My son's father has 4 kids and doesn't take care of ANY of them

Jodi - posted on 01/25/2010

I have been dealing with this for 11 years now. My son's father has come around now and then, but he doesn't stick around for long. The last time my son spoke to him was early 2009. The only time I get child support from him is when the CT Child support enforcement unit catches up with him. I do the best I can with what I have, and it isn't easy, but any man that can give up on his own blood is the one losing out in the long run. I raise my son with respect and dignity, and tell him never to do to his own kids what his father has done to him.

Mitzi - posted on 01/25/2010

My son's father gambles out all the money. He also spends a lot of money on women. He told me he's getting his money worth when I told him taht he should be spending his money on his children.

Mitzi - posted on 01/25/2010

Yep! My son's father have four kids and does the same thing. I just had to take him to court for child support. I have a direct card to jail on him now for child support. He sees his son once a month. He only lives 15 minutes away and his favorite bar is just 5 minutes away. I call them sperm donors. They don't deserve the title of father.

Kayla - posted on 01/24/2010

Congrats on taking the legal initiative. That was the best advice my mom gave me when I left my ex.

Tara - posted on 01/23/2010

My baby's dad is a beat beat that thinks he is a great dad. He walked out on us when I was 8 months pregnant. My daughter is 3 1/2 months old and he last saw her at 3 weeks old. I filed for child support in court before she was even born and went to court when she was 3 weeks old. I was granted child support but he still has not paid a thing. This is his first child and he does not show that he cares about her at all. He says he does but his actions speak louder than words. I got very lucky because the judge granted me full custody and sole guardianship. He has no rights to our daughter.

Kayla - posted on 01/23/2010

It's a big cross to carry. I can't imagine oxygen in a world without my kids. I am raising 2 of the 6 children my ex isn't raising. The sick part is, that my birth control failed me both times. So I got my tubes tied to keep him from breeding. Eventually I dumped the loser. The first thing he did was hunt down a friend of ours, 10 yrs younger, and got her pregnant right away. Surprise! I never met my dad. I'm sure he thought he was doing me some kind of favor. Even the the biggest dead-beat dad ever is better than nothing. I PROMISE you. The best thing that I have found to do- is let the guy make his own bed. It hurts to see my girls talk about how great "Disney-Dad" is when they don't remember the bad things he did to me, like I do. If I keep them from him, my daughters will resent me. My 6 year old is already figuring out the difference in what the "real" parent is. My kids know that Mommy will never leave them. As long as they have that one person to unconditionally love them, that carries us through so much. Kids are smart. Eventually they will realize, as I've seen other children grow up to do, that not all adults are perfect.We, as their mothers ,are the example of what unconditiona love is.
So- don't be the bad guy, they will do it to themselves.

Sara-Bai - posted on 01/21/2010

Im 19 years old,and my daughters father is 23 years old...my daughter,which is his first child was born on november 18 of 08....we were together....his son was born on july 5th of 09...how does that work out? CHEATER! after is son was born he decided to not be around as much...and doesnt help me or anything,lives with the broad that has his son,and is hardly ever over visiting his FIRST CHILD! only when i bitch for days and he gets tired of it so he comes over for a few days,and then stops for a while...and now,another girl is pregnant...while he is with the girl with his second child..it is a very messed up situation.

and while he is spending all his time with his son,

and a child that isnt even his from the girls previous relationship

he does not help me at all.

my daughter is 14 months,and i have gotten 3 packs of diapers her whole life...

they dont change,its easy to walk away for them...

but its ok,because when my daughter graduates college with the best highest degree

she can get...she will thank me,not him! so that will repay me for everything!



good luck.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

Hi Bethany, I am in the same boat but my first sons father has 6 that I know of now. When we were together he told me he didn't have children and was never married. Both were not true! I now know of 5 other children besides my son and I imagine there are more out there. The state can't seem to locate his employer so I get no help at all.

Kari - posted on 01/21/2010

I have two toddlers who haven't seen or spoken to their father in over a year. Apparently gambling is way more important than his children. It's something that was very hard for me to cope with, but I have finally realized that if these guys are too immature to take care of their children, we are all so much better off if we never hear from them again. It's bitter sweet, but their lives will be so much better without any contact!

Jennifer - posted on 01/21/2010

my kids dad is so sorry he has three kids two are mine and the other lives in another state i was with him for 5 yrs and i never met her he never sees her i didn't know he had another daughter until right before we split she is 10 and he is over 16,000 dollars behind in support for her and he doesn't pay support for these either he only wants to see them and take them places when he is trying to impress someone i agree that all dead beat dads should have their balls ripped of with nothing for pain.

Holly - posted on 01/21/2010

Oh yeah I understand that. My daughter's father has 6 kids and doesn't take care of none of them. So I gotta be both mom and dad it's hard, but I just think he's missing out on knowing 2 amazing little girls. His loss!

Roberta - posted on 01/21/2010

Girl im going through the same issue my son's father has two with me and a 17 year old with another women and by now that moma could care less but me on the other hand it makes me angry that he has these two boys and will not choose to be in there livs and then has the nerve to think it an"t effecting the 6 yr old and it has, My 6 yr old started wetting the bed again just because he left again now the 2 yr old really doesn't know quite what going on but im sure he knows he is missing. Hopefully he will realize that he is making a big mistake with coming in and outa these boys lives.

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2010

yes im right there with you. I have a 4yr old and a 1yr old an they both dont see there father. Its like he finds more important things to do than spend time with his kids. Then he tries to take me back to court telling the judge that im not letting him see the kids. BS! major BS..but i dont ask their father for money hes on child suppport so whether he sees them or not the kids are getting what they need from him. My 4 yr old doesnt even ask for him anymore. Hes always telling me he wants a new dad.

Rachelle - posted on 01/20/2010

Girl es I am n the same boat. My son is 4 years old now and barely see's his father and when I ask his father for money it was always some excuse why he couldn't pay me. So I stopped asking for money and went right up tho the child support office and filed for child support.

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2010

I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old with my ex. He also has a 6 year old from a previous relationship. He owns a successful local sprinkler company and is order to pay 350/ month to the 6 yr old and somehow only 134/ month for my 2 children. Do you think Ive seen a dime? I cant even count on getting intercepted mney from a tax return bc he doesnt file taxes! I hope he gets audited. Whatever, Ive done it without him since the day my first son was concieved and ill keep doing that. I did however take out a life insurance policy on my ex and seeing how he is a drug addict, there is hope that someday when karma comes around and he chokes, my kids will finally get the support they desrve! I know that sounds heartless, but it was an abusive relationship and I have no mercy when it comes to him lol

Demetrice - posted on 01/19/2010

I no wat u mean but dey can try 2 take care of da females n da streets lol. Well rite now I really can't related 2 da subject bcuz i'm goin through sumthin myself but I hav da same problem

Tracy - posted on 01/19/2010

OMG!!! You are not alone!!! My son's dad has not seen him since he was 5- we left him when my son was 2.... and he saw him 3 times in that 3 year period and has not seen him since!!!!!! His new wife says that he goes above and beyond for his son! LOL.... he stopped paying childsupport when he got a job... when he was unemployed they took it directly out- and there is a court order too- but he is a job hopper and I live in a different state so it makes it nearly impossible for the state to get to him- and the other state to oblige! UGH!!! We have the babies grow within us.... we give birth....we support them... do we have a choice? I don't see one... but there are some mothers who walk away- how they do that is beyond me! My daughter's father thinks that it is ok to be a part time daddy and not pay a dime of support! so... I am the sole provider for my children- is it tough at times... would I like a break....yes...but I wouldn't change it for the world... they are my world!

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2010

I want to know why that men get away without paying child support i get mayne sixty dollars for two of my kids and they put three of my kids on reserve for child support Then he comes around my mothers house with used stuff and it smells of cigarrette and the kids get grossed out too

Candace - posted on 01/18/2010

My Ex only pays once a year when they take the money out of his taxes

Marta - posted on 01/18/2010

I can relate to every post on here. I have 6 month old twins and the only time their father even attempted to see them was when I was still in the hospital and they were a day old. He also has a three year old daughter from a previous relationship and from what I heard last, he doesn't see her or pay child support. I received a lousy $100 and it wasn't even from him, it was given to me by his mother. He claims it's my fault he can't see them when I have done everything I can to give him the chance to be involved, I even visited him in jail when they were 2 months and tried to put aside that he already walked out on us three times (when i was 5 months pregnant, 8 months pregnant, and again after they were born.) He's now married and from what I know he's still not working, he also moved and changed his phone number. I've come to realize I can't depend on him and the three of us are much better off without him. I now keep hoping he doesn't come back around and my kids never look for him.

Carmen - posted on 01/18/2010

i should've added that he has nothing to do with the other kids, from what i have heard.

Carmen - posted on 01/18/2010

yes. my son's dad has 3 kids. we had my son when we were 17. he put me through so much trauma that i decided never to conceive again. after we broke up he got married and had two kids with another girl. i have nothing to do with any of them. my son's dad is a drug addict so it's for the best since he continuously gets arrested and will probably end up dead. lucky for my son, i went to college and got my bachelor's degree when i was 22. i have worked my way up the corporate ladder and have no ties to the 'dad'...no need for his child support, no cares about his whereabouts. unfortunately, my son was told his dad was a drug addict. fortunately, he is wise enough to want nothing to do with him either.

Michelle - posted on 01/17/2010

My Childrens father has five and doesn't care to see them buy them nothing let alone pay child support for them

Sharon - posted on 01/16/2010

My daughters dad was the same all he wanted to do was sow his seed. he had 3 or 4 children and said the mums would not let him see them. We have not seen or heard off him in 14 years and my daughter now wants to meet him. its easy for men to walk away and leave us holding the baby.

Tammy - posted on 01/16/2010

The father of my oldest son, who is now 20, was much the same. He didn't have other children at the time, but he didn not fulfill any "daddy" expectations that's for sure. Rather than focus on what "he" should be doing, I simply set out to be the best Momma I could be. If his Dad happened to ask for him for a day, I let him. If he offered diaper money on occassion, I accepted it. I pointed out to him at different times that he wasn't going to win any "father of the year" awards, but other than that, I asked for and insisted on nothing. I allowed him to do as little or as much as he saw fit and I didn't ask for anything monetarily, other than what the state forced him to pay while I was on Medicaid. My thinking was that I wanted to have a strong relationship with my son, and while I would have liked for his father to have done the same, THAT was not my job and I refused to make it my concern. I knew that when my son grew up and wanted to know "where his daddy was", he would be asking HIM those questions, not me. He is 20 years old now and no mother and son could be any closer. His father, for the past 4-5 years has tried to be "fatherly", and my son loves him, but has no respect for him. Any fatherly advise or attempt at parenting is seriously wiped away by my son. He is a wonderful, strong person and attributes much of it to me. So, my advice would be to NOT concern yourself with HIM. One day, he'll realize what he missed out on and it will be too late. That is more painful and costly than anything you try to force on him now. If he doesn't come to that realization, he probably isn't anyone you want involved in your child's life, influencing him/her, in the first place.

Misty - posted on 01/16/2010

I can feel the pain of all of your comments. I have two kids (and one on the way here in about 5 weeks) and my husband just left me. I am the only one who has worked for over a year, I also do school full time, and take care of the two girls that are not in my belly. He finished school and a week before he finished, he packed his bag and walked out the door. He has two daughters from previous relationships, one that he doesn't even see, the other lives out of state and he has never paid child support for. He has stepped up to at least talk to her and occasionally once a year or so she would come to stay with us. Our breakup is very recent so I am not only concerned for the two that I have that are his, but also for the stepdaughter that I have taken in as my own as well. She may not live her but I love her deeply. I talk to her more than he does. I am sad and pathetic because I am still holding out hope that he will come to his senses and realize the single life without his kids is not what he wants. I know it is a long shot, but for my kids I hope he at least realizes that they need him. I can only hope that he does not do to me what he has done to others in the past. I always say that the past is the best prediction of the future however, so I am just waiting for it to all play out at this point. Good luck to you all!

Ruth - posted on 01/15/2010

I feel ur pain!!! I have 3 deadbeat dads 4 my 4 kids and I personally think they should be forced to have vasectomies if they wont pay 4 their kids but keep havin more!!

Kathlena - posted on 01/14/2010

I'm in the EXACT same boat as you honey! My ex has a son with another woman, whom I paid child support for because he "couldn't" find a job. And I have three daughters with him ranging from 6 months to 4 years old. He has bought diapers TWO times. And that was when we were together. Yeah I was stupid! LOL But all I can say to you is that if he doesn't care now....HE WILL NEVER CARE...Unless he has some "life altering" experience. And to women, having four children IS life altering. To a man, OR should I say to the boys we are attracted to....children are ornaments. They take them out to admire them for a few days, and when they get sick of looking at them, they put them back in the closet....it WILL NOT change...YOU are going to be the one that your children lean on.

Robin - posted on 01/14/2010

Men like these ought to be sterilized so they can't have anymore kids they won't take care of.

Courtney - posted on 01/14/2010

Hi, I have a 5yr old and a one yr old and my kids father lives down the street from me and never even came by once to see his 1yr old. So I totally understand .... Ive taken him to child support and everything. He says I keep the kids away from him- not true- and if that were true I know I would fight and do anything to see my kids. He didnt even come to my oldest birthdays parties even when we were 2gether. I think the kids needs him but their father rather go off and party and what not and act like he dont have kids. And he is nine yrs older than me so you would figure he would be mature and a man....

Louise - posted on 01/14/2010

Yip, lets row this boat. I'm in the same boat and it's not smooth sailing. Mine also has 5. My motto: "A dads presence is more important than his presents!" and the presence makes them feel like they have to take some responsibility, but they don't have any!

Nikki - posted on 01/14/2010

OMG Beth, i totally am. i'm expecting my little one in March, the baby's dad has 4 kids as well (that i know of). I think he does a little for them but he's not involved like he should be. I'm sure he didn't want anymore kids but he wasn't doing anything to prevent it. Sometimes i beat myself up for being in this situation but I've excepted my responsibility and even though my Cameron is not here yet he is the center of my world i love him so much and it's hard to understand why his dad can't feel like i do. I've been going shopping for my baby every other week just getting little things so that when he get's here he'll have what he needs and when i ask "daddy" for anything he makes excuses like "why shop for a baby that's not here." Us mommies have been doing what we have to do for our babies since the beginning of time, and unfortunately sometimes we have to still go at it alone. But we are strong and I don't know what your religious beliefs are but i know that God has always been the best Father to us all and he's going to make sure our babies are taken care of. These dead beat daddies are going to look back one day and wish they would've done things differently. They will not be rewarded for running out on their kids and God will hold them accountable for their lack of care or concern. (whew) you got me on a roll. lol. I've always frowned upon no good daddies but now that it's personal my distaste for it is even more bitter. Be strong!!!

Andrea - posted on 01/14/2010

sure am! Mine has five kids he doesn't pay child support for or even see except when he wants to pretend to be a dad for a day .