should i tell mi baby girl who her real father is?

Michelle - posted on 11/04/2009

Thank you all for your comments and your support I felt like I was the only one
struggling with this. Now I feel better.

Teri - posted on 11/04/2009

My son is now 10. His Dad took off as soon as he heard I was Pregnant. I started telling my Son at a young age (maybe 2) who his real Dad is. Right now he seems well adjusted and we talk about his Dad every now and then. I am glad that I told him and talked about it. Hiding the truth is not the way to go. It will come back to bite you later. My best friends' son found out about his Dad when he was 8. She had problems with him from then on. He is now in his 30's and still struggles with it. My Uncle found out when he was 40 that his Dad was really his Uncle. He never talked to my Grandma again. Keep it honest and open. You don't have to go into the details. Answer their questions and move on. Hope this helps.

Sinatria - posted on 11/04/2009

I personally would tell her when she gets older (old enough to understand). She will have a lot of questions so be prepared for that. What if he decides to come around and you have not told her the truth yet. She'll be angry that YOU did not tell her. She will be more upset that she didnt hear the truth from her mom than she would at him for not being around.

Ashley - posted on 11/03/2009

Hiding it would be a BAD thing. The truth is he obviously DOESN'T want her & he DID abandon her. Don't let him get away with that. She deserves to hate him for that, & she SHOULD know how pathetic her father is. But make sure she understands it's nothing she did & she's perfect in every way & you always wanted her, but that' she just a BAD person.

Candice - posted on 11/03/2009

keep in mind that not telling her may have complications other than just family related...she is not genetically your husband's child. should she have any health conditions that require knowledge of her parental history, misleading her as to who her father is would be unfair and possibly detrimental. We all have a right to know what our roots are. she may at some point have to deal with the issue of abandonment from her real father, but will also always know she was loved by your husband as if she was his own...and that should make up for any bad feelings.

Charlee - posted on 11/02/2009

i don't feel that you should hide it from her. she could get very upset if she ever found out the truth. thinking that you are lying to her and you don't want that at all. i was not in the same exact way, as my children's father left when my daughter was 5 and son was 4, so they knew who their dad was. I would explain that he went his own way, but your daughter's stepfather wanted to be her dad so bad!! that will make her feel better i think, i know that my kids soon to be stepfather takes a bigger role in their lives than their father does but they understand that their father could not handle being a full time dad, but their stepfather can. i would explain it to her though so she does not resent you! she may resent her father, but hey is that really a bad thing seeing what he has done to you and to his own daughter? i think not!

Carolyn - posted on 11/02/2009

Not telling her is very tempting.I would tell her tid bits and only what she can handle when she can handle.Because if you tell her nothing and then one day "oops" daddy shows up on your doorstep and Mommy looks like a bad guy.Put yourself in her shoes.Would you want to know who your real father is?Doesn't matter who he is or what he's done.She will want to know and truthfully it is her right as a respected human to know.I know it's a tough situation.My daughter is in a similar situation.I would advise her the same way.Even though her daughter's Daddy doesn't really act like he wants to see her.He just seems to want his monies worth."I pay support well then I want visits."But I would not want my granddaughter to look at my daughter and ask"why didn't you tell me?"I hope the best for you and your family.God Bless you.