should i put my baby's father on child support when he is already struggling with it with his 1st

Kayla - posted on 10/19/2010 ( 44 moms have responded )

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he cant even pay for his first child's support he is so behind in it that he is afraid he is going to go to jail and he already got his license taken away...so my question is should i put him on child support when he is already struggling with his first... i just feel bad that he is having a hard time getting a job but then again he wont stay out of trouble which gives him a record and people dont want to hire him....

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I am in the same situation. My ex is 35 years old. has an 18 year old and owes $32,000 in back child support. When My daughter was 3 months old I went and filed for child support. The father cannot get his crap together. He is in jail right now. Regardless, it costs money to raise a child, and most of the time child support is not even nearly enouugh of what it costs to raise a child these days. You have to do this for yourself and for your child. FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT! Maybe it will get his but in gear and get him to realize he has obligations and if he doesnt pay them he is going to spend the rest of his days behind bars. Even if he cannot make the payments to you, they will add up. and one day, when he does get it together or even get a job for any period of time, you will receive money for child support. DO IT!!!

Candyce - posted on 10/20/2010

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I'm in the same situation with the father of my son. He has 3 children from his first marriage. He had custody of them when we were married, but as soon as I left, his ex-wife took them. It's for the best. Drugs are a factor. My way of looking at it is, if you were with him still, he would be helping with the support of this child. (Hopefully) You are a single mother and while you are strong and probably can do this on your own, you shouldn't have to. It is his responsibility to help you in the support of this child. Don't let him make you feel bad about his other situation. There are plenty of people with records that work hard to redeem themselves. If he wants to, he can, too. Keep your chin up and know that you are doing a great job and the right thing!

Sonya - posted on 11/09/2010

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i hink ye shud as like u knw urself u wud support ur baby no matter wat why shud e get ov scott free like. . but at de same time yea e mite be mindin the baby 4 u while u do other things but u shud still go 4 support as e jus doin his job neway lik u watch ur baby all de time n still aver ta try support him/her why shudnt he. . n i do hink fella get away way to easy like not only did we ave to carry our baby 4 9 months(not really complainin bout dat loved it ha) but still n we ave ta go tru everythin 4 r baby n all e has to do is get a job or sign up 4 job seekers allowance n give u muny 2wards ur baby. . wat am tryin ta say is e really needs to grow up n realise e helped bring a new life into this wrold so why shudnt e try help support that so dat lil baby can live. . every baby deserves to enjoy growin up. . really hope this helps. :D an dnt ever forget ur doin a great job n hang in der love x

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2010

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I think it depends. I'm a single mom as well and my daughters father has never even seen her. In my state if I sue for support then he has rights. I would rather keep her to myself than deal with the fight to take his money. I chose peace for myself and my daughter over the money.

If you have a job that allows you to support your child on your own, and honestly think you'll get nothing from him, then skip the money and do what you need to do to have his rights stripped from him. Then if he wants to try to sue for parental rights later you can countersue him for back child support.

If you need the extra money, or think there's a chance you'd get him to pay, then sue him for support but remember he may not pay it. It may be a lot of stress and aggravation to you for nothing.

Janet - posted on 11/02/2010

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he's responsible for paying for your child not you! i know this well as my ex disappeared and now i'm undergoing something nobody in this family thought i would end up doing thanks to him and no child support, which is why i am in financial straights. he has to be made to get a job, by the state like my ex was or he would've been deported! he just doesn't care anymore about his son and never really did about me, so good riddance to him. in your case you should file against him and have them force him to pay even though you have to go to family court to do it, it's well worth it's weight in gold! he did this to you and your baby, if he gets hurt, it's his problem not yours as he did this to himself and nobody else!

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44 Comments

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Kateri - posted on 11/15/2013

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Your child deserves support from both parents. Get it.....it's his responsibility as well as yours

Sean - posted on 11/13/2013

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Dont listen to this bitch dont put him on childsupport mess up his life for 100 dumb bitch should thought about who she was having sex with

Amy - posted on 10/03/2013

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My son's father has only seen him once, I chose not to pursue child support because then he would have rights to see him and I would prefer him not be around. Recently I found out that he molested one of his other kids and is in prison until my child is old enough to make his own decisions about wanting to meet him. So, if I had pursued child support I wouldn't get it now anyway. Besides all that he isn't even on his birth certificate.

Jenn - posted on 09/29/2013

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save you the hussel if he has no money you wont get a dime sooner or later he will be affected by this but that's about it

Claudia - posted on 04/27/2012

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I agree with you Rita. Seems men nowadays play roles of victims. Horrible to interact with compulsive liars!!

Alisha - posted on 11/11/2010

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YES DEFINITELY!!! It's his responsibility not your problem he can't pay for his other child. He can find a job @ McDonald's or something I'm sure he can get hired...

Karla - posted on 11/10/2010

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No go without the child support. It isn't worth the stress. And if he is always in trouble and more often then not unemployed, then I wouldn't think this is the sort of influence you would want around your child anyway. I had the same situation with my daughters father - he was unemployed more often then he worked, or it was cash in hand jobs so it wasn't registered with the tax office as income and he has spent more time in jail since my daughter was born then out. Not the sort of influence I want around my daughter! So I made the decision to not go through the stress of going down the path of claiming child support. Look at it this way - if they are rarely employed and struggling to get by, they are going to be resentful of you and the baby if you take some of their money that they make. He ,may then turn around and say he wants to see his child, not because he actually wants to but because he is angry that he has to pay you money towards the child. This could negatively impact on your child and make your ex resentful of the child you had together. If you did get the child support it would only be such a minimal amount due to his lack of employment that it really wouldn't make any difference in your life. It sux that some fathers do this, and as the mother we get stuck with all the financial responsiblity, but I have learnt to accept and deal with it. It is what it is - you can't get money if there is no money to get - no point putting yourself through all that stress for no reward. And your child will pick up if you are stressed all the time, and your child doesn't need that either. Your child needs love and support and they are FREE. Good luck.

Kimberly - posted on 11/06/2010

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Support does not necessarily equal visitation. I look at it this way, at some point they are going to have to pay up (if you file for cs) if they currently have no $$ but are willing to spend time with their kids you should see it as 2 separate issues. That $$ will keep adding up and at some point it will come out of his pocket.

Kimberly - posted on 11/06/2010

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"Why put him in a hole any deeper? " Bedcause it is his legal obligation to financially provide for the children he fathers. It's not you the $$ is for, aside from spending it to care for them. Even if he has nothing now, he may at some point and your child may benefit from it.

Mariel - posted on 11/02/2010

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Put thim there cause he gotta be responsible for his actions. I understand you feel bad for doing that, but what else could you do is your childs right to get some kinda financial help from his/her dad. Keep on mind that even though he is behind w the other child support, knowing that he gotta pay one more is gonna make him to be concern about what is happening and probably thats gonna give him a lesson about staying away from trouble and think more about the responsabilities he got in life.

Amanda - posted on 11/02/2010

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I am a single mom that has been unemployed for over a year because I take care of my baby. I lost my job when I had her and left my addicted husband 4 months later. Because I am on food stamps and both myself and my daughter are one medicaid, child support is automatic. Even if I didnt want to involve him, its already done. He has 2 other children, 1 of which he just gave up his rights to so he wouldn't have to pay anymore. Great choice of a guy huh?

Amy - posted on 11/02/2010

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I felt bad for the same reason but at the same time if he didnt want to have that responsablity he shouldnt have had children. People need to realize if you have a child you need to pay for them. We are payn for them the dads need to take their part to. Id go for it.

Carol - posted on 11/02/2010

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Feel bad about it, but DO IT ANYWAY!!!! This is for your child, not you! Your child deserves it. He's going to have to figure a way to pay. Tell him to go to McDonald's, Day labor, or even mow lawns. It's his responsibility to take care of his children. A judge will tell you the same thing.

User - posted on 11/02/2010

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no no and no...you have your childpriod...whom u love youdo not need the money this bad to allow these perticular behaviors in your sons life....

Rosanna - posted on 10/27/2010

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Hi, I think that you should
"Irregardless" because even if he is struggling with paying child support for his 1st, why? should your precious child lose out on his/her oppurtunity of getting theirs

Michelle - posted on 10/27/2010

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i absolutely would put him on child support, i went after my sons father like a month after he was born, its not your responsibility to make sure that he stays out of trouble and keeps a job. He made the baby he needs to contribute. And if he doesn't he will have consquences to his choices and eventually it might sink in that he needs to stay out of trouble and pay up or jail it will be again and again

Nikki - posted on 10/27/2010

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I say YES,YES,YES. It's not your fault or your problem that he is struggling to pay for his first child and your child is just as important! I am not meaning to sound harsh BUT he is the father and he owes child support period, end of story. I have pursued child support for my four year old son for years through DHS and his father still has never paid a dime and I think it's simply unfair . I love my son and I am doing all I possibly can for him but his father is "his father" and he is responsible to pay . Where there is a will there is a way and your child's father will find a way to pay if he is court ordered to do so and think of it this way , you may not feel the way you do now years from now after you have paid for everything and he has not paid for anything ! I understand your feelings and you seem to be a very sweet person but right is right and wrong is wrong and it's "wrong" if your child is NOT receiving support from the father. I feel all father's have a responsibility to pay support for their children no matter how many they have and no matter the circumstances. Your child deserves it. :) You do too!!! It's very expensive to raise a child alone!!! I wish you the very best and your child ! God Bless

Holly - posted on 10/26/2010

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I would say yes. Aren't you struggling supporting your child by yourself? It is hard to support a child on one income. I personally support 4 by myself. I do get social security money for my three oldest because their dad died, but my little one's dad doesn't pay anything. My son's daycare alone is about $500 a month and that is the low end because he just started first grade so he isn't in full time daycare anymore. Think about how this will benefit your child in the end! You took responsibility and take care of your child, so should your ex. It isn't just the daddy/child time that is important, the financial support is just as important.

Nikki - posted on 10/25/2010

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I would do it. In fact I am doing it. He should help pay for his kids or get snipped. I left my husband, and he has trouble paying for his other 2 children. He just started paying me childsupport. You didn't hop onto yourself and get pregnant, so he needs to help you out or sign away all his rights. Period.

Natasa - posted on 10/24/2010

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Yes. He helped make the kid so he needs to help take care of them. He needs to make some type of effort. Then if he dont it will be his butt.

Sue - posted on 10/24/2010

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Is he thinking about you or the baby? I think if he is helping you out in other way such as watching the baby whil you work or go to work then dont bother cuz you wont see the money anyways. If he is being a deadbeat and going out partying and not iving a crap about the baby then too bad for him. Why should you be the only one supporting your child? After all, the money is for the baby.

Desderia - posted on 10/23/2010

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Yes my job as a mother is to go without....This meaning my child's priorites come before my petty little things like getting nails done and buying things I don't need. I proudly say this because that is what a mother does it's our job, any mother who complains about finances saying they don't have money to buy neccessities for their child but are sitting in a nail salon every week, or buying new outfits to go dancing on a Friday night with the girls honestly doesn't need child support they need a financial advisor! They need to grow up and take responsibility for the child they gave birth too. I'm not saying a father isn't responsible and I'm not saying to totally let yourself go, but a majority of woman are trying to control a situation they cannot control and sticking it to no one but themselves with headaches and drama that isn't needed in your life. I would love to get money from my daughters father but again, you can't get blood from a stone. Yes I can go to court and try to tap an already dry well that will never flourish with water, and give myself a headache, or I can accept the decision I made to be with a man that is again undependable and be happy that I'm away from this man and my daughter and I are happy I know it sucks but for whatever reason's we had we decided to be with men who most likely had millions of red flags going off telling us to hit the road and run and we didn't. No it's not fair that these guys get off the hook, but we all need to grow up and deal with the situation we put ourselves and our children in. Someone's gotta do it and lord knows it isn't going to be the father's. If they were dependable then this would not be a discussion.

Ashley - posted on 10/23/2010

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i kno wat u r goin thru. i actually took my oldest daughters father off child support. there is jus no way he can pay and i wont get any money anyway so why put him in tha hole even deeper ya kno?

Stephanie - posted on 10/23/2010

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weigh your pros and cons of fighting it out-- if you honestly think you'll never get any financial help, run away and don't look back. But do not give the guy any sympathy- he doesn't deserve it. And don't try to help him- that's up to him, not you.

Good luck! Take care of you and your family-- not someone who will bring you (and your child) down with him.

steph

Kimberly - posted on 10/23/2010

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"as a mother my job is to go wihout so she can have what she needs" What? Your job as a mother is to provide for your children, as is the job of the father. Just because they are idiots or immature does not let them off the hook. File for support. You owe it to your kids.

Kathryn - posted on 10/22/2010

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Yes go file I am in the same situration my kids are 13 and 10 and I thought same thing he never holds down a job is back and forth on drugs and drinking am I really going to waste my time to do this but I decided you know what even if I dont get a cent out of him he will have this hanging on him forever he basically will need to be watching over his shoulders cause if he ever does start working they can garnish his checks and flag and garnish his income checks it is def worth your time to at least file for it just dont hold your breath for the money do it yourself that way if you do get money from him it will be a delightful surprise for some extra money rather then expecting for it and getting nothing you know what I mean and by the way after i did file after 10 years he is now working and paying dont know how long it will last but it is working so i am getting the delightful surprise :)

Susan - posted on 10/22/2010

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I say that both parents created the child, both parents should support the child. I suggest you file for support. You know that it's unlikely he will pay so don't count on that money. If he does straighten out his life and get a job or wins the lottery (sometimes it seems the idiots of the world have all the luck) or whatever, you'll get some of that money. Since you've resigned to the fact that you won't get the money, just let it go. It will build up and, while the money will stop adding up when your baby graduates high school, he will continue to owe that money until it's paid. My ex is spotty on payments when he's not working. I can bombard my local support enforcement agency to the point where they take him to court, but I opt not to. That's what's stressful and time-consuming for me. But since I have a support order in place, every great once in a while I get a lump sum payment. If you don't "need" it to make ends meet, save it for college or a rainy day.

Meagan - posted on 10/22/2010

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Do it. Let's put it this way. If you lose your job and are late in your car payment, what happens? The company takes your car back. Do they feel bad? Maybe. Probably not though. Why? You bought the car, so you are obligated to pay for it.

If you put that in perspective of a child, he helped make the baby, and I am sure enjoyed doing it. Does that mean that he doesn't have to pay for it? No. He bought the car, now he needs to pay for it! (Sorry, best analogy I can think of.)

And if he's not willing to pay it, then repo! XP

But seriously, he DOES have a duty to pay for his kids, whether he likes it or not. In my state, because of bad dads not paying their child support, they changed the law to you get a check from the state every single month and the dad pays the state back, not you. So, you get your money every month, whether he pays or not.

He is an adult, it's time for him to grow up and act like one.

Tarysha - posted on 10/22/2010

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Please, take no offense to this, as I am speaking from personal experience - but he is not your problem. He made the choice to have another child when he couldn't afford to support the first one (even if it was unplanned). Your child should not have to suffer for the immaturity of his/her father. He should be held accountable and accept responsibility. Don't feel bad about it - your child deserves food, formula, diapers, clothes, shoes, etc. and should not have to struggle through life.

Michelle - posted on 10/21/2010

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Don't do it. Choose peace for yourself and your child. Forgive and let go!!!!

Desderia - posted on 10/21/2010

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It is the man's responsibility absolutely but again you have to weigh your options. If it's gonna cause more stress and aggrivation and your not going to get a penny out of the guy until many years later is it really worth it, To go through all of that then to have him arrested and have taxes go up to keep a lowlife in jail over support I dunno. My mother did fine without a penny from my father and my daughter is doing fine. It sucks to not have the extra money and that he gets away with it, but as a mother my job is to go wihout so she can have what she needs. When I got older I understood what my mother went through especially now being in my situation and I'm more than greatful to her and respect her deeply for what she did with my father being in and out of jail and barely supporting his child from another woman that came after me. We're all so concerne with sticking it to the father but again options have to be weighed, we made the decision to be with men like this, do you really need the drama and excess nonsense. Each situation is different but every mother will tell you Yes it's his responsibility but that's the key word responsibility, if he's not a responsible man your gonna cause grief and aggrivation and heartache for yourself trying to depend on the undependable.

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2010

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YES! He has a responsibility to your child. It may take awhile for him to catch up but it's totally worth it to you to pursue it. He needs to do his part too! Don't feel bad, it's for your child - his responsibility!!

Desderia - posted on 10/21/2010

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Wow, it's a hard one, In all honesty my ex can't even take care of himself and it would give me more of a headache going back and forth to court for nothing, (like they say you can't get blood from a stone) Sometimes it's better to just cut your losses and move on. I've actually had arguements with my family in which they finally realized going to court is just going to bring more chaos into my life, the guy can't fend for himself how do I expect him to support a baby. If he's not paying for his first child chances are he won't pay for your child and he most likely gets himself in trouble to avoid growing up and being responsible. Sad to say but if you want a stable life and a piece of mind you're gonna have to do this without his help. Don't bring the uneeded baggage forward into your life, cut your losses.

Rita - posted on 10/20/2010

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absolutely file for child support us mums would do anything to support our children and i feel dads get away too handy gaining sympathy from us poor softies..good luck

Bonnie - posted on 10/20/2010

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fyi .. the child support takes into consideration of their other children and his expenses. don't feel bad, do the right thing. your child needs his support even if it is little

[deleted account]

I really hope that you do file! It doesnt cost any money, you do not need a lawyer, and when you do file make sure that you get him for back child support for all the months that he wasnt helping out financially with the babies expenses. Get what you and your baby deserve and you really are going to need it!

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