My daughter wants a her daddy!

Marquita - posted on 07/06/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My ex has never even attempted to meet our daughter. Lately, she has been asking, "where is my daddy?" "I want my daddy". I've been telling her that daddy's not here. I'm not sure if that's the right route to take with this, and I'm sure that answer will only hold her off for a little while. I don't want to lie to my little girl, but the truth that he doesn't care about her is way to harsh for a child at any age. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

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Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2009

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I have a daughter who is six and her dad is in her life about twice a year as he lives in another state. My pastor told me when she was a baby that DNA stands for Does not apply. He advised me to raise her knowing Jesus as her Lord Saviour and Father. God answers prayer so pray and ask that God provide a male figure to love her as his own. My daugther started asking tough questions around age 4 and unfortunately I don't have a man in my life, brothers, and my dad is passed. But it hasn't been that bad. I tell her your mommy and daddy love you but sometimes people aren't meant to be together.

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Marquita - posted on 07/13/2009

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Quoting Anna:

Oh honey, I'm waiting for this one too. My 3 year old's dad hasn't been around in 2 years, and for now, she doesn't seem to have a clue that anything's different. I do talk to her about all families being different, though.

I have definitely told myself that I don't want to speak harshly of my daughter's dad, no matter how I feel. The problem with "talking crap" about another parent (whether they're around or not) is that the child understands a bit that they are part of that parent, so......"if daddy is a lazy SOB, then I must be a lazy SOB, too."

I like the thought of being honest, but I feel that should come when they are much older. If, for some reason, the dad's do get their act together, I'll let my daughter make her own opinions, and I have a feeling that if I raise her the way I intend, I won't have to say a WORD - she'll know why he wasn't around.

I've asked several people what I should do, too, and have heard similar to the suggestions below: "daddy lives far away, daddy is sick, daddy is working, daddy doesn't live here" - all followed by "but he loves you very, very much." I don't know yet if it works = (


Yeah I've heard form more then a few people that I should tell her "daddy's dead", "daddy's in Iraq" "daddy joined the Peace Corps."  things of that nature.  The biggest probblems with this is that they are lies, and the truth always comes out.  I know how it feels to not have a dad in my life.  I would never say anthing bad about her father to her face.  I did however write everthing down in a letter for when she gets older.  That way she will be able to understand what exactly happened between us and read it for herself through more adult eyes.  That letter was really hard for me to write because I had to push aside all of the negaltive feeling that I had about her father, so that I could let her know about the good times.  I never once bad mouthed him in the letter, but I did not hold back the details of the breakup and all the problems.  She'll be an adult one  day and read that and get to make up her own mind about it and won't be swayed by slander in the letter.   

Anna - posted on 07/13/2009

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Oh honey, I'm waiting for this one too. My 3 year old's dad hasn't been around in 2 years, and for now, she doesn't seem to have a clue that anything's different. I do talk to her about all families being different, though.



I have definitely told myself that I don't want to speak harshly of my daughter's dad, no matter how I feel. The problem with "talking crap" about another parent (whether they're around or not) is that the child understands a bit that they are part of that parent, so......"if daddy is a lazy SOB, then I must be a lazy SOB, too."



I like the thought of being honest, but I feel that should come when they are much older. If, for some reason, the dad's do get their act together, I'll let my daughter make her own opinions, and I have a feeling that if I raise her the way I intend, I won't have to say a WORD - she'll know why he wasn't around.



I've asked several people what I should do, too, and have heard similar to the suggestions below: "daddy lives far away, daddy is sick, daddy is working, daddy doesn't live here" - all followed by "but he loves you very, very much." I don't know yet if it works = (

Rachell - posted on 07/10/2009

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That is so hard, my girl's father isn't around but they are able to talk to him on the phone at least. For a while though they didn't even have that and so when they did cry and call out for him I held them and reassured them that I was here, I loved them, and that I was always going to be here for them. The girls also know that God is their Father and that they are his daughters- his princesses. They can be reassured that God- the father of us all, loves them very much and that they can always turn to him. This is a very hard situation, because you don't want to lie to your child but how can you tell your child that someone who should be there isn't and the reasons? The one thing I've always fallen back on b/c of that reason so to always assured them that I am here for them and love them very much. That I was sorry that daddy was not around but I am.

Candice - posted on 07/09/2009

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what is wrong with these men? this whole thing breaks my heart. my baby's father is a loser, doesn't pay a dime in support, and is self centered, but at least he sees her weekly! and i thought THAT was bad. oh man, i feel for you ladies.

Vicki - posted on 07/07/2009

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My boy will be asking this one day too. A friend of mine has a six year old daughter whose father has not been around since she was an infant. She stated one day, "I guess my dad just isn't that interested in me," (or something to that effect). My friend stopped her daughter right there on the street, got down to her level, and said, "Don't EVER say that, your father cares about you, he is just not able to be a parent."

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