*Please Help! What to do when the baby dad goes back to his first baby mom and your pregnant?

Curious - posted on 06/16/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hello Serious Answers only please! I just went through a break up with my guy and we really have talk about things concerning the break up. He left and went back to his first baby mother and Im 5 month pregnant with his child now! Its very depressing because i have been there for him and his child before i was pregnant. I felt like he went to her as a safety net since we were in the middle of a break up. He said he will still due for the child but I dont like how he is trying to leave me and im carrying to be with her. I think she had her chance to make things right and he kinda owes it to me to make things right since im pregnant now! I wanna get back together but think he is with her outta spite. Is there anything i can do or say to make things work out with me? We been together for 3. Oh and me and his 1 Baby Mom do not get along she is too much into the drama for me.

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Ashley - posted on 04/16/2013

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I no this is not what u want to hear but did u ever consider that he never stopped living his ex? Sounds like u were a rebound. My baby's dad and I split up for almost 4 years and he got a new girlfriend soon after and was with her the whole 4 years and had a child. But we never stopped loving each other and now are happily married
as soon as we got married his ex flew off the deep end losing her job house and daughter. She felt like she wasted years on him even though she had his brother move in the day he left. Don't let that happen to u. U got a beautiful baby out of it.

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Time to let him go emotionally, work towards a future for both you and your child without him being in a relationship with him. It sounds like he doesn't know entirely what he wants, and that is not fair on you or your child.

It will get easier with time. Make sure that you are surrounded by friends and family. Work on a brilliant future for you and your child as well.

Katherine - posted on 06/17/2012

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Well, you can't exactly MAKE him be with you unfortunately. You should probably just back off, usually they come around if you act like you don't care. I know it sounds like a game, but your situation is serious. Backing off may make him realize you're NOT going to play his games.

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Sierra - posted on 04/30/2013

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I actually know the bm 1 and they separated for 3 months while bm 2 had her fling. She doesn't know his child very much so that's a lie and he wanted to get back with bm 1 because bm 2 and his 3 month relationship was based on Meth and he wanted a place to stay. Oh bm 1 was also pregnant when bm 2 got with him and knew it.

Tiffani - posted on 07/01/2012

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I know what you are going through.Im 32 weeks pregnant and me and my husband split before i found out I was pregnant and we were together for 8yrs.Yes it gets hard,but you have to look at it this way MEN are going to do what they want to do and you can't stop them. You can only pray they have the kindness in their heart to do the right thing.It gets depressing knowing that your better half isn't there anymore,but you have to be independent and strong keeping your head up and a smile on your face(whether you are faking it or not) cause that child depending on you whether he's going to be there or not.Don't spend your time thinking about if he is coming back to you. Its time to start preparing for being a single mom and let him be with her.

Michelle - posted on 07/01/2012

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He is clearly not a ride or die kind of guy. He has already shown you that he is out when things get hard. That is a terrible example for your child. Take off and don't look back. Don't put his name on the birth cerificate. If he really wants to be in the child's life he'll have to go through all kinds of legal manuvering. Just be glad he's gone now, befor ypu wasted anymore time with him

Jessica - posted on 06/26/2012

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Hi curious,

Ok here is my take on your situation. He got together with you pretty much on the rebound and you gave him your all while together. Now three yrs later your expecting and he decided to leave and get back with his ex. You think he owes it to you to be with you as you were there for him. Saying he owes you to be with you is you saying you owe it to yourself to settle for less than you deserve. Don't put yourself at the bottom of the well for him. Honey it's time you chuck up the deuces and let him go. A man that can up and leave the way he did at the most important time of your life is not a man you want in your life because there is no security. Let him go move on but just be sure to get your child what's due to him/her because he can walk away from you but needs to support his child. I know you're hurt because I was in your situation just a yr ago but my happiness and well being for my baby was far more important than any man. The minute he left I decided that I was not going to be miserable or sad. I did hurt but my pregnancy was more important and believe it or not I was able to get over him in a month because him leaving me while I was expecting was enough for me to realize that he was NOT the MAN for ME. Nor was he a man of his wor and in my eyes he didn't leave me he left our child and I am happy to say he is still not around which doesn't surprise me cause I knew that would be the case the moment he left. Anyway I think you shouldnt hold on to someone who left so easily I hope he will take care od his child and be a part of its life but honey you don't want someone like that in your life you can't count on him to have you're back as he has already given you his back the moment he left. Good luck with whatever you decide and I really hope it all works out for you. Make sure you take care of you first and foremost you are with child and your well being is most important.

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This happened to me on two occasions and I banged my head against the wall asking why, why, why and telling myself how unfair it was on a daily basis. Then when things were on the rocks with her, he came back to me and vice versa. No man should be able to ping pong two women like that all because they have his children, and the number one people that teach a man he can is the women themselves. You sound like a good person being there for him and his other child and being understanding of his situation but the fact that he is only seeing what satisfies him right now means he is selfish and is basically throwing all of that back in your face. Im going to tell you what I wish I would've done and what works best, keep on moving on with life, keep on doing what is best for you and your baby, do not pay him any mind other than updates about the child. It sounds hard but in time it may even prove to be what YOU feel is best for you. If you pull for him to come back after he could walk away from you so easily you only feed his ego and open the door for further heartache.



I was also there for my now ex and his other baby mama's child while he was locked up and she walked away from him and got another man, I did this for years while he was locked down. Would pick up his son and bring him to visits, bought him things, brought him into my home to get to know him and when my now ex got out he pet on our baby twice just to sleep with me, Im pregnant now and where is he now after all Id done and put up with? He's with other women and sleeping with the other baby mama...taking care of their son and has abandoned me and our oldest and the one on the way. So basically take this as a lesson, I know you want to believe this is just a spite thing, but this is a selfish thing and a huge insult to you and you should treat it as such. Best revenge is to be happy, best thing for you and your baby is to be happy and once he sees he is not an object of your affection and his games dont affect you Im telling you his only choices will be to either straighten up and fly right or to find someone else to manipulate. And by all means if he doesn't prove to try and be a constant in your child's life, put his sorry behind on child support. Not as a means of punishment but as a means for him to help provide for a child he wont willingly be there for. Wish you well!

Faye - posted on 06/18/2012

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Make sure you file for child support. As the child grows you will need it later on. Once it you start getting the money, place it in a savings account and forget about it. It will grow slowly over the years. Withdraw from it ONLY when you have to but don't depend 100% on the money being there.

If by chance he quits his job, starts his own small buisness and stops paying the child support, after a while the state will take him to court on your behalf.

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