should i let my son go wit his grandparents even though his father wants nothing to do wit him?

Tiffany - posted on 09/14/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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my sons father wants nothing to do wit him. but his mom keeps calln my house to see him. he still lives wit his mom ugh n he has another girl at his house all the time who is pregnant to him n i dont want my son to be goin up there n her sayin that shes his mom too. I want to be his only mommy. can anyone help me wit a solution?

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Danaë - posted on 09/14/2009

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I think you should just be honest and tell them you don't want to go to their house, meet some where else. give them a chance. Don't let the separation fall on your shoulder. That is going to be the decision of your son when he grows old enough to make it. And no one can take the place of a mommy. GOOD LUCK!

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Joy - posted on 09/18/2009

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Just because father does not want anything to to do wiht you or the baby doesn't mean the grandparents have to be punished. My sons father is an ass but his grandparents are great and good to me to. Have Grandma over your place or go to the park so the two don't meet or see.

Brooke - posted on 09/17/2009

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I am dealing with a similar situation and I say yes let him see them you don't want to ever allow them to make you look like the bad guy. His actions will bite him in the butt at the end of the day and your son will see that in due time. My son is seven and he sees the grandmother and sees the father when ever he happens to be there I just deal with it def don't like it but I just don't want the situation to backfire as long as no harm is done or intended I say let him see them.

You put in the most work you always be mom and nobody can take that.

Kimberly - posted on 09/17/2009

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it depends on how the grandparents treat ur son u will still be his only mommy. have him call her auntie or something like that.

TONIA - posted on 09/17/2009

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I probably sound like a broken record with everyone else's reply but I was the same way. My son is 13 and sees his dad about 3 times a year. Dad doesn't call, email or anything to check on his son. Grandparents are great. My son's grandparents love their grandkids...I would never take that away from them. No matter how much the dad is not acting like dad...let the grandparents see the child. They have that "right" and it will be good for your child. No matter how you feel, your child needs to see the other side. Regarding the girlfriend...your child will always come home to you. Things might look "greener" on the other side but than likely the same thing that happen to you will happen to her (sad to say--but more than likely true). Take a deep breath and let grandma and grandpa spend time with him, it will be the best thing for everyone.

Sammi - posted on 09/17/2009

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I am a single mom of 6! My ex husbands parenting are remarried so they have 4 gparents on their dad's side. Not one single g'parent calls my children for bdays, holidays or any other reason. My bad seperation with him caused me to move away and tho we have moved back, there has been no increase in communication or visitation. I feel bad for my children because they know them and periodically ask to see them. Please do not take that right away from your child.



When he grows up, you never want him to feel that you stopped him from having a relationship with his family. They are his family whether you like it or not, that choice has already been made. I understand your apprehensions but follow some of the advice given and remember to keep your childs needs 1st!!



Good luck with everything... Kids need all the love they can get!

Shannon - posted on 09/17/2009

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I have so been there... but if the shoe was reversed and something happen to you, you would want to be sure your child still saw it's family. You can't punish the child from not seeing his grand parents just because your x is a dead beat.

My son doesn't get to see his gma on his dad side at all when he is with his dad, so I would give up some of my parenting time so that he could spend time with his other grandma... and it really paid off. Not only were my son and grandma happy, it made her own son look even worse and me the bigger person:) She in return has helped me any time I have needed it... It was worth it.

But about your son calling her mom thing... It still eats at my stomach when my son is at his dads and I know his is doing all my mom duties... But after 7 years... I can tell my son loves me way more for being open minded and always there for him. That bond of mother has never left, and I do not see it ever leaving. I've always inquired and my son says he treats her nice... and that is all I can ask for at this time, because my hands are tied... friend of the court never gave me a choice.

Rosalind - posted on 09/17/2009

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Absolutely...if they were a part of your child's life prior to your separation; your son still needs that connection. My daughter is extremely close to my former in-laws and would never dream of not allowing her to go to their house.

Annie - posted on 09/16/2009

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I believe if the family wants to be involved to let them! your child can benefit from that in the future,and it may be hard on you but this isnt about you its about your baby!

Brandy - posted on 09/15/2009

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I think the kids deserve to have the grandparents in their lives. I am in the same situation. My ex takes care of his 2 daughters but not his son who is the youngest because he doesn't think he is his. My ex's mother calls and visits my house with my kids and she treats all of them the same. My ex knows that my son is his he just doesn't want to take responsibiliy for him. I have a very good relationship with my ex's family and they see the kids regularly which does make my ex mad but it isn't about him or me, it is about the kids and what is best for them. Family can never be replaced and as hard as it may seem the kids deserve that oppurtunity. I would try some ground rules as far as her seeing our son. Try visits at your home maybe or maybe meeting at the park or something. That way you know she is spending time with ur son and he isn't around the father or his girlfriend until your ready for that.

Francesca - posted on 09/15/2009

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I think if his mom wants to be in your sons life, then she should have the opportunity, I would ask her to come to you your house and see him instead of sendin him there, that way you won't have to deal with his father or his girl.

Priscilla - posted on 09/15/2009

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tell tha grandparents you dont want ur son aroun his dad an explain why. tell them they are welcome to see him anytime an if they want to take him out somewer they can. if they dont respect your wishes its their own loss

Maleunta - posted on 09/15/2009

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you should allow the grandparents to see there grandchild..you r taking it out on them..for him being an azzhole....allow them to love your baby 1st before the other grand come....you are cheating your baby..when he grow up if they are not abusive he will blame you for not allowing him to get to know them.....spirit mom....

Jennifer - posted on 09/15/2009

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I think it's a good idea as long as their is a good relationship between you and the grandparents. Have a heart to heart with his Mom and explain your concerns. I know how hard it is raising children with just one side of the family involved. God bless.

[deleted account]

Danaë does actually raise a good point... of course its important for the grandparents to have a relationship, but with daddy (who apparently wants nothing to do with ur kid) living with them, it could confuse your child. You dont want to have him seeing his father all the time there, then when he and his gf move out or whatever all of a sudden he disappears... hmm..

Samantha - posted on 09/14/2009

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You will always be his mum, no other can take that from you, I think you should make the most of the grandparents spending time with your boy and just being his grandparents they loose out on so many special things and it's really not their fault nor your boys.

My son who is now 12 barely sees his real dad and it has always been his choice, but he has after many difficulties formed a close and special relationship with his grandparents and I am still his mum no matter what=].

Be specific and realistic in the restrictions you put in place knowing its for the long term..let your child choose as he gets older how much time he spends (within reason of course) with his grandparents. I hope this helps you, I hated the site of my x for a long time but it was the grandparents that suffered not seeing their grandchild.

[deleted account]

my x's mom thinks she is my daughter's mommy lol... it was intimidating at first and i wasn't very happy to send her over to her house but i realize now that no matter what no one can ever replace her mommy and its a good thing for my daughter to spend time with someone who loves her.... step moms, gramas, babysitters, whoever.. they cant compare to you!

Farah - posted on 09/14/2009

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hmm.... u said go out with the grandparents, not be in the same house with the father...

i think u shud give chances to the granparents...

Brooke - posted on 09/14/2009

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Ive been in a similiar position as you Tiffany. I understand that u dont want your son around the new girlfriend i remember having the same feelings. I still let the grandparents see my son, its a good thing if they want to be a part of his life. You will always be his Mummy and he will grow up knowing that i think at one stage i just learnt to let go of any feelings i had towards my sons father and just did the best for my son thats all you can do.

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