sending baby to daddys house

JENNIFER - posted on 10/25/2009

When he comes over, see how your son acts and that will tell you what to do. You dont want to be the bad guy because when your son gets older he will see his father for what he is.

Favilla - posted on 10/24/2009

I know it's hard!!!!!!!! I went through the same thing with my children father and so i decided to take him to court for child support and the judge told him if he wanted visitation he had to file for them. And we have not seen him since, but i get a check twice a month. So I have no drama and his mother yeah right, but that there lost not mines. Now my last failed relationship my daughter is very much attached to her father and once i moved out the state it was hard for her so I agreed to let her spend her summers with him. Thats his time so any body (his parents) he wants to let see her that will be on his time. It's very importante for children to have that connection with both parents. I never kept my girls from seeing there father. And when the idiots wants to see them. They will be waiting. So let your baby go visit with his father and his parents and they might not say this to you but when there happy to see the baby and how cute and clean the child is that joy they get is because of you........

Beth - posted on 10/23/2009

Hello Amanda! My name is Beth I'm a newly single mother of 2 Been married for 12 years then he went off and had a baby with a chick from a third world country! Totally understand where all your concerns with sending your baby with the dad who seems to choose when he wants to be a dad.He lost the title of dad when he left. That is your son and yours alone. My ex is a in and out dad too,just remember we are their constant always there for them, they will grow and realize who truly loved them and it won't be the in and out dads! Stay strong for your son and do what you know is best for him. My sons dad calls him his seed his legacy. He is human not a freakin fruit!!

Cassy - posted on 10/23/2009

u should because in the end they are his family too

Charlene - posted on 10/22/2009

I speak from expirence in the exact same issue. I brought the argument in court against the father who didnt want any thing to do with baby till he had to pay and to top it all off wasnt showing up to see baby...judge told me i was wrong he was right to show or not ...Father has more rights than baby or mother!!! Its easyer to deal with matters outside the court...and a lot ..lot.. cheaper.. If you can handle it yourself your better off doing so. As long as he is paying his way to help if not make him

Marta - posted on 10/22/2009

I think you're absolutely in the right to say no. Your son is not a toy and it seems your ex is treating fatherhood as a thing of convenience, if he has time he'll spend it with your son, if not, he won't bother. Make a schedule with him and stick to it. Everytime he doesn't stick to it, make a note, and keep all records, if he shows up late, doesn't call, doesn't contribute/pay child support, everything!... You need to provide a steady life for your child so there's nothing wrong with you saying no to someone who isn't going to be on time or maintain a schedule. There's nothing wrong with you wanting some alone time either, it's perfectly normal. You're a mother 24/7 but that doesn't mean you have to spend every waking moment with your children.

Bella - posted on 10/21/2009

u r not wrong, n i am going thru the exact same thing. months ago had a custody hearing got granted over night every other wknd hasnt seen him since. moved just a few streets over from my house still hasnt seen his son. calls outta nowhere wants to spend 1 day w him n then idk when itll happen again pus he is in n out n will b moving soon outta state soon. our son already acts out cuz of all of the confusion of he was here for 3 yrs n where did daddy go all b/c i moved on. he even missed his sons bday didnt even call. yeah men like dont deserve the time n sometimes judges say they do. kids dont deserve 2 have their emotions toyed w like that. i feel for son like i feel for mine. i hope these men dont hurt the children so it affects them when they r older.

Amy - posted on 10/21/2009

i think you just need to set him straight now .put him on a visitation schedule and tell him if he doesn't like it to take you to court.i personally would start off with one day a month and tell him if he's consistent you'll increase it. but the minute he doesn't show up you decrease it again.don't let him disrupt your lives like that.eventually your baby will be a child old enough to know when it DADDY'S day and if he doesn't show your child will be crushed but he will know it was because his dad is a jerk.on the other hand if you just say NO to your baby's dad eventually your going to be the one your child resents for keeping dad away.

Jessica - posted on 10/21/2009

you have every right to say no tell him to sort out wether or not he wants to be involved and that if he does he needs to be consistant because thats what your child deseres not a flash in the pan father

Tammy - posted on 10/21/2009

You are not wrong to feel this way or to say no. Children need routine for their well being. Your child may be young now and not fully understand, but later this kind of behavior will hurt. I get so tired of people saying that he is the father or she is the mother and you should let them see them. Giving birth or contributing to it does not make you a good parent. Children need good parents or at least ones who are trying. When you stop being a good parent you don't deserve rights. Children are a blessing, not a liability. If he can consistently be a part and be a positive role model by all means he deserves visitation, but if he can’t then he doesn't. Bottom line no father is better than a bad father.

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2009

You have every right to feel the way you do. Any woman in that position more than likely feels the same way. I know I do. My child's father is the same way. My daughter is about to turn one and her birthday party is this weekend. I sent a birthday invitation to the father and his family even though I have not seen or heard from any of them since May when I had child support set up. My ex's step father called me and said that he was not going to be able to make it because my ex's sister is getting married. Then I get this long e-mail from his sister that is getting married telling me how selfish I am for having child support set up and that I haven't let him see his daughter. May I remind you my ex has not contacted me.



I want to tell my ex to just leave me and our daughter alone, and I will have DHS terminate the child support and I will pay back everything that he has paid. I do not think is going to be in my child's best interest right now because I cannot afford to raise her without the child support and I don't want to deprive my child the right to know her father. So for now I do my best to protect her from all the drama between me and him and his family. I am going to wait til she gets old enough to say if she wants her father in her life or not I will support her in her choice



I have a co-worker that pretty much helped me come to that conclusion. She was a child that her mother did not let the father be a part of her life and once she became an adult she connected with her father and has a great relationship with him and has resentment towards her mother for keeping her father away

Caitlin Allope - posted on 10/21/2009

It is not wrong to say no. You are thinking of your child and it is not good for your child to be used as a bargaining chip. Why not contact the paternal grandparents and set up a time to visit them yourself so they can see him. That way they get to see him but he is not being pulled around by a father who don't care. Get the grandparents side of the story because dollar to a dime he has told them something different to what he has told you

Angela - posted on 10/20/2009

Well I think maybe a flat out no to him would be ok. I also agree with the above post and deal directly with the babys grandma. If she and grandpa want to see baby work out a plan with them. As for the BD tell him that if he wants visitation then he must be consistant or not at all. THAT messes with a child more than anything else.

Christie - posted on 10/20/2009

I deal with my child's grandmother directly. She shows an intrest in being involved with my child so I talk to her directly. My child is only 2 months old but her father is ALREADY sometimey. We have a visitation agreement in writing. If he continues to violate it, I will request termination. However, simce his mother is consistnet, I do not mind allowing her to see her grand daughter. I say deal with his parents sepratly.

Kayla - posted on 10/19/2009

My daughters father is the same way.

So i talk to his mother, She calles me or emails me when she wants to see her.

Have you talk to his parents?

Vicky - posted on 10/19/2009

my sons dad dont evcen bother with him. his mom forces him to bother with my son. hes now a year old n my sons dad has only seen him like 10 times since he was born. he told me a bunch of mean things that he thought about my son. I think that if your baby dad dont come around n that his family dont show any expression about him then there should b no reason he gets your son. but thats up to u, hun.

Candice - posted on 10/18/2009

i think flat out saying no might do more harm to your child than anything...but if you want to stand your ground, i suggest you come up with a schedule for visitation that keeps routine in your child's life and lets the child know when he can expect to see his father. if the ex isn't willing, or doesn't show up on a regular basis, then telling him to PISS OFF is at least grounded in the fact that you tried.

Jessica - posted on 10/17/2009

I don't think anything your feeling is wrong at all. There have been many times in the past 10 years that I wanted to tell my ex to f*** off. I would be extremely angry if I were you and he is being a crappy, selfish father. However, what has always been best for me and my children is for me to separate my feelings about their father from their feelings. As hard as it is you need to let your son have a relationship with him. He will see (unfortunately maybe) what kind of father he is and will be able to form his own opinions. If you keep him from your son, he may have some resentment towards you and by allowing him to have a relationship, you will show him that you always make decisions based on what's in his best interest. Plus, you get to say in the future that you did everything you could to help your son have a relationship with his father and he can't blame it on you. (Looks much better in court that way too). I know how much it sucks, I've been there. Jesus, I still am! P.S. Taking a few hours to yourself isn't selfish, happy moms make happy kids!

Tamzin~Rose - posted on 10/17/2009

if he isnt going to be consistent with seeing the child then it will just mess the child up and hurt him. elyjah's dad did that and ely started heving bad sleeping paterns and getting really angry so i stopped it and since he has just been back to his old sel. i say tell him to piss off. your the one doing it on your own and if he is just gonna make things hard then he can just go away. you are not a selfish mother, your looking out for your baby and thats what matters. good luck..

Jessica - posted on 10/17/2009

In my opinion, nothing wrong with how you feel. My husband passed away 10 months ago today & NO ONE in his family had expressed one bit of care for our daughter (14 months old). If certain people wanted to show some love for a child there are plenty of ways to do so. A simple snail mail card or phone call would do wonders. Good luck