Just took him to court....he is pissed!

Marisa - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Quick background...I got pregnant early in the relationship. When prego he was in Afghanistan. He came home and was around on weekends (due to the Army) then was off to Iraq for a year. Came home from Iraq and moved away to FL. I am in NY with our daughter. Up until last year we had no problems with him willingly helping me out with money. Last year he missed out on paying about $3,000. Finally i was done being nice and filed for child support in Dec. Went to court yesterday and judge ruled a decent amount a week for child support. Then she asked if i also wanted to go for help on childcare. Well of course i said yes. So on top of the child support he also is ordered to pay 58% of babysitting.

After court he calls me and pretty much bitches me out for almost 20 mins. One thing he said that pissed me off was that he should now have a say on where she goes to babysitting. He has never been around to take care of her and her sitter has had her since she was 4 months old (she is almost 5). My sitter only asks for $25 a day and i dont have to pay if we dont need her a certain day. He had the balls to say that is too much and i am getting ripped off. i want to mail him brochures of day cares to show him how lucky i am to have the sitter i do. Then he complains about with i needed to ask for child care money too. Saying all i needed was the support. WTF is wrong with him? He has NO NO NO idea what it costs and how much it takes to raise a kid.

Thanks for letting me vent.....i am so frustrated....oh and i forgot to mention. He then told me he is quitting his job and moving to another state so he wont be working for a bit. idk what to do now...

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Kristin - posted on 08/26/2010

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I know how that is. My daughters sperm donor left after I found out I was pregnant for several reasons cheating etc being some of those reasons. He is no longer military. But he came back around when my daughter was 4 1/2 months old met her for the first time Thanksgiving, saw her Christmas, and maybe 3 other times after that, then again Valentines day, then nothing til 2 weeks before Easter, then nothing again til May 27th when we went to court for childsupport which has set him off to no end for alot of reasons. Then he saw her in June for about 3 weeks worth, didnt see her again til the weekend of her birthday born July 21st of 2009 but her party was held saturday July 24th 2009. Ive been nice even though he has no visitation rights to let him see her but he truly makes no effort but wants to be pissed off about the fact he doesnt see why he has to pay any form of support which to me isnt really enough once you add up everything you spend between diapers, wipes, clothes, etc by the end of the month but at least its ordered in my opinion and its better then nothing. He is also pissed cause beings she wasnt even 1 years old yet when we went to court the lawyers and the state went after back support. He claims all of this could have been handled between the two of us but it really couldnt cause he doesnt stick around. Still does alot of the same things he did when he left also getting into serious trouble law wise for several reasons. I just dont really want it in my daughters life but at least I can say I tried to make things work and tried giving him chances. So yeah it bites how they complain about it all then wanna screw us and our children over but yet what they dont realize in the long run is they are mostly going to hurt themselves worse.

Jennifer - posted on 08/20/2010

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tell him to suck it up and deal with it if he did what he was suppose to without the courts than he wouldnt have to worry about it now would he and him being in the military isnt gonna kill him to pay child support or child care at that fact and you are lucky to have a sitter that you only have to pay 25 dollars a day most places want 100 or 200 a wk.. ive been there done that with child support too where he got so pissed at me told me i was a money hungry b**** and that i dont deserve my boys cause im useless and dont know how to take care of them.. but he doesnt gotta pay child care just medical and child support.. guys will be guys and they need to grow up and learn to be responsible for the kids.. stand your ground do not let him talk to you like that and you do have every right to hang up on him telling him until you act like an adult and can talk to me like an adult dont call me wait for court or whatever else you might get or say or anything like that..and most guys who dont take responsiblity for there kids really have no idea how hard it is to take care of kids.. my boys father before i took him to court told me he would only pay me 50 dollars a mo for both boys and my boys were 2 and 3 mos at the time now tell me what in the world would 50 dollars a mo get you with two kids..absoultly nothing.. just stand your ground and dont let him talk you down..its not about the money its all about your daughter and him being responsible for her..

Stephanie - posted on 08/19/2010

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could just be tellin you that so he can get away with not payin child support but im pretty sure taht he should still be ordered to pay child support

Rita_2_davey - posted on 08/19/2010

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I applaud you for what you have done so far. Where do these fathers' get off thinking they owe nothing. That ticks me so bad. Opens old wounds from 10yrs. ago. What he is doing is calling your bluff and trying to put a scare into you, bottom line!! He isn't going to quit a good paying job and move to another state. He knows himself that this isn't going to happen. I dont' know why men get such a charge out of worrying "moms" like crazy, trying to take charge, and then "I'm not paying". On and on it goes. I will be very surprised to see him quit or move anywhere. Dont' get yourself all worked up, it isn't going to happen and he knows it. He just likes to try and rip the heart out of you and your daughter (I'm sure she doesn't know). His only problem is that you won the court case and he is now p**sed off. Its obvious he doesn't like to be told by the courts'. Well to bad for him and all those other dead beat fathers' out there.
Rest easy my dear, if anything were to come out of this would be him setting another court date to try and have his support put down some. Men are like babies, is it any wonder we bi*ch or turn into one. Who wouldn't with "ex's" like him. Hooray for you and again, forget about the move, its not going to happen.

Jessi - posted on 08/19/2010

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lol REALLY sounds like my son's father only he wasn't helping me out at all! i was dropped from tricare 2wks before i had my son so i had to get medical coverage through the state. then the state went after him for child support b/c he didn't have "good cause" as to why he wasn't helping me. mean while my son is now 1 1/2 and they FINALLY got a judgement for child support and 1/2 of child care. the army started garnishing his wages for the child support and he's complaining he can't afford it...HELLO! i've have been taking care of this child on my own since i found out i was pregnant and he has the balls to say he's paying too much. ihe should be thankful he hasn't paid his 1/2 of the daycare fee he'd pay more in child care fees than child support (i pay $176 per week)

Lisa - posted on 04/30/2009

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haha, good for him. thats his responsibilty to take care of his child. all men get mad when it comes to money cause there greedy and selfish. dont worry about his feelings cause hes not worried about yours. he's just saying hes going to quit to get u mad. how will he support himself with no job? he will still owe u money when he does get a new job that the government will take from him or he will be arrested. freakin losers. anyway, good luck. hope all turns out okay.

[deleted account]

i took my kids dad to court. and of course he was a real ass about it, the first round and please dont fall for it... let the two of you work out payments. NOT GONNA HAPPEN! after a year of having to ask every week so i could pay the daycare most of time got nothing. he would miss 3 weeks pay for a week blah blah blah. took him back to court got all the back pay on the books and asked for state of disbursment... gets taken out of his before he gets it. also he is supposed to be paying half of the daycare. so right now 3 months behind on that. extra money out of his pocket is the hardest to get. boy is he gonna pissed when i hand him the bill again. oh did i mention he only works 25 hours a week. poor him! and the court cant make him work 40 hours like he is supposed to be doing

Wendy - posted on 04/25/2009

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I've just started the process of taking my child's father to court.We live in seperate states and he refuses to get a lawyer.He hasn't paid anything since Dec,and wants to cuss me because he has to come to Tn for court.The sad thing is he is not arguing about the visitation,which is one weekend a month,he is wanting to argue over child support.Sometimes it gets hard trying to explain to a 3 y/o what's going on,but you know be a man,and remeber had you treated me nice we could of kept the original agreement ,pay for daycare and never had to go this route

Meagan - posted on 04/22/2009

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I understand completely,I really honestly think if all of us single mothers get together we can make a difference.I honestly would rather have no child support than have my little ones dad (if you want to call it that) screw with my kids head.Its a long story but it feels good to talk to other single mothers,I dont think people understand.

Vicki - posted on 04/21/2009

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he sound like a ass so i work for a day care and for are 5 year old room think it like 36 a day and u have to pay for what day u need and all that he has no clue what u do and if u found a daycare who does all that for u good job. I hade my son my last year in high school and his day left and when he was 6 moths meet racheal dad 6 years later he going when she was like 2 moth and it was off and on for the last year she 5 and i think ur doing what is right for her good luck with the next step in life

Misty - posted on 04/19/2009

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Men hate child support.... HATE IT.... If he does quite his job, track him down. If he tries to get paid under the table, get him for fraud. I doubt he is going to quite his job with the economy the way it is, but maybe. He is probably saying that so you will get scared or so he can get out of paying...

Lynn - posted on 04/19/2009

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FIRST OF ALL GOOD JOB N TAKING HIM 2 COURT!! ALOT PF WOMEN DON'T DO THAT WHEN THEY SHOULD,.. MAYBE U SHOULD ASK THE JUDGE 2 TAKE THE CHILD SUPPORT OUT OF HIS CHECK B-4 HE EVENS RECIEVES IT SO THAT WAY U WILL GET U'R MONEY...ALSO IF HE QUITS HIS JOB N WORKS OFF THE BOOKS THEN THEY WILL TAKE AWAY HIS LICENSE..SO EITHER WAY HE'LL HAVE 2 PAY...OH I ALMOST FORGOT..WHEN HE GETS ON U'R NERVES AND BITCHES @ U VIA PHONE...CHECK THIS OUT...HANG UP THE PHONE...DONT SAY A WORD JUST HANG UP...IT FEELS SO GOOD AND EMPOWREING...BUT MOST OF ALL DON'T FIGHT (ARGUE) N FRONT OF U'R DAUGHTER ...G--LUCK

Ashley - posted on 04/18/2009

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you know what its hard now due to the econmy but you have to stick with it and take care of her the best you can without him it will catch up to him sooner or later his life wont be easy i just took my daughters father to court as well hes unemployed and in a different stae i live in ny he lives in jersey ive never got a dime but the child support will rake up and they will catch him so dont worry about it take care of your daughter he shouldnt even be on ur mind

[deleted account]

I will be filing for the support my ex SHOULD be paying soon. Hopefully by summer. Currently he is supposed to be paying the state $150/month and right now he owes over $1500. I'm not very hopeful that it's going to work w/out a huge fight. When he left us he even told me to go on welfare (I had too) cuz he wasn't going to support us anymore. Instead he's busy w/ his girlfriend and playing 'daddy' to her 2 kids while my 3 get NOTHING! He has never given our son anything except 2 newborn outfits.... when he was SEVEN months old and hadn't worn that size since he was 2 months old!

Angela - posted on 04/18/2009

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I completely understand where you're coming from.  My daughter father been gone for 8mths and refused to help me take care of her and her needs.  He kept telling me to file for child support.  I told him it would better if he just help me out without going through the courts, but he didn't want to believe me.  So, I finally filed the papers and of course they notified him of the filing.  Do you know he called me pissed off because I filed the papers.  I said you kept on insisting that I file the papers and now you have the balls to get pissed off with me.  We went to court on the 9th of this month, and he was ordered to pay me a certain amount of money per month.  He really got pissed off at  me then because he was like, "how am I supposed to live".  They didn't care about that, they just told him that he better not miss one payment or they will take immediate legal action againest him (jail and fines).





So believe me, I understand, you are not alone. 



 



Quoting Marisa:

Just took him to court....he is pissed!

Quick background...I got pregnant early in the relationship. When prego he was in Afghanistan. He came home and was around on weekends (due to the Army) then was off to Iraq for a year. Came home from Iraq and moved away to FL. I am in NY with our daughter. Up until last year we had no problems with him willingly helping me out with money. Last year he missed out on paying about $3,000. Finally i was done being nice and filed for child support in Dec. Went to court yesterday and judge ruled a decent amount a week for child support. Then she asked if i also wanted to go for help on childcare. Well of course i said yes. So on top of the child support he also is ordered to pay 58% of babysitting.
After court he calls me and pretty much bitches me out for almost 20 mins. One thing he said that pissed me off was that he should now have a say on where she goes to babysitting. He has never been around to take care of her and her sitter has had her since she was 4 months old (she is almost 5). My sitter only asks for $25 a day and i dont have to pay if we dont need her a certain day. He had the balls to say that is too much and i am getting ripped off. i want to mail him brochures of day cares to show him how lucky i am to have the sitter i do. Then he complains about with i needed to ask for child care money too. Saying all i needed was the support. WTF is wrong with him? He has NO NO NO idea what it costs and how much it takes to raise a kid.
Thanks for letting me vent.....i am so frustrated....oh and i forgot to mention. He then told me he is quitting his job and moving to another state so he wont be working for a bit. idk what to do now...





 

Chris - posted on 04/17/2009

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I can understand what you're going through. I am a single mom of 6, which 5 of them are still home. My first marriage lasted 17 yrs, and when we split we went through many court battles some having to do with money. It has been 8 long yrs since we split and he is finally paying support like he supposed to. My youngest son is 4 from a 2nd marriage, and he cant keep up with his child support for Joshua. He is over 2200 behind, and the judge is not pressuring him to pay past due. How do other single moms deal with this situation.?

Candice - posted on 04/17/2009

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up at 1 am, reading these posts, finding courage in others. my ex will FLIP OUT when i file for support. last time i told him i was going to he threatened suicide saying "and you can tell everyone why". he's so screwed up financially (his own doing) that he thinks i should feel sorry for HIM. well, who's feeling sorry for ME? caring for his child ALONE most of the time. then he says "i'll quit my job!"...i bought it, i fell for it...and 4 months later, not a dime, not a change in behaviour, doesn't see her any more than he used to, and no more responsible with his situation. so i give up. time to suck it up, go to court, and deal with his threats and lies and crap all over again. just to prove he can't get away with this. he's a dad. not a father. time to grow up and be one.

Kassanrdra - posted on 02/15/2009

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My Ex Is The Same He Is More Pissed At Me Bout Having To Pay Child Support That It Just Makes Him Say Stupid Stuff...He Begged For Joint Custody NOW I Know Why So He Didn't Have To Pay As Much In Support STUPID ME Thought WOW It's Cause He Wants To Be Involved In His Daughters Life...But The Way Some Men Treat Their Daughters Their Karma Will Come When They Stop Being Boys And Grow Up And All Of A Sudden Wanna Be Fathers And Their Kid(s)  Look At Them Like Why Now!! Why Should I Care!! Soo Just Keep Your Chin Up Let Him Spout At The Mouth..And Try To Ignore His Ignorance..All I'd Say " Remeber It's All About The Best Intrest Of Our Daughter Not Money"

Shorty - posted on 02/15/2009

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well i am in a same boat as you i just turned him in last week and i am not wanting to hear the phone call that comes once he gets the papers but i want to tell you something that never occured to me.

You can hang up the phone! isn't that freeing! my lawyers told me that one!

the first time you do just say you have no right to talk to me this way. when you are ready to talk about this like adults you can call back, good bye. then hang up the phone. he needs to know you are a women of God and he has NO right to talk to you in that manor no matter how angry he is.

58% is a hard loss on his part but if he had been man enough to work hard and keep on top of thing then you would never have felt the need to go to court.

i am encouraged that you were women enough to stand up and do that. i know it is hard to take someone you once loved to court, but just remember it is to better your darling daughters life, and make sure that she has everything she needs in life.

$25 a day for babysitting is GREAT in alaska i don't know about where you are but if your child is learning, safe, happy, and just doing amazing and growing as a women then that is the place where she should be. and you don't have to prove anything to him. just explain that this is her place of care, and the courts ordered you to pay, and leave it at that.

Keep your head up women you are doing great, just make sure that when you feel that you are broken and can't go on anymore just look to God and He will help you.

Marisa - posted on 02/12/2009

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First of all your daughter is beautiful!

I was really nice for a while and tried to let him send me money like an adult. After a year of not much help i knew i needed to take things further. I realized my daughter has me and my family and friends, that is what is important. But it isnt fair that he can sit back and pretend to not have her. I know she is taken care of but he needs to do his part. We are strong woman and need to stick together, thats for sure. You stay strong and take his butt to court! You didnt get yourself pregnant! lol

Kayla - posted on 02/12/2009

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you have no idea how much I respect you for doing everything you have done already. my daughter just turned one and her dad wants nothing to do with her. I have never asked for money from him because my daughter and I would be better off left alone. I am just now starting to get the courage to take him to court to try and get full custody! He has told me many many times that he will never give up parental rights because i truely believe he wants to make my life hell....so thank you for sharing your story....you have given me a little hope!

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