my 2 yr old has learned that babies have mommys & daddys but doesnt have a present daddy- what to do

Elizabeth - posted on 12/03/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

3

25

0

okay so i'm a 20 yr old mom of two girls- 2yrs old & 5 mths. their dad was around for the whole first year of my oldests' life. we literally stopped living together as a family unit two days before her first birthday. for the next six mths he was frequently in & out of the picture & at that time she was still aware of who he was. however for the past seven mths he hasn't been around what-so-ever not even a phone call & she no longer knows who he is- doesnt even recognize him in pictures anymore [& she can point everyone out in pictures- including ppl she doesnt see on a daily basis]

one of my only fears of being a single mom has been what i'll do when my babies question where their dad is ? even the thought of it breaks my heart & i had no idea that i would be faced with it this soon. my daughter in the past week has been pointing out mommy's & daddy's & babies. she even did it today in the store & it was very awkward. i have no idea what to do, i mean its not like she fully understands yet so how do i explain it at all ? pleaseee help

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Elizabeth - posted on 12/15/2009

3

25

0

aww thank youu all for your advice. im definetly going to look into the books about different families, my lil girl loves books.....

& yess his family is still in their lives, its just him thats not, which does add a fun twist to things. irregardless its a tough situation to handle i suppose 'cause there's no one answer to "fix" it. i just clearly dont bad mouth or really bring him up because i mean its clearly not their fault how things played out. they dont want or need for anything with just me & thats all that really matters.

thanks again all, its always nice to know im not alone in feeling this way : )

Iris - posted on 12/07/2009

5

9

1

Like someone said before teach them that all families are different and special. Start by reading books to them about different families. You can find a lot of books about this on Amazon. Thats how I taught my son that our family was special and different. The main thing is to reinforce that all famillies are different and speical. What matters is the love that the family share with each member. Kids are naturally goin to question everything that they see different outside the house. And thats ok.

Loubna - posted on 12/06/2009

8

2

0

i have the same worry , my baby father isnt around ,so i m worried that my som will ask about him but i think i need to let go coz ,my son will be okay for the same reason that a million of kids without father and there okay , i wish that he can be in his live if not its not a BIGGY.

Jeannie - posted on 12/05/2009

2

16

0

Hi Elizabeth..I have been a single mom since my son was 9 mths old...his father was very very abusive towards us...u just need to always talk to your children just let them know daddy is not around now...never bad mouth their father I know u probably want 2 but dont thats the worse thing u could do eventually they will know the truth the right way and they will decide if they want thier dad in their life later on...u need to let them know that things did not work out with u and daddy but that u will always be there for them both like a mommy and daddy and that u all will be ok that they have your family and friends....

Megan - posted on 12/05/2009

112

20

9

my kiddo is only 1 so i dont know if he should wonder that or not. i didnt have a dad growing up eitherwe left when i was 2. (he beat my mom so she left him & took me with her) and my moms dad left when she was 1. the only thing i can advise is dont place blame. what you tell her is your call, my mom told me daddy got sick and we had to leave. what im going to tell my son when he asks is that his daddy left because he got sick and had to leave far away to make it better but he has other people who love him more. boys are a little more resiliant than little girls though.
all the same, if you start placing blame, she might blame you. kids can sense feelings and if when you have that talk with her she can tell your blaming him or dont like him, it can backfire. she might think he left because you dont like him and made him leave. so be careful. in the end its up to you to tell her and what you say is your thing. you know your baby and what she needs to hear. follow your heart & when she gets older you may want to tell her the truth, maybe you wont.
also you can introduce her to other families who have only 1 parent so she can see shes not weird & there are lots of kids with 1 parent.

Angela - posted on 12/05/2009

6

16

1

My husband put us out also and him and his mistress live together, right now he's pretending to care for our daughter, so that when we go to court, he can find a excuse not to take care of her and her 4 half brothers, he calls maybe once every two weeks, he changes his phone number and now is taking me to court stating that I'm not allowing him to our daughter, she asks where he is and why he doesn't call also, I don't feel like lying to her, so I tell her the truth, even down to the mistress part. I had to let her do an overnite with him and his mistress just last nite and it is just drama, I say show your daughters as much love as possible and keep God first in your life and pray that everything will go well. Keep the faith sister. I now that it's hard, but you have to be strong for your girls.

[deleted account]

My daughter started asking about her father before she turned 3 ... then just more and more questions started coming about when she started pre-school for 3yrs. Her friends at school started asking me why doesn't her daddy come pick her up. I can imagine what they are only asking her. And she would go and ask me where daddy is. And I tell her he is far far away and can't be with us right now. Then she will ask sometimes, did daddy ever take care of me when i was a baby? And i told her that daddy had to go far far away. Well ive kinda stopped now with the far far away minus details. It just kinda grows on the age. You just need to know what to say and say it at their level, a non hurtful level like well daddy doesn't love us ... that kinda thing. I was having her work on her little half sisters b-day card and she asks, where is my sister? And I told her she is far far away with ya'll daddy. I told her that daddy takes care of her little sister. But see sometimes she tells me, daddy doesn't love me, daddy doesn't like me, daddy doesn't want me. and that hurts, SO BAD. especially when i tell her dad and he doesn't care. But i hug her, and I love her and i make sure she knows that she is loved and I still make attempts to have her send him cards for special occassions because at least she will know that I tried, I tried to keep him in her life. He chose to walk away from her when she was about to be born for another girl that convinced him that my daughter and his son ... are nothing. Because she wants HIM all to HER daughter with him. Anyhow ... I barley talk to him ...

But it will come. The questions, the tears ... the wonder. Especially with little girls. Boys are a lot stronger when they are young and you have to be careful cause they develop that anger and hate when they get older. Little girls get sad cause they don't have a daddy and it just depends when they get older, if forgiveness is an option. That's why you have to be strong, stay by their side, show them that you love them and you will always be there for them. Never EVER EVER talk bad about their father. ever. They will see hun, they will see that you gave it your all. I wish you luck with this. :)

Megan - posted on 12/04/2009

3

16

1

My husband left when my son was 10 months old and has not been involved at all. My son is now almost 5 and just thinks that all families are different. He has a Mommy and some of his friends have both. He just chirps up and says ,"I don't have a daddy" when someone talks about daddies! It has made for some uncomfortable people, but if it doesn't bother him, I am not going to worry about it. I know as he gets older he will ask more questions, but I am going to hold off on the difficult explanations until he can understand it. Are your children involved with any of his realatives? 'cause that could make it harder to explain too. My ex's family isn't around either, so really there is not trace. But nowadays families are all different so it might be more acceptable for a child not to have the "normal" family. I hope it all works out well for you and your girls, but the best advice I can give is not to stress about it, as long as you are a good mommy, that is all they will care about!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms