well.. get your dukes out lady.. your in the ring. This is your child.. and your daughter and being put in harms way as a child can have some devastating effects on a child. Some day she may just thank you for the protection.. but even if she doesn't .. she is worth it anyways right?

Candice - posted on 07/23/2010

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I wouldn't let her go alone, i wouldn't let her go at all!! if he wants access he can get it at a supervised center and it's only between $5 to $20 a visit. I would suggest strongly that if he demands to see her then to do that if you have to. but i would NOT ALLOW her to be near him alone!!!

Deb - posted on 07/23/2010

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When I first became a mom, my mother told me one thing about motherhood that is the best advice I got....."Mom's just know", it's not explainable it is a connection between our gut and our heart, that lets us know to look in or double check on our kids....

I say better safe than sorry!

Colleen - posted on 07/23/2010

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I don't think you're over reacting at all...those comments just aren't right. You know your gut instincts and I would listen to them. I wouldn't leave my child alone with him either.

Roberta - posted on 07/23/2010

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go with your instinct! i wouldnt leave her alone with him either. its your job to protect your child and being a little over protective now is not the end of the world. your right to not want her there alone. i pray that nothing like that ever happens to your baby.

Brandina - posted on 07/23/2010

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I think you are doing the right thing. I know that I have never heard any man say such a thing about an infant or young child and if I did, I would instantly want to get as far away from him as possible. Have you considered speaking with a counselor or psychiatrist? It wouldn't hurt. You may gain a better understanding of ways to deal with her dad, his family, the people who trust him and think you should let him see her without your supervision. No matter what, hold strong to what you feel is right and don't second guess what obviously is such a strong feeling for you.

Laurie - posted on 07/23/2010

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Absolutely not!!!! He may not be a preditor as of yet, but he sounds like one in the making. Fathers do not believe that their daughters have pretty pu**y's. Fathers do everything in their power to make sure that the only male that ever gets there is a doctor!!!! Preditors are smart. It doesn't suprise me that he's quiet about it now. he may be waiting for you to let your guard down. Reguarding the little girl on the TV show....you were seeing repetative behavior. Does he have a laptop or computer? Ask him to give you full acess just to see what he says. Do some snooping, see what is in his porn stash at home. Above all, we moms have the talent of intuition. Trust it and go with it. If your gut says something is wrong, then something is wrong. Ask him to seek help. Take care of that precious lil gift from god. You'll be in my prayers.

Donna - posted on 07/23/2010

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Chld molesters aren't these vermin running around slithering and scathing; they are usually very friendly and cunning people, that's how they lure their victims. I understand the difficulty, considering it is your daughter's own father, but your responsibility is to protect her. His behaviour is beyond questionable and, quite frankly, requires some intervention, especially if he should push the issue of visitation.

Kelly - posted on 07/23/2010

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Everyone thought my ex was a stand-up guy too...until they found out what he did to our daughter and that she wasn't his first victim. You are 100% to protect your daughter from her father. Keep a journal of everything that makes you feel the least bit uneasy. Talk to your pediatrician. See if you can do a criminal history check on him (tho if he was a juvenile offender, it may be sealed or purged). Limit any visitation. Being a Mama Bear may be the hardest thing you'll ever do (it has been for me) but your little girls is worth every effort and more. *hugs!*

April - posted on 07/22/2010

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I don't think you're overreacting at all! That is your child. People can say and think what they want. That is very strange he said those things.

Tonyia - posted on 07/22/2010

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NO! You are not over reacting, as a Mother you have been given "Motherly Instincts" I don't know your religious preference but God will not leave you ignorant! Do be blind or foolish your child's is the one at risk.

Granny - posted on 07/22/2010

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I think you should trust your instinct and do what you feel is right, remember that your child is depending on you for protection. Goodluck!

Sheria - posted on 07/22/2010

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if u knw th Lord talk 2 Him and ask Him how 2 discuss your fears and concerns with your daughters dad. if he has never questioned you as to y u dont allow him 2 spend time wf her alone thn stay around 2 keep your eye on him. but if u get th urge 2 discuss it then do so in a mature way-letting him know your concerns 4 your daughters safety as well as 4 other little girls that he may come in contact with. let him know your fears AND tht your daughter and her safety is your TOP PRIORITY and tht u will protect her as best you can FROM ANYONE-including him. B BLESSED.

Alexa - posted on 07/22/2010

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I would not be comfortable with that at ALL. That is a completely innapropriate for a grown man to say about any child let alone his own daughter. I would not want her around him if I were her. You don't want to find out years down the road that something bad was going on and be kicking yourself for not trusting your gut.

Diana - posted on 07/21/2010

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OMG If you feel that you shouldn't leave her alone with him, you are almost certainly right. Mum's have an incredible sixth sense about these things. Please trust yourself and your instincts. You are your daughter's Mum, nobody else, and you are the one responsible for her safety and well being.
Could you talk to your GP about this? He/she might be able to offer more advice, including how to deal with this extremely scary situation.
All the best to both you and your little girl.

Jurnee - posted on 07/20/2010

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Trust your instincts! Those were EXTREMELY inappropriate comments, Dont worry about what your friends think,there is no over reacting when your childs safety is at stake.

Jaime - posted on 07/20/2010

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I agree 100% with your feeling to not trust him.My heart would drop too if I heard my child's father say that. I think the best weapon against anything is KNOWLEDGE! do research. Talk to your doctor for sure and if your doctor doesn't have a clue ask him/her to refer you to a pediatrician with child abuse credentials( or a child abuse counselor). When it comes to the safety and well being of your child I think you can NEVER over react, you have every right to want to do all in your power to keep your child safe. I also don't know if it is a very good idea to confront him about your suspicions, you may have already tried to confront him, and I can guarantee that he will deny it, who wouldn't deny it???? If he was doing something to her and then he is confronted with it it might put him on guard??? I have also had to deal with suspicions of the same kind, mostly from gut feelings, and it is such an awful feeling, so powerless, to think I am keeping my child safe and to have to worry that I can't trust the people my daughter loves and that I should be able to trust them....its just a very powerless feeling. I think a good idea is to purchase a hidden camera(nanny cam,video baby monitor) that way if you ever have to put her into a situation that you don't trust completely maybe you can monitor her. One thing though if you do decide to get a hidden camera, make sure what you are doing is legal, and do your research!!!! One more thing my own pediatrician said to me- He said that I need to be very careful with these kinds of suspicions, and I agreed after he told me why he said that...... If I put this kind of doubt into my head and heart I will always be on the look out for it and that can RUIN a relationship that maybe there was no need to ruin, If you know what I mean. I truly hope it all works out for you, I am praying that you find the strength to see this through and to stay sane through it. Good Luck

Amanda - posted on 07/20/2010

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Maternal instinct is everything in situations like this honey... I doubt your friends would feel the same way if it were their children. I have never heard of a man talking that way about their child and let me tell you I wouldnt let a man be alone with my daughter after talking that way. Trust your instincts as a mother. Good luck. If he gives you any trouble about not seeing your daughter take him to court.

Rachel - posted on 07/19/2010

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im gonna tell u the truth. u r doing what u think is best for ur child. and i wouldnt let him take her unless u were with him. i was molested at 6yrs old and i dont want anychild going through wat i went through nor my own daughter.

[deleted account]

all I can say is I wish more moms took the side of their child's safety first...I'm thankful you are choosing to advocate for a child before instead of after the child gets hurt

Kim - posted on 07/16/2010

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Thank you so much everyone. I really needed the opinions of people that doesn't know him. Our friends and family are convinced that he is a stand up guy but even some of the nicest people have a dark side. I have decided to file for sole custody of my daughter as a precaution. Again, Thank you.

[deleted account]

omg, that is...I don't even know the words for that. I would not trust him alone with my daughter either. How could you talk about that about your own daughter and on a tv show where there are 5th graders.

Carlie - posted on 07/15/2010

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no i dont think hun i wolud let him see her wen im there not on hes on i be worry even if i was there ur reactsh is right hun ill stak to the way ur goin hun x

Sade - posted on 07/15/2010

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not at all..,, if it was me, i would keep a ratchet by my side at all times and the moment my daughter says anythin about her father touchin her or i see any sign what so ever, that would be his last day in this world!

Casey - posted on 07/12/2010

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Do not let her go there alone! that is not right to say that! whether it's his own child or not, if he's like that it wont matter. Trust your gut

Gianinna - posted on 07/11/2010

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i dont think your over reacting. i would be scared as well if those comments were made about my child especially the own parent. i think you should try talking to him about it or letting him know you feel uncomftable with him making comments like that about your daughter. until you get things straightend out dont leave your daughter alone with him. good luck!

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