should I tell the father Im pregnant since he wanted me to get an abortion?

Marissa - posted on 05/25/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

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Im expecting my second child and the father does not know I'm still pregnant for sure. He wanted me to get an abortion or he said he would take my baby away from me and him and his girl friend who has just graduated H.S. would raise it in GA and I live in OH! What should I do?

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Andrea - posted on 01/13/2014

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Hi Marissa,

I hope you're doing well. I know you posted this awhile ago, but wanted to see if you had spoken to the father about your child?

Tiffany - posted on 06/22/2010

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Im 11 weeks pregnant and Im somewhat in the same situation. I told my ex I was pregnant and he quickly stated how he would pay for an abortion, with no money or a job. I have decided to keep my baby and have dealt with quite a bit from him. Now, I am just focused on me and the baby. He also stated how he would take my baby away from me. When the baby is born his name will not be on the certificate and my baby will carry my last name. I will also file for full custody of my baby, Im not really sure though how I will get proof that he doesnt care for the baby since I dont talk to him and the only time I have was on the phone. Do whats best for you and that baby!

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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That's a tough on. If you are on state assistance or will need to be for awhile after the baby they will make you do a paternity test so I would recommend telling him that your pregnant and that your keeping it. Tell him you don't need anything from him and move on with you life!

Shanika - posted on 06/19/2010

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Continue to do what u need to do for you and the baby, u both are very much better off!! Have the baby, give the baby your last name and leave the status of the father BLANK!! He and his lil gf can't touch u or the baby.

Celia - posted on 06/18/2010

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He is just trying to scare you into doing what he wants you to do. He would have to sue you for parental rights if he wanted to take the baby from you and, assuming you are not a drug addict or abusive, there's no way a judge is going to take your child and give it to a teenager and a dad who doesn't want to be a dad to raise. Personally, I wouldn't even tell him about it. Just do it on your own and your child can make a decision about your sperm doner in 18 years.

Ethel Joy - posted on 06/17/2010

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Do not resort to abortion, it is the child's right to be born, to have a name and a nationality. And you can raise the child by all means even if it's you alone.

Chinita - posted on 06/17/2010

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Pray! Seek God! Abortion?...if the Lord did not mean for the unborn child to exist, it wouldn't have. God's got the answer.

Janet - posted on 06/16/2010

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I think there are some misconceptions about what judges do and don't do nowadays. First, you do not have to be an unfit mother to lose custody of your children. There is this whole "daddy movement" sweeping the nation. The court's initial position is that the best interest of the child is 50% of the time with the mother and 50% of time with the father when the mother and father are not together. It is a long and painful process to get the courts to move from that position. I know. I am speaking from experience. I am a successful, working mother who is forced to pay my ex child support because I made more money than him and he got 50% custody. I am not a drug addict, alcoholic, or any other kind of unfit mother. He can take the kids away from you 50% of the time very easily, depending on the state you live in.

Lyneeda - posted on 06/16/2010

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i would go on with my life as a responsible adult an leave him behind you are the one who has to take care of this baby.u see on t.v. all the time whenever somethin happens to a child the women is held responsible if the father ain't there oh well..so thats evident that we don't need em. i think the absent parent should be at fault for walking away an leaving their off springs but the law don't see things my way. good luck ask god for guidance an pray for him. his luck will be doomed for what his wrong doing as there is a god above!

Lara - posted on 06/16/2010

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My daughter Lainey is my 2nd child too. I separated from her father just before I actually knew I was pregnant at 5 weeks. I finally got the courage up to tell him I was pregnant at 20 weeks. His response was that I should have had an abortion. I haven't heard from him since and she is now just over 3 months old. I didn't put his name on her birth cert and I have lied saying I don't know who the father is so I don't have to go for child support. I don't want him to become nasty and vengeful if I try get any support money by taking her from me for substantial amounts of time. Let sleeping dogs lie is my advice to you!!

Danielle - posted on 06/15/2010

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Hey everyone if you read her post its the second child he is wanting her to abort and take the first child if she doesnt't

Danielle - posted on 06/15/2010

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By law he can't just take your baby away from you. He wouldl have to fight for custody in court and 99% of the time the mothers win. The only way they don't is if they are on drugs or can't provide for the child. I would get a lawyer explain the stituation. Cause I can tell you one thing a Judge is not going to be willing to let the father have the oldest child if he is wanting you to abort this one. Why would he want to take care of one and not the other.

Jennifer - posted on 06/14/2010

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none of that makes sense at all sweetie, if i where u i would totally get some advice from a lawyer, i was 20 when i had my 1st baby i was told to have an abortion by the father too, well i left and delivered her she is know 9 years old asking about her father, i just recentely found him thank u for the internet, best of luck too u

Amy - posted on 06/12/2010

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Custody battles are heartbreaking and you don't need that on top of the stress of having a new baby. Is there any valid reason for him to not want you to have this baby? I'm trying to be impartial here, & I'm assuming you don't have alcohol or drug problems & aren't abusive, that there's not any reason that the baby *would* be better off with him.

From what you've said though, he sounds like an arsehole. He wanted you to have an abortion - yet he thinks he can do a better job? I wouldn't tell him about your pregnancy, and if it's possible to sever all ties - I'm assuming he's not the father of your eldest - then I would, to avoid him finding out. Don't put his name on the birth certificate, deny paternity if he finds out. If your child wants answers later in life you'll have to be prepared for that, & prepared for any consequences, but you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Melanie - posted on 06/12/2010

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When I found out I was pregnant, I told my daughter's "sperm donor" as I call him now and he told me to get an abortion. I told him too bad I don't believe in it. At one point he even told me that a grown woman would get an abortion when I told him a grown man takes care of his responsibilities! He clearly didn't want her and the last time I spoke with him I told him nevermind he was not the father, in the back of my mind thinking I'm telling the truth in that a true father would be there for his child. He ended up going to prison before she was born and now that he's out I made sure he could not contact me. If he's threatening to take your child if you keep it, first of all, like others have said, he would not be able to unless you were unfit and you have to be really unfit for the state to side with him, then he doesn't need to know about it. Every holiday I am with my child and not worrying about her having to go on visits or worrying about how he will treat her or bringing other women around her, I am thankful that I made the decision to keep him away from her. As far as I'm concerned, he will never know about her unless I need an organ from him! lol Good luck, that's a tough situation, do what's in your heart that will be best for your child!

Nikki - posted on 06/10/2010

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nothing is what you should do... let him go then when baby gets a lil older then decide..

Janet - posted on 06/02/2010

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Do not tell him and do NOT list him on the birth certificate. If you do, you are giving him "rights" that he has not earned and does not deserve - especially since he told you to kill your unborn child.

Lorin - posted on 06/02/2010

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Don't tell the idiot anything. Go on with your life and make it easier on yourself...If he isn't on the birth certificate he dosen't even have any rights and it would be up to him to prove paternity. He is a fool....if he wanted you to have an abortion then why would he want to "give it" to his little girlfriend...that is simply a control ploy. Ignor it

Artelida - posted on 06/01/2010

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I think that you should especially if later on down the line your going to seek support from him. Regardless to if he wants you to keep it or not, thats your choice but he do have a right to know in my opinion.

Eva - posted on 06/01/2010

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Sweatheart, don't tell the father anything. Right now, telling him something will cause more problems than it is worth. In the future, if you are unable to financially raise the child by yourself ... then start the process to get child support. Keep everything in record. Keep all of his information handy. If you are still on good terms with him, get his SS#, if possible. Don't do anything illegal. Don't worry about what he saids about taking the baby away, he can't do that, unless you are unfit or homeless.

Email me if you need someone to talk to.

Carolyn - posted on 05/31/2010

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i was in a similar situation with my sons father. i would say that if you fear that he will try to take you child whether it be through the courts or if he just takes your child illegally that you shouldnt tell him. my sons dad told me that my son wasnt his and that he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby, but low an behold that after my son was born he tried every way possible to find me and my son. he an had told my friends that i would never see my son again. you dont need a guy who tries to make you have an abortion. But like some of the others have said follow your instinct. do what you feel is right for you and you baby. for me i decided to tell him he had a baby and when he told me it wasnt his i cut him out of our lives, he is not on the Birth certificate and my son has my last name. Good luck to you! remember do what you think is best for you and your baby. if you ever need someone to talk to or anything feel free to message me!

Yuke - posted on 05/31/2010

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Be strong, Marissa.. Leave him! his not worthed to you and your baby. A father who wants to have an abortion to his baby is not a human.. I'm sure someday you'll find a man that loves you and your baby, and accept your baby like his own child. There's still so much good men out there...

Michele - posted on 05/31/2010

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I dont understand why would he take the baby away if he told you to have an abortion, make sure you have full custody if he is going to clown like that, also that is a threat and kidnapping if he doesn't have custody your unborn baby make sure you sign the papers for full custody, go to court make sure that you have backup in case do clown.You need to protect yourself, with courts,police etc Make sure your life is together so he wont complain about you are unfit parent. Have a family member
or close friend that you can trust let them know what is going on for back up.

Jacqueline - posted on 05/30/2010

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My sons father said pretty much the same thing. I told him I was having my son and there was nothing he could do about it. I gave my son my last name and didnt puot a father's name on the birth cert.

I've learned from my daughter's father, men (or should I say "boys") are ALL TALK! Haylie's father still tries that crap! Well guess what, now we have a custody agreement and he didnt show up to court so he didnt get a say in anything! (Sorry I know that wasnt relevant but I had to add it lol)

Good luck! And if you ever want to talk/vent feel free to message me!!

Jamie - posted on 05/29/2010

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I think your baby's daddy is an idiot, honey. Think about it...He wants you to get an abortion because he doesn't want the baby. Then, if you refuse, he'll take it away from you? That's really bad logic on his part. I hope you don't fall for his dumb tricks. He can't take the baby away unless the courts find you unfit, which is pretty unlikely. Tell him to back off and then get him for child support. Good luck and hang on to that precious baby! You will be fine.

Shaketa - posted on 05/29/2010

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Hi Jessica
Your ex is a bonafide idiot. My suggestion is along with the legal document you have already filed I would file a petition to have his parental rights terminated using the fact that he has been a deadbeat dad and a man who did not want children with you and therefore should never be considered to be their father in any way.

Shaketa - posted on 05/29/2010

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Hi Marissa

If possible you should tape him stating that he does not want a child with you. I would also if he does happen to find out that you did not terminate petition the court to have his parental rights terminated using the tape as evidence that he does not want to be the father of your child..

Deepti - posted on 05/28/2010

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Hi Marrisa, God Created MOTHERS in this WORLD Coz GOD CAN'T BE EVERYWHERE.....so, now you know what to do as it's your life, you know better what to choose...VERY DIFFICULT but you will definately SUCCEED......Take Care.... WHY TO BE WITH A MAN who does not even care for you, so why he'll care for your child....YOUR CHILD...

Life is TOO SMALL really small, do good! Rest your luck, whihc is pre-written.

DENA - posted on 05/28/2010

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WTF...TELL HIM TO JUMP OFF A ROOF...EVERYONES REPLIES HAVE BEEN GREAT DO WHATS BEST FOR URSELF AND THE CHILD...

Karmi - posted on 05/28/2010

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Stay strong girl! There is no way he can take your child from you. Don't put him on the birth certificate and don't tell him. I think you are doing the right thing. Plus you are more fit of a parent then him and his high school girl friend.

Katlynn - posted on 05/28/2010

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you need to tell him its his child too, and if he wants to be in its life then you can hold that from him... the likelyhood that the courts would allow him to take the child from its mother out of state to be raised by a high school student isnt very high

Rebecca - posted on 05/28/2010

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If you decide to tell him - don't till you've had the baby. Otherwise he will just put you through a whole heap more bull like the stuff he has already been saying. Let yourself have the space to enjoy your pregnancy. As for telling him it's only a decision you can make. Will he make a good dad or will he be in and out of your child's life? What are the legal implications for and against. And what are your plans - do you want to be tied to this man for the next 18 years? - it makes it very hard to do things like move states or go travelling... On the other hand it would be wonderful if your child could have a daddy around (assuming he's up to it)

[deleted account]

He can't do that. You want to have the baby that is your choice not his. You should contact the local Legal Aide Office they give fee advice. If there are concerns or questions that you may have you need to contact them.

Jessica - posted on 05/27/2010

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Your situation was very similar to mine. I was pregnant with twin girls and their dad didn't want anything to do with them. He kept saying that "real" black men can't have girls and they couldn't possibly be his. He also threatened me by saying that he would take them away from me. I ended up moving to another town to live with my mom for a while since it was a difficult pregnancy and I never again mentioned my daughters to him. To this day he has never contacted me, he is not on their birth certificates, and i even went as far as to have legal papers drawn up stating that is anyone shows up claiming to be their dad the police were to be called. I also chose not to file for child support. If he is going to be like that then he doesn't deserve to have a beautiful child. I wish you the best of luck.

Mandie - posted on 05/27/2010

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Be upfront and honest with him . You do need to inform him u r keeping the baby and that is it.Give the baby ur last name and list no father on the birth certificate. If u lie and say u had an abortion and he finds out down the road he can use it against u in court. what happens when the child is 5 and out of the blue he runs into u or sees a pic on face book or myspace that u or a family member posted? Honesty is always the # 1 choice.cut all ties with him over the phone make him email or text u in-reference to the baby and save every 1 so if and when he ever decides to try to take u to court for visitation u have him saying he wants the baby aborted and nothing to do with it and all the other harassing things he says to u . no judge will give him custody. and if u want to do good by baby and screw him do what I did breast feed . Then the judge cant take baby out of ur care for more then 1 hr at a time .

Ashley - posted on 05/26/2010

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Children aren't property! My daughter's father isn't on the birth certificate at all and before she was born he threatened me with lawyers and did for several months after she was born. Contact has been minimal. I haven't heard from him in six months now.. Men just threaten to threaten sometimes I think... and he cannot take your child away unless you're unfit. Courts usually don't take children away from their mother's unless they have really good reasons to. Or at least in Florida that's pretty much how it works.

Marissa - posted on 05/26/2010

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Thank you all so very very much!! I didn't and I'm not getting an abortion I cant do it....it's not the baby's fault he didn't ask for it! I have a lil girl who is my life and 2 will make it better (but hard at times) so thank you all again I'm still scared he will find out and try and cause problems but I''ll fight him every step of the way!

Dawn - posted on 05/26/2010

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I was told to get an abortion by my child's father, I have him one last chance a week before I had her because I needed to know that he wanted nothing to do with either of us. When I told him I refused to get an abortion that was pretty much the end of all communication. I always worried he would come back some day and try to take my child away from me but it's been 5 years and I have no of finding him. It is his loss in that I have a great kid and am actually thankful that I don't have to share her, she is very strong and has been through a lot emotionally these last 5 years. Do whatever is in your heart and everything will turn out for the best, it always does!!!! Good luck!!!!

Niki - posted on 05/26/2010

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This is a situation you need to pray about. I do not encourage you to have an abortion! I have had one before and I am telling you first hand, not only is that going against God but you will live to regret that. The daddy has no right to take your baby. If you feel that he would do that then you probably need to look for some outside help. You need to let someone know that you are fearful of what he may do. God gives us his children to raise because he trusts us with them. If is an honor to be given a child no matter the circunstances. I do think you should take a stand against him and go ahead and tell him you are pregnant. No matter the circumstances he still should know and that child has a right to know about it's father. There definitly should not be any unsupervised visits.

CLARISSA - posted on 05/26/2010

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P.S. A man just can't take a child just because he says it is his. I'm not sure of the laws in OH but in GA even if he is on the birth certificate, he would still have to go to court to file for custody/visitation rights. And I agree with Quanda, I didn't do the child support thing either.

CLARISSA - posted on 05/26/2010

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My situation is similar to yours in that my boyfriend told me to get an abortion, after I told him that I didn't want a relationship with him. Then he cried and said he was sorry, I forgave him. A couple of months later he threw up the relationship thing and when I didn't budge, he said that she must not be his and that he wasn't signing the birth certificate. And then the day I went into labor he had his aunt call to my room with some ridiculous message about how they can't wait until their little "cousin" comes into this world. They later showed up at the hospital and when I wouldn't let them hold her became angry and started to tell me it doesn't matter what he said, that it's not about that. That I should just let it go, because it's about her. They even threatened to get a lawyer to take her away from me. That was five months ago and contact has been minimum; I wish it were non.

In, my opinion, I would just save myself the trouble. Children are not objects you can play with and then put away when you don't want to anymore.

You should just go with your gut. And you will hear he is the father and he has a right blah, blah, blah and that she will hate you for keeping her from him. But if he would have made his child an option and not a priortiy, then you wouldn't have made the decision you made.

Billie - posted on 05/26/2010

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WHAAAA???? Sweetie your ex is a bufoon. Hell no don't tell him you're pregnant. Go on and have your baby and don't tell him a thing. I wouldn't even do the child support thing with this one. Let him and his new chick go on about their business and I'd raise my baby without him.

Meghan - posted on 05/25/2010

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they can't take the baby away from you unless you are unfit..that is stupid. Why would he tell you to get an abortion and if you didn't HE would take the child...that doesn't make sense! I would suggest maybe calling a lawyer and getting some legal adivse?!

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