Mother's day is it just another day for single moms

Alicia - posted on 05/06/2010 ( 41 moms have responded )

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I have been a single parent for the last 7 years. That means the last 7 birthdays,Christmas & Mother's day. My sister feels sorry for me cause I daon't have anybody to spend special days with & I correct her & tell yes I do I have my kids. She doesn't understand how I can be happy with the home made stuff my kids get me every year for these holidays. So she takes my kids (every year) shopping for my birthday,Christmas & Mother's day she says it's because she doesn't want Mother's day to be just another day to me but I'm a single parent so Mother's day is just another day. I mean my kids give me gifts but than things go right back to normal kids fighting,house needing cleaned,running errands. I guess I just don't get it & my sister makes it worse cause I feel like she pities me & I don't believe I deserve to be pitied. Does anybody else have this problem?

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Rotacha - posted on 05/16/2010

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Like every thing else, Mother's day is what you make it! I have been a single mother for 7 years. Not once has my daughter's father thougt to call, send a card or by a gift on my daughter's behalf. Admittely his lack of caring or consideration does bother me. However, I instill in my daughter that it's important to honor the people in your life that are worthy of honoring. We go to dinner or breakfast. I have friends take her shopping for my gift. This year we went to Washington D.C. on Mother's day and stayed 3 days. I am important and worthy of being recognized even if I have to spend my own money. The message is, honor yourself ladies. It's ok to take yourself out for a nice dinner, or to the spa, or whatever you really like to do.

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Corinne - posted on 06/09/2010

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This is my first mother's day and my boy is only 7 months so i dont feel any different plus my mum got me a card and a photo frame and tried to get my boy to hand it to me which was lovely.

Bev - posted on 05/19/2010

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I have been single with my two or 17 years and I love Mother's Day - this year I got to go listen to my daughter sing with her elite regional choir at our symphony center...I wouldn't be a mother without my kids and I cherish the time I have with them. When they were little they gave me Father's Day gifts as well - I loved it!! But I think your sister is just trying to help by filling in for what a dad would be doing....I don't have any siblings and I think it would be sweet....{{{hugs}}}

LaShuntala - posted on 05/19/2010

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I feel the same way as you. Of course we love our home made gifts, but, then the day goes back to normal, and I have a 3 year old who will NOT allow me to sleep in past 8:30a on a saturday morning. I love the fact that I have good friends who wish me well with cards and words of encouragement, but they certainly do NOT pity me!

Jennifer - posted on 05/19/2010

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I feel your pain. It is always worse for me when my family takes pity on me and buys me things from my son, trying to make that one day "special" I know their heart is in the right place, but I think I would feel more special if they would take the time to do something special for me once and a while to make my life easier not buy me gifts. Maybe come over and cut my lawn or take out my garbage, even just one time just to make my daily chore list a little less. i don't think I want or deserve anyone to feel sorry for me, but it is very easy to get overwhelmed with so much on the list to do, it would be more special to just ease my burdon once and a while so that I could enjoy some free time with my son that didn't include me having to do some sort of chore around the house.

Kimberly - posted on 05/19/2010

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You're so lucky. My mom is the ONLY person who has every thought to take my daughter out to buy me a birthday or Christmas gift. Since I moved away from Hawaii (her permanent home) about 18 months ago, I've been on my own 110%. My sisters couldn't be less supportive or more oblivious. It's a hard, lonely, sometimes scary life.

Cissina - posted on 05/19/2010

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My Mom always helps my daughter get me something for these holidays, but sometimes it would be nice just to hear "Happy Mother's Day, thanks for all you do for our child." from my daughter's father whom she sees often. But nevertheless, it never happens, but I still feel blessed to be a Mom on Mother's Day, despite the lack of gratitude.

Colleen - posted on 05/19/2010

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Sometimes my family does the same to me. My last birthday started with my son yelling at me that I didn't wake him up early. I usually wake him at 6:30 and it was only 6:15. Then turned into It's Wednesday why didn't you start the laundry? I feel your pain. I do. :)

Markéta - posted on 05/19/2010

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Special days do feel a little bit lonely... like Valentine ´s - yuck. It is good to spend it with other single friends, that way you don ´t get pity, just understanding.

Pam - posted on 05/19/2010

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I love birthdays , Christmases and mothers days with my kids cause i dont have to share them with anyone else and i get to do what they want for the day. To me the best present on any of these days is my children. What a gift.

Doreen - posted on 05/18/2010

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I have the exact same problem. Its lonely for sure and most holidays i dread i think we look to the ads and the other families i know where Moms get taken out and the husband helps out etc nope not here I am down to my last but before this it was exactly what u wrote. Now we just hang out and do nothing shes not old enough to buy me anything shes a young teen so i just ask that she helps clean the house. There are many things people dont realize single Moms go through that would seem so abnormal to them. they are not to pity us but boy would be nice if someone remembered us now and then. I live where its very rural its so hard to make friends i pretty solo with handicapped clients and my church is 90% married folks. This has been a rough couple yrs for me but ya holdiays are just not the same.

Brenda - posted on 05/18/2010

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Wow! Being single on Mother's Day is a non-issue for me. My daughter is so loving and every year, she comes up with something beautiful and creative. Times being as tough as they have been, this year, she went through my jewelry box (which I haven't touched in years), pulled out a gold-plated chain (no real gold chains in this house) and a couple of charms and created a "new" necklace, which I wear proudly. One year, we spent Mother's Day at a local outdoor roller hockey rink, skating. No $$ involved. Another Mother's Day started out with our car dying. We still managed to have fun that day. If anyone does feel "pity", than I in turn pity them because they obviously haven't experienced the unconditional love of a child. ♥

Jennifer - posted on 05/18/2010

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Im a single mother and every holiday for us is just a normal day we dont treat it any dif cept my daughters bday and xmas she gets gifts.

Fiona - posted on 05/18/2010

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I HAVE BEEN A SINGLE PARENT NOW FOR NEARLY FOURTEEN YEARS. MOTHER'S DAY, BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMAS ARE NOT LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY IF YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE. JUST BECAUSE YOU MAY BUY THE GIFT OR LEAVE LARGE MESSAGES AROUND WITH THE MONEY DOES NOT MEAN THE CHILDREN DON'T CARE. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT AND IF YOU PUT NO EFFORT INTO IT, THEN YOU WILL RECEIVE NO SURPRIZES THROUGHOUT IT. ONE DAY AT A TIME IS ALL WE HAVE, SO MAKING THE MOST OUT OF IT IS WHAT ANY OF US CAN DO. SINGLE PARENTS CAN DO JUST AS WELL AS TWO PARENT FAMILIES. IT JUST TAKES PEOPLE TO REALISE WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO MAKE IT WORK.

Jo - posted on 05/16/2010

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I do miss having my other half there to 'spoil' me on Mother's day, I find it quite a sad time now - although I do love the homemade gifts and cards from my daughter - also the burnt toast and cold tea in bed lol - but I do always think on special days that I am missing out - maybe my circumstances being different make it that way - I dunno *shrug*

Lycinda - posted on 05/16/2010

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wow, how funny. I work every weekend as my ex gets the kids. He asked if I wanted them home early for Mothers day and I told him no, I would be sleeping anyways. Then my mom made a comment about "cant believe you aren't getting the kids for mothers day". I told her that I had them almost everyday and since it was "mothers" day, why couldnt I have the day off! lol

Danielle - posted on 05/12/2010

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i do i have been a single mom for the past 9 years and my family is always trying to do things for me. i am the only one in my family that is not married and i really dont care cuz all them days tare just another day in my life that has gone by with just the love of my kids and that is all i need right now.

Laurie - posted on 05/12/2010

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On my very first mother's day EVER, I didn't get a THING from the father of my child. Not even the words "Happy Mother's day". I was pissed, but again, it was the tiny baby in my arms that made mother's day for me. And every year after, that is all that matters to me. It is the love between you and the kids that makes it special, but again, you are right, that is everyday. So pitty is never necessary. The home made gifts are the most cherished of all. Especially when they make me breakfast in bed consisting of cookies, cereal and a few cheese puffs!! There is no need for pitty, because we have the love and money just can't buy that no matter what!!

Catlyn - posted on 05/12/2010

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Yes I sure do! Im a "single mom" technically. I am divorced with 2 beautiful children from the marriage and I am currently dating my highschool sweetheart. WE ahve been together for almost 3 years and him and I have a child in common. As it would turn out hes not the Knight in shining armor I thought he was, more along the lines of a retard in tin foil... Hes useless, completly. I spend everyday, night and holiday alone! So my friend brings pity gifts so to speak. Valentines day she brought choclolates and got my kids a goody bag. I do appreciatte it but I dont need charity or pity and am content to spend the time with my kids:)

Stephanie - posted on 05/12/2010

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I have been a single mom for 15 yrs and I used to have that problem, but it was because I felt left out when my son was too small to make me things! But now my family always tells me what a great mom i am! And once my son began to say i love you that was all i really needed! And this year for MOTHER'S DAY we spent the entire day watching movies and he picked out a MOM song by one of his favorite singers and played it for me! So that's what i want for Mother's day every year!

Kenyetta - posted on 05/11/2010

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No I don't have that problem. Everyday is Mother's Day to me with my princess.

Cat - posted on 05/11/2010

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Depending on how close you are with your sister and or how understanding she can be maybe you could explain to her how you appreciate her efforts and attempts to do whatever it is her intentions may be but that all you feel is a big pitty party coming your way via her. She probably just loves you and wants you to feel loved and special or not left out, or maybe (i dont know her situation) she feels she would be depressed or feel negatively if she were in your shoes and had no one to do what she feels she is doing as a positive thing for you. I can completely see how your children and your shared love is enough for you but someone not in the situation who also loves you like your sister may not see their actions as pitty but love. If she didnt care at all she wouldnt do anything, its such a thin line between love and pitty and sometimes the even the best of intentions when followed through with action can bring a negative reaction. I wish you luck, but don't let it go, talk with your sister, thank her for her attempts but explain how you feel. it sounds like how you feel matters to her, even though she's unsuccessful in expressing it to you. Good luck and God Bless!!

Sherilee - posted on 05/11/2010

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Hello!,, My name is Sheri. I have been single for 7 years too. Well, we won't count my immature much younger boyfriend I had for 4 years after I split from my daughters father! lol,,I used to think I had to have a man in my life, Believe me. I love being single and just being with my two beautiful daughters.Unfortuntely my Mother pitty's me. I live with her.I can't afford to be on my own right now. She thinks she has to pick up my slack by buying the extra's for my kids etc. We fight all the time. (not in front of my kids) She is starting to back off. Which I think you need to have a heart to heart with your sister! It's not her life it is yours!! If your happy and your children that's all that matters!!!!!!,,My youngest daughter makes me cards or picks me some flowers etc. Those gifts are better than any gift you can buy. I will cherish these things my daughters give me forever!! I don't need any expensive gift on Christmas or Mothers Day. As long as i have my children with me I'm the richest woman in the world!! P.S. My kids fight all of the time, I clean the house none stop, I run errands until I can't move anymore,, but I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world!!

Sherry - posted on 05/11/2010

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Yes! Mother's Day is just another day for me too. What did I do this past Mother's Day? Treated myself to a yoga class and bikeride (with my daughter and friends), then I cleaned the house. No complaints, that's just the way it is. I feel it is a privilege to be a parent to such a wonderful girl. Great post!

Ginger - posted on 05/11/2010

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Those family members just care..I go thru this same thing every year too. It's very sweet and it is a nice thought, huh? I too love love LOVE those presents from my kiddos they make. They smile big, coz they are proud of their work, and I tend to cry. It's awesome! I understand ya chick!! :-)

Alicia - posted on 05/11/2010

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Thanks everybody for your input. I know my sister was just trying to be nice & to make sure I didn't feel left out. This year I decided to things different me & my kids went to lunch(just us 3) than we went to the movies of course we went to a family friendly movie but that was fine it was just really nice to spend time with my kids. Hope every had a good mother's day

Nicky - posted on 05/11/2010

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Just enjoy your sister's help.. u are lucky to have her help... try not to feel like she pities you, she probably is just wanting you to be happy..

nicky

Amy - posted on 05/10/2010

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It's definitely not about gifts, and eating out. I don't ever need that. This was my first mother's day and it was special because I got to celebrate with my mother and my daughter. She is the best gift ever.

However....yes, i had a selfish moment as a single mother seeing my other mommy girlfriends with husbands that make their wife breakfast in bed and thank them for helping create the best little person in the world.

My ex, Abby's father, sent me a text at 10pm at night. He barely sees her and wanted me to have an abortion at first and now he thanks me by text.

Abby just smiles at me when I pick her up and that is mother's day enough.

Kim - posted on 05/10/2010

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I agree with you 100% that the homemade things my kids made for me arwe the ONKY things that I ever want from them. I, too, have been a single mom for 7 yrs and my mom usually gives my children a plant or something to give to me 4 the same reason you sister does what she does!!!!! Your sister obviously loves and cares about you VERY much and I don't think she pities you at all. I think what she does is awesome and you deserve it!
Kim

Michele Marie - posted on 05/10/2010

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I have been a single mom for the past 6 years . More before that becuz my ex was army & I was alone w my 2 sons . My mom does what ur sister does . Gives my teenage sons money for gifts & helps them pick out stuff . I loved when them where little & made the school things . But like u I dont need nor want anyones feelin sorry for me . My sons make me happy ..I am both mom & dad to my sons . No dad around he gave me sole custody . I show my sons I can do whatever even though Im a women . & there being taught that they can do stuff women do around the house ect . I think my special moms days r ahead of me . When they have there own kids & can see & understand what I did for them . But for now I dont want anyones pity .. Im happy & so r they . I tell my mom .. dont do it . Every year .. this year she finally listened . they did little things that made me happy . But like u stuff around the house has to be done ect . But ya know they mean well ur sis & my mom .. so say ty u like I do . Just bare w it .. Happy belated single moms day ..

Susan - posted on 05/10/2010

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I understand. I've been single for 3 years. No one celebrates my mother's day or birthdays. My kids don't even say Happy Mother's Day to me.

Teresa - posted on 05/08/2010

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I don't really have this problem but I have to agree with you.
I've been a single mom for 6 years now and I don't ever expect anything from anyone. Usually for Christmas and my Birthday my Mom does take my son to the store so he can buy me something but that is because HE wants to get me something and most of the time I give him like 10 or 20 dollars to buy my gift. But I can say that the best gifts I have ever received from my son are the ones he makes me himself either at school or at Church. I cherish all the homemade things.

Debbie - posted on 05/08/2010

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I hear what you are saying totally!! However, this is your sisters deal here not yours....so as a single parent myself (and a happy one) may I sugget you offer HER support in understanding YOUR contentment at your life? I know its reverse psychology but it sounds to me like your sister has her feelings confused in all her love for you and your children. I know it can be frustrating but bear with her....let her run with the things she tries to do to make special days special, in fact I would even suggest that on such times she takes your children to get something for you, call beforehand and ask that its still on because you'd like to use that time alone to go get your hair done or meet a friend. I promise that in time the focus will shift from where she is now to realising that its only her thats getting upset over it and you are happy just being you doing what you choose to do.
I walked this path, took this route and it worked. Everything is now as it should be!! :)
Good luck :)
Debs

Barbora Milena - posted on 05/08/2010

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Mothers day is about the gift we have got by having our children and be honored by the chance to spend every day with them and see them growing up, developing and learning new things... No need for cards, flowers or special meals out... Bein mother of my baby daughter is the best and most special gift in the world which i get every day...

Michelle - posted on 05/07/2010

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Mothers day is your day celebrate the way you choose. I know for my self no candy or flowers could ever replace the gift my daughter made for me. It is a one of a kind. And I know it came from her heart she even made sure it was my favorite color. These are the gifts my mom remembers getting from me. Like Jennifer said flowers die and candy gets eaten. Memories last a lifetime. I too try to make each holiday unforgetable for my daughter. So that she has the same happy carefree childhood I had. So give yourself a pat on the back this mothers day for job well done. And celebrate it the way you choose to. Your sister means well I am sure but she may never really understand what it is like to be a single parent.

Jennifer - posted on 05/07/2010

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Feel the same way, but not really. Yes I am sad that I don't have a husband to share it with, but who ever called Mother's day/cuddle with your partner day? Mother's day is just that- a time for us to sit back and really enjoy are infinity career-motherhood. Single moms like us just have to do it while our babies are napping-lol :) Today I got a butterfly made with his feet and let me tell you-that was better than any pearls or diamonds you could get!

Reece - posted on 05/07/2010

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Mothers day is just another excuse for me to make myself brownies for breakfast.

Heather - posted on 05/07/2010

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I have to admit I'm a little bummed over Mothers Day but mainly because everyone elsein the family makes a big deal out of it and I get excluded because everything is for "couples"



hence why I wish I could afford to move closer to my parents and away from the rest of my family!



But I truly believe everyday is Mother's day because the new things my son learns are more special to me then a card candies or flowers

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2010

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YES! Wow! you nailed it! My whole FAMILY hands me pity and it makes me sick. Even my siblings children make comments to me like: "We know that you are poorer Auntie Jenny so its okay that you don't get us anything".. hmmmm wonder who told them THAT? I just want to be respected and honored like everyone else in the world. Personally when my son makes me things its the best thing ever!! Flowers die and candy gets eaten and all that jazz.. I MAKE memories with my son and its good enough for me. I mean I am not in this life to impress anyone else and I work hard. I do actually try to make those holidays special for me and my son because its his childhood and I want him to have that feeling that things were sacred to our family. Your sister means well I think, but she is not respecting how you feel or how you view this. Singleness is NOT A DISEASE!! In fact its a blessing for most of us :)

JuLeah - posted on 05/06/2010

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Yup.

I love being a mother and really, for me, single is way better then when I was with the other parent - I mean waaaaay better.

I love that my child makes me gifts. I too see the ads on TV, but don't need dimonds to feel the love.

No one likes pity - I have friends and family that do honor me. They call or send a card in the spirit of, "I see what a good mom you are and I am proud of you"

I do that for friends as well. Parents should be honored for the work we do; it's challenging.

But, honor is not the same as pity

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