Lauren - posted on 12/25/2008 ( 1 mom has responded )
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!
I suppose today is a good day for this thread because of the emotions that it can provoke. I wanted to say hello, reach out support and be supported by newly single mamas this holiday season, and from now on. For mamas who've been here for a while, feel free to jump in.
As of this past October, I made a conscious decision to break up with my son's father due to circumstances beyond my control. And it's going to stay that way. If anything, I've felt more free than ever, because despite how we tried to be a family, there were many other issues at hand that caused many problems with our new family.
I've kept myself busy with maintaining a stable and strong environment for my 15-month old son, whose father was out of his life soon after his first birthday. Besides devoting my time to my baby, I also am working on myself; finding out who I am, what I want to be and do, what type of mother and person I want to be.
Yet sometimes through the cracks seeps the feeling of loss. Christmas 2007 was my son's first Christmas and he, his father and I were the seemingly perfect new family, making our rounds to the respective families, gathering gifts for our baby and being excited for the new life ahead of us.
Although this Christmas is wonderful also, I finally have sat down for a moment and felt the pangs of sadness and nervousness that comes with the realization of being a single mother. Waiting in the long lines at Toys R Us, I watched dads buying toy tool sets and typical "little boy toys" for their sons. I knew that the Ruff Tumblin' Fire Truck and Little Tikes table and chair set in my own cart were definitely the appropriate gifts for my young man, who loves to see and say "TUCK!" when a fire truck roars past; but still I felt slightly sad.
Being from a family of mostly single moms (I grew up in a single parent household myself) I know that it can most definitely be done. But raising a son brings forth a set of new challenges that I am ready and wiling to take on, but do I want to do it alone? I will have to. Even if I have to read "Football for Dummies" and pray that I sound like I know what I'm talking about when around other sports families, I'm going to do that and whatever else it takes to keep my son happy and healthy.
Dating is the farthest thing right now because of the experience I had with my son's father. I know that I need time to heal and most of all I need time to nurture my son. One day I'll get back on the market, but right now isn't the time. Lol. I have a degree to work on (years of switching majors and skipping classes have left me in professional student status,) and a son to raise.
I owe a lot to my mother, who has supported me through every step of the way, good and bad. She has babysat and helped me in raising my son while I've worked full-time, without a second thought. If it were not for her I don't know what I would do at times.
The next step on this path is sending my son to daycare. Times being what they are, my mom has to find a job now. I've found a daycare that I really love and trust, and my son seems to be comfortable there also. So soon after the new year, he will be enrolled there full-time.
When his father and I were together, our plans were to not send him to daycare until he was three, and we were to be pregnant with a second child soon after my birthday this may. Although I am completely ready for a new baby, the changes in our family life have stopped those plans dead in their tracks, leaving me with many emotional struggles to handle as the time passes.
Something else I've taken on (to my surprise) is church. Although I was raised and Confirmed Catholic, went to private school and everything, I eventually lost faith in the Catholic church and religion. I have always been God-fearing, but I stopped attending church because I found it pointless. Yet I wanted to raise my son with some sort of faith, and I figured he can choose what he wants to do later in life, and I won't force church on him if he doesn't want to be there. So, about three weeks ago, I took my son to a Baptist church in my hometown and realized that I needed it. We'll see how this goes.
To all mamas who have been there, are there now, or are heading that way a big *hug* to everyone and please write your story, be it excellent or sad, get it out. I'd love to hear how everyone's doing.
Best wishes to you all!