MY SONS FATHER IS A DRUG ADDICT N WANTS N WANTS TO COME BACK INTO OUR LIVES

Danniqua - posted on 04/05/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I LEFT MY BABYS FATHER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT BECAUSE HE DECIDED TO BECOME A HEROIN ADDICT. I TOLD HIM THE ONLY WAY WE'D GET BACK TOGETHER IS IF HE WENT TO REHAB N CLEANED HIMSELF UP, BUT HE REFUSED. I MOVED TO ANOTHER STATE N BEGAN MY LIFE AS A SINGLE MOM. MY SON IS NOW 2. HE ASKS ABOUT HIS FATHER ALL THE TIME. HE SEES HIM IN PICTURES. BUT LATELY HE'S BEEN CALLING ASKING TO BE IN MY SONS LIFE. IM 100% SURE HE'S STILL NOT CLEAN. IM DEBATING ON IF I SHOULD EVEN LET HIM HAVE CONTACT WITH MY SON.HE LET ME DOWN SO MANY TIMES IM AFRAID HE'LL DO THE SAME TO HIM. AS HIS FATHER HE DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEE HIS CHILD...BUT IN THE STATE HES IN?

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Nikki - posted on 04/07/2010

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I agree with the other girls , I would put your son's safety first and foremost . I understand the "conflicting" emotions you experience as he is his father no matter what but from my experience if you do anything at all it should be "supervised" visitation and if he really wants to see him then he should consent to that without a problem due to the circumstances. Beleive it or not I have 3 children and 2 of the fathers were drug addicts. My first husband and father of my oldest daughter passed away from a drug overdose and once while we lived together I left my daughter (8 months old at the time) with him as I went to the mall for only 2 hours only to come home to our apartment on fire. He fell asleep cooking and I got there just in time to crawl through the smoke to get to my child first and out of her crib , then I saved him. They were both treated for smoke inhalation and were ok THank God in heaven BUT that was the last time he ever had her by himself. She is 21 today . My youngest son is 3 and I split with his father when he was just 8 months old and his father vanished along time ago to another state and we never hear from him BUT the one time I let him take our son to go out for a day to eat lunch etc his father had a horrible car accident (high of course) and totaled the car. Thank God AGAIN the impact was all in the front of the vehicle as if it had impacted on Ethan's side then he surely would have been killed as the front of his car was crashed all the way back to the drivers and passengers seats. Literally NO HOOD LEFT. His father called me when he got home and said he had a little "finder bender" but Ethan was ok . Upon my arrival I saw the car , promptly grabbed my son , screamed " you could have killed him" and that was the LAST TIME he had him alone before he disappeared for good. I bare my misfortune with you only because I want to help and I know things can and really DO HAPPEN , so it's not always "somebody else" it happens to. It could be your son. Sad part is I am sure your sons father would never want to harm him in any way but when they are in the crisis of addiction it does affect everyone around them. My hope is for you to exercise proper judgement to ensure your son's safety and pray his father can win his battle against addiction. I have witnessed folks overcome it that I thought never would as well I have witnessed the ones to succomb to it. I know what your going through and I KNOW it's tough . In fact when I witheld my oldest daughter from her addicted father , they took me to court (his father was a federal judge in town and they were a very powerful family) and I was held in contempt of court after not handing her over to him after they ruled he could get her unsupervised but he died shortly after. As I left the courtroom that day I walked straight up to his attorney and told him to his face ,"If anything happens to her while he has her unsupervised as ruled I am holding YOU ACCOUNTABLE" Unfortunately none of it was a happy ending but I walked through fire to ensure she was safe . I found out later after her father died , his attorney cut all ties with her father's family. They have never spoken again in over twenty years. I was only 21 years at the time I went up against that power house family and all their "connections" for the sake of my daughter's safety and I am ever so grateful God gave me the strength to do so . SHe is alive and well today. Again safety is such a concern in situations such as you and your child are in. Be strong , and keep being the great Mom you are !! Your child will understand one day soon :) God Bless you in your trial , prayers are with you :) Sincerely , Nikki Nixon

Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

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I grew up with a much older brother that was a heroine addict, so this is coming from experience. You have the right as a mother to decide what is best for your child, and Im sure that any court would agree with me when I say that unless this man can prove that he is clean and sober that he should not be around your child. Yes, he has the right to see his son; however, your son has the right to live a life around people that are stable. Your son may ask about his father but the bottom line is as his mother your top priority has to be his well being and safety. If he really wants to be in his sons life you not allowing him that will be cause enough to get clean, if not I promise you, your son is better off.

Sophia - posted on 04/07/2010

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from expeience, I will tell you NO WAY. You and your child's safety comes first no matter who the person is, it is your duty as mom to always choose the safest and best choices for you & your children even if it is from DAD.
TAKE IT TO THE LORD IN PRAYER SISTER

Krystal - posted on 04/06/2010

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my daughters father is a heroin addict and i dont let him see his daughter... until he gets clean... which will happen when pigs fly!!! lol... he has put me through so much and i want my children to be safe. he calls and tells me he loves me and wants to be in his childs life... but he doesnt wanna give up the drugs and i'm not having that around my kids. its hard but u have to be stern and do wats best for ur kids.

Michaela - posted on 04/05/2010

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I have 3 children by an alcoholic and I choose to keep the door open for communication between him and his children, only under my guidelines. By that I mean since I know he is not a stable person, he is not safe nor responsible to be in his childrens lives unsupervised. When and if he goes to court(which I highly doubt he will) Then and only then will he be allowed to be in his childrens lives. I am a proud single mom by choice and its not easy, but it's also my choice for my children to grow up in a healthy loving and safe environment 100% of the time. I would never be able to really have a peaceful state of mind knowing that my children that I am trying everything in my power to raise decently is God knows where with God knows who watching their father do God knows what. I just want to say that it is your obligation and responsibility to your children from the second they are born to keep them out of harms way...by any means!

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Kizmect - posted on 04/07/2010

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Well Danniqua, unfortunately, he may let him down the same way he did u, but it may be more detrimental for u to keep him away. U need to set limits! If he wants to see ur child, then he needs to give a little to get a little. Maybe he needs to meet u half way. Don't keep the child away because unfortunately the child may then resent u for that. My oldest 2 children's father was a crack addict. I never kept my children away from him. The reason is because I knew they would begin to rebel. Allow the child to be let down, and make his own decision. It won't be too long before the child won't want to c or hear from him. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Kerrie - posted on 04/06/2010

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It is not often I find women who are making the same choice I have made with respect to my kids dad. In our case, I left him when I was pregnant with our 2nd child, moved to another state, and I went into a 13 month program due to my own addictions. I was ready to change, and he was not. I now am raising a 2 yr old and a 5 yr old by myself, and I have been clean and sober for 3 years this May. I personally have worked too hard to let his addictions negatively affect our childrens' lives. All I can do now is pray for him to find his way into recovery. He knows if he ever completes a program he could have contact with the kids. As it is now, I don't return his emails and he doesn't have our number...that would change if he one day gets help.

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