partner left me and my two kids (1 & 4) for another family what do i tell my 4 year old son?

Milissa - posted on 06/09/2012

The truth. "Dad chose to live somewhere else." Why? "I really don't understand myself, but mommy will never choose to leave you. I promise!"

Keep it simple. But don't promise you'll never leave. Say you'll never chose to leave. He won't understand the subtle difference and you don't have to explain. However, heaven forbid you die (leave) tomorrow cuz that would make you a liar.

Tell the truth, but keep it simple. Don't make stuff up. It's okay to cry in front of and with your kids. It's sad and maddening.

M

Beth - posted on 06/07/2012

I know that when people I know ask me about my ex and his family's involvement in my girls' lives I answer - they're still alive to the best of my knowledge, but in some ways they're effectively dead with the complete lack of involvement in my girls' lives which is zero.

Erin - posted on 06/07/2012

I'd personally tell the child he's dead.

Beth - posted on 06/05/2012

certainly keep the information age/development for your children, keeping it to the truth. Question about Daddy coming home - say something along the lines of 'he's currently living somewhere else at the moment. I will let you know when he's visiting.' Something basic and vague, then go and do something else (whether it's carrying on with the activity you're doing or something new).

Ginger - posted on 05/31/2012

Umm, well there are options. You could wait till your kid asks. I mean a lot of parents don't live together. Start pointing out the positive relationships he has with others in your family. Let him be aware at how lucky he is to have what and who is around him on the regular. If you make it out to be wierd or wrong, your Son will certainly notice. Of course you have feelings too, and kids are pretty empathetic. They are also balls of emotion have tantrums and screeching in joy at times. So they understand that people have feelings and such. It is only natural. The good thing is he was already not there all the time sooo they might not notice for a while.
When he does ask start your answer with, "Well Daddy loves you" (wether you believe this or not your kid is so young so it is better that they know that both parents love them. They do understand that people can love them and not be there everyday like maybe a family member that lives very far). Then go on to explain that Daddy lives out of the home and that is ok. Just keep reassuring him that he is ok and he is loved and go through all the people that you can think of that love him (it may be ok to include favorate stuffed animals and super heros, though I am not sure what a professional therapist would say. Probably 4 is pushing that envalope) Go ahead and plan some really fun special days at the park/pool/mall or what ever you can. It helps to divert attention to healthy activities. I have stuggled with this myself and have found these options to be age appropriate and effective. My Son is 3 and will be 4 soon. When he is older and can comprehend more, I still won't tell him the details. So long as your kids are safe that is what counts. A child therapist said it is ok to tell a child the truth, but I believe a truth must always be said in an age appropriate manner and soo far the explanation I gave you is what works for us. I hope you find an approach that works for you. :)