Scared of my future relationship with daughter

Margaret - posted on 04/27/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My baby girl is 8 months old, and her father has asked to see her only twice since we left him. He was abusive to me and I fear if she is involved in a relationship with him, he could be abusive to her as well. I support her entirely; he has never sent a DIME. I fear though, that once she is older she will not necessarily have resentment issues with me, but that we will go through the "natural" butting of heads (perhaps during the teen years) and she will want to leave and go find her dad. Has this actually happened to anyone? How can I get rid of this concern? Do all girls have tumultuous times with their moms?

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DAWN - posted on 05/04/2010

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My oldest daughter and I have a terrible realtionship but that is for other reasons. Yes girls and thier moms have times where you just want to wish they were babies and couldn't talk anymore, things were always so much easier.

Right now don't put yourself throught the stress of wondering what to do in the future. As she gets older and starts to ask questions, tell her a simple as you can about why her dad isn't around. I never talked bad about my daughter's father in front of her. She needed to form her own opinion of him as she gets older. Talking bad and calling him names in front of her may only make her have problems with you in the future. Go with your gut.

And girls are girls, you will argue as soon as she starts to realize that she is becoming a teenager and puberty. You can't avoid that.

JuLeah - posted on 04/27/2010

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Hi.

I say, don't borrow trouble. She is eight months old. No one knows what the future holds. If what you outline does come to pass you will need all your resources to deal with it. If you are too tired to stand because you have been stressing about it for 13 years, you might not be up for the task. If it never comes to pass, then you have spent 13 years stressing when you could have been living a wonderful life with your child.

I know, easier said.

He was abusive to you. That I get - been there doesn that. Document document document - conversations, money he gives, times he visits ...... you want to be able to show a pattren of behavior.

I am a BIG believer in support groups / counselors after you have lived through abuse of any kind.

Will you and your baby butt heads someday, yup. Will she say she wants to live somewhere else, maybe .... but you will walk through that as parents do and when she is headed off to college, or to backpack through Europe ..... the head butting will be a memory - just like when she is five, you won't really remember how tired you were when she was eight months.

And, I don't know that all girls have rocky relationships with their moms' - which brings me back to, live in the moment

Have fun

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