married but doing alone

Katharyne - posted on 08/20/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i dont know what to do my husben is not there for me or my son we dont live together bc the place that he lives in is not sutable for anyone to live in let alone a baby so i live with my mom im 21 and he is 43 and he wasnt there for his other kids either he has not gotten anything for my child and bc he has hit me in the past and has 4 domestic charges only one with me my child is not alone to be around him but i still see him i want to do what is right by my kid and leave him but i love him i dont know what to do.. i just know that i cant keep doing this alone my kid is 3 and ahld months old and i mean my mom and dad help me out but my kid needs things that i just cant afford i dotn know what to do

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10 Comments

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Alexis - posted on 07/12/2012

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you need to do whats right by you too, that means leaving this abusive relationship and focusing on yourself and your son. Go back to school, work and be grateful for your parents help. You can do this on your own, many women do and are just fine if not better on their own. You are young still (no disrespect im not much older) and need to get yourself together, then the right man who will also be willing to be a great father to your child will come along.

Paula - posted on 08/26/2010

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Oh I don't want to sound cold. But been there. He doesn't do anything for you now or his other kids--won't change. You say you love him, but do you love him more than your child?

Robertine - posted on 08/26/2010

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Hi Ms. Katharyne, you are so young. You deserve a better life than being with someone like that. YOu deserved to be loved and respected by a man who really cares about you and your child. I agree with the others who posted comments concerning your matter. Your husband sounds like someone who has a lot of growing up to do. He's not worthy of you with this type of behavior that he's displaying. Your child also deserves better than this. You might have to take him to court and get child support. As far as doing what is right concerning him, it sounds like he don't care about his child and is a very selfish person. When a man and woman marries they are one and it is no longer I. I also agree with the others on here that you are a very smart young woman and it sounds like you have a very strong support system out there. It's not about your husband, but it 's about you making a better life for your child. If he really cared about you and his child he would make the living accommodation better for the three of you. It sounds like he's just spreading his seed around. He's not a real man anyway. A real man is one who takes care of his responsibilities. Any one can spread seed, this doesn't make him a real man.This is not the life that God has in store for you anyway. He never meant for you to or any woman to live in situations like this. Your husband needs help, but he's has to have a desire to change. You can't change him. Think about what's best for you and your child. Please...

EVANGELINE - posted on 08/25/2010

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Hello Katharyne ,

GOD BLESS and may GOD HEAL your heart and may he give you PEACE of MIND & HEART ... ! Give everything to GOD ( SURRENDER ) for he's the only one who can give you WISDOM what to do ! My heart goes w/you for I used to be on your situation then , but now life is so good !!! Yeah there still ups and downs but my GOD , ( our GOD ) helps me to HEAL and always give me WISDOM up to now ! Just TRUST him and be OBEDIENCE all the task he's gonna give you and FOCUS your life to him ! Change everything , RENEW your mind and just truly follow he's COMMANDMENTS ! You'll see once you do that your life will improve for better and always ACKNOWLEDGE him for everything you do and give PRAISES for all the good things you have ! Be POSITIVE and THANK GOD for you have a LOVELY , LOVING , SUPPORTIVE Family !!!!!
Ask your church for help , by talking to your Pastor , Join the Connect Group ( Socially , Spiritually Guidance ) and just talk to someone you feel comfortable in your church ; it might help you ! I hope this message from me will help you see the lights that you been waiting & hearing for ... ! don't loose HOPE for GOD always there for you ... All you gonna do is READ the WORDS ( Bible ) apply it to your life ! Guard your heart and listen to the VOICE of GOD .... !!!

Have a Wonderful Blessing Day/Night ,
Evangeline

Dawn Cuomo - posted on 08/25/2010

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I understand you still love him but I think for the love of your child and yourself I think its time to let go of him. His past behavoir patterns has shown he has not changed and he didn't change for his first wife and kids so he is not goning to change for you or your son. The only person he is in love with is hiimself and he is not going to sacrafice or change for anyone. Don't hang on to someone that is not worth having you and your son. You and your son deserve some one better and right now you and your son deserve each others love and well being to some peice and to move on. Take care and I wish you well. This man doesn't deserve you.

Dana - posted on 08/22/2010

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Katharyne,
You have a life ahead of you. At 43, if he has not taken any responsibility and accountability as this point...you and your baby deserve a real life. Love is a strong word that means looking out for one another, helping each other and moving foward together when in need and "just because" moments. You are looking for acceptance from someone, that is not capable, at this point, in giving that to you. End this now and take care of YOU and your baby. YOU have the opportunity to make a life.... Imagine what it is YOU want, dream... write it down...no matter how small and make a list.... It is fun and even MORE fun when you start to mark things off your wish list. Life is too short to deal with someone else's issues that bring you down and not return your heart. Give your heart to someone or something that will make a differnce for you and your baby!! You go girl....you are special and I am smiling at you, as you have a life to live and a family who is willing to help you. You will encouragement them by beginning this new life and find even more support..... Take one step towards your dream....

Nikki - posted on 08/21/2010

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Katharyne, take it from a 42 year old mother of 3 :) My youngest child is 4 in October and his father and I have been seperated since our son was 8 months old. We are not together because of his character and the fact he simply walked away from his baby boy and has never looked back, never paid child support and he has a history of doing the very same thing to his previous wives. I simply just did NOT KNOW his history at the time of our union but I learned the HARD way :( Actions DO SPEAK louder than words ( I agree with the other MOms) and guys like this do not change unless God comes into their heart and soul and transforms them into a new person. I feel for you and your child as I KNOW what it's like to not have the proper support in many regards from the father. You are blessed to have family to help you and that is wonderful for you both so you can get yourself in a position to provide for your child and get away from anything that is harmful to you and your child. My son's father is a loser of monumental proportions but he was not violent and for that I am grateful . You need to always protect yourself and your child (not that your not!!) but I had to say that as I simply worry for others. Keep your head up and keep your faith . God Bless you both, Nikki

Marjorie - posted on 08/21/2010

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Your son's father has a pattern of behaving this way from his past to his present relationship with women and his children. You have to try to put things in perspective and see the bigger picture. Trust me, you are not the first nor will you be the last single mom facing challenges in raising children. Take advantage of the support that you currently have and maybe you may want to consider taking legal action towards the father of your child. This will give you the financial help that is needed.

JuLeah - posted on 08/21/2010

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Your baby's father has shown you who he is. He has made things very very clear to you. He has not lied to you (actions never lie)



You love him? Really? You love a person that hit you? You love a person who treats you, your son, and his other children so poorly? Really?



Maybe you love the dream? Maybe you love who you think he could be if he pulled it together, maybe you love the idea of him at his best .... but love him? You seem too smart for that.



You are 21. You can work, go to school .... sounds like your folks will help and that is more then many have. Look into low income housing, food assistance, college, work study ..... you are smart, able, creative .... you will figure this out.



Everything you need has already been provided for you (a good brain, folks that care, a roof over your head, a local college, the job section of the newspaper) use what you have and make this work for you and your baby.



Good luck!!!

Yvonne - posted on 08/21/2010

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First of all Sorry but any so called "Man" that hits a women is not a "Man" at all and deserves to be left. just personal opinion. I am 21 married and have a 7week old. My husband is in the military and I am home alone while he is overseas. There are government programs that help mothers support there children. I am not sure what state you live in but in arizona we have WIC and Access, where you can also obtain food stamps, and cash assistance, if you qualify. You may also want to try and find a part-time job. since you are living with your parents they may be able to help you by babysitting while you work. Just a few ideas. I know that it is hard to leave someone that you love but an abusive relationship is no way to live and putting your child in endangerment like that is also not a good idea. I have personally been abused in several diffrent ways as a child and a young adult and would not wish this on anyone. You need to get yourself out of that position and do what is best for your child and yourself. NO woman deserves to be hit and NO child deserves to be abused and seeing that that is his history why put yourself and your child in jepordy?

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