My ex from ten yrs ago calls me, what do i do???

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

My childs father left us in Feb. and Im moving on the best I can when my love of my life, first real love, finds me on Facebook and requests me. Im 33 yrs old and we dated when i was 18-21 and havent talked in about ten years. He married and moved on after we split and I finished college and moved on. Now, he is sympathetic of my situation with my POS ex and he goes on to tell me how cold and bitter his wife is. He brings up old memories of places we would go and fun things we would do, nothing sexual or flirty towards me. Respectfully talking as we were never disconnected for those yrs. But, i cant help but think id be very upset if my husband was laughing and talking to his ex he once loved and lived with...he has a new baby and loves her so much. He keeps saying how he doesnt know how long he can go on with her. Im in another state but he lives where I grewup around my family and friends. He says he misses me and enjoys talking to me. We text or talk everyday now for a week. He says if i needed anything dont hesitate to ask him. Is this what its like to have a guy as a friend or an ex as a friend? i never stayed in contact with exes because i feel like it leaves things lingering if youre trying to move on. Right now im alone with my toddler in a state where her dad and his family never come to see her or us. I love it here, its beautiful but im lonely. I know i can't act on anything until he is divorced even if he suggests it, but i dont give him advice as to leave her i give him advice as how to understand her and work through things. but he keeps telling me hes tried that or the things i suggest haven't worked. My QUESTION is....was he put in my life again for a reason, we had a genuine love at one time. He says he thinks about me everytime he goes to his families cabin by the lake where we would go for weekends. He thinks about me alot and wishes he would of married me and he is sorry for what im going through now... that i deserve better and my daughter deserves the best...what do i do? not talk ot him anymore or just be there for support and advice as he has valid advice for me.

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Melissa - posted on 05/08/2012

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I think he is in a bad place and reminiscing about the old times. Times when he had no responsibilities and no family to worry about. The fact that he is still married is a terrible thing. He is put in your life for his selfish reasons. You are correct in thinking of his wife and how you might feel in her shoes. This is a bad place to be and I would end it as soon as possible and move on from this situation. Move on from your past. Your past is your past for a reason!! There are plenty of nice guys out there and when you least expect it, it will happen!!

Jeorge - posted on 05/08/2012

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Melissa is right. Why didn't he marry you back then? You can be friends on Facebook talk on the phone every once in a while but He is not single and not in a place to give you anything you need. He is using you and it won't end well.
If he really is the love of your life than he will do what he has to to be free to be with you. He will respect your daughter enough not to use her mother

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Jeorge - posted on 05/08/2012

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I don't know you or him so take everything with a grain of salt. You only know half of the story. She might want to work it out. They might be seeing someone or everything he says is true. i don't know.
To me if you were living with him even at 19 marriage should be a topic you talked about. I get it neither of you was ready but that might be because you weren't meant for each other.
Just be very cautious with your heart. No matter what he says he isn't free

[deleted account]

he is a very compassionate and affectionate type of guy. he is sensative and wears his heart on his sleeve. i know there are plenty of nice guys out there and i wouldnt suggest him to leave his wife the way my husband left me...i told him i dont agree with divorce but sometimes people can't avoid it after trying every resort. my husband didnt try he got bored and wanted to be single.

[deleted account]

Its hard to see his actions selfish to me....I mean his family and even his mother think everything is going perfectly with his marriage and his wife is leaving all the time and staying gone overnight on the weekends a few times and he is hurt. Im five hours away, its not like he is trying to get me over there or him over here to fill a void. I see he is hurting and maybe living in the past for him is a safe place to go when his marriage is falling apart and he feels she doesn't love him. So, with my advice to him is innocent but I still wish they would talk it out in couseling but she wont go. In the meantime he is enjoying their new baby while he spends alot of time alone. He knows that I know him and we were 18 and 21 when we were together and marriage wasn't a topic then. We lived together and broke up and went our seperate ways.

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