Please Help if you can

Amie - posted on 08/09/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My situation in a short explanation: Was with My babies father for 6 years in a very bad domestic violence situation (Him hitting, abusing and threatening me) i fell pregnant we seperated when i was 15 weeks pregnant. When he found out that i was pregnant he told me to abort it and when i refused he threatened me. When i busted him cheating i used it as my escape (i had tried leaving him many times but was threatened etc- long story) he held me against the door hand around my throat punched me in the stomach and tried to run me down with his car. i ended up in hospital. I did not hear from him through pregnancy, let him know after baby was born, he came to hospital to see baby when she was 4 days old (he is on birth certificate and paying maintenence- again long story basically i seeked advise on not having him on birth certificate but had to plus his dad works at centerlink so yeh) anyways did not hear from him again until baby was 3 months old and had to meet uyp with him at a cafe where he physically abused baby and deliberately was hurting her to wake her up because "he wanted to hold her" he was squeezing her hands and fingers very hard to wake her and cause her to scream out plus he was verbally threatening me (I had my brother there as a witness and took photos of marks he left on my daughters body and went straight to police station to report it). He was arrested for aggrivated assult and i have now got a restraining order for myself and my daughter against him for 2 years. I have a lawyer and am going to apply for full custody. His girlfriend is now writing on face book comments to my friend and to everyone that they want to get custody of baby and make me look bad etc and rah rah rah. So my question is, (I know i have my dauighter protected for now from him and his violence as he is a very violent person) but what can i do to ensure he does not get access to her in the future- i cannot allow my daughter to be exposed to this and considering on his first proper visit with her since birth he already was deliberately hurting her IN public just to wake her up, i am concerned if he gets access to her what will happen behind closed doors!!! can any one recommend anything? please i am so concerned for my daughters welfare and although im sure things will be best in my favour to get me most access i have had alot of people tell me that law is very strong for fathers being in childrens lives- which is fine in some situations but i believe it certainly is not in this situation.

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Katherine - posted on 08/10/2010

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I hope very much that you are in some sort of DV counseling ( I am and I love it!)!!! Do not be alarmed by this new girlfriend posting that they want custody of your child. If there is a police report with him and child abuse of any kind on the report he will NEVER have ANY sort of unsupervised visits for as long as he is alive!!!!!!!!! Make absolute sure that you are renewing your restraining order for you and your daughter and complying with everything that you can in order to keep it in effect. A judge is not going to put a child in danger just because an offending parent wants custody of that child. The system doesn't work that way. It sounds to me that he is still trying to use the power and control via this other person to keep you where he is comfortable (ie in a threatened and controllable state). In a way, this is kind of a good thing because it lets you know that he feels that he is losing control of you and your daughter and is grasping trying to get that control back. I am so sorry that you had to go through this! Remember that you are NOT a victim BUT a SURVIVOR! I sincerely believe in getting in with a Domestic Violence group or some sort of DV counseling. It is so empowering to know that you are your own person and deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, and the basic human rights that everyone is entitled to!!! Be strong for yourself as well as for your child! :)

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My ex is the same way. Due to the that the courts have ruled that he currently can only have supervised visitation with our son. That is too degrading for him, so he hasn't visited with our son for the last year.

The truth is, none of us can predict the future, but do your best to protect yourself and your daughter for the time being, and worry about the future when it gets here! Your lawyer will be able to advise you on some great long term custodial strategies. And ignore the girlfriends "Threats" - that is all they are, threats. Empty ones at that. you have three times the amount of evidence that I do against your ex, and I still got supervised only visitations. I would think your case is a slam dunk.

I also firmly agree with getting DV counseling! Therapy has been a lifesaver for me, allowed me to be a great, functional mom and ia m healthier (mentally) now than I have ever been in my life! I found a really sweet, gentle, nice man who I have been seeing and is literally stepping into the role of father for my son. I couldn't have done this without my therapist!

Anna - posted on 08/10/2010

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well my ex was sort of the same way except he's never seen his daughter with your restraining order you need a copy of it every where you and your daughter goes or stays nursery school your school or job or even daycare or babysitters or your parents if they watch you daughter basically if you leave your daughter anywhere with anyone they need a copy of the restraining order so they can call the cops and have him arrested if he comes on the property with that restraining order he cannot have any sort of contact with either of you at all via mail net or phone or phyiscal with the custody issue it's very easy any judge that see's domestic violence will automatically grant you sole custody depending on where you live it's different then taking the name off the birth certificate i have sole custody of my daughter with a no contact order which means he cannot have any contact with us at all and no rights to my daughter other then child support or insurance alot of your states won't bastardize a child so they grant sole custody in place of that if you live in a state like that you would have to have your ex sign papers signing over his rights to your child and have some one there to adopt but just make sure you have a copy of your restraining orders on and with the both of you at all times no matter the circumstances i know what you're going through and i hope your road is as easily traveled as mine i had a lot of state help of lawyers that worked very well on my case because of it and with you being a victim of domestic voilence look into the state help with that it makes the judge look that much more closely at your case and much more likely to rule in your favor good luck and i hope this helped

JuLeah - posted on 08/09/2010

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Document .... seek advice from onw who knows the law, speak with a social worker for advice, talk with a DV counselor .... document all you do and learn

When he asks for custody or visitation show the soical worker the police reports and all the rest .... he will actuallu have to step up and file motions.... doubtful he will follow through .... I doubt you have to worry if you are proactive about this - you have a lot of what she state calls 'proof'

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