newly alone and pregnant

Aaron - posted on 01/21/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My husband left me about 6-7 weeks ago. We have a 1year old son and when he left I was 8 weeks pregnant. I am now in week 14! I was so thankful to make it the first trimester. I was worried I would lose the baby because of the added stress.
We had planned to have a second baby. we found out Nov 15th that we were pregnant. I was so excited and then 2 weeks later everything changed. He suddenly got tired of the responsible life and decided we couldn't be together anymore. I was shocked. I never even saw it coming.
Now I have moved back home to CA with my parents who have been a real great support. But I am scared. I was so nervous with our first child but my husband was there to support me. now I am really scared about doing this alone. I did not sign up to be a single parent. It kills me that we made this decision together to have another baby so that he could just turn around and leave me.
I guess now all I can ask is what do I do and how do I get along alone with a 1 year old and 1 on the way.

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Kelly - posted on 01/21/2011

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First of all, i want to say that i am very sorry that you are going thru this.....
I agree with Jennifer - i have been a single parent for most of my 20 yrs as a parent, even when i was married! some men and women for that matter to be fair, are just not cut out to be full time parents...it's nothing you have done, and there is nothing you can say or do to change that fact. I wish i could tell you some magic way to make it all better, and i really feel like a big meany for being so blunt - however, i have always been a straight shooter..
You will survive this = i had a bd walk out at 5mos pregnant, when i was actually having major complications at the time with the pregnancy, when i talked to my ob, he told me that i was made to carry a baby, and therefore i will - and i did, she is now 9==here are my words of wisdom, so take them for what they're worth..find a great destressing activity that you can do pregnant, even if its something seemingly silly like ripping up magazines to alleviate stress, thats all i could do on bed rest, but it worked wonders when i was ready to go insane, it sounds like you have an incredibly supportive family, i do to, they are there for you!!! not because they have to be but because they want to be!! embrace them, if you have any friends who are single mommies, vent to them, trust me they will understand, and if you don't have any, vent to me i will listen. focus on you, your 1 yr old, and your baby right now, and don't waste any emotions / energy on the hubby, that one is so much easier said than done, which is why i started with a destresser activity - and you will get along with both = you will figure out the best way for you to do that = i am a single mom of 7 = been cheated on, abused, and left by the worst of them - as my grpa so kindly told me i have no luck with men...lol...gotta love grpas.....if i can do it you can do it, cuz i am not that special =- i am an ordinary gal no super powers just an amazing family who is here for me when i need them most = hugs to you!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 01/21/2011

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First of all, don'r stress it. Nothing you say or do will make him change. Second, if your parents are offering support, take it. Right now you're emotionally fragile and you need to let him make the mistakes he is making. (mine did it) I know it sucks, but you have to keep going for your kids. We don't sign on to be alone and doin it all. I've been alone for 6 years. Hold your head up high and do your best. Find a friend or even your mom to hold your hand and be there for you. If you feel like you need to cry cause this man screwed up ya'lls plans then cry Honey. Don't hold it in, but don't let it debilitate you either. His decisions are his own. You are not responsible or accountable for or to him. You are not responsible for making him see his kids, or anything. All that does is add stress. I thought I had to and I gave myself seizures and black outs trying to hold everything together when he left. Let him go do what he thinks he needs to do. You just stay strong and be a momma. I live in CA now too. Feel free to message me anytime. To talk or rant or whatever. It's tough but doable. I promise.

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Carmen - posted on 11/06/2013

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So your post I no this was a while ago just wondering how things turned out for you

Teresa - posted on 01/30/2011

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I am happy and relieved that you have the support of your parents. i know that you are nervous, but you will make it. i have been a single mom for 12 years.It was difficult because I felt so alone. Time will get better. I know from experience. Although I am married now, I still have to deal with the fact that I was left to take care of my other children alone. I did the best that I could. Continue to move forward understanding that you have to keep going for your babies.

Aniya's - posted on 01/30/2011

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hi aaron, your story hits home. I am now 15 wks and single. Although i wasnt married i was with a man in a committed relationship and we did plan this child. Funny how all the things we thought just disappear in a flash. I have no sage advice except that we are not doing anything that a million other woman havent done before us. I have a three year old and this child is due in the summer. It will be hard. It does hurt but its not impossible and you and i will see brighter days! both of your children need you to take care of you , so you can take care of them! keep your head up.

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